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That's Downright Un-American! The Best Western Heroes Played By One Of Them There F'rrners

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (33)



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Listen y’all, what is with all these no-account mangy foreign varmits taking all our jerbs? I’m not talking about our neighbors from the south or them there Canindians from the north, I’m talking about them folks from overseas coming in and stealing our All-American icons. First they got their limey mits all over our superheroes, and now they’re a-comin’ for the cowboy. Is that lady-lipped English feller, Daniel Craig, really gonna play a cowboy in Cowboys and Aliens? The cowboy? He’s the Alien! Ain’t no way some tea-drinkin’, soft-footed Brit can do justice to a gunslinger. The cowboy is as American as gull-durned apple pie, fer crissakes! Hunh? Apple pie was invented by the British? Dagnabbit.

Okay, all kidding aside, y’all, the Western genre, while considered the epitome of Americana, isn’t being invaded, it’s been occupied. After the legendary John Ford, the most famous Western director is an Italian, Sergio Leone. And two of the most popular and iconic Westerns Magnificent Seven and A Fistful of Dollars are based, of course, on Japanese films. But while an actor is an actor and it is their job to play someone entirely “foreign,” I’m as leery of a Brit in the saddle as I am of a Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. But time and time again I’ve been proven wrong. By Brits but, mostly, by Australians. The land down under shares a lot in common with the American frontier (rough and tumble, indigenous peoples, harsh, unforgiving landscapes), so it should be unsurprising that so many talented Australians have slipped effortlessly into the chaps and spurs of the American Western. In fact, the Australian Western is a genre in its own right and includes The Man From Snowy River, Quigley Down Under ( sorta), Ned Kelly and, my personal favorite, The Proposition. In fact, I’m going to smirch this list of Foreign Actors as Western Heroes ever so slightly and give a tip of the stetson to that glorious bloodbath of a film.

Guy Pearce (Australian): The Proposition—It’s cheating to include this film, but just in case some of you out there haven’t seen this damn fine piece of cinema, I urge you to do so. That is, if you think you’ve got the stomach for it.
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Yul Brynner (Russian): The Magnificent Seven—The lead actor in one of the most iconic Westerns of all time isn’t John Wayne or Gary Cooper, it’s the great Yul Brynner.
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Geoffrey Rush (Australian): The Warrior’s Way—This mess of a film was saved from being a total disaster by Rush’s sly performance. If you’re in the mood for an Asian-influenced Western, however, I suggest you try Sukiyaki Western Django instead.
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Cate Blanchett (Australian): The Missing—Blanchett is Blanchett and can do anything. Well, except a Russian accent, Doctor Jeaunes.
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Mel Gibson (Australian-Bigot): Maverick - I don’t care that he’s a shith**l, I love this movie. I like to pretend that maybe he wasn’t a shith**l back then.
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Heath Ledger (Australian): Brokeback Mountain—Some people try to say this isn’t a Western and then I laugh in their faces because if the genre is meant to celebrate the struggle to survive in a harsh and unyielding environment, then Brokeback is the best Western I’ve ever seen. Ledger is, naturally, amazing with his clenched jaw and loaded silences. Damnit.
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Christian Bale and Russell Crowe (English and Australian [but born in New Zealand for all you sticklers]): 3:10 To Yuma—To me, this is an almost perfect film. Both men absolutely dominate in these roles which transcend the typical black hat/white hat. Crowe gets an extra mention for his portrayal of the gunslinging preacher in The Quick and the Dead, one of the best worst films of all time.
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Joanna Robinson finally, today, at long last gets that “Cowboys and Aliens” is a play on “Cowboys and Indians” and will stop mistakenly calling it “Cowboys vs. Aliens.” Probably.









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Comments

I thought Christian Bale and Russell Crowe were perfect in 3:10 to Yuma as well. And I don't really like Western films. But hot damn!

Posted by: gigi at June 13, 2011 4:06 PM

GoT recap, THEN srls! Please? I'm dern near esploding with anticipation over here!

(GoT recap tomorrow, sweet beet! You can wait! I believe in you!--JR)

Posted by: beet salad at June 13, 2011 4:07 PM

+1 to you for mentioning the quick and the dead. i sure do love that piece of crap movie. it's so much fun

Posted by: sean at June 13, 2011 4:31 PM

Fucking christ, cowboy traditions can be traced back to Spain and the Moorish occupation, and presently there are more cowboys in Argentina than in the Missourah teritory (which is still not part of the Union as far as I'm concerned.)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 13, 2011 4:32 PM

Oh, jump on me already, but I'm going to be a stickler.

Mel Gibson's mother was born in Australia and the family did move to NSW, but Mel Gibson was born in Peekskill NY.

Posted by: Jerry at June 13, 2011 4:39 PM

Daniel Craig has Barney Rubble eyes.

I remember the uproar when Brokeback came out... how DARE they besmirch the all American ideal of manhood like that by making them homos. Apparently a lot of these outraged males never considered the possibility that there were gay cowboys.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 13, 2011 4:46 PM

Also, is it wrong that I mistook Daniel Craig for Kevin McKidd?

See, I was having one of my gayer moments...

Posted by: Jerry at June 13, 2011 4:48 PM

I must know what the missing letters are in shith**l - can't be hole, can't be head...heel?

Posted by: dsbs at June 13, 2011 4:49 PM

"The Quick and the Dead" goes from awful to great to awful every few minutes but ya gotta love di Caprio, Crowe and Hackman! To me Hackman is great in everything but he chewed that movie up! The scene where he's sitting there in his underwear filing his trigger down is priceless.

Posted by: logan at June 13, 2011 5:07 PM

snapnhiss, without Blazing Saddles, most people would still have problems acknowledging the existence of black cowboys, so of course gay cowboys are understandably way beyond the pale.

Posted by: Jerry at June 13, 2011 5:24 PM

Quick and the Dead is a slippery, creepy carnival, surrealist masterpiece. It should have been scored by Tom Waits and Nick Cave and Sharon Stone should have been played by somebody other than Sharon Stone, but otherwise...

Posted by: Michael Murray at June 13, 2011 5:43 PM

I'm wondering what the second half of shith**l is, too. It's kind of like being told not to say fuck in front of the k-i-d-s.

Posted by: Markus at June 13, 2011 5:45 PM

Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Naw, Mongo straight.

Posted by: superasente at June 13, 2011 5:45 PM

Oh Yul Brenner. RAWR.

Posted by: Melody at June 13, 2011 6:18 PM

3:10 to Yuma is reason #137 why I love Russell Crowe; reason #763,490 why I love westerns; and one of the first movies I ever really understood what all the fuss was about w Christian Bale.

Posted by: klingonfree at June 13, 2011 6:35 PM

Is Heath Ledger the James Dean of his generation?

Posted by: John W at June 13, 2011 7:15 PM

Not all of those Western heroes - and villains - were American born and bred. Some of them were "folks from overseas". People like James Kirker.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at June 13, 2011 7:37 PM

OK, I'mma ramble on a bit about The Proposition - I watched it because I read about it on Pajiba-jiba, but I somehow got the impression that it was a Western-horror movie, and I'm obligated to watch as many horror movies as possible.

So I started out watching it going, "When is this going to turn into a horror movie, per se?" Eventually I realized that it wasn't going to turn into a horror movie and that it was just a movie about the horribleness of men. Which is OK.

All of which is to say, it wasn't what I expected, I still don't know what to make of it, but it's a pretty remarkable movie. With a lot of blood. Dark. Very, very dark. Grim. But worth it, if you're into that sort of thing.

P.S. I was expecting it to be like The Burrowers, which was, in fact, a Western-horror movie. Entertaining in its own right, but no great piece of cinema.

Posted by: MM at June 13, 2011 7:45 PM

Honorable commercial mention to the anti litter campaign from the early 80's...with the "Native American" looking around while one slow tear slides down his cheek. The dude was actually Italian.

Also, there were Jewish cowboys!

Posted by: The Woo at June 13, 2011 8:01 PM

Seraphim Falls was pretty good too, featuring two Irishmen, Liam Neeson and Pierce Brosnan.

Posted by: Riles at June 13, 2011 8:04 PM

The Woo, I had no idea! I didn't believe you about Iron Eyes Cody so I looked him up and sure enough, he was born Espera Oscar de Corti. I feel so disillusioned.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 13, 2011 8:15 PM

Wait ... a Pajiba post in which nice things are being said about Russell Crowe? I ... is it my birthday? Did it come early? My day, she is made. Here's to you, Ms. Robinson.

Posted by: Samantha at June 13, 2011 8:25 PM

Maverick is the shit, yo. I LOVE that damn movie.

Posted by: Figgy at June 13, 2011 8:47 PM

I feel it only fair to mention that some of the very best westerns weren't made in the west at all.

Dare I mention Sergio Leone and the rest of the Spaghetti Western directors?

But I feel it only fair to mention a recent western that is near and dear to my heart - Gunless, starring Paul Gross and directed by William Phillips. Great movie, fun and very much a Canadian western.

Posted by: Uncommoner at June 13, 2011 9:06 PM

I love The Quick and the Dead myself. There was this interview with Sharon Stone where she called herself prescient because she cast both Crowe and Di Caprio in that flick right before they hit star status. It is an amazing interview. Stoney is batshit crazy and then some but she is one smart lady.

Posted by: Az at June 13, 2011 9:13 PM

Maverick is the shit, yo. I LOVE that damn movie

While the Maverick purist in me remembers watching those Saturday 11:30AM reruns right before WWF wrestling and Hulkamania!, it's silenced by my Jodie Foster crush and that they got Jim Garner a huge supporting part that he was golden in.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at June 13, 2011 9:49 PM

No list is complete with a few Spaghetti Western veterans.

Frano Nero (Italian) - D'Jango, Texas Adios
Klaus "Batshit" Kinski (German)- For a Few Dollars More, The Great Silence
Jean-Louis Trintignant (French)- The Great Silence
Toshirō Mifune (Japanesse)- Red Sun ...okay he played a samurai in the Old West, but hey it was opposite Charles Bronson! So that's one of the Seven Samurai teaming up with one of the Magnificent Seven...not too bad.
Terence Hill aka Mario Girotti (Italian)- Trinity movies, My Name is Nobody and he often teamed up with...
Bud Spencer aka Carlo Pedersoli (Italian)

Posted by: bleujayone at June 13, 2011 10:19 PM

Dare I mention Sergio Leone and the rest of the Spaghetti Western directors?

No double or even triple-dog-daring required. From the article itself:
"After the legendary John Ford, the most famous Western director is an Italian, Sergio Leone."

Posted by: branded at June 13, 2011 10:31 PM

Terence Hill & Bus Spencer = Simon Pegg & Nick Frost.

Posted by: The Mutt at June 14, 2011 12:07 AM

Russell Crowe has lovely thighs...

Posted by: Jerry at June 14, 2011 2:37 AM

Yep, you want a real man's man you get an Aussie on the job. That came out more double entendre than I meant it to.

Posted by: Nxx at June 14, 2011 4:20 AM

@BarbadoSlim: I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah.

Posted by: RobP at June 14, 2011 11:11 AM

Christian Bale is Welsh, I believe.

I am quite excited for Cowboys and Aliens.

Posted by: Sara H at June 14, 2011 4:01 PM