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Seriously Random List: 8 Of The Flops And Forgotten Films Of Summer 2000

By Jodi Clager | Seriously Random Lists | May 21, 2014 | Comments ()


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Summer is the time of the Movie. Studios use this season to earn all of the money they’ll need to wipe their asses for the lean times to come in the abyss of January. This is when the big properties, the big names, and the bigger marketing pushes come out to play. Sometimes these things don’t make a bit of difference and the Summer Movies either fail or fall out of the collective pop culture memory in the span of a few years. These are those movies from the Summer of 2000.

Shanghai Noon - $56,937,502

I had forgotten this movie ever existed. I liked Jackie Chan movies back in the day, but I sort of hate buddy cop movies. I never saw this one but I could watch the entire thing on YouTube if I really wanted.

Shaft - $70,334,258

Yes, Samuel L. Jackson is a bad motherfucker. Yes, Shaft is the man. No, the combination of these two things was not a highlight of my summer. HOLY SHIT IS THAT CHRISTIAN BALE GETTING PUNCHED???

Rocky & Bullwinkle - $26,005,820

Maybe you had purged this cinematic abomination from your mind. Maybe you forgot Robert De Niro, who also co-produced, played Fearless Leader to Rene Russo and Jason Alexander’s Natasha and Boris. If we had remembered this piece of crap, maybe we could have avoided The Smurfs or those Chipmunk movies. NEVER FORGET. YOU LOOK AT THIS TRASH ANIMATION. LOOK AT IT!

What Lies Beneath - $155,464,351

Robert Zemeckis attempted to give us an adult thriller with a ghostly twist. The movie performed well, but has anyone watched this in the last 14 years? I was bored to tears when I watched Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford challenge their neighbors in the Hump Games before the strange noises began.

Coyote Ugly - $60,786,269

Terrible music and Piper Perabo strike again in this tale as old as time: Girl wants to write songs and ends up dancing on a bar with Tyra Banks instead.

Hollow Man - $73,209,340

I saw this in the theater. I paid actual money to watch Kevin Bacon turn into an invisible rapist. This movie’s only redeeming quality: it connects Kevin Bacon to the entire cast of Planet Terror. You can also see his dick during one of the scenes that show his invisibility started to take hold.

Space Cowboys - $90,464,773

Clint Eastwood has been old for a hundred years now.

The Cell - $61,334,059

Do you remember when Jennifer Lopez wanted to act in serious roles and not just idiotic romantic comedies about in-laws and wedding planners and artificial insemination? No one else does either.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • deathstar7

    Piper Perabo a good actress? No, Jessica Pare is much better.

  • Dimipapa

    I rented space cowboys once, I think I watched about 20 minutes before I turned it off.

  • oh, Maria Bello. you are too good for this. But it's cool. We all have bills to pay.

  • emmelemm

    I remember each and every one of these movies, so there.

    Some of them fondly, some of them... less so.

  • lonestarr357

    Screw the haters. Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle deserves more respect.

  • dammitdamian

    I love, love, loved Rocky & Bullwinkle and will make any and all my friends suffer through it. You either get it, or you don't. I always thought it was purposely a "bad" movie. But then again, I'm a sucker for awful puns!

  • What Lies Beneath was the last good movie Ford has done, can't be too harsh on it. Also it's a pretty damn good thriller with some great visuals. That final shot when you see the murdered girl's face in the graveyard landscape is stunning.

  • Billybob

    Every time I see a reference to Piper Perabo, I have to remind myself that it's not Parker Posey. Who I have seen in almost as few things as Piper Perabo, but who never fails to deliver (I will happily agree with anyone who calls Blade: Trinity crap, but I will argue that Parker Posey is solid gold in it).

    That said, the internet recently told me that Piper Perabo did a movie in which she played Lena Headey's girlfriend, which is therefore now on the list of films I absolutely have to watch one of these days. For purely artistic reasons, you understand.

  • cranky_chick

    Imagine Me & You. That was a surprisingly good Piper performance as was Lost & Delirious.

  • AngelenoEwok

    Anthony Head plays Piper's dad in that movie! And Matthew Goode plays the cuckolded husband! It's a sweet watch.

  • Mrs. Julien

    My best friend, who is a wonderful human being, happens to have the worst taste in movies ever, e.g. she owns Coyote Ugly, ConAir, and Message in a Bottle. She loves all three.

  • Bert_McGurt

    True story: there are no set pieces left from Con Air. John Malkovich ate them all.

  • pomeroy

    Who doesn't love Con Air?

  • Mrs. Julien

    But she loves in unironically. It's not so bad it's good, it's just good.

  • Billybob

    Communists and Heathens, that's who.

    *Is a socialist-leaning atheist who loves Con Air*

  • Afferbeck

    I love Shanghai Noon. "You said wet shirt don't break, not piss shirt bend bar!"

  • manting

    all of Jackie's best work was made in Hong Kong. His American films are doo doo. He isnt even allowed to do his own stunts here - too much liability.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    What's wrong with Space Cowboys? All four of the old guys looked like they had tremendous fun during the shoot (well, Eastwood looked like he was a bit less constipated than usual). The premise is silly, of course, but it's supposed to be.

  • $107801899

    Fun Fact: Space Cowboys is Jon Hamm's first film. He played "Young Pilot #2".

  • muscleman

    I STILL watch Shaft every once in awhile. Good action and something about Bale's tough guy performance just turns my crank...."Want my shoes????"
    Ohhh Baby.....hurt me!!!!!

  • dilwazr

    Aw, I love Shanghai Noon...

  • George

    What Lies Beneath is actually a pretty good horror movie. I like The Cell too, but mostly because of the visuals (and serious-film-Lopez and D'Onofrio). I still find it weird that Vince Vaughn--Vince Vaughn!--is the male lead in this movie.

  • manting

    The visuals and effects were groundbreaking if I recall correctly.

  • George

    Yes, and it was nominated for an Oscar for best makeup (which I didn't know until I just looked it up).

  • Elleinad

    Those are the two I was going to comment on. I went and saw the cell in the theatre and some less than intelligent person ( I am being nice) brought her MR patients. The poor people were sooo freaked out and she was very angry that she had to leave. It wasn't till years later that I watched it again and found it to be visually stunning. Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Lopez are forgettable,not the movie itself IMHO. I found What Lies Beneath to be neat because it harkened back to the old horror movies.

  • MrONegative

    What a 1-2 punch Piper Perabo and John Goodman were in 2000.

    We need to bring that back.

  • BWeaves

    They so screwed up Rocky and Bullwinkle. Nobody wanted to see 3-D animation and live action.

    All they had to do was hire some good writers. Then hire some crap animators, because it was not about the animation. It was all about the writing. Then hire someone who could out-Conrad William Conrad in the speed speak. Then put it on like The Muppet Show with all these quick little episodes, and a serialized main story.

    Tune in next time for:

    A Creep in the Deep or Will Success Spoil Boris Badenov?

  • e jerry powell

    But you have to admit that Vinnie d'Onofrio was the man in The Cell, J.Lo be damned.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    It's the meeting of the Vinces! D'Onofrio AND Vaughn were in it!

  • e jerry powell

    True, but I don't want Vince Vaughn in me...

    :-D

  • meh

    Hey, I LIKE Space Cowboys and The Cell......in much the same way as I like spam; I fry up a can every five years or so, have it with rice and eggs for breakfast, and then promptly forget it exists for the next five years.

  • e jerry powell

    Except that that's what corned beef hash is for...

  • If you think these values are bonkers, adjust them for inflation. What Lies Beneath made $207M GD dollars in 2014 monies.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Aw, Piper Perabo. You were supposed to become a thing! The next Julia Roberts. Ah well.

  • e jerry powell

    One Julia Roberts is more than enough, thanks...

  • manting

    one is too many - perhaps the most overrrated actress ever? I mean Pretty Women? How was that movie popular? Where were the feminist protests of that one? Erin Brockavich is a kinda good story except for the fact that the lawyers took most of the money and the actual people who suffered received very little in comparison. That and the incidence of cancer was no greater than anywhere else in the U.S.

  • e jerry powell

    My point exactly, but for whatever reason, I chose to buffer the blow at the time.

  • I'll do you one better than Shanghai Noon:

    ....

    Well holy shit, I honestly blanked out COMPLETELY on the name of the movie as I was writing this. It had Owen Wilson (that Hansel was EVERYWHERE) and Eddie Murphy and they were spies? And it was AWFUL. So awful I can't even remember the name. I could look it up but that's more effort than it deserves.

  • manting

    I Spy and it has the jet that can go invisible called by eddie "the leafy bug."

  • emmalita

    (I saw that one and I didn't remember the title either)

  • e jerry powell

    The remake of I SPY. Like Eddie Murphy can ever be the equal of Bill Cosby.

  • Derreck

    Coyote Ugly - $60,786,269

    "Terrible music and--"

    Excuse me but YOU CAN'T FIGHT THE MOONLIGHT.

    You just can't.

  • Another unabashed lover here. ::nodnod::

  • ljridley

    Right?! God I love that horrible, shitty, no good, piece of crap movie. So. Much. Ok, not that much, but the only thing that keeps me from watching it every time it is on whatever 5th tier cable channel is that the husband HATES it.

  • Sharra Payne Cantu

    Me too. I don't know what it is about that stupid movie. But I watch it every time I see it is on!

  • Julie Chase

    Every. Single. Time. Stupid addictive movie and its bare midriffs.

  • maja

    thank you!

  • Genevieve Burgess

    I will still watch "The Cell" anytime it's on because Tarsem Singh is unsurpassed when it comes to lush visuals and that film, like all of his films, is absolutely gorgeous.

    We'll not speak of any half-hearted attempts at anything called a "plot" thank you very much.

  • PDamian

    Tarsem Singh is a decent director, but what was wonderful about his movies was the contributions of his collaborator, the late Eiko Ishioka, who won an Oscar for costume design -- Bram Stoker's Dracula -- and was posthumously nominated for that Julia Roberts-starring piece of crap, Mirror Mirror. You can't praise Tarsem's films without giving Ishioka her due. When you praise his visuals, you're praising her in large part. Women artists, y'all!

  • Jericho Smith

    Imagine him doing a remake of Legend. Between the unicorns and their effect on the environment, and the delight that is Darkness, you have Lili gone bad. Just don't cast KStew as Lili.

  • Did a horse get bisected, and then bisected again, and then bisected again? That's a plot. And it's amazing.

  • That movie was gorgeous! And really disturbing. The bit with the horse still creeps me out.

  • Even Stevens

    Yeah this film was terrible but not forgettable. Even though I didn't know what the hell was going on most of the time, I knew I was disturbed.

  • kushiro -

    I saw that movie on a street DVD copy in Thailand and the sound kept dropping out. Then I watched it on a real copy a while later, and I'm not sure which version I understood less.

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