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Stars Who Could Pull Off Being One-Name Wonders

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (72)

img-mg---tilda-swinton-1_112759370418.jpg

News came last week (per usual, the source was her mother) that Lindsay Lohan will drop the “Lohan” and just be…LINDSAY (imagine I said that while throwing open French doors while wearing a lot of chiffon).

As is the case with most things involving Lindsay Lohan, this news was met with a unanimous “bitch, please.” But there are some celebrities who could totally pull it off.

Malkovich
john-malkovich.jpg

Swayze
swayze-the-original-dance-host.jpg

Bale
christian-bale.jpg

Fillion
Nathan9Fillion.jpg

Jack
jack-nicholson-20070409-2373032.jpg

Dawson
dawson-crying54.jpg

Clooney
clooneyname.jpg

SWINTON
tilda_swinton.jpg

Norm
c_norm_11.JPG









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Comments

Oh man, the first thing I said when I opened up the Pajiba home page was "SWINTON!" so point proven.

Posted by: Marcela at March 29, 2011 2:04 PM

SWINTON should be trademarked. And I want t-shirts! And tea mugs.

Posted by: Joker at March 29, 2011 2:04 PM

Lucy!

Posted by: cloukie at March 29, 2011 2:05 PM

I am pretty sure I would wear a SWINTON! shirt.

Posted by: Siege at March 29, 2011 2:08 PM

SWINTON.

Posted by: Samantha at March 29, 2011 2:08 PM

Pardon me, but "Jack!" should include the exclamation point. If not that, then a newly created punctuation for "FUCKING INSANE".

And to be fair to Fillion, if you're going to use that picture for these purposes I believe his name should be punctuated with a hammer.

Norm is right on the money, though.

Posted by: lubeg at March 29, 2011 2:10 PM

Viggo!

Posted by: Jay (the other one) at March 29, 2011 2:10 PM

I think if you have to use their last name, they don't make the cut. For instance with "George" I know immediately you're talking about my boyfriend with the villa in Italy and not any of the lesser Clooneys (with apologies to Rosemary). Whereas with "Dawson" I wonder if you mean the kid from the creek or D'Awsun Williams, the new starting quarterback for Midwestern State U.
In short, one is either famous enough for just the first name or not.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 29, 2011 2:11 PM

Admit it, this was just an excuse to post that picture of Dawson.

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 29, 2011 2:13 PM

God bless the Fug Girls for the pervasiveness of SWINTON!. I find the other Jay's Viggo correct up to the exclamation point. The exclamation point is the punctuation equivalent of jazz hands and that's just not very Viggo somehow. I think it should be: Viggo.

I think Clooney already is Clooney, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 29, 2011 2:14 PM

Dawson's glorious, glowing mane of hair is like that of a regal lion, or a golden ocean wave. The warm, delicious sheen reflects the light of the sun more brightly than the actual celestial body and a calm stillness warms my being to gaze upon it.

Truely the world has never seen such a head of hair.

Posted by: superasente at March 29, 2011 2:15 PM

Really most of these people already kind of do go by just their last name, they just haven't made it official. I mean when your talking about movies and you say 'Jack' theres only one Jack you're talking about.

Posted by: mcn at March 29, 2011 2:16 PM

Following PaddyDog's lead, there is still a Swayze brother alive and working...

Posted by: Jerry at March 29, 2011 2:17 PM

"Tilda" is a pretty distinctive name as well. That's where I thought this was going. It's a lot easier to get away with being known solely by your last name than your first name. Hence, Jack is the one with the most power here.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 29, 2011 2:17 PM

I find the other Jay's Viggo correct up to the exclamation point. The exclamation point is the punctuation equivalent of jazz hands and that's just not very Viggo somehow. I think it should be: Viggo.

I second that. There can be only one Viggo and he's too mellow to necessitate the exclamation point.

Why isn't The Statham on this list? Or is he already accepted as The Statham? Or was he disqualified because of the article preceeding his name, which isn't a name, really, so it shouldn't disqualify him.

Posted by: lubeg at March 29, 2011 2:19 PM

PaddyDog and I were on the same page. :- )

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 29, 2011 2:20 PM

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 29, 2011 2:17 PM

Co-signed.

Posted by: RobP at March 29, 2011 2:20 PM

"Malkovich?"

"Malkovich! Malkovich Malkovich, Malkovich."

"MALKOVICH!!! Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich; Malokovich Malkovich, Malkovich Malkovich."

"Malkovich. Malkovich."

Posted by: Rest In Peace at March 29, 2011 2:24 PM

Motion approved then.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 29, 2011 2:25 PM

Also: That ever-present Dawson pic never fails to brighten my day. Good on you!

Posted by: Rest In Peace at March 29, 2011 2:25 PM

Gerry Yingybert Slut Steviebuns Engelbert!

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2011 2:28 PM

I'm sorry, but LAST NAMES DO NOT COUNT.

Almost anyone can go by a last name and still be recognized. It takes someone VERY special to go by a first name and still be recognized.

Liz
Cher
Elvis
Tilda

Posted by: BWeaves at March 29, 2011 2:35 PM

I concede to your expertise on the jazz hands, Mrs. Julien and lubeg. I will revise my motion to exclude the !.

I want to attribute the ! to my excitement about nominating such a mellow man.

Posted by: Jay (the other one) at March 29, 2011 2:39 PM

HAMM.

Posted by: figgy at March 29, 2011 2:41 PM

The exclamation point is reserved for SWINTON! Swinton and SWINTON are not correct. It simply must be SWINTON! Accpet no alternatives.

Posted by: Scully at March 29, 2011 2:41 PM

Oh yes, and HAMMMM™

™ Belongs to the Figgy Corporation.

Posted by: Scully at March 29, 2011 2:43 PM

The exclamation point is the punctuation equivalent of jazz hands and that's just not very Viggo somehow. I think it should be: Viggo.

I second that. There can be only one Viggo and he's too mellow to necessitate the exclamation point.

He is Viggo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2011 2:44 PM

Trejo.

Posted by: Inter Milan Kundera at March 29, 2011 2:45 PM

If you had told me this morning that at some point today I would hear a Ghostbusters 2 reference, I would not have believed you. I would have called you a liar and slapped the filthy deceit out of your dirty mouth.

And I would have been wrong to do so.

I said your loooove is liftin' me hiiigheeeer
Then I've everrrr been lifted befoooooore...

Posted by: superasente at March 29, 2011 3:07 PM

Stipe
Norton
Fassbender

and petition signed for all the others.

Posted by: godzilla_foil at March 29, 2011 3:14 PM

Gerry Yingybert Slut Steviebuns Engelbert!
Posted by: branded at March 29, 2011 2:28 PM

I see what you did, there, and it was dash cunning of you. Even if we do disagree about Viggo.

Posted by: lubeg at March 29, 2011 3:17 PM

Tilda. Just Tilda. Seriously, how many other people spring to mind when you hear that name? None. And she is Ah-mazing.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at March 29, 2011 3:25 PM

I have to agree with BWeaves...

Millions of people are called by their last names. It takes a real personality to co-opt a first name.


TILDA!!!!!

Jack
George
Brad
Angelina
Matt & Ben
Keanu

Posted by: kirbyjay at March 29, 2011 3:59 PM

CONAN

Posted by: alex at March 29, 2011 4:03 PM

no, no, no.

"dawson" doesn't remotely belong here. neither does "fillion," except when visiting "scathing reviews"-type websites. 99% of the population has no idea who the hell you're talking about .

and it's OBVIOUSLY "tilda," not "swinton."

Posted by: matty blue at March 29, 2011 4:09 PM

Well, I guess matty blue told us!

::goes back to accepting lack of personal cool::

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 29, 2011 4:11 PM

mmm...okay. i was being kinda dickish there. apologies.

Posted by: matty blue at March 29, 2011 4:18 PM

None of these but Jack even count, they're all last names. This is stupid.

Posted by: Matt at March 29, 2011 4:31 PM

Well, I guess Matt told us!

::goes back to accepting lack of personal cool::

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 29, 2011 4:38 PM

CUMBERBATCH

Posted by: Aislinn at March 29, 2011 4:41 PM

just so we're clear...matt &ne matty blue.

Posted by: matty blue at March 29, 2011 4:44 PM

i call David Fincher "Finch" and every movie nerd understands it

Posted by: caro at March 29, 2011 4:46 PM

He is Viggo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

Honey, you've just been branded.

(Seriously, dude, let me know when you're posting so I can be right behind you...)

Posted by: RobP at March 29, 2011 4:46 PM

Posted by: lubeg at March 29, 2011 3:17 PM

Thank you. I didn't even bring a flag!

Don't worry about Viggo. I have a soft spot for Carpathians.

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2011 4:52 PM

Honey, you've just been branded.

RobP, I think that's enough. I'm not nearly fetch enough for you to make me happen.

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2011 4:55 PM

That was not clear at all matty blue.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 29, 2011 4:56 PM

[awesome]

I'll sick my cheeky monkey on the "first names only" camp! Add Izzard to the list!

Posted by: lubeg at March 29, 2011 5:00 PM

SWINTON! I am going to make a t-shirt with her magnificent face and name on it and WEAR IT OUT IN PUBLIC this summer.

Posted by: Caspar at March 29, 2011 5:03 PM

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!

Posted by: A-schaef at March 29, 2011 5:20 PM

SWINTON! I love and treasure her. It tickles me pink that the Fug Girls have made her into a Thing.

And c'mon, Lohan. Cut it out for a whole minute. I'd appreciate it.

Posted by: Sassafrass Green at March 29, 2011 5:21 PM

I was gonna say SKARSGARD! But I don't want Jay crying "What about Stellaaaaan?"

I'd agree with STATHAM! Yell it while you're fucking!

Posted by: figgy at March 29, 2011 6:18 PM

Ah the glory of SWINTON! needs to be passed on expanded past FugGirls readers.

Also, Dawson makes me smile every time I see his little face crinkle with defeat in that particular picture. So thank you for posting that.

Posted by: Wormer at March 29, 2011 6:23 PM

There is a theme to your choices people: One part "cool" two parts "bad assed name". very nice.

But you know what makes a real bad ass? When people use your Middle Initial:

Samuel L. Jackson. that is all.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at March 29, 2011 6:40 PM

yes, definitely first names. tilda is what i thought when i saw her picture. she wins!

Posted by: splinter at March 29, 2011 6:55 PM

Stop trying to make Fillion happen! It's not going to happen.

Posted by: tinmo at March 29, 2011 7:48 PM

No to Bale, but thank you all for Viggo (!) (?) Were we, as a nation, a little bit cooler, I'd nominate Cillian. But alas, the world is clearly not ready for him yet. Americans can't even pronounce his name right half the time. *sigh* And after recently seeing Jane Eyre, I second or fifth or whatever the Fassbender!

Posted by: Drea at March 29, 2011 8:38 PM

If I don't cut my hair in three months, I kinda look like Norm.

Posted by: Big Softie at March 29, 2011 8:46 PM

Extremely uncool people actually get names added, as in Lindsay Fucking Lohan.

Posted by: godzilla_foil at March 29, 2011 9:00 PM

Your Norm can't work for this. When my friends and I say "Norm" we all know that this means Norm MacDonald. So I'd be with you if you changed it to Norm MacDonald, since George Wendt isn't really a Norm. Also Norm MacDonald is truly amazing.

Posted by: Tygear34 at March 29, 2011 9:42 PM

^Yep. Norm = Norm MacDonald.

Also, I'd rather call her Tilda instead of Swinton.

Posted by: Snrub at March 29, 2011 11:33 PM

Christian Bale works so much better for him.

I giggle every time I see that picture of Dawson :)

Posted by: Jo at March 29, 2011 11:44 PM

SWINTON! forever

Posted by: jk at March 29, 2011 11:46 PM

Ok, so while CUMBERBATCH is excellent, his full name is just fantastic and he should only be known as Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch.

Also, while first names probably should count for more points, credit goes again to the Fug Girls on SWINTON!

Posted by: Ruby at March 30, 2011 12:07 AM

where is the feminist to object to this objectification?

Posted by: idleprimate at March 30, 2011 2:51 AM

I kinda agree with the first name thing.

I get the SWINTON! thing, but TILDA! is better, I think.

And while I like Nathan well enough, "Fillion" could just as easily be my high school Spanish teacher, because she was just that Awesome.

Posted by: Rykker at March 30, 2011 4:04 AM

SWINTON! I have a crazy girl crush on her. And a list with her, Bale and Clooney has got me feeling all kinds of funny.

Posted by: big moo at March 30, 2011 5:50 AM

Fillion?


Huh?


(Also, not an actor, but definitely a single-name person: Morimoto from Iron Chef. Not sure if that's how you spell it or not.)

Posted by: JohnnyBee at March 30, 2011 8:24 AM

TEN(NANT)

Disqualified. Ten Inch is two words. -CE

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 30, 2011 8:48 AM

Toshiro

Posted by: lubeg at March 30, 2011 10:52 AM

*sigh......*

You can't blame a girl for dreamin'

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 30, 2011 1:48 PM

I don't know if I agree or disagree with the first/last names eligibility business, but I do have to say that when one says SWINTON! it conjures up images of magnificence that TILDA! just cannot do.

Now I must go read again the SWINTON! archives on GFY if you'll excuse me.

Posted by: melisseh at March 30, 2011 2:27 PM

No. It is SWINTON.

No exclamation mark is necessary. She is simply SWINTON.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at March 30, 2011 5:08 PM