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Stuff It Prince Charming, The Five Disney Characters That Set My Girlish Heart A-Flutter.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (53)

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Last week, when writing about the new Annie Leibovitz Disney portraits, I mentioned that I vastly preferred The Beast from Beauty and the Beast in his bestial form. This raised at least one eyebrow among readers and the dreaded word “furry” was bandied about. Now, listen, I think it’s perfectly natural for any of us who were brought up on a steady diet of Disney to have lingering romantic/nostalgic associations with characters. I will admit to having a (perhaps double-standardish) issue when people (usually gents) admire the seashells on Disney’s Little Mermaid. But that’s because she’s sixteen. SIXTEEN. So that’s fairly skeevy, non? Also, there’s a terribly disturbing series of drawings of the Disney men as underwear models. I’ll give you the link, but I really advise you don’t click it. You clicked it, didn’t you? You sickos.

Rest assured, my fondness towards these five Disney dudes (hirsute or no) is more innocent in nature. These were my first crushes and they beat the pantaloons off Prince (not at all, not even remotely, heavens what a misnomer, they should have called him Boring) Charming.

Roger “101 Dalmations” I really admired Roger’s beaky looks and ability to turn hatred of an acquaintance into a really entertaining song.

Baloo “The Jungle Book” My love extends to any of the characters voiced by the amazing Phil Harris (Little John, Thom cat from The AristoCats, etc.). So hep!

Prince Phillip “Sleeping Beauty” The only Prince on this list, Phillip was actually splendidly dry and sarcastic and way too good for the pretty (but really rather dim) Princess Aurora.

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Bert “Mary Poppins” Dick Van Dyke’s murderous cockney aside, Bert was terribly dreamy. You have to admire a man who can dance with penguins.

Robin Hood “Robin Hood” Bar none, the most winning Disney character of all time. I’ll refrain from foxy puns, lest that furry thing be brought up again, and I will concede how much this character stole from Errol Flynn, but ooh-de-lally, I love him so.

Joanna Robinson thinks that if she had to pick a Disney female to crush on, it would be Maleficent. Duh.









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Comments

That link is... I don't even know what to say to that. I feel mislead by the header picture. James Marsden was so much fun in "Enchanted". He would be on my list.

Posted by: Phedre at March 9, 2011 4:07 PM

I had such a crush on Robin Hood as a kid. It explains a LOT.

Posted by: Julie at March 9, 2011 4:11 PM

I think this might be my first post.

Mel Gibson aside (I try not to think about it), I loved John Smith from "Pocahontas" more than is right or decent. Cute, gorgeous accent, huge hands (true), reformed cultural chauvinist etc

If I had to pick a female, Pocahontas or Pacha's pregnant wife, Chica, from "The Emperor's New Groove".

PS Every scene in 101 Dalmatians that features Roger fiddling with his pipe seemed strangely sexual to me, even as a child. Damn Disney and their Illuminati mind control.

Posted by: Frances at March 9, 2011 4:19 PM

I was wondering why Little John in Robin Hood looked so much like Baloo...of course! They were played by the same actor.

Posted by: valerie at March 9, 2011 4:22 PM

I wondered if Malificent would sneak in. I'm glad she did.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 9, 2011 4:24 PM

I think I still have a crush on Robin Hood.

Posted by: Bodhi at March 9, 2011 4:27 PM

Wait. So guys can't ogle a cartoon mermaid because she's young but you can have a crush on a bear and a fox? Do you know what the age of consent is in the underwater kingdom? Neither do I but I'll bet it's fairly low. Fish don't have that long of a life span. Besides I was 13 when Little Mermaid came out so it would be fine. Anyway, I never found her that attractive. She did have a problem getting rid of crabs.

Posted by: Paultera at March 9, 2011 4:44 PM

I really do think we have no one but Disney and the Muppets to blame for all furries of my generation.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at March 9, 2011 4:50 PM

guys can't ogle a cartoon mermaid because she's young but you can have a crush on a bear and a fox?

Robinson is nothing if not a hypocrite.

And a furrie.

Oh and Maleficent's a bitch. Anita Radcliffe, obviously. Or Esmeralda, she seems pretty groovy.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2011 4:59 PM

Fact: I tend to compare all of my potential suitors to fox-y Robin Hood.

They never did stand a chance.

Posted by: penelope at March 9, 2011 5:00 PM

The Beast is the best Disney prince, not because of his furriness, but because he has a personality, and, most importantly, he has a library IN HIS HOUSE. And he tells Belle she can have whatever books she wants. I'm not into furries, but listen, I'd hit that for the literary perks.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at March 9, 2011 5:02 PM

I'm so sad. Where is Aladdin? He and the monkey were my FAVORITE. And although he had a genie, he wasn't a prince.

Posted by: An Atlantan at March 9, 2011 5:06 PM

It was always Eric for me. He was dreamy.

Later, it was John Smith. So manly.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2011 5:15 PM

Robin Hood for the win! What a fantastic voice, too.

And I second Beast. Complicated, powerful, deep, somewhat tragic, and yes, LIBRARY.

Posted by: Parker at March 9, 2011 5:16 PM

Prince Phillip FTW!

Posted by: nosio at March 9, 2011 5:21 PM

Robin hood was my first crush too. And I mean first. When I was three I had one of those towels with a hood and I used to run around in it pretending I was Maid Marian. I also forced my little brother to play Lady Cluck.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at March 9, 2011 5:24 PM

Yeah, but I'm gonna be all shallow and note that the Beast looked like Fabio had sex with something pointy and stupid. I would marry him if he stayed all beastly. I can not handle the flowing blond hair.

Posted by: Julie at March 9, 2011 5:44 PM

FLYNN RIDER.

He deserves caps.

I also kind of judge the princes by their princesses (after all, if they fall for a good (in all meanings of the word) girl they apparently have good taste). So I used to like Erik, until I realised Ariel is kind of whiny and she has to be rescued by her prince instead of her rescuing herself, so I soured on Erik too.
The Beast, on the other hand, overcomes his, ahem, personality problem with the help (and admonishings) of Belle and turns out to be pretty damn nice inside (also, LIBRARY).
Aladdin falls for the kickass princess who helps defeat Jafar (although, in the end, it was Aladdin's smarts which saved the day).

So Flynn kind of has it all. He's good-looking (although it never ceases to amuse me that he was designed by committee!), smart, funny, bigheaded but with a tragic, touching backstory that he tries to downplay. And, most importantly: he falls for the girl who rescues HIM, and who by the end shows can manage herself pretty damn well.
Also, I like that they were the first Disney couple, as far as I know, who got married offscreen, after the movie and presumably after quite a number of dates ánd marriage proposals from his side, which she turned down! No sighing damsel, Rapunzel. :)

(Dammit I want to see Tangled again.)

Posted by: Linda at March 9, 2011 5:44 PM

Wow, that first video makes me super-nostalgic. (So stylish! The animations and the vocal work and everything...) It was difficult to crush on Roger when he and Anita made such an adorable and perfect pair.

Posted by: kiyo-chan at March 9, 2011 6:05 PM

The problem with the beast in prince form is that he looks like Fabio. It is gross.

I'm with you on Robin Hood. When I was little I wanted a boyfriend just like him.

Posted by: PonyofPonies at March 9, 2011 6:12 PM

Phillip has always been my favorite. I was just having a discussion with a friend of mine about this exact thing. I saw the big 3 (Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty) princess movies fairly early on as a young girl and I hated the first two princes, and it didn't dawn on me until I was in high school that that it was because in the first two, the princes had no lines. They didn't speak. So not only was Phillip sarcastic and funny and good looking, he was a rebel. He wanted to marry Beauty regardless of her social status AND he was the first prince to actually - you know - talk. I also rewrote the movie in my mind. I assumed that Merryweather was planning to bless Beauty with intelligence before Maleficent showed up to curse her. That's what I believe and there is no changing it.

Posted by: cmoody at March 9, 2011 6:18 PM

Bert is a total fox, too. I didn't even know he had a bad accent, because we used to watch the movie dubbed into Spanish ("hola, Meri Popeens!") with the songs in English. I just thought he was magical and tried really hard to charm Mary, and he could DANCE. Never seemed to get any, though. And the magic might have been bad hallucinations from all that soot he was inhaling.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2011 6:28 PM

I can't remember anything as specific as a crush, but i was jealous of Jen from the dark crystal. he had been lost and alone in the world and then he meets the only other gelfling, Kira. their fingers touch, and instantly they know each others thoughts feelings and memories--and then they go save the freaking world!

Posted by: idleprimate at March 9, 2011 6:41 PM

I had crushes on the Tramp from Lady and the Tramp (such a bad boy, but he had good values) and Nicodemus from the Secret of NIMH. He was a revolutionary HERO, ya'll. I realize that that was not Disney. However, I think it follows the same principle.

Posted by: Codger at March 9, 2011 6:42 PM

Nala. Hot, hot Nala.

Posted by: Matty at March 9, 2011 7:04 PM

That link is a riot. Also, Prince Phillip!!

I just saw Tangled. Flynn Rider all the way.

Posted by: Chickaboom at March 9, 2011 7:11 PM

Love me some Robin Hood.

Whenever I re-watch cartoons I am always amazed at how they manage to complete suck me in no matter what else I'm doing. It's the power of animation y'all.

Posted by: grace b at March 9, 2011 7:41 PM

Eric, Prince Phillip, Beast (human form), John Smith, and Kocoum.

Posted by: Snrub at March 9, 2011 7:58 PM

And Prince Navin too!

Posted by: Snrub at March 9, 2011 8:02 PM

I loved the voice of Bagheera from The Jungle Book. So droll. Then came Prince Phillip. But then Captain Shang trained bareback. From then it was Captain Shang hands down! From the moment he took off his shirt to help train the troops poor little me was hooked! I was such a visual creature.

Posted by: Four Eyes at March 9, 2011 9:03 PM

Beast. I remember as a kid being so pissed and disappointed when the brooding, strong, gorgeous-eyed beast was transformed into a blonde little pretty boy prince. I credit that movie for my lifelong affinity for large, strong men with great hair.

Also, ditto on the Robin Hood. No female stood a chance.

Posted by: Dingles at March 9, 2011 9:50 PM

Sleeping Beauty is my all-time favorite Disney cartoon. I love everything about it. I love Maleficent more than everything else, though.

Posted by: Az at March 9, 2011 10:31 PM

How much did I want to be Maid Marian as a kid? Major swoon.

Posted by: amanda at March 9, 2011 10:32 PM

BERT! My love! I have about 7-10 pictures with various "Berts" at Disneyland. I have such a crush on that lanky goober.

Posted by: Bex at March 9, 2011 10:37 PM

Prince Philip was aces for me until I got introduced to Batman. Unlike the other stiffs in Disney films, he had an actual story, and a funny horse, and some backbone (I don't think the guy from Cinderella spoke a single word!).

Beast is probably 1B - perhaps because he so resembled the beast in Robin McKinley's first classic retelling of the tale in Beauty. I need to re-watch both of them this weekend, along with Slipper and the Rose.

Some happy endings might be what I need right now. On Wisconsin...

Posted by: funtime42 at March 9, 2011 10:55 PM

Another dig at DVD's stab at a Cockney accent, eh? Just an idle thought. Have any of you ever tried to converse with a real Cockney? They would have had to supply subtitles for American audiences. Seriously.

I thought DVD did an admirable job of providing a noticeably English style accent that was still understandable.

-Ralphie

Posted by: ralphie at March 9, 2011 11:17 PM

I rarely comment, but feel an instant bond with others who understand and appreciate cartoon attractions.

Robin Hood is the love of my life. I still have a crush on him.

I was also very fond of Basil from The Great Mouse Detective. Very charming and handsome. (Handsome by cartoon mouse standards, that is.)

Posted by: mhs.sally at March 9, 2011 11:43 PM

Prince Phillip is the standard by which I measure all princes! I've always been crushing on Tramp but I knew we would never work. Mulan is my favorite Disney flick and the "prince" guy is really cool...handsome, serious, responsible, able to overcome cultural prejudice to embrace Mulan as an equal. I also really really love her horse. Seriously! During the avalanche, he saves like 5 people/creatures!

Posted by: emmasaunt at March 10, 2011 12:15 AM

And the Mulan guy's songs were sung by Donny Osmond! "I'll Make a Man Out of You" is one of the best songs ever!

Posted by: emmasaunt at March 10, 2011 12:18 AM

You can keep all those other Disney men, Prince Phillip has always been my one and only

Posted by: Even Stevens at March 10, 2011 12:56 AM

No love for Merlin from The Sword in The Stone?

This may seem crazy, creepy or downright bizarre... I'm straight, but if I were tilted that way I could totally see settling into a may-december relationship with Mr. Bearded & Crotchety.

Man knows how to party, he's got great fashion sense AND comes with a sidekick. Plus, insane beard powers.

Posted by: Wintermute at March 10, 2011 3:38 AM

I too preferred Beast in his nearly form. His Prince version looked like a guy who spends too much time preening in front of the mirror.

Posted by: stardust at March 10, 2011 8:25 AM

I'd totally throw it in cartoon Maid Marian. Come on, science!

Posted by: Forward Observer at March 10, 2011 9:23 AM

Beast. It's the voice.

It's like going from Clive Owen to David Beckham.

Posted by: Chris JL at March 10, 2011 9:50 AM

I love going back and looking at who did the voicework for some of these movies I watched as a kid. Jerry Orbach was Lumiere!

Also, Maid Marian was a total vixen. Literally.

Posted by: branded at March 10, 2011 9:56 AM

Nah, I had a crush on Kurt Russell in "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes." Remember when that came out? Anybody? (Stomps off to the bathroom to brush my false teeth.)

Posted by: BWeaves at March 10, 2011 10:14 AM

In a nod to madonna's cameo in Wayne's dream of "Justify my Love", check ou Kocoum from Pocahontas on that underwear link:

check out the unit on that guy!

Posted by: manda at March 10, 2011 11:18 AM

YES ROBIN HOOD!!!

That was always one of my favorite cartoons ever. I still whistle that song. Fuck yes.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 10, 2011 11:33 AM

Robin Hood. God yes. He was my first crush.

Posted by: Zirze at March 10, 2011 12:03 PM

Robin Hood, Bagheera, Bert, agree, agree, agree. And those mute princes!? I always wondered how these princesses could be in love with someone with whom they'd never exchanged a word. What if he's an idiot or grumpy or only ever thinks about his hair? Think, princesses, think!

But - and this might be weird? - What about Clopin the jester from that Hunchback movie? Even at my young age, I was absolutely, strangely attracted to him, a CARTOON CLOWN. Clever, good singer, French, vaguely sinister but fiercely loyal, darkly funny, working against the Man, good underground connections, skinny, unruly hair, love of a good costume...Anyone?

My current male friend looks startlingly like him. Down to the goatee. Mmm.

Posted by: djpomegranate at March 10, 2011 12:42 PM

Prince Phillip, Captain Shang and Flynn Rider, oh yes. Wins all around. Also, he wasn't in a Disney flick, but Dmitri from Anastasia = hot. And my biggest cartoon love will always go to Trent from Daria. My love of animated men goes deep. (Oh double entendre...)

Posted by: KatSings at March 10, 2011 1:35 PM

All this time, I've been harboring a secret love for Robin Hood. So glad I'm not the only one.

Posted by: TheEmpress at March 13, 2011 7:33 PM

You realize that Robin Hood married Maid Marion, thus becoming King Richard's in-law and a...

Posted by: Robin at March 25, 2011 12:28 AM