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Power Ranking The 9 'Love Actually' Couples Who Get The Sh*t Kicked Out Of Them By Love

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | November 7, 2013 | Comments ()


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We’re exactly one week away from the 10th anniversary of the release of Love Actually. I assume on that momentous day it will rain banoffee pie from the heavens and a chorus of angels will flash mob you Love Actually faithful in your homes, at your workplace or in your cars with a fully orchestrated rendition of “All You Need Is Love.” But until then, this post is for you. The Richard Curtis film has been accused of a multitude of sins over the past decade. Too sappy? No way. Emotionally manipulative? Not even! An unstoppable hell beast rom-com hybrid that we can blame for all lesser imitations e.g. Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, etc.? Gah, I guess so, but that feels unfair. Uneven? Um. Nailed it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m with you. I love this movie with my whole heart. I can quote it backwards and forwards. But every plot is not equal. Here, for your information, is the objective and concrete order, from worst to best, in which Love Actually’s intersecting plots should be ranked. No one denies this.

9. The Writer And His Housekeeper: Yeah, you heard me. Worst to best. This one is the worst. I don’t care that it’s Colin Firth. I don’t care that he is a god amongst romantic leads. This plot is by far the weakest. He falls in love with Aurelia why, exactly? Is it because of the loads of things they have in common? Or is it because she looks lovely in her underthings and has a selo vagabundo? I wouldn’t mind this plot so much if he came back to date her, not to marry her. Colin Firth earns back a lot of lost points from his earlier embarrassing game of charades with the charming language tape antics and “just in cases” is a completely winning line, but this plot is still the weakest. I don’t hate anything about this movie. But if I did hate something, I’d hate Uncle Jamie.
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8. Sheriff Rick And His Best Friend’s Girl: Points, of course, for the pre-viral video wedding stunt. Sheriff Rick loves his stunts a little too much, though, and I can’t help but think that the final scene at Kiera Knightley’s doorstep strikes the wrong note. An elaborate cover lie for your best friend while you confess your feelings to his wife via collage? Let’s be clear about this. The man sat in his home and made a collage about his feelings. Not cute, Rick. A little selfish and dishonest. Enough now with this plot. Enough.
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7. The Lovely Laura Linney And Her Hot Cute Karl: I can’t here. I can’t with this. LAURA LINNEY WEARS A KNIT HAT TO A WEDDING. Leaving that aside? This has got to be one of the more infuriating plots of the movie. (A movie I do love, I promise.) Why does Linney have to give up Xerxes for her brother? Can’t she just say, “Xerxes, hang on, keep your shirt off, I’ll be back in a jiff?” I’m not saying she should choose one or the other, I’m just saying both doesn’t feel impossible to me. Points, however, for the aforementioned shirtless Xerxes, for this moment of completely adorable Laura Linney glee.
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6. Colin, God Of Sex, And His Big Knob: This plot doesn’t have a whole lot to recommend itself other than the fact that it has American girls and their attitude towards accents dead to rights and it proves that, contrary to popular belief, January Jones can smile.
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5. The World’s Cutest Porn Plot: The porn plot is another wafer thin one but unlike some people (COLIN FIRTH), Martin Freeman, Joanna Page and her endearing Welsh accent bond over shared interests and similar world views. Bar none the most adorable story to ever involve the phrase “cheat the nipples.”
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4. Uncle Billy And His Fat Manager: Though he’d been around for a long time and had no fewer than eight other credits to his name in 2003, the US wasn’t really aware of Bill Nighy until this movie and his slim-hipped wriggling and butterscotch-voiced drawling were a revelation. I’d buy his Christmas album. I’d but anything he wanted to sell me. I adore the fact that this isn’t a straight-forward love affair but a celebration of friendship.
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3. Emma Thompson And A Very Disappointing Alan Rickman: Lest you think the only reason I don’t like the Laura Linney plot is because I can’t handle an unhappy ending, I say ha. HA! We can all squirm a bit at the thought of hating Alan Rickman (and not in the fun, love to hate Hans Gruber way), but leaving out the irritating Mr. Bean Christmas Angel angle, this is the most solid story in the movie and the most believable depiction of a relationship. It doesn’t hurt that they picked Rickman and Thompson, the two most talented members of the cast, to break out hearts. It’s not all tears and Joni Mitchell, though. There are Nativity lobsters and transvestite Barbie Dolls as well. The better and the worse.
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2. The Widower And His Titanic-Loving Step-Son: This improbably lovable plot starts with a funeral and ends with Claudia Schiffer, so there you go. We love this plot because it made us love Mariah Carey and Titanic more than we thought possible. Because who would dare risk and airport sprint in a post 9/11 world? Because how can you not absolutely adore someone named Joanna? Ahem. This whole thing works because Neeson is his usually great self and he lucked out by having the great Thomas Brodie-Sangster and not some stickily sweet moppet as an acting partner. Besides, who can resist getting the sh*t kicked out of them by love?
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1. The Prime Minister And His Chav: Love it. All of it. Love Billy Bob Thornton’s Bill Clinton. Love his public dressing down. Love Hugh Grant singing Christmas carols. Love her adorable foul mouth.
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And, above all else, love this. Actually.
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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jezzer

    So, we're still pretending this movie is in some way good?

  • Nope. Still not seen it.

  • Emm82

    I have to admit, this is a terrible film, just like all the others from Richard Curtis, so I don't watch it often. But damn if my heart doesn't just soar at Laura Linney's little jig, and die a little when Emma Thompson cries. Every damn time.

  • Glory

    I remember the first time I heard about this movie - I'd gone to the cinema to see something and they had a flyer for some upcoming movies.
    There was a little pamphlet that gave you a snippet about the main storylines/characters.
    I remember thinking "That sounds lovely!"
    So when I was home over Christmas I took my Nan to see the film.
    Her good friend and staunch supporter of all that is correct and moral, Edith, couldn't join us.

    Everything was going peachy (she is okay with the occasional f bomb in "modern pictures") and then we hit the "Lighting Doubles" storyline.
    I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life.
    My Nan lent over and whispered "Thank God Edith isn't here!!"
    I laugh whenever that scene comes on :)

  • Az

    There is no movie on earth that makes me happier than Love, Actually. None. In fact, seeing how the Stanford/Ducks game is going, I may have to watch it sooner than later.

  • Still Here, but anon for this

    10 years ago on November 11 I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer in my early 30s. A week after the diagnosis I saw my new team of doctors for the first time to talk about a treatment plan, prognosis, more tests, surgery, all of that terrible stuff.

    After 5 hours of appointments we went to see this movie and all of the misery, heartache and fear melted away somewhere. I remember being in an almost empty movie theater and just being happy and at peace for awhile. And that is why this movie will always be in my top 5, and will always be how I explain why I watch, and love movies. It is just perfect, despite any of it's lumpy, bumpy flaws.

    But I do completely agree about the Colin Firth plot line, definitely weak, except for the speech.

  • Uriah_Creep

    That's really nice. Have you been OK since your treatment?

  • Still Here, but anon for this

    Yes, and celebrating 10 good cancer free years this weekend. Of course I will also watch Love Actually. Thanks for your comment!

  • Uriah_Creep

    Awesome. From one cancer survivor (prostate, 9 years) to the other.

  • Walt Jr

    The Natalie character is so gorgeous, she literally takes my breath away

  • Emilie

    she was in a girl band. which, seriously, how did that not take off?

  • Sean

    Am I the only one that will defend Rickman's character?OK, not quite defend. But express some compassion. He made a mistake. A young sexy woman expressed interest in him. At a certain age for men, that means a lot to us. He reacted badly, but far less badly than he could have. I don't think he actually slept with the girl. But he thought about. It doesn't mean he loves Emma Thompson any less. It happens, especially in a work place.

  • Emilie

    this post ruined any plans i had for the night. just get the popcorn already.

  • LaineyBobainey

    Just in cases you didn't already know, Jo, to me, you are perfect.

    I will be watching this soon. SO soon. And maybe a little Miss B. Jones, too. It's Christmassy.

  • TheAggroCraig

    Any time this movie comes up there will always be at least one guy who instantly denounces it as "just a chick flick" or something stupid like that. Then you tell them to watch it and a new convert is made.

    Signed,
    Former one-of-those-guys

  • llp

    I love this movie, unashamedly, although I would move Hugh Grant's plot back to #5 and shift all the others up.

    I must listen to the commentary. After buying this movie. And watch by myself because my husband thinks it unwatchable and that makes me wonder about the state of our marriage. Errhrrrrm.

  • dilwazr

    Wow, this post is oddly incredibly similar to this one: http://thoughtcatalog.com/rach...

  • Lauren_Lauren

    Aww, Andrew Lincoln's baby face. You deserve some Photoshop fun.

  • Another Kate

    Over at The Hairpin, someone is doing a series of short stories about where all the characters and their relationships ended up, and They. Are. Perfect. (Billy and Joe's piece will gut you, though, so be warned.)

    http://thehairpin.com/slug/lov...

  • Mz Black Widow

    the Colin Firth story is a favourite because .. Colin Firth :p and also because of the ending scenes, the march through the streets with her family and the adorable speech to her in the restaurant.

    Love Emma & Rickman story, I cry along with Joni & Emma every time. Laura Linney drives me insane, I hate the stupid accent story and really hate the best friend in love with Keira Knightly (blech) story.

    The one I have most trouble with is Liam Neeson's. I adore this actor, the boy is excellent too, but I cannot enjoy the unbelievable 'chasing the girl' thing about kids. Too surreal.
    Hugh Grant and his awesome 'chubby' secretary are probably the most simply enjoyable overall. I love her foul mouth and BB Thornton too :D

  • Strand

    I'm shocked JoRo. You picked my two least favourite plot as 1 and 2. I agree about Colin Firth though, I can't imagine falling in love with someone without speaking the same language. Oh she looks fine in wet clothes, sure, plus she seems sweet and kind too, but love? Ehhh... Is that American attitude to accents real? Maybe I should be packing my suitcase of condoms.

  • Emilie

    yeah, it really kind of is. and depending on where you go a southern lilt is also a bit of a prize.

  • heathpie

    In a deleted scene included on the DVD, there is a couple that tops all of these: the long relationship between the headmistress at the school and her partner. The partner dies (of cancer or something equally horrible) and it's briefly mentioned at some point in the film. I think that it's a shame it wasn't included, though it would have required additional scenes, because it really shows true love.

  • oilybohunk7

    I agree on the Colin Firth plotline. I read romance novels (so sue me!) and I can forgive a lot of REALLY stupid crap in them but when I can see no reason why two characters would fall in love I am done. An "electric spark" when the characters accidentally touch does not a love connection make. Talking around eachother in different languages where neither can understand eachother doesn't sell me on love either. Lust? Okay, sure.

  • Laura

    I guess for me I don't think about it is realistic, I just enjoy the grand gestures of "love".

  • oilybohunk7

    I really like to read stuff that feels relatable to me. If I don't understand why two people would fall for eachother I can't get invested in the story.

  • Laura

    Makes total sense. I think for me, I don't necessarily have to relate to it for something to make me happy/sad/etc. Like when I cried at the end of Terminator 2. Totally not relatable, but totally turned me into a weepy mess.

  • oilybohunk7

    Sometimes I do get into things that are less realistic and when I do they can ruin me as well! I read a women's fiction book called The Mercy of Thin Air, it involved a ghost, totally not realistic and yet I was bummed for a week after I finished it.

  • Professor Sara

    Oh, agreed. I love romance novels (warts and all), but you've got to move past lust to love, or the HEA isn't satisfying.

    Generally speaking. For me. YMMV.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Not only will I not sue you, I will ask for recommendations.

  • oilybohunk7

    Kristan Higgins is my favorite, they aren't the dirty ones (I'm okay with those too) and I always love the interactions of the characters in her books. They are believeable to me. The first book I read of hers was "Just One of the Guys" and in the first chapter the main character was having a conversation with a large alcoholic drink called a Scorpian Bowl. I was sold.

  • rio

    Once I got dumped and I watched this movie every night for two weeks. It helped.

  • Jessie Soto

    I saw this movie at an English cinema with my English ex-husband when it first came out. It was right about the point of the relationship where we knew things weren't working, nothing we could do was ever going to make it work, but both of us were too afraid to say anything to the other to end the relationship. I loved the movie sooooooo much, he hated it, and a month later we threw in the towel.

    A co-worker of mine started a flirtation, but I didn't want to progress into anything because I was going through a separation, I was still trying to find a place to live, etc. We still hung out a lot and we were very good friends. One day, around Christmas, I got into an argument with the ex about me not being home in time to look after our kid because I had missed the last train home from London because a work thing had overran, so I called my friend to commiserate. I was crying, and saying "This is so hard, who will want me now, I can't even catch a train, who will help me with my kid"...just basically losing my composure. And my friend interrupted me to say "let me say, without any hope or agenda, just because it's Christmas, and at Christmas you tell the truth, to me, you are perfect". (#8 on your list). And no, I had never mentioned that I had even seen Love Actually, but the speech was, well. Perfect

  • rio

    Did you marry him? DID YOU MARRY HIM? Also though is a wonderful speech I always had a issue with the "At christmas you tell the truth" where does that come from? Cause at christmas you lie through your teeth the entire freaking time! Especially if you have around family! What kind of Christmas do this people have? Seriously.

  • Jessie Soto

    Of course I married him, how many English guys who look like Jonny Lee Miller AND can quote Richard Curtis movies do you think exist in this world?! And I totally agree about the telling the truth at Xmas comment. It doesn't make any sense. If I were to tell the truth about every time someone gave me a cookbook or socks for Christmas, I wouldn't have many friends left!

  • rio

    I'm sorry, what? looks like FREAKING JOHNNY LEE MILLER?????? woman do you wanna kill me? excuse me I have to go lay whimpering on my floor.

  • Jessie Soto

    AND we have a little boy who looks like one of the brothers from Peter and Pete (redhead), but who speaks in a little English accent. Seriously, every time I see this movie, I say a little prayer thanking Richard Curtis for coming up with that speech.

  • Mrs. Julien

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!

  • Cree83

    I hate this movie, but I really think 90% of the hate is due to the Kiera Knightley plot, and that awful, awful, asshole who decides that it's okay to drop this potential bomb on his best friend's new marriage. Keep that shit to yourself, dude.

    The other 10% of the hate goes to the Laura Linney plot, because COME ON! What kind of martyr complex do you have, lady?

    I could probably get on board with the rest of the movie if I could just forget those parts.

  • BlackRabbit

    Yes, I HATED him. What a jackhole that guy was! Stop stalking her and find someone else and bothering her after her happy wedding!

  • Irina

    I love this post. I love you. I love everybody. Damn, now I'm in the spirit of Christmas and it's barely November.

  • bastich

    BAH HUMBUG :P

  • Uriah_Creep

    Quiet, you farging bastich. (Thank you Johnny Dangerously)

  • AvaLehra

    Shush!

  • BWeaves

    I just recently (last week) rewatched this movie, and I liked it even better the second time around. I think it's because of the way the plots link up.

    My favorite parts are Grant shaking his booty. They are the same moves he makes in Music and Lyrics, which I watched for the first time right before. I couldn't get the POP song out of my head for a week.

    I had no idea the commentary was good. Now, I'll have to rerent it just for the commentary.

  • Melina

    My son cries every time the kid says, "I hate Uncle Jamie"...because my son's name is--Jamey.
    I can't help falling in love with the movie over and over again--in fact, I cry every time I watch it--because I am easily manipulated by movies that I probably shouldn't love so much. But I can't quit you Love, Actually!

  • Laura

    But the WAY the kid says "I hate Uncle Jamie" is priceless!

  • Melina

    I KNOW! I think he cries because I laugh every time!

  • BizzyBzz

    True Story: I loved this movie so much when it came out that I saw it in the theater twice. Once with my college roommates, and the second time I made my boyfriend see it with me because I was convinced he would love it as much as I did. He did not.

    I own it on DVD and it and my Bridget Jones' Diary DVD are on rotate as the two movies that I break out whenever I feel really really depressed, or really really happy.

  • esmme

    CANNOT HANDLE the Laura Linney plotline. I, by my best estimates, have seen this movie over a hundred times (there was one year in college where it got me through finals) and I take a bathroom break during the Shirtless Xerxes scene every time. It doesn't get better.

    Also, your 1-5 are spot on.

  • Julie Chase

    I remember years ago, on this very site, condemning this movie as one of the worst things ever. I hated so much of it. I thought it was too treacly, too manipulative. I cringed every time the secretary was called fat, and I basically wanted to punch Laura Linney in the face after I was done muting her phone.

    I still have all of those issues with the movie, I DO. But GOD DAMN IT. I love it now. You BITCHES. I am a convert. Bill Nighy and Emma Thompson were always the two that kept me from turning it off, and they are the main reason this movie is part of my Christmas movie rotation, along with Gremlins and Die Hard. I get sucked into Colin Firth's stuttering, and that sweet little boy and Liam Neeson's relationship, and stupid Prime Minister Floppy Hair singing "Good King Wenceslas" and ALL OF IT I BLAME ALL OF YOU.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I always imagined the Colin Firth plotline to be autobiographical.

    Don't they keep referring to the PM's love interest as chubby? that always bothered me.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    Am I the only one who interpreted (correctly, in my entirely unhumble opinion) the Martin Freeman and lady-friend plot as them being body-doubles, not porn stars? Because they're body doubles. Hence the conversation they have where he mentions working with Brad Pitt. And the comment to his friend at the end about how they're getting married so they can "finally shag." They're not actually having sex, they're playing the body parts in close-ups for stars too busy and important to be their own butts/hands/legs/boobs/etc. in close ups.

    I mean, you can disagree, but this is the only version of this I will ever believe.

  • BWeaves

    Nope, they're lighting doubles, not the actual stars. I thought the fake cameraman and fake director and the two doubles actually made that pretty clear.

  • foolsage

    They're doubles for both lighting and blocking purposes. I.e. they're the bodies that get moved around until the DP is happy with the lighting and camera angles.

    Erm, not that DP; I meant the Director of Photography. Your mind is filthy. You should be ashamed.

  • BWeaves

    What's DP? I don't get it.

  • foolsage

    Find two willing accomplices then. :D

  • Genevieve Burgess

    I didn't pay enough attention to the background guys to determine if they were stand-ins (lighting doubles) or true body doubles. I leaned towards body doubles because of all the movement they were doing. When I was an extra, stand-ins usually just literally stood there until the lighting was adjusted, they didn't do any of the movements the actor or actress would be doing.

  • BWeaves

    Well, body or lighting doubles. I didn't think they needed to be moving, personally. I think that was just to make it funny, because of the juxtaposition of what they were talking about vs. what they were actually doing.

    Of course, I've just thought up a new nickname for Martin Freeman -- Dildo Daggins.

  • Hayley

    Dildo Shaggins!

  • BWeaves

    Yes, that's better than mine.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Who said otherwise, Gen?

  • Genevieve Burgess

    I've heard it a lot, and your title of "worlds cutest porn plot" reminded me of it. Apparently there are a lot of people who think they are actual literal porn actors. So, this is me being insufferable about a meaningless distinction. Like we do around here.

  • llp

    No, it's not a meaningless distinction - you are absolutely right, it wouldn't be half so sweet if their courtship wasn't juxtaposed with their ludicrous jobs.

  • foolsage

    Go team pedant! ;)

  • BlackRabbit

    I believe those words should be capitalized. "Team Pedant."

  • foolsage

    Bonus points!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I have seen zero of these I think.

  • Jennifer Schmennifer

    #6 is the absolute stupidest plot, and I can't understand why it ranked higher than Colin Firth's. I don't think it even belongs in this movie.

  • IngridToday

    The thing that annoyed me the most was the girls were wearing short skirts.... in fucking winter. Literally every time I see that scene where the girls walking around Wisconsin in mini skirts I roll my eyes.

  • fluff_fluff

    It's probably just Colin, God of Sex saying "Wisconsin" brainwashing everyone into thinking fondly of this plot.

  • mats19

    Then you have never watched an englishman talk to a bunch of yahoo ladies... while the entire thought of 3 girls living together in one bed and sleep together is unreasonable... his ability to literally show up in any place and walk into a bar with that accent and get laid is pretty fuckin dead on.

  • Jennifer Schmennifer

    The accent thing, I can handle. (The fact that it happens doesn't make it less stupid though.) It's the "Dear Penthouse Forum" aspect of the whole story that grates.

  • Mrs. Julien

    SRL IDEA! SRL IDEA! Movies with the best commentary tracks:

    Good Will Hunting
    Love Actually
    Sense and Sensibility

  • crackblind

    Kevin Smith & Scott Mosier's commentary on Roadhouse! Two guys who have nothing at all to do with the movie except have famously remarked on its cheesiness get hired to both mock & praise this god-awful, wonderful movie.

  • Ben

    Total Recall with arnie not understanding the concept of what an audio commentary is and just explaining what is happening in each scene is the best commentary bar none.

  • BlackRabbit

    He also does a funny one in Conan.

  • Idle Primate

    John carpenter and kurt russell on their films together for fn and hijinx.

    Guillermo Del Toro commentary tracks on any of his films for childlike glee and enthusiasm, geek lore and movie magic secrets.

  • Mz Black Widow

    every single thing Joss Whedon has done commentary for. For real, it's not just a brainwashed reaction of a Koolaid carrying member of the Whedon party - the man is in a class of his own for being completely knowledgable, clever, funny, witty, quick and able to talk constantly for however long without any boring bits or breaks.

  • kdm

    Dr. Horrible's Commentary: The Musical!

  • AudioSuede

    Tropic Thunder, with an in-character Robert Downey Jr.

    "Have you guys seen Million Dollar Buh-bay?"

  • Tammy

    Cannibal: The Musical (Trey Parker & Matt Stone's college film); I'm not kidding, the Drunken Commentary is ACES. I dare you to try and go drink for drink with them. You will lose. Or you'll be dead. But you will have fun.

  • AudioSuede

    I prefer their Orgazmo commentary, but good call.

  • Erin S

    Are you referencing Hugh Grant's "fake" rivalry with Colin Firth, but being unable to stop complimenting his glorious stride? Because that was my favorite thing.

  • kirbyjay

    HG and CF's fight in Bridget Jones Diary is probably my all time favorite fight scene in a movie, ever, and that includes Raging Bull. The kicking....the politeness......the kicking.....
    Colin Firth's storyline is also my fave in this movie. Of course they have things in common, they speak the same language, only in different languages.

  • Mz Black Widow

    I always assumed it was fake, joking by Grant. However, having heard and read so many accounts of what a douche he is, I now believe he meant alot of it. I enjoyed Bill Nighy most on the commentary, he was so genuinely reverent about Emma Thompson's performance (which I agreed with) and just generally sweet :)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I did not know this existed, so now I need to have a girly wine night where we make Christmas ornaments, drink wine, and watch this with commentary track.

  • narfna

    I am going to very much disagree with you about the Colin Firth parts but the rest of it seems spot on.
    <3 this movie.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Have you watched with the commentary? It's fabulous.

  • Derreck

    I keep meaning to because i hear it's hilarious and they spend most of the time taking the piss out of each other.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's very funny. Bill Nighy is practically drooling over Kiera Knightley.

  • Zirza

    And Hugh Grant is pretending very hard not to pretend he's jealous of Rodigo Santoro's fabulous body.

  • Derreck

    I never got the idea that Alan Rickman's character slept with THAT BITCH rather just gave her the locket.

    No matter how many times i've seen this movie (it's now one of my christmas staples that i ONLY watch around Christmas time) Emma Thompson and Both Sides Now always manage to hurt my heart.

  • Laura

    I never got the impression that they slept together, I guess I always assumed that if that had happened, it would have been clearer. I believe she is in her lingerie when she takes it out of the box and puts it one, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he gave it to her while she was in her lingerie. Right?

  • Mrs. Julien

    The messy bed is the give away, I think.

  • foolsage

    Huh, I'll have to watch it again and look for that. I don't recall the messy bed in question. I thought they'd been flirting and romancing a bit but hadn't slept together.

  • Laura

    Yep, me too. Dammit, will have to watch again! :)

  • narfna

    He totally slept with her. She's wearing it in her lingerie after he gives it to her.

  • foolsage

    I thought that just meant she wore it all the time. That's romantic, not necessarily anything to do with sex. Though to be clear, she definitely wanted sex with him; there's no question about that.

  • Manly Bowler

    Honestly, I never got that idea. Rickman's character seemed too stiff and gentlemanlike to make it physical this fast.

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