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She Seemed So Sweet to Me, I Was Mistaken: Television's Craziest Bitches

By Cindy Davis | Seriously Random Lists | November 20, 2011 | Comments ()


Constance Langdon.jpg

Though no woman in real life wants to be called a "crazy bitch," on television, it's a different story. Suddenly, the words turn into a compliment of sorts, both to the writers who write for her and the actress who portrays her. On the tube, the nuttier and more outrageous, the better (though these lunatics aren't necessarily professionally diagnosed). Some shows even gain in audience, specifically because of their most maniacal characters. So raise your glass to these ladies who plunder, rip asunder, grate and deviate; who blow up apartment buildings to get what they want or to express themselves when they don't.

***Note: Obviously, there are spoilers ahead (in the descriptions of offenses listed below photos).


10. Amy Jellicoe, "Enlightened"


Amy Jellicoe.jpg

Offenses: Suffered breakdown at work and believes herself healed after spending time at a New Age treatment center; psychotic, split-personality who teeters between thinking she's become a new person and acting out like a self-centered, spoiled child. Smashes ex-lover's car, passive-aggressive, tries to manipulate with newfound niceness, annoys anyone within five feet of her with bullshit, enlightened attitude.


9. Alexis Carrington Colby, "Dynasty"

alexiscarrington.jpg

Offenses: Schemed to take down her ex, ruin his marriage, make his new wife miserable and manipulated everyone around her, including her own children. Caused new wife to miscarry baby by purposely startling the horse carrying the wife; had physical altercations with anyone who got in her way.


8. Ellen Parsons, "Damages"


Ellen Parsons.jpg

Offenses: Believing her employer (Patty Hewes) tried to have her killed, Ellen becomes as bad, if not worse than her boss, using any tactics necessary to get back at Hewes. Becames increasingly unhinged, held her employer captive and threatened her at gunpoint. Manipulates, lies and sabotaged her replacement, eventually becoming everything she has claimed to hate.


7. Livia and Janice Soprano, "The Sopranos"



Livia Soprano.jpg

janice soprano.jpg


Offenses: Both women (Tony's mother and sister) tried at one time or other to have him killed, used everyone around them (including children) to their own advantage, were evil, horrible mothers and Janice shot and killed her boyfriend (to be fair, he was abusive).

6. Nina Myers, "24"

Nina Myers.jpg

Offenses: Undercover mole at CTU, traitor who gave information to the enemy, killed Jack Bauer's wife and various co-workers and attempted to murder Jack.


5. Irina Derevko, "Alias"

irina derevko.jpg

Offenses: While working for the KGB, seduced and married CIA agent, Jack Bristow, had a child only because she was ordered to, faked her own death, tried to have her daughter killed and ordered missiles launched against Washington D.C. and London for personal gain.

4. Lila Tournay, "Dexter"


Lila Tournay.jpg

Offenses: Adulteress (with Dexter Morgan), murdered ex-boyfriend, burned the beloved Detective Doakes alive and tried to kill Dexter and his kids, Cody and Astor by setting fire to her own apartment, with them inside.


3. Maryann Forrester, "True Blood"


Maryann Forrester.jpg

Offenses: Transforms into monster and kills people, influences and manipulates people into doing her bidding and creates chaos in an entire town.


2. Constance Langdon, "American Horror Story"

constance langdon .jpg

Offenses: Mistreats children and uses them for her own gain, mistreats ghosts and uses them for her own gain, tried to kill neighbor child by poisoned cupcake, had an affair with neighbor and manipulated him into killing her own child,


1. Kimberly Shaw, "Melrose Place"


kimberly shaw.jpg

Offenses: Stole husbands, boyfriends and a baby, faked her death, ran down lover with a car, kidnapped friends and co-workers and tried to kill all her friends and neighbors by bomb.



Cindy Davis might well be crazy; we won't discuss the bitchy thing today.




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