Pajiba

“The Mayor of Simpleton” (XTC): A spin-off of Dumb and Dumber

I will find your fingers and shatter every little bone in them for that.

"Nailing Descartes to the Wall - (Liquid)Meat is Still Murder" by Propaghandi.

Zombie Descartes comes to life as a powerful lich, intent on continuing his experimentation with live animals. This time, however, he's increased his reign of terror by vivisecting live humans, in an attempt to locate their souls and consume them.

A ragtag group of vegan warriors are forced to do battle with his undead horde, who are intent on devouring or destroying all living things. They ghouls also wear a lot of fur and leather, which really grinds those rascally vegans' gears!

Can we play?

"You're The One For Me, Fatty" (Morrissey): Not-So-Shallow Hal finds his gal (or guy).

Or how about a movie based on a music group name?

Big Head Todd & The Monsters: Beastly Boy and his gang terrorize Manhattan!

"Brenda" (Jon Spencer Blues Explosion): About a bitch named Brenda who fucking sucks. Starring Katherine Hei---I mean Paris Hil---hold on, Jennifer Lop---no wait, I got it! Jane Fonda. She's a biiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

Fat Bottom Girls by Queen, or, conversely, either Working On A Sex Farm or Big Bottom by Spinal Tap. How meta is that? A movie based on lyrics from a band made up for a fake rockuumentary? I need to lie down now. I refuse to get all sappy and suggest Another Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. The world does not need another fucked up rom com or Lifetime movie, unless they can make it actually, you know, entertaining. Maybe 1985 by Bowling For Soup?

“Iron Swan” I want to see this movie right now.

Also, I heart "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots." I now have to go see if there's a video and listen to it.

I usually name my scripts after songs. Y'know, in case anyone was wondering...

"Natalie Portman" - Ozma

Two hours of me stalking romancing Natalie Portman.

1) I believe that TK and I are secretly separated-at-birth twins.

2) Kolby, you almost killed me. Sensual indeed.

3) Sweetie Dahling, you killed me, nailed my coffin shut and tossed me in the ocean to rot with the fishes. I too have something in my eye.

Hurt, the original Johnny Cash version.

It would be of the cinema verite/torture porn genre.
Lead character gets repeatedly tomahawked in her stupid face.

Get me Paltrow's agent on the horn. If not, let's attach Lohan.

"And they’re hungry for penis. Also, old people’s medicine. But mostly penis."

For when the metal ones come for you.

And they will.

(Well-referenced, Dustin.)

"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying" (Bloodhound Gang)

Clumsy title, be I see this as the long-awaited follow up to Striptease, where a down on her luck Demi Moore attempts a stripping comeback in her cougar years. Ashton Kutcher in his directing debut.

Whatta ya know, Figgy. A semen cookbook.

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" (The Beatles):

Some kid named Maxwell, finally gets up the courage to ask out his dream girl. Then freaks out, sneaks into her house and kills her with a hammer. Then, after that, he does some annoying stuff in class and the teacher makes him write on the board, so he kills her with a hammer. And so on and so forth. Death by hammers is good movie fodder.

Well, you could substitute "semen" for "Jake's semen" if you'd like to be more specific. But you gotta give me, like, a week or so to get you enough.

Recondite, originally, I was going to use "My Ass Is On Fire," but I decided to try and keep it clean.

I screwed that up though, I think.

"Melt With You" -- Modern English

"Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Global Warming and Enjoy Midtown Oceanfront Property"

A comedy in which the entire population of Manhattan is forced into living on the only block not covered by water, where rent on an 8X6 bathroom that sleeps 12 is $1,000,000 a week per person.

Midwesterners dryly refer to it as "Swimover Country."

Hey Slim, don't you mean the original Trent Reznor version? Johnny Cash covered his original from something like 10, 12 years ago.
Other than that...Damn mighty fine idea

Gems from "Squeeze Me Macaroni":

"Sipon the spinach, gotta cream the corn. Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born. Cooking like a beginner but I'm going up in her. Had Fritos for lunch, having bush for dinner. Chef Boyardee and the Three Musketeers shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers. Holy moley guacamole said my Chips Ahoy. Gonna pinch a ravioli and the Pilsbury Dough-Booooy."

"Pump some humpin' rump roast!"

"Bananarama or Ram-a-banana?"

Now read aloud, then speed up what you read about 10 times and you have an approximation of what Patton does in that song.

"We Both Go Down Together" by the Dememberists

A rich boy and poor girl fall in love and throw themselves off a cliff together because dude's parents won't give their consent. There won't be a dry eye in the house. So pretty and sad.

"And while the seagulls are crying
We fall but our souls are flying"

And no one mentions anything by the Decemberists? Practically anything from Castaways & Cutouts, Picaresque, or The Crane Wife could be made into a movie (Particularly The Crane Wife since it's already a folktale.)

Really, who WOULDN'T want to see a movie based on A Cautionary Tale?

"It's All Been Done" (Barenaked Ladies)

Two members of a population of space-time traveling mutant humans chase each other throughout history in a series of near misses and wry escapades where they cause or influence major events.

Now now. Whale doesn't deserve that any more than XTC.

"The Man Who Sold the World" David Bowie

Genius invents technology that will solve world-wide problems, like cold fusion or cure for AIDS. Giant evil corporation masquerading as fluffy loving corporation offers to buy technology and employ genius for billions of dollars. Genius takes job; company reveals itself as evil. Company proceeds to twist geniuses technology to suit their evil ways. *fade to 30 years later when world is destroyed* Young genius who grew up idolizing older genius discovers older genius in mental hospital run by evil corporation. Young genius happens to be underground revolutionary. He and gang of rebels bust genius out of mental hospital. Kick-assery ensues. Young genius and rebels take down evil corporation.

John Malkovich stars as older genius. Christian Bale stars as Younger Genius.

I thought way too much about this.

Lola by the Kinks

Driven to near despair after being dumped by his one and only true love, Ray (Paul Rudd) finally decides to take that walk on the wild side, only to meet up with the mysteriously sensual Lola (Daniel Radcliffe in a surprising turn - hey, it's hard to find anyone under 30 who'd look good in drag. I almost went with Elisha Woods, but he has strange teeth).

Supporting cast includes David Duchovny as the transgender proprietor of Alternating Current.

"The KKK Took My Baby Away" by Ramones."

that's my ringtone :)

You can never drink too much.

You can only drink just enough.

And then you pass out.

i seem to remember reading somewhere that P.T. Anderson built the entire plot of Magnolia out of the line "Now that I've met you would you object to never seeing each other again?" from Aimee Mann's song Deathly. In the movie Melora Waters' character says it to John C. Reilly on their date.