Seriously Random Lists |
April 13, 2009 | Comments (126)
Stupid Great* movies are the absolute best late Friday-night, group drinking flicks. It’s important, however, to start the night off with a decent film — you want to have a nice base to work with, and a couple of hours to get yourself properly lubricated. So, pop in some old DePalma or a good indie flick first, because you want to create the ultimate dichotomy between the movie-watching experiences. Between movies, I suggest a nice fattie or a couple of shots. Then, allow yourself to be completely stupefied by one of these six amazing achievements in Stupid Greatness.
The key to a stupid great film is that it must be bad. But, not just any bad film — you don’t want a film so heinous that’ll you’ll struggle to stay awake through it (see, Manos: Hands of Fate or the Left Behind series), which is why horror and action films make the best stupid great movies. There has to be a wealth of absurd entertainment value to not only keep you awake, but to fuel your drunkenness. And in my experience, these six films are the ultimate in stupid greatness.
6. Skulls
5. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo
4. Toxic Avenger
3. Crank
2. Student Bodies
1. Final Destination
(*Thanks to George for the descriptive; it was much better than my politically incorrect title, so I stole it)
Me and my brother freakin love Skulls, aka. the Best Film Ever! Then again we haven't watched it since we was wee little 12 year olds.
Posted by: Bla. at April 13, 2009 11:19 AM
Oh god, I had to see Skulls back-to-back in the theater. Entertaining enough the first time, but MAN, do not watch it twice. And Crank is, of course, awesome.
Crank is such an amazing piece of art. Where else can someone fall thousands of feet from a helicopter, bounce off a car, land on the pavement, and survive, with the only explanation being that he has an indestructible heart. What about the other parts of his body? Organs explode on impact and bones turn to crumbs. Explain that, dumbasses.
I honestly think it should be higher on this list. Move it to number one!
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Van Helsing are two of my guilty pleasures for this kind of thing. I saw Van Helsing in theaters twice just to laugh at the little flaming dwarf guys.
The Forbidden Zone with Herve Villachaize. So bad and so universally offensive that a roomful of people of diverse ethnicities, sexual orientations, educational levels and film tastes were all completely absorbed and repulsed by it. (All were offended except for the lone, token white, heterosexual male. We beat him to a bloody pulp and put him out the house.)
Posted by: khia213 at April 13, 2009 11:49 AM
Statham's Transporter also needs a nod.
Axle grease never looked so good.
Also, some may list Equillibrium here although I think it still sucks too hard, even with the inclusion of Christian Bale's Leather Clad Ass.
Posted by: twig at April 13, 2009 11:51 AM
I nominate Wanted.
Curving bullets?? A LOOM OF FATE??
That's practically balls-to-the-wall science.
Posted by: popejenn at April 13, 2009 11:53 AM
Folks, you need to check out American Psycho 2 starring Mila Knis as a social climbing, murdering, sociopath.
Also: The Big Hit, starring Marky Mark and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Maybe I'm just old but, I do love a bad movie marathon of "They Live" and "Maximum Overdrive." They're both so bad and so funny!
You do have to watch them on dvd though. Regular tv stations cut out all the fun parts, especially in Maximum Overdrive.
Posted by: trixie at April 13, 2009 12:14 PM
There is one reason to watch The Skulls. The pretty. I even own it and pair it with Cruel Intentions for a double shot of stupid awesome pretty.
Transporter is awesome. Statham should have his own category of stupid awesome movies.
Julie, the best part of Armageddon is Buscemi. I love him. He's so deranged and awesome.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 12:15 PM
Conan the Barbarian needs to be on this list. That movie is priceless.
Break out da fine china, chill the lemonade and tie a yella ribbon 'round da ol' oak tree. Cuz this boys comin' home to see his ladies. Comin' home FOR EVAH
Actually, the best Stupid Movie on TNT that is Impossible to Turn Off is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. My brother and I quote it every change we get.
Snath, it's true. See also The Wedding Singer. Buscemi is fantastic.
Sofia:
Put da bunneh bak in da box
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 12:21 PM
@Julie
My dad still cries during Armageddon. My dad's pretty cool.
Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at April 13, 2009 12:22 PM
Sometimes, and I'm ashamed to admit this, I really like stupid comedies and professional wrestling. Also, I'm fine you used my term Dustin, I use your insults so often (douche tounged lothario, and spawn of amoebic dissentary are two of my favorites), I feel proud one of my own is up to par.
AvB, my love of that movie knows no bounds. It's so bad. I beseech the powers that be to do a real time review of Showgirls. You can't use the edited for tv format as that cuts out 2/3s of the movie.
I still don't understand how Elizabeth Berkley thought that movie would make her a relevant actress in anything outside of porn.
I always thought 'The Rock' held an undeserved place on the Pajiba 'Worst Blockbusters' list.
There are worse. Hell, there are way worse by the same producer/director combo.
Also worse by all of the principal actors.
Posted by: twig at April 13, 2009 12:55 PM
Julie, that is heresy. You must watch it. The guitar solos in the soundtrack... the accents... the brilliant puns... the beginning of Nic Cage's hair extravaganza.
Maybe I'm just old but, I do love a bad movie marathon of "They Live" and "Maximum Overdrive." They're both so bad and so funny!
You do have to watch them on dvd though. Regular tv stations cut out all the fun parts, especially in Maximum Overdrive.
Posted by: trixie at April 13, 2009 12:14 PM
**door flies open**
I'm only gonna say this ONCE. After this, I start cutting motherfuckers: They Live is a masterpiece. It is NOT bad. It, along with Conan The Barbarian, is one of the great unrecognized art films of my generation.
Everyone, since TK has left the room, we could get him fired up by talking about Reign of Fire.
Unfortunately, I can't say anything good about it after watching it. McConaHeeey's death wasn't even as spectacular as I thought.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 1:06 PM
Holy shit, why haven't I mentioned Shoot Em Up yet?
Why isn't THAT on the list?
Posted by: twig at April 13, 2009 1:10 PM
Okay, good, TK's on the scene. I was about to state the obvious fact that "Conan the Barbarian" is NOT stupid.
NOT.
In the slightest.
Now, bring Terence Stamp back to the masthead!
It's nice to see the Parrs again, of course, but the time travel pretender/ripper off of Band of Brothers' graphic design? Pshaw. And still with the hamstache? Oy gevalt.
I've been sitting here giggling at all the comments, and I only have this to add: Nic Cage defines stupid greatness, only in that he reminds me of my dad...if my dad didn't have sideburns with long hair.
Posted by: tncunnin at April 13, 2009 1:23 PM
unfortunately, I can't say anything good about it after watching it. McConaHeeey's death wasn't even as spectacular as I thought.
How would like a tomahawk to the back of your skull?
You take it BACK take it back right now!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 1:27 PM
*YOU
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 1:28 PM
Slim, not that great. He's all trying to be the hero and attacking a flying flame dragon by jumping at it.
It's easily the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 1:29 PM
My favorite, though its rarely broadcast these days, is Raw Deal. Schwarzenegger at his best.
"You should not drink and bake."
Posted by: ed newman at April 13, 2009 1:30 PM
"...and attacking a flying flame dragon by jumping at it..."
Analyze that statement, and see if you can find what's wrong with it.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 1:31 PM
Deep Blue Sea is a must for crazy, over the top entertainment. I love it drunk or sober.
Posted by: klm at April 13, 2009 1:32 PM
I would also like to bring a little gem called the Warriors. Over the top fight scenes, the gangs and their outfits.
CAN YOU DIG IT???
Posted by: badalamenti at April 13, 2009 1:33 PM
Holy shit, why haven't I mentioned Shoot Em Up yet?
I won free tickets to this masterpiece - prescreening, packed house full of bored twenty-somethings. It was amazing. Nobody was taking it seriously, everyone would like... scream with laughter every few minutes.
You just don't put Monica Bellucci, Paul Giamatti, and Clive Owen in a movie and have it not be awesome.
I MEAN THE DUDE STABS PEOPLE THROUGH THE NECK WITH CARROTS. COME ON.
Slim, it was a kick-ass premise with crap-ass execution.
Plus, McConaHeeey wasn't shirtless enough. That would have made up for a lot.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 1:39 PM
Transporter is a good one. Anything with Jason Statham is.
But another one that I just can't resist is Airborne. Loved me some Mitchell Goosen back in the day, and on the rare occasion this pops up on cable I'm happier than I should ever admit. I can't resist its surfer/rollerblading fish out of water greatness, with the backdrop of Jeremy Jordan's musical genius.
Oh...and I think I'm one of 6 people in the world who actually saw this gem in the theater. That's right, brah.
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at April 13, 2009 1:46 PM
TK - I LOVE "They Live" if for no other reason than it has an hour and a half long fight scene!
And badalamenti "Warriors" is the best movie EVER!
Posted by: trixie at April 13, 2009 1:48 PM
OK, as usual I'm confused. All this talk about "stupid/great" which I thought was about the same as "Guilty Pleasure", and no mention of "Road House" or "Wild Things"?
Were these too classy to be stupid, or were they really great cinema experiences? BTW, I really enjoyed all of the movies mentioned on here that I have actually seen.
-Ralphie
Posted by: Ralphie at April 13, 2009 1:54 PM
No one's mentioned On Deadly Ground yet!?
My friends and I do exactly what Dustin has described - watch terrible movies and drink to them. My friend blacked-out watched D-Wars.
But anyway, Steven Seagal kicking ass while preaching about the environment!? Turning slap-hand into a bad-ass moment while teaching a lesson? Michael Caine calling everyone a mutherfucker!?
Plus it has John C. McGinley, R. Lee Emery and Billy Bob Thorton before he made Sling Blade
It needs to be on that list!
Posted by: Jim at April 13, 2009 1:55 PM
Lemme take a slight 80's rom-com detour and propose a little gem called:
My Demon Lover it meets all our criteria and gets better every time I see it.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 13, 2009 2:00 PM
Steven Segal's entire career is a stupid great movie list.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 2:04 PM
Props to Trixie for "Maximum Overdrive" and "They Live." Both awesome.
My submission: Troll 2.
Posted by: Mattfactor at April 13, 2009 2:11 PM
I would have to agree with Segal, Fire Down Below is just an abomination of awfuckingful.
My personal favorite stupid/awesome movie is Batman: The Movie, although I don't know if it counts if the stupid is mostly intentional. I usually make my friends watch it while playing the drinking game my friend Mike and I made up, which increases the awesome exponentially. (if you're curious, the drinking game is: 1. take a drink anytime something is referred to as the "Bat" whatever, 2. take a drink every time Robin says "Holy" something, 3. take a drink every time a word, like POW!, flashes across the screen during a fight, and finally 4. whenever Batman and Robin do something that makes it look like they are gay lovers, take as many drinks as you feel appropriate. That'll get you fucked up for sure.)
Posted by: s. pisaster at April 13, 2009 2:33 PM
How is it I've never heard of "Skulls"? It has Craig T. Nelson in it! CRAIG FUCKING T. NELSON!
I remember once on "Whose Line" when the cast had to do impersonations, and Colin Mochrie strode out onto the stage and said "Do you have anything for Craig T. Nelson?" without changing his voice, body language or mannerisms, and everyone doubled over in hysterics. Drew congratulated Colin on his "masterful impersonation".
How does Final Destination make this list? It was boring as hell. The last half was a frayed electrical wire whacking against a house.
Posted by: DeadBessie at April 13, 2009 2:43 PM
I love Great Stupid Movies. They're my favorites.
My absolute favorite?
Independence Day.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!
"Mr Nimziky, you're fired."
"You can't DO that!"
"he just...did!"
HAAAAAAAA.
Sofia: YES! CON AIR! I LOVE THAT MOVIE. Julie omg you have to. It's just beyond glorious. MALKOVICH.
And and and fucking The Rock. Nic Cage makes some awesome horrible movies.
I love how many people are adding Nic Cage movies. Hee.
Wow, I need to see The Skulls. I have some experience with secret societies and that symbol looks eerily familiar. No shit.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 13, 2009 2:45 PM
"I've gotta kick some black ass!!!"
Posted by: UncivilizedMike at April 13, 2009 2:49 PM
One word: COMMANDO.
The rest of these are just pretenders.
Posted by: DarthCorleone at April 13, 2009 2:58 PM
Figgy, I went to YouTube to find the bunneh scene from Con Air. I searched for "Worst Nicholas Cage" and 30 videos of Wicker Man came up. I thought of you. Your notes from the viewing made me laugh so hard I was crying.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 3:03 PM
O.k. I did have a few other words. Namely, two Ice-T classics:
Surviving The Game (if that Gary Busey monologue does not hook you...) and Mean Guns (a ridiculous movie that amounts to a live-action video game - an adult version of Battle Royale, except stupider!).
Posted by: DarthCorleone at April 13, 2009 3:03 PM
Bessie, I own The Skulls. It's so bad.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 3:04 PM
This one is for the ladies: Girls Just Want To Have Fun. SJP. Helen Hunt (with a giant cricket on her hat and velcro quick-change Catholic school girl uniform). Cheezy 80s Solid-Gold dancing. Punks crashing a country club party, trashing it, then breaking into a synchronized dance routine. SHANNEN. DOHERTY.
"Is this thing safe?"
"It's the safest thing you'll ever have between *your* legs"
"What?"
"Nothing."
**
"Whenever I'm in a room with a guy, no matter who it is - a date my dentist, anybody - I think, If we were the last two people on Earth, would I puke if he kissed me?"
**
"My shrink is right - I'm unloved, unappreciated, I only have one car... "
Posted by: manders at April 13, 2009 3:07 PM
Hee heee, thanks, Melody! Wicker Man was just plain horrible, though. I mean, there were some truly hilarious moments, but most of it made me angry and then sleepy and I will never, ever watch it again. In fact, I've made a vow to never, ever watch a new Nic Cage movie again. I was gonna say ANY Nic Cage movie, but the truth is I love Con-Air and The Rock too damn much to not watch them again.
PSA: Don't watch Wicker Man. Don't let your friends watch Wicker Man. For the good of all.
I hesitated about putting this one up here, because I think it's awesome and so do a lot of other people, but some people think it's really horrible and stupid. Kind of fits the bill, I guess. I'm talking, of course, about Boondock Saints. Required viewing if you like seeing Ron Jeremy get shot to fuck in a peepshow booth.
Definitely agree with Equilibrium, Cruel Intentions, Armageddon, Face/Off, Independence Day, and Final Destination. I would add Final Destination 2 to the list. It's so dumb but anytime it's on, I must watch.
Posted by: Melissa at April 13, 2009 3:52 PM
Snath, I was thinking about Boondock Saints as I was reading the comments. It's so over the top, but so much fun to watch. I put it in the same category as Wanted, which someone has also already mentioned. Great for when you have a cold and don't want to think too hard.
I also considered Bad Boys and The Last Boy Scout, but then we are falling into a slightly different category- more silly or something.
Posted by: Phaeolus at April 13, 2009 4:10 PM
Figgy and Sofia,
It's all just a Moo point. Like a cow's opinion. It's Moo.
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 4:19 PM
i second TMNT 2 national treasure and Batman the movie.
Posted by: utah dynamo at April 13, 2009 4:22 PM
I'd add Assassins to this list. Stallone, Banderas, and Stone. Awesome badness.
Definitely agree on Con Air: Wah cuun you put da bunneh bak in da box?
Posted by: Rykker at April 13, 2009 4:24 PM
I am not sure if it was in the comments already, but the first WICKER MAN is pretty awesome. the second on is Nic Cage just being a dildo.
Posted by: badalamenti at April 13, 2009 4:28 PM
Equilibrium?
No. Equilibrium is pure Awesome, like Conan the Barbarian, and They Live.
Posted by: Rykker at April 13, 2009 4:28 PM
Damn, Melody, we seem to be channeling something today where I am agreeing or understanding with everything you're saying.
I am slightly ashamed that a) I know you're quoting Friends, and b) I know which episode of Friends you are quoting.
I also actually liked Friends. It was charming, inoffensive, and better than 2/3 of the tripe on tv for huge swathes of the 90s.
Besides, great minds think alike!
Posted by: Melody at April 13, 2009 4:35 PM
Hehehe.
TNMT2 is a great guilty pleasure. That movie is hoooooorrrible. But hilarious! and the one where they go to Japan? also pretty awful. But there's something about those damned turtles...
Oops, 'cept I got Ms. Stone mixed up with Ms. Moore, Julie. Sharon Stone was in another Stallone flick, The Specialist (and pretty damn hot, too); James Woods was his nemesis in that one. Assassins/The Specialist/Cobra would make for a badawesome trinity.
Posted by: Rykker at April 13, 2009 4:44 PM
I have a feeling 'Twilight' is gonna become one of these movies for me. So, so bad, but so, so unintentionally hilarious.
Hah, I live on stupid great movies. Excellent choice of random list.
This one time, I got shwasty with three friends in a dorm room and watched Blade II, Dracula 2000, and Face/Off back to back. It was dawn when I returned to my room, and I think I lost about 8 million brain cells, but it was so worth it. Definitely a trifecta of Stupid Great not to be trifled with.
Stupid great? Bah. My sis and I call them Awesome-slash-bad.
Posted by: cleverpeach at April 14, 2009 12:09 AM
None of these can hold a candle to that one movie who's stupidity is SOOOOOO intense that there's no word to describe it. It's a movie that killed more then one acting career and I'm pretty sure stunted numerous others for a long time. It also has the best orgasm scene EVER.
And the hubby and I found this gem on demand last week. It defies description, but here is the leading cast: Bill Cosby, Raquel Welch, Harvey Keitel and Bruce frickin' Davison. Thank you, 1976. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzX-ao1Q3Dc
Posted by: Clarence Boddicker at April 14, 2009 12:47 AM
For what it's worth, I think there should also be a bit more appreciation for Jean Claude van Damme and Jean Claude van Damme as twin brothers in...dum dum dum DOUBLE IMPACT.
Posted by: Jacque at April 14, 2009 9:14 AM
For all the talk of Wickerman with Nic Cage, how is it possible no one mentioned he wears a bear suit and punches a woman in the face? Or that he gets attacked by bees? And overacts every scene to death?
Me and my brother freakin love Skulls, aka. the Best Film Ever! Then again we haven't watched it since we was wee little 12 year olds.