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The 10 Blurb-Whoriest Movie Review Phrases

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (38)

buried_movie_poster_quotes_01.jpg

If you spot any of these phrases in a movie review, you’ve got yourself a movie blurb whore. Don’t listen to anything he or she says. Dismiss them immediately. Check for computer chips inside their brain. Using these phrases does not constitute analysis; it’s stealing from movie posters in order to appear on another movie poster. It’s rearranging platitudes. It’s lazy critic shorthand for, “Please Put My Name on your DVD Box.”

Honorable Mention: Epic! (Internet Critics Only)


10. Let the Laughs Begin!

9. Hit It Out of the Park

8. Must See!

7, Laugh Out Loud Funny!

6. A _____ Good Time for the Whole Family!

5. Laugh a Minute Thrill Ride (or any variation of thrill ride)

4. The Number One _____ of the Year

3. _____ is a Revelation!

2. This Year’s (Successful Film from Last Year)

1. Tour de Force!









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Comments

6. A _____ Good Time for the Whole Family!
---
"fuck of a"?

You're right, I see that ALL the time.

Posted by: , at September 23, 2010 9:39 AM

I like when actors give "electrifying" performances.

Posted by: TSF at September 23, 2010 9:48 AM

I can't believe you left out, "Hilarious!"

Posted by: RomeoCranberry at September 23, 2010 9:51 AM

"Thrill ride" bothers me only mainly because of the grammatical ramifications. It should be "thrilling ride," no?

Also, these things make my soul vomit.

Posted by: Perfect Tommy at September 23, 2010 10:04 AM

Actually, sometimes they are worth listening to. For instance, whenever Gene Shallit tells me something is "Laugh Out Loud Funny", I know it will be cliched and offensive and I won't even crack a smile.
Or when he says "Tour de Force", I know a bad actor has donned period costume and thinks that's the equivalent of acting.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 23, 2010 10:06 AM

"New Moon": A Daddy-Finally-Stopped-Touching-Me Good Time for the Whole Family!

"Transformers 3": A Fuck-My-Brain Good Time for the Whole Family!

"Devil": A Mescaline-in-My-Pudding Good Time for the Whole Family!

"I'm Still Here": A Chest-Shittingly Good Time for the Whole Family!

Eh. These aren't great but I have to get back to work. Do your own taglines, ya filthy layabouts.

Posted by: Kballs at September 23, 2010 10:08 AM

You forgot "by Pete Hammond."

Posted by: FilmDrunk at September 23, 2010 10:14 AM

"A roller coaster ride!"

Posted by: John W at September 23, 2010 10:26 AM

"Terrifying!"

Posted by: admin at September 23, 2010 10:31 AM

The first great movie of the year!

Posted by: chayes at September 23, 2010 10:43 AM

How could you forget,

"Edge-of-your-seat.......whatever?"

or,

"its........meets............"


Posted by: dammitjanet at September 23, 2010 10:53 AM

one of the worst, especially because it shits on the face of logic, is "Instant Classic" and "Instant Cult-Classic". It's frick-a-frackin TIME that decides these things. nothing is classic 19 hours before it premieres

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 10:57 AM

"Devil": A Mescaline-in-My-Pudding Good Time for the Whole Family!

That made me spit out my methadone laced oatmeal all over my computer.

Posted by: PaulterA at September 23, 2010 11:10 AM

Yeah you really need to mention Pete Hammond here http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/tag/pete-hammond

Posted by: Nickjaa at September 23, 2010 11:53 AM

another ridiculous one is "if you watch one movie this year". seriously, if you watch one film over the course of a year, you probably hate film, are perhaps incarcerated and may even be schizophrenic and prone to issues when exposed to film.

and really, if i could only watch one movie in a year, i'd probably pick a classic or favorite, not whatever was new at the googolplex. Picture it, you just went to grown Ups, and your buddy says, hey I have the new blueray of the African Queen, and you have to say, "crap, can you wait off til next summer"

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 12:05 PM

The only one that works for me is "This movie will fuck your brain inside out and blow a picante load of awesome all over that smug goddam face of yours - and that goes DOUBLE for you, Mr. Preston Finelli, of 1503 Belden Lane, Waltham, MN!"

If they get that specific, especially with Preston - who hates everything? Well they just might as well reach into my wallet, shuffle past the liquor store reciepts, and take the ten-dollar bill taped to the back of that topless picture of my mother, because brother - I'M SEEING THAT FLICK!

Posted by: Skitz at September 23, 2010 12:42 PM

Tamara Drewe, a current movie released in the UK went for no. 6. Insert "rolicking" good fun. Seriously!

Posted by: Jean at September 23, 2010 12:44 PM

I'm not sure that I've, even at my blackout drunkest, ever "rolicked."

I've cavorted, sure - but who hasn't?

Posted by: Skitz at September 23, 2010 12:58 PM

my buddies always start out with the innocent intention of simply cavorting, and end up creating a ballyhoo, which no one other than the severely inebriated ever cares for.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 1:07 PM

hullabaloo
+++
Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 10:57 AM

That's one of my peeves, too. I like movies and songs that are labeled a "hit!" before they've been released. And by "like" I mean ... well, you know.

Posted by: , at September 23, 2010 1:15 PM

In my day, we "carried on."

Posted by: , at September 23, 2010 1:16 PM

I don't remember if it was for a movie or a tv show, but I saw a commercial the other dat that relied only on facebook quotes. Seriously.

Posted by: elsie at September 23, 2010 1:16 PM

It's all fun and games until someone cavorts a rollicking into a ballyhoo. Before you know it, you have a hootenanny on your hands.

Posted by: PaulterA at September 23, 2010 1:18 PM

... which of course is a Sin and Sin starts with S that stands for Satan that rhymes with Pool and then you got trouble in River City!

Posted by: Smokey at September 23, 2010 1:43 PM

ah, but at least a hootenanny is great cause for jubilation and maybe a little hoopla

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 2:02 PM

I think in order to have a proper hoopla, you've gotta have Jefferson Starship on the turntable. I could be wrong, but I think that's the way it goes...

Posted by: Skitz at September 23, 2010 2:11 PM

A hootenanny is a tricky thing though, it can lead to a lot of malarky, which devolves pretty quickly into shenanigans.

Posted by: Even Stevens at September 23, 2010 2:22 PM

I think Starship is used exclusively for brouhahas whereas Lynyrd Skynyrd is appropriate for any hoopla. Although, perhaps more appropriate for a hootenanny.

Posted by: Smokey at September 23, 2010 2:22 PM

We were constantly getting busted for hoot'n'hollerin', and always in Sam's Hill.

You'd think we might coulda found a place the grown-ups couldn't find, but noooooo.
Sam's Hill was just where it was at, back in the day.

Posted by: Rykker at September 23, 2010 2:33 PM

You gotta be careful with shenanigans though - because if you're enjoying shenanigans whilst bar-hopping and wind up at a bar/pub called Shenanigans? Get the fuck outta there because you're a glowstick away from a full-on rave...

I've seen it happen. It's really bad - especially if you're over twenty-two years of age...

Posted by: Skitz at September 23, 2010 2:33 PM

its fine as long as you stick to shenanigans, but time and again, I see this lead to skull-duggery, and the blue meanies just get all in your face about that.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 3:15 PM

Shenanigans may be fine and skulduggery is nothing to sneeze at but remember that this kind of tomfoolery often leads to a rigmarole which, as everyone knows, is just the gateway to malarkey.

Posted by: PaulterA at September 23, 2010 4:18 PM

I always thought a hootenanny was basically a shindig with added banjos and that malarkey could only ensue if at least two of the people from Sharon, Louis, & Bram's Elephant Show turned up.

This thread has been mega-educational. And laugh-out-loud funny. Seriously. A total thrill ride for ages.

Posted by: thenchonto at September 23, 2010 5:13 PM

at this point, i have this urge to just make words up. surely with the words we acknowledge as real words, we could add a few.

Bumtossery
flubgallyham
benfiffery
pookets
fengblagary

Posted by: idleprimate at September 23, 2010 8:39 PM

Benfiffery is a word I could totally get behind.

Also, I went to see Easy A tonight and there was a preview for Catfish. At one point during the preview, they show a text screen of reviews and one says "the last 40 minutes of the film will take you on an emotional roller coaster", it made me giggle to myself.

Posted by: Even Stevens at September 23, 2010 10:48 PM

Hooey.

Posted by: , at September 24, 2010 2:20 AM

As usual, looks like I'm late for the shindig.

Posted by: , at September 24, 2010 9:40 AM

Music doesn't lie. If there is a touch to be changed in this world, then it can only take place through music.

Posted by: Micheal Stairs at September 26, 2010 1:09 PM