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On Her 27th Birthday, We Celebrate Slobbermouth Johansson's Luscious Smackhole

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (23)

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On the occasion of her 27th birthday, I thought we’d take a moment before the holidays and bask in Scarlett Johansson’s greatest asset, arguably the most recognizable pair of lips in America. And how versatile they are! They can pout! They can sulk! They can mope! They can also pout. And also sulk. As Maxim once wrote when Johansson topped Angelina Jolie in their sexist woman list, “This proves that lips are the new cleavage.”

I have no idea what that means, but if I were Johannson, I might look into a lip bra. Tom Hardy is wearing one now, and I think it’d look great on Scarlett. It would also collect all that excess drool.

Happy Birthday, Scarlett.

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Comments

She's really a lovely woman but she looks mentally challenged in the photos with her mouth open.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 22, 2011 8:04 PM

Lips huh? Gosh she does have some. I've never looked above her boobs before.

Posted by: logan at November 22, 2011 8:07 PM

Impressive, but she's no Gina Gershon. Happy Birthday!

Posted by: dorquemada at November 22, 2011 8:13 PM

Um, how can you put Angelina Jolie in this article and not acknowledge that HERS are the most recognizable pair of lips in America? C'mon, NOBODY has a pout like Angelina. Nobody.

Posted by: GwenBear at November 22, 2011 9:01 PM

i don't even like blonds, but i seriously wish ScarJo would go back to the golden locks -- she's infinitely more striking that way. it's truly amazing how unexceptional she looks as a brunette/redhead, and this is from a bonafide lover of those with chestnut locks (similar to my own, athankyouverymuch, Narcissus).

Posted by: beet salad at November 22, 2011 10:05 PM

Why do photographers insist on posing her with her mouth half open?

Posted by: ArmaAngelus at November 22, 2011 10:21 PM

Now those are some lips I could get behind.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 22, 2011 10:34 PM

....I'll be in my bunk.

*bringing it back*

Posted by: ChristianH at November 22, 2011 10:35 PM

Luscious lips, dead eyes.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at November 22, 2011 11:32 PM

I was really hoping you'd throw up a big ol' high-res pic of her tits at the end there.

Posted by: Martin at November 22, 2011 11:42 PM

Did you see the leaked cell phone nudes? It is her ass we should be celebrating. And her awful acting that we should be making fun of.

Posted by: Sean at November 23, 2011 12:22 AM

Forget 1000 ships these are 'The lips that sucked 1000 d***s'

Posted by: BrandonBombay at November 23, 2011 1:43 AM

Impressive, but she's no Gina Gershon. Happy Birthday!

Posted by: dorquemada at November 22, 2011 8:13 PM

-------

Second! Motherfucking second!

Those are The Lips.

It's good to know that Johansson is more 'sexist' than Jolie though. I always suspected as much. Rise up, men, and take back the power from the sexy sexist movie women!

Posted by: zeke the pig at November 23, 2011 5:03 AM

I love Scarlett Johansson. There, I said it.

Posted by: Caspar at November 23, 2011 6:29 AM

I'm sorry, since when was it her LIPS that we were all staring at? I guess maybe post-Iron Man, since her crazy work out regime totally destroyed her epic prow. I used to watch her movies so I could admire the cleavage and now it's just kinda meh. WAY TO GO IRON MAN - THANKS FOR RUINING THAT.

Posted by: KatSings at November 23, 2011 8:14 AM

ScarJo has been on a major losing streak in her movies and private life. I think she needs to go the indie route and go do some full nudity with lots of dirty sex scenes. She needs some cred and I wouldn't mind seeing that.

Posted by: Rum Cove at November 23, 2011 9:22 AM

If I read one "I don't know what people see in her she is really not that attractive" on here like I do on other sites where the women who post comments are obviously super models I will vomit.

Posted by: daria at November 23, 2011 10:44 AM

I got two words for you ScarJo: Vincent Gallo.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at November 23, 2011 11:02 AM

She is not pretty. She is not cute. She is not interesting. She is not talented. She does have fairly large breasts...I get it now

Posted by: Whipple "Whip" Hoxworth at November 23, 2011 1:03 PM

I decided I love her, but I think her lips make her face unattractive. I don't get celebrating one feature if it also makes them not as beautiful, even if that one feature is great. Angelina's lips enhance her beauty, Scarletts detract from it.

Posted by: stump at November 23, 2011 3:57 PM

"You just put your lips together and blow"

Out of context, I know.......

Posted by: frank_247 at November 23, 2011 8:50 PM

Angelina's? Seriously? They remind me of those awful wax lips stuck to a skull. And whoever invented wax lips was sent from Satan, just like Jolie.

Posted by: , at November 24, 2011 2:21 AM

Occupy this!

Posted by: Katie Neidhardt at November 26, 2011 4:52 AM