Pajiba's 2011 List of The Cheapest Actors in Hollywood

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (46)

10. Stephen Root — Asking Rate: $11,0001 (Contract stipulates that he always make $1 more than J.K. Simmons)

Credits Include: “Justified,” Rango, Cedar Rapids and Red State.

9. J.K. Simmons: Asking Rate: $11,000 per appearance.

2011 Credits Include: The Music Never Stopped, Geezer, Young Adult and “Raising Hope.”

8. Barry Bostwick & Christopher McDonald: $7,500 (or both in a package deal for $12,000!).

Credits Include: Some Guy Who Kills People, Home Run Showdown, Grassroots and Balls to the Wall.

7. Kevin Sorbo: Asking Rate: $7,000 (will deduct $500 if he’s allowed to wear a Vote for Tim Pawlenty Political Button in every scene)

Credits Include: FDR: American Badass, Flesh Wounds, SoBe Real, Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury, Avarice and Sam Steele and the Crystal Chalice

6. Danny Trejo — Asking Rate: $6,000 per picture (add $1,000 if the roles calls for facial expressions that do not fall under the many variations of “scowl.”

Credits Include: You name it.

5. 50 Cent — Asking Rate: $5,000 per picture (add $500 for extreme weight loss)

2011 Credits Include: Lives of Vengeance, Setup, Blood Out and Things Fall Apart.

4. Val Kilmer — Asking Rate: $4,750 per picture, and preferably an all-black, wardrobe (for thinning purposes).

2011 Credits Include: Kill the Irishmen, 5 Days of August, Deep in the Heart, Blood Out, Twixt Now and Sunrise, and many more.

3. Vinnie Jones — Asking Rate: $4,000 and a haircut.

2011 Credits include: ~~“Chuck,” “The Cape,” Not Another Not Another Movie, Cross, Kill the Irishman.~~ All of them.

2. Cuba Gooding, Jr. — Asking Rate: $12.72 per appearance

2011 Credits include: Ticking Clock, The Hit List, Sacrifice and Red Tails.

1. Chris Klein: — Asking rate per picture: A sandwich, preferably with mayonnaise (mayo not a deal breaker).

2011 Credits include Chris Klein: Fantasy Man (YouTube Only), Panhandling in Brooklyn, Nash Out: The Quickening, and reminding his agent that he’s still alive.

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Comments

Ever wonder if Val Kilmer has a picture of a beautiful and toned young man in his attic?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 12:03 PM

But the attic picture is bald because Kilmer was too vain to go that far.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 12:08 PM

Val, what the HELL happened?

Also, didn't he used to be A-list? My word...

Posted by: Cindy at April 7, 2011 12:17 PM

You know what happened? He caved on the mayo.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 12:20 PM

Ever wonder if Val Kilmer has a picture of a beautiful and toned young man in his attic?

All other commenter attempts at humor are null the rest of the day.

Posted by: Jay at April 7, 2011 12:20 PM

I hear Val Kilmer sits in his La-Z-Boy recliner nightly masturbating to every Mad Martigan scene from his Willow VHS tape, while humming the Destiny's Child's song "Say My Name" as Cool Ranch Dorito crumbs sprinkle his belly. "Thunderheart" has taken on a whole new meaning since his escalated cholesterol level.

Posted by: superasente at April 7, 2011 12:23 PM

I can almost SEE the fat being sucked from Fiddy into Val's greedy mouth.

Posted by: Kballs at April 7, 2011 12:24 PM

Oh, my poor Christopher McDonald and Kevin Sorbo. I love 'em, I know that Sorbo was on 2-1/2 Mens and that Meet the Spartans thing, but I like him lots. Christopher M., I wish you were as prevalent as J.K. Simmons because I adore both of you. Danny Trejo is really Sam Elliott, no?

Posted by: DenG at April 7, 2011 12:37 PM

I for one am shocked to learn that Christopher McDonald is not in fact Ray Wise. I've long been saying "Hey, it's Leland Palmer!" whenever McDonald appears.

Posted by: Steve at April 7, 2011 12:37 PM

Make that 2-1/2 Menses.

Posted by: DenG at April 7, 2011 12:40 PM

Stephen Root and J.K. Simmons are the best $22,001 you could spend on casting.

"That's not a panel. That's a crusher. We sell them too."

Posted by: lubeg at April 7, 2011 12:57 PM

you shouldn't make fun of the Kilmer, it's just bad karma. the dudes just so happy, like a tubby little carebear. aww crap; I couldn't help myself.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 7, 2011 1:01 PM

LEAVE VAL ALONE!

Ignore all Kilmer obloquy - he hasn't gotten fatter; it's your eyes that have gotten fatter in their old age.

VAL, LEAVE MY SANDWICH ALONE!

Nah, just kidding; you were in Heat - absolved of everything, forever.

Posted by: zeke the pig at April 7, 2011 1:04 PM

PaddyDog just won this round. You cannot overtake him for snark or for wit. Move along.

Posted by: Fredo at April 7, 2011 1:08 PM

Paddy's a chick, yo.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 1:09 PM

It's a common misconception. At least half the people who visit this site regularly think I'm a male. It just reinforces the need for daily tweezing after the age of forty.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 1:13 PM

You mean that isn't a penis?

. . .

Oh boy.

Posted by: Kballs at April 7, 2011 1:24 PM

Oh you flatter me KBalls. At best it's what Jeffrey Eugenides would refer to as a "crocus".

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 1:27 PM

I don't mind a few pounds, but he just looks like he gave up (way too early).

Posted by: Cindy at April 7, 2011 1:33 PM

I gets ya PaddyDog. One of the generation of endless Patricias and an effort to distance oneself from all the Pats and Pattys.

Val Kilmer is still Val Kilmer under that fresh lawyer of flesh. No one can take that from him. And that's more than the rest of can say.

Posted by: sittingpat at April 7, 2011 1:34 PM

Val Kilmer is still Val Kilmer under that fresh lawyer of flesh.

Please tell me that isn't a typo because the visual of a fat, young, greasy lawyer using his girth to force Val Kilmer to sit still and gain weight is gross and awesome.

And there's something skin-crawlingly delightful about the word "flesh."

Posted by: Kballs at April 7, 2011 1:51 PM

PaddyDog, some of us like our women au naturale.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at April 7, 2011 2:13 PM

I love Val. And the fatter he gets, the more likely he'll have me.

Posted by: Melody at April 7, 2011 2:35 PM

It's not Val's fat that turns me off. It's the fact that he has the same haircut as my moms.

Only her sideburns are shaped a little better.

Posted by: Phat girl at April 7, 2011 3:13 PM

we had a facebook conversation once, trying to decide if paddy was male or female.

(in my universe, everyone has a penis though.)

Posted by: gp at April 7, 2011 3:26 PM

I bet they do.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 4:54 PM

3. Vinnie Jones — Asking Rate: $4,000 and a haircut.

How many headbutts does this grant? I don't have a role for him. I'd just like to egg on some tailgaters and have him step out from the car.

Posted by: branded at April 7, 2011 4:57 PM

I will buy Baby Keanu two six foot subs if he promises to NOT be in anymore movies.

Posted by: Paultera at April 7, 2011 6:07 PM

so sad

Posted by: splinter at April 7, 2011 6:16 PM

I thought the pic of Val Kilmer was Meat Loaf - I thought he'd lost a little...

Posted by: PaulB at April 7, 2011 6:17 PM

comments need a like button, real bad

Posted by: idleprimate at April 7, 2011 7:52 PM

It is rather sad that Madmartigan, Jim Morrison and Batman is now the horribly bloated bad guy in "MacGruber."

Posted by: Kobie at April 7, 2011 9:21 PM

comments need a like button, real bad
Posted by: idleprimate at April 7, 2011 7:52 PM

TOTALLY AGREE, IDLEPRIMATE!! We need to get a "like" and a "dislike" button and start threading the comments immediately.

Posted by: John G. at April 7, 2011 9:36 PM

It never fails. If you have Val Kilmer, it doesn't matter what else you show, everyone will jump at the chance to make stupid, boring, lame fat jokes. Everybody loves fat jokes. Can't enough of the fucking lame-ass fat jokes. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring.

Posted by: John G. at April 7, 2011 9:41 PM

I'm gasping with laughter.

Much like Val Kilmer gasps for breath after rising from his La-Z-Boy recliner.

Also, Christopher McDonald will always be Shooter McGavin to me.

Posted by: Jelinas at April 7, 2011 10:23 PM

Still love you, Val.

Posted by: klingonfree at April 7, 2011 10:28 PM

Concerning Christopher McDonald .... I loved him as Shooter McGavin. And that line of his, "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast" is an instant classic. Good role in a fun movie .....

Posted by: Handy Man at April 7, 2011 10:32 PM

At least half the people who visit this site regularly think I'm a male. It just reinforces the need for daily tweezing after the age of forty.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 1:13 PM

Imagine if your name were "Val Kilmer" or some shit like that... But by all means, keep tweezing.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at April 7, 2011 10:55 PM

Am I the only person who thought that picture was of Meat Loaf?

Posted by: seraf at April 8, 2011 12:40 AM

Waaaaait wait wait wait. WAIT. This is their price for FILMS? Not public appearances? Seriously?!?

At the very least, these figures refer to the least amount of money they've taken for a role, yeah? Root in Red State, Simmons doing a favour for his indy pals.

Because if that's their freakin' film price, fuck it, I can get my hands on $22K.

Posted by: Steve at April 8, 2011 6:30 AM

Can't enough of the fucking lame-ass fat jokes. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boring.
Posted by: John G. at April 7, 2011 9:41 PM

You sound fat.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 8, 2011 6:56 AM

Val Kilmer ate my babeh!!!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 8, 2011 8:15 AM

Barry Bostwick is still hot, dammit janet.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 8, 2011 10:54 AM

He'll be your huckleberry.

And he'll eat it, too.

Posted by: readrick at April 8, 2011 4:07 PM

Hi! There are some interesting points in time in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There is some validity but I will take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well

Posted by: download jersey shore season 1 episode 9 at April 11, 2011 10:16 PM

U gotta be the 1st person ever to make fun of JK and include him in a list like this.
Best. Actor. Out There.

Posted by: tom haju at April 14, 2011 9:51 PM

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Pajiba's 2011 List of The Cheapest Actors in Hollywood

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