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Ten Reasons The People's Choice Awards Don't Matter

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (58)

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10. The juxtaposition of these two 1986 winners:

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9. 2005 Favorite Hair - Jennifer Garner

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8. 1991 Favorite Male Musical Performer - Hammer (he’d dropped the “MC” at this point)

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7. 2009 Favorite Drama Movie and Favorite Independent Movie - The Secret Life of Bees

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6. 2006 this thing:

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5. 2007 Favorite Group - Nickelback

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4. The following Favorite New TV Shows (aka, the “We Love This Show So Much, It Will Be On Forever!” award; from 2008 on, I defy you to remember a single one of these programs):

2011 - $#*! My Dad Says
2009 - Gary Unmarried
2008 - Moonlight
2007 - The Class
2000 - Stark Raving Mad
1999 - LA Doctors
1998 - Brooklyn South
1996 - Murder One
1992 - Homefront
1991 - Equal Justice


3. 2008 Favorite Female TV Star and 2010 TV Drama Actress Winner - Katherine Heigl (she’d really honed her craft in that two year period)

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2. 2011 Favorite Movie Winner - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

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1. 2007, 2008, and 2009 Favorite TV Comedy Winner - Two and a Half Men

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Comments

This is like 'The Onion' doing a fake award show.

I can't believe these are real categories.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at January 6, 2011 12:07 PM

You forgot:

Because the "people" aren't us.

But seriously, do they really have a favorite hair category?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 6, 2011 12:10 PM

You were very close to the edge with your "from 2008 on" caveat on the favourite new TV show Ms. Enlow. I still mourn the loss of Homefront and wish I could have seen the ongoing adventures of Jeff and Ginger.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 6, 2011 12:17 PM

I think even Sexy Hitler is, and should be if he isn't, offended to be tangentially-associated with Two and Half Men Scarring a Child Actor for Life.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 6, 2011 12:18 PM

Someone put Charlie Sheen in a show as an S&M loving Hitler. Please.

Posted by: Paultera at January 6, 2011 12:20 PM

And the #1 reason: the people that take the time to vote for this crap are either kids or moron adults. It's not like Winter's Bone or Noomi Rapace were on the ballot this year. It's lowest common denominator filler. Nothing to see her, please move along.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 6, 2011 12:21 PM

Homefront was awesome and canceled way before its time. John Slatterly and Kyle Chandler. Enough said.

I wish they'd release it on DVD.

Posted by: calliope1975 at January 6, 2011 12:22 PM

If it was favorite dimples, Jennifer Garner would win year after year after year. Unless it was a combined actor/actress category, in which case the rivalry between her and Josh Holloway would cause rioting in the streets.

Posted by: Todd at January 6, 2011 12:22 PM

Paultera Don't you think that is kind of his off camera existence? The man needs some work/life separation.


Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 6, 2011 12:26 PM

I actually watched

2009 - Gary Unmarried
2008 - Moonlight
2007 - The Class

the class had a cast that I've followed to other shows and movies (and actually introduced me to them in the first place):

Better Off Ted - Andrea Anders
Party Down - Lizzy Caplan
Modern Family - Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Krod Mandoon - Sean Maguire
The Pacific and Walking Dead - Jon Bernthal
Jason Ritter - I just like the guy
Playing the same character everytime and occasionally making me mistake her for Sarah Chalke - Lucy Punch

Moonlight I watcged for Sophia Myles, mmmm....

I have absolutely no idea why I watched Gary Unmarried though, I wasn't even ever laughing. But shit, 2 seasons and 40+ episodes worth of my life gone there.

Posted by: arrrghzi at January 6, 2011 12:26 PM

I remember Brooklyn South. It was NYPD Blue but cheesier and with less fat men shower scenes.

Posted by: TSF at January 6, 2011 12:41 PM

I know this will shock many of you, but I have some thoughts:

First and most importantly, was there some sort of Field of Dreams tribute in one of the Twilight films? What the fuck is going on in that picture???

Second, Nickleback will not STAND for all this war! Look at their t-shirts! It's right there in Nathan's-Hot-Dog font: Fuck your landmines, Warmongers! And the lead singer is most seriousest because he went to all the trouble of skipping the Thumbs Method of Self Advertisement and moved straight to the dangerous inverted-hand technique that somehow employs the index fingers to bring attention to oneself. I honestly don't know how he didn't break his fucking arms trying pull off that crazy stunt. But war is important shit, folks. Recognize.

And lastly, did I miss some point in recent history where Jennifer Garner had enviable hair? Is it because she manages to classily cover up her comically oversized ears? Or is it because corporate sponsorship has RUINED the People's Choice Awards?! You can give Meryl Streep all the awards you want but you'll still be the cardboard-and-Elmer's-glue 4th-best-party-dress shitfest that gave out awards for HAIR!!! I have an idea to expand your categories: Best crafted bush job. I WIN!!!! *flashes People's Choice Awards*

Posted by: Kballs at January 6, 2011 12:45 PM

Posted by: Paultera at January 6, 2011 12:20 PM:

Someone put Charlie Sheen in a show as an S&M loving Hitler. Please.

Isn't that already Mel Gibson's gig?

Posted by: MonkeyHateClean at January 6, 2011 12:47 PM

But, but, but NPH won an award and was all adorable and sweet - that has to make up for Kristin "Bite my lips" Stewart and Katy Perry right?

(and please don't judge me...my sister turned it on)

Posted by: bionic woman at January 6, 2011 12:50 PM

4. The following Favorite New TV Shows (aka, the “We Love This Show So Much, It Will Be On Forever!” award; from 2008 on, I defy you to remember a single one of these programs)

And here I thought Stark Raving Mad would be popular on Pajiba? Tony Shalhoub when he was funny, and Neil Patrick Harris before he was cool?

Posted by: Xtreme at January 6, 2011 12:50 PM

2007 Favorite Group - Nickelback

This.

This is why I kill.

God damn you, Canada.

Posted by: TK at January 6, 2011 12:57 PM

Someone put Charlie Sheen in a show as an S&M loving Hitler. Please.

Nein!

Posted by: Sexy Hitler at January 6, 2011 1:00 PM

Thank you, arrrghzi for pointing out The Class's incredible cast!

I loved that show, short-lived as it was. The characters were funny and sarcastic, but still sweet.

I just wish one (or more) of the actors will become famous enough to warrant a belated DVD set release (a la Jeremy Renner and The Unusuals -- another excellent, overlooked TV show killed before its time).

Posted by: zyzzyva at January 6, 2011 1:00 PM

Kballs, in the first Twilight, as the so-called climax approached, a lightning storm drew near -- because, you know...atmosphere.

During this time, the vampires took the opportunity to play some baseball. They can only play baseball during storms because the thunder muffles the noise as their bats make contact with the ball. Yes, it is an awesome display of power.

[I don't even have to add snark or wit to this comment. It just writes itself.]

Posted by: Roisin at January 6, 2011 1:04 PM

Amusing list, though it really needn't be 10 items long. Look at the "people's choice" of almost anything and you see why actual, meaningful awards aren't decided by "the people." Collectively, the people are a bunch of fucking morons.

Posted by: Slash at January 6, 2011 1:16 PM

Don't you dare slander The Back! Seriously, don't. There are rumours up here that they've proposed a world wide tour to every living room in America with special guest co-lead vocalist Justin Bieber and lead harmonizer Celine Dion.

Be it upon your head.

Posted by: admin at January 6, 2011 1:23 PM

Xtreme - I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with fond memories of Stark Raving Mad, though somehow I had only remembered Tony Shaloub being in it. How could I have forgotten about NPH?!

Posted by: tamatha at January 6, 2011 1:35 PM

You can tell they don't matter when Kanye isn't nominated for anything and yet Snoop Dogg is when he's still chugging by on goodwill from Gin and Juice.

Posted by: ThatGuy at January 6, 2011 1:41 PM

I also loved the class! I thought is was an adorable show with a charming cast.

Posted by: stupidgirl1121 at January 6, 2011 1:43 PM

The first season of Murder One introduced me to Stanly Tucci. It was great. But I've never watched the People's Choice Awards.

Posted by: xoxoxoe at January 6, 2011 1:54 PM

Does anyone get the impression Kballs has been holding back?

Posted by: Ian at January 6, 2011 1:57 PM

Until recently, that is.

Posted by: Ian at January 6, 2011 1:57 PM

I watched Moonlight. I liked it. I was sad it was cancelled.
Sophia Myles + Alex McLaughlin + Jason Dohring = good times.

Posted by: Stella at January 6, 2011 1:59 PM

I also really liked The Class - although I only discovered this past summer on YouTube, so I'm part of the reason it was cancelled I suppose. But yeah - take a look at that list that arrrghzi put together - it speaks for itself.

Posted by: Nicole at January 6, 2011 2:01 PM

I have to join the group that loved The Class. And arrrghzi is correct, a lot of those characters have done great work since. That one girl was even in True Blood, which I discovered...last week. You know, the Janice Ian girl.

Also, I am a complete sap, and I really liked the Secret Life of Bees. Pure syrup.

Posted by: nix at January 6, 2011 2:09 PM

50% of all people are below average. That is why popularity does not indicate quality.

Posted by: Brigs at January 6, 2011 2:18 PM

There is nothing* I like on the list. Not one damn thing.

(*please note that both Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Garner both possess attributes that I like quite a lot, but none of those were pictured above)

Posted by: superasente at January 6, 2011 2:18 PM

In the quiet words of Jerry Seinfeld...

"Who ARE these people?!?!?"

Why do you do this? Was this concieved as a one-time prank, and just evolved into an annual ritual because they never did beef up voting security. Do the people who run this joke of an award ever glare at the results and say,"Are you shitting me?" Want to know for sure? Next year have one of the choice options in every category be "A gooseshit slider with bacon". I guarantee someone will be handing out at least one of these babies out to Farmer Chisholm of Gooseberry Acres before the evening is through, except for best comedy which will STILL go to "Two and a Half Men".

Whoever you are, step forward so we can all take turns drilling you in the tweeters. *grumble grumble ...makin' me quote Seinfeld....assholes...

Posted by: bleujayone at January 6, 2011 2:32 PM

There is nothing* I like on the list. Not one damn thing.

(*please note that both Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Garner both possess attributes that I like quite a lot, but none of those were pictured above)

Posted by: superasente at January 6, 2011 2:18 PM

You don't like milk?

Posted by: arrrghzi at January 6, 2011 2:37 PM

Y'know, I do. I like milk. I used to date a girl with the last name Milk. She introduced me to Glenlivit and I'll be forever grateful.

Quick, Internets -- deliver my eternal gratitude to Stephanie Milk. Go boy, go! Run like the wind!

Posted by: superasente at January 6, 2011 2:46 PM

Considering that Murder One WAS IN PAJIBA's LIST OF THE BEST 20 SHOWS OF THE LAST 20 YEARS, I think it's a little disingenuous to look down your nose at it now...

I didn't work on that post, and no one else worked on this one. I'm not speaking to its quality, just saying most people don't quite remember it. - CE

Posted by: Todd at January 6, 2011 2:46 PM

You're right, Todd, but Courtney wasn't a member of the Pajiba staff at the time.

Ummm, right, Courtney?

Posted by: Kballs at January 6, 2011 2:53 PM

Pics of her not being a member of Pajiba or it didn't happen.

Posted by: arrrghzi at January 6, 2011 2:55 PM

Word. Wasn't here yet. Also, we're not a collective (a lesbian spank inferno, if you will).

Posted by: Courtney at January 6, 2011 3:04 PM

I guess we're interpreting "Favorite New TV Show" differently then. I interpret it as people in 1996 really liking Murder One. And if we're to trust Ranylt's judgment (and I have learned to) they were justified in liking it. Therefore, using it as an indication of why the People's Choice Awards are ridiculous (when there are obviously so many, many other reasons) seems inappropriate.

Posted by: Todd at January 6, 2011 3:19 PM

This is why we hate people.

Seriously, though, the one that really kills me: NICKELBACK. Go away, Nickelback.

I watched Moonlight. And I will not apologize.

Posted by: MM at January 6, 2011 3:39 PM

The only good thing about this year was that the votes for RPattz and Taylor Lautner canceled each other out in the "Favorite Movie Actor" race. Oh, and the people like Hugh Laurie as well, so they're not entirely taste-deficient.

Posted by: Maureen at January 6, 2011 3:43 PM

That was a scroll-down MIRACLE, that was.

Posted by: Figgy in Honduras at January 6, 2011 4:51 PM

I remember Moonlight! I watched for Jason Dohring as a vampire*. Rrrawr.

*(Before vampires were associated with sickly emo boys)

Posted by: gee. ay. at January 6, 2011 5:30 PM

Well, Fringe won for best sci-fi show, so at least the got something right.

Posted by: camila at January 6, 2011 6:17 PM

As Slash said "Amusing list, though it really needn't be 10 items long. Look at the "people's choice" of almost anything and you see why actual, meaningful awards aren't decided by "the people." Collectively, the people are a bunch of fucking morons. "

It's bad enough when they're picking movies and actors, etc. It's worse when they're picking congressmen and presidents.

Posted by: Pat C. at January 6, 2011 7:13 PM

Further proof that people will vote on meaningless shit when there are more important things to do, like learning a trade, enhancing their bank accounts, or continue getting fist-fucked by the upper 1% of this country who've got them by the short and curlies.

Posted by: bignick at January 6, 2011 7:55 PM

2007 Favorite Group - Nickelback

This.

This is why I kill.

God damn you, Canada.

Posted by: TK at January 6, 2011 12:57 PM

Hey, it's not our fault you idiots gave them asylum after we turfed them out of God's Country.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 6, 2011 11:00 PM

Posted by: Roisin at January 6, 2011 1:04 PM

You made that whole post up, right? There's no way that happened. No, I'm confident even Twilight couldn't be that shitballs retarded.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 6, 2011 11:02 PM

Also, we're not a collective (a lesbian spank inferno, if you will).

Posted by: Courtney at January 6, 2011 3:04 PM

More's the pity.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 6, 2011 11:03 PM

Nickelback should be this entire list. They are a fucking abomination. Seriously, I'd watch the entire series of Two and a Half Men before willingly listening to one of their songs in full.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 7, 2011 1:50 AM

Reason No. 1:

If I don't care, it doesn't matter.

Posted by: , at January 7, 2011 1:57 AM

At the risk of joining in with the general chorus of misanthropy...

One Reason The People's Choice Awards Don't Matter, Expressed Succintly In The Wise, Wise Words Of That Great Scholar, Tommy Lee Jones:

1. A person is smart; people are dumb.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 7, 2011 4:44 AM

People's Choice Awards - the single most compelling argument against democracy. Now please excuse me while I go dust off my faux bronze bust of Kim Il Sung.

Posted by: cinekat at January 7, 2011 4:46 AM

68% of the world's population is of average intelligence:

http://www.ask.com/questions-about/Average-IQ-Level

" Is 120 on an IQ test considered an average level?
No, 68 percent of the world's population has an IQ of between 90 and 110, an IQ of 120 means that about 95 percent of the world's population is below that point in IQ. An IQ of 100 is average."


Frightening.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at January 7, 2011 4:44 PM

This is a joke right? Where's the laugh track and the "mmmmeeeennnnnn?" Im going to go shoot the People making these Choices now. Where is the nearest shopping mall? That is where those douchebag tweens hangout, right?

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Posted by: stevenson at January 10, 2011 10:27 AM