web counter
 

The 5 "Hunkiest" Cinematic Cannibals

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (26)

boyd6.jpg

Yesterday, in advertising a showing of Ravenous on their channel, IFC asked, “Is Guy Pearce the hunkiest cannibal ever?” The airing didn’t come on until 11:30 p.m., and I lead a structured life, folks. If I’d stayed up until 1:30 to finish the movie, my whole world would’ve collapsed, a snow bank would’ve crashed in upon my house, and my family and I would’ve had to kidnap passers-by and eat them to sustain ourselves. Then, one day, Vince Vaughn would vie for a place on this list when he played the cinematic version of me. So, no: I didn’t stay up to see if Guy Pearce is the “hunkiest” cannibal ever.

But I did wake up this morning and decide to research that very question. Is Guy Pearce the hunkiest cannibal ever? Close, but I’m giving the nod to someone else in this, the 5 Hunkiest Cinematic Cannibals.

5. Elijah Wood in Sin City

F39C6167D8BE11C08783B8C4E417.jpg

4. Gaspard Ulliel in Hannibal Rising

Gaspard_Ulliel_hannibal_Rising_3.jpg

3. Ethan Hawke in Alive

Alive.jpg

2. Guy Pearce in Ravenous

ravenous-1.jpg

1. Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

alg_sweeney_todd1.jpg









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Just In Case by Meg Rosoff | Soul Surfer Trailer | Welcome To The Most Baffling Trailer Of The Week →









Comments

HE WAS LICKING MEEEEEE

Posted by: the new transported man at January 13, 2011 9:55 AM

Was Sweeny Todd a cannibal? He turned other people into cannibals without their knowledge but I just assumed he subsisted on hatred for the Judge, rather than eating.

Posted by: Trouble at January 13, 2011 9:56 AM

If a woman can be called hunky (and she can), I nominate Beatrice Dalle in Trouble Every Day/.

Posted by: Caspar at January 13, 2011 10:00 AM

Sure it wasn't just raccoon meat?

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 13, 2011 10:08 AM

I've got a six pack and a hot plate.

Posted by: admin at January 13, 2011 10:22 AM

Baby, you got a stew going.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 13, 2011 10:42 AM

I'll say it. Trey Parker.

Guys, I'd hit that like a piñata.

Posted by: Courtney at January 13, 2011 10:43 AM

What Trouble said, so say I too as well.

Posted by: Ian at January 13, 2011 11:11 AM

Posted by: Courtney at January 13, 2011 10:43 AM

I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING.

It's kind of freaking me out, how hard I'd hit that.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 13, 2011 11:15 AM

Casper I'm trying to forget Trouble Every Day because it was so fucking freaky, but you're right. And may I also suggest Vincent Gallo in the same movie? The scene where he finally gives into his cannibal urges is like the male equivalent of Teeth.

Posted by: Melissa at January 13, 2011 11:19 AM

Oh yes, Melissa. You may indeed suggest Vincent Gallo. Why the hell didn't I, come to think of it? Mmm, Vincent Gallo.

Posted by: Caspar at January 13, 2011 11:29 AM

Does Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) in American Psycho count? I'm pretty sure he eats at least some of his victims.

Posted by: Siege at January 13, 2011 12:17 PM

I'm starting to get really tired of people celebrating Johnny Depp. In ANY of the many ways he is celebrated (this has to be the most obscure).

Is there no-one else who thinks he is a strange, dirty-looking, one-note actor? Anyone?

"Oh, look at me I'm Johnny Depp. In preparation for this role I avoided bathing for three months and I'm high on LSD! Yaaaay, colors! Even as the oil of my skin is literally dripping from my elbows, I shall behave in an eratic and inhuman manner! My blood defies gravity, yaaaaay!"

Posted by: superasente at January 13, 2011 12:45 PM

Trey can use his orgazmorator on me anytime.

Posted by: the bees knees at January 13, 2011 12:46 PM

Ok Elijah Wood's character in Sin City seriously freaked my ass out. Also, I used to work nights at a hospital and I'd have to do 15 minute patient checks, using a flashlight so I didn't wake everyone up. Well, shortly after seeing the movie, I was doing my rounds and apparently one of my patients slept sitting up with his damn glasses on and when I swept the flashlight over the room, it did that same flash off the glasses thing like in the movie and I had to make a conscious effort not to pee myself. So that didn't help.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 13, 2011 1:54 PM

I don't think Sweeney Todd ever ate anyone. And I agree with Siege, Patrick Bateman totally admits to eating his victims. He should top this list

Posted by: Michelle at January 13, 2011 1:59 PM

I'm with the Trey Parker love. Also, I'm actually going to vote for Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal over Gaspard Ulliel's. What can I say, I love the way the word "Clarice" rolls over his tongue.

Posted by: GwenBear at January 13, 2011 3:12 PM

I don't know about cannibal but Guy Pierce is a freaking chameleon...I was just watching Traitor this weekend and thinking he should work more.

He sort of blends into the scenery and then you think Jesus he's a good actor, why doesn't he get more roles? Oh right because Gary Oldman is still around.

Posted by: bananapanda at January 13, 2011 3:29 PM

Guy Pearce is the most bad-ass if that counts.

I love Ravenous, but I'm the only one of my friends who does! No-one else gets it, they all find it weird and boring and disjointed ... so fuck them!

Conversely, I refuse to ever watch Hannibal Rising, despite some telling me I should give it a go. FUCK NO!

I liked Hannibal Lector so much in Silence of the Lambs because there was no discernable reason for why he was so fucking insane. He was just an intelligent, highly regarded psychologist who also happened to be a murderous cannibal!

I don't need no fucking origin story to rationalize his condition, and point to something and say "See, that's where it all comes from".

And fuck Rob Zombie for doing the same thing to Michael Myers!!

Ahem. I guess that turned into a bit of a rage-post ... sorry.

Posted by: Murderbot at January 13, 2011 4:07 PM

"Is there no-one else who thinks he is a strange, dirty-looking, one-note actor? Anyone?

"Oh, look at me I'm Johnny Depp. In preparation for this role I avoided bathing for three months and I'm high on LSD! Yaaaay, colors! Even as the oil of my skin is literally dripping from my elbows, I shall behave in an eratic and inhuman manner! My blood defies gravity, yaaaaay!"

I am Craig, and I approve this message. Someone else mentioned Vincent Gallo, who also looks like he would have a semisolid cloud of stench hanging over him. Call me old-fashioned, but sex symbols shouldn't look like they have ticks nesting in their beards.

Posted by: Craig at January 13, 2011 5:45 PM

I'll say it. Trey Parker.

Guys, I'd hit that like a piñata.

YES! This list is void because he is not on it.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 13, 2011 5:58 PM

Courtney, hell yes.

Posted by: dsbs at January 13, 2011 6:55 PM

Sweeney Todd did not eat anyone. He simply killed them so his accomplice, Mrs. Lovett, could bake them into meat pies.

And no, I disagree... he is a very good actor. See:

Nick of Time
The Astronaut's Wife
The Man Who Cried
Before Night Falls
The Libertine

You may quarrel with the rest, they may not be your cup of tea, they are affected, it's true... but the above are simply Very Good Acting.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at January 13, 2011 7:29 PM

No offense to Guy Pearce but I figured this crowd to be more of a Robert Carlyle fan :-p

Posted by: Luke at January 13, 2011 9:27 PM

I was just about to note how infinitely hotter robert Carlyle is than guy pearce.

Posted by: Poptart at January 13, 2011 10:01 PM

These lists get randomer and randomer by the minute. Fun times.

Posted by: noonoo at January 13, 2011 11:42 PM