Now That She's Single, Here Are The Handful Of Mortal Men Good Enough For Amy Poehler
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Now That She's Single, Here Are The Handful Of Mortal Men Good Enough For Amy Poehler

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | September 25, 2012 | Comments ()


I know, I know, it's a little f*cked up to involve ourselves overmuch in the personal lives of actors. It's none of our business who the lovely Amy Poehler decides to date. Furthermore, if she doesn't want to date, snog or hold hands with anyone for now, that's jim dandy too. But the truth of the matter is that the girl is a catch. Not just pretty, smart and funny but, if all of her public appearances are to be believed, just a goddamn delight to be around. So all I'm saying is that I want the best for her and, as such, a had a little fun playing Hollywood matchmaker. Here are the rules of Hollywood matchmaking as far as I'm concerned: If I don't know much about your wife, I choose to pretend she doesn't exist. Pursuant to this rule, Nick Offerman is off the table, but Adam Scott is not. Also, if I don't know for sure you're gay then, for my purposes, you're not. Make sense? Sure it does. Here we go:

Louie CK: Most folks came out of the Emmys shipping Poehler and CK pretty hard. This is based not just on their brief onstage appearance together but also, of course, on CK's adorable turn as Sergeant Dave Sanderson on "Parks and Recreation." I'm not hugely on board with this idea mostly because I was never a fan of the way CK talked about his ex-wife during his routines before she was his ex. That being said, I would love for Poehler to return the favor and guest-star on "Louie." Maybe there can at least be a fictional happy ending there.

Adam Scott: Poehler has also, weirdly, been linked to her "Parks and Recs" co-star Adam Scott. Given that most of you seem to think these two have no on-screen chemistry, I doubt you're rooting for the two in real life. But me? Well I'm always pro-hedgehog.

Seth Meyers: But Poehler has on-screen chemistry to spare with her former co-anchor, Seth Meyers. Really? You don't think these two would be cute together? REALLY?!

One Of The Matts from UCB: Amy got her start working with these three chaps in the Upright Citizen's Brigade. The four have remained close friends and no offense to the guy who's not named Matt (aka Sparky Polastri from Bring It On) but I'd be happy to see Amy with either Matt Besser or Matt Walsh.

That Other Duplass Brother: There is a long, glorious history of actresses finding a happy ending with directors. And since The Duplass Brother in front of the camera is off the market (married to Katie Aselton...see The Offerman Contingency), I submit The Duplass Brother behind the camera as a nice consolation prize. Yup, the beard-o. Hey, listen, Frances McDormand has been happily married to Coen brother for a million years now. It could work.

Joel McHale: Fine, is the beard-o not handsome enough for you? Then may I submit the ab-tacular Joel McHale. I'm sorry, what about his wife? I couldn't hear you. Wouldn't the pint-sized Poehler and McHale make a delightfully mismatched couple?

The Cast Of "Horrible Bosses": Any of these guys, really. Okay probably not Sudeikis. Not after that whole January Jones thing. But, hey, Charlie Day! Oooo, or better yet, Jason Bateman. It's not like Bateman has any problem with stealing Arnett's girl, hermano.

Justin Kirk: Kirk is very much in the might maybe be gay category, but I love this guy. Just a tall drink of charming.

James Marsden: Finally, this would be my #1 pick. Marsden, recently divorced, is just the right amount of handsome to send a clear "I win" message in this break-up. Also, he's much more adorable and hilarious than he has any right to be. And, most importantly, he's available for snuggly Gap ads, should Amy need him.

Joanna Robinson is, if you haven't noticed, firmly Team Amy.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • anikitty

    Jason Bateman is married to Paul Anka's daughter. Not that I have my own crush on him or anything like that.

  • Slash

    I am disturbed by your willingness to break up happy (as far as we know) marriages (with kids) in order to pair Poehler up. I'm guessing she wouldn't be amenable. I do agree that Marsden is adorable. They'd have an adorable kid or two.

  • e jerry powell

    I know it's beyond stange, particularly because I know his career so well, but about every third time people start discussing his personal life, I get Justin Kirk confused with fellow gay-acting straight actor Dallas Roberts.

    (And not that it means anything at all, because I know it doesn't, but Kirk had a girlfriend as recently as 2008, so there's an legitimate shot.)

  • John W

    I'm a Capricorn she's a Virgo. I like watching Parks & Recreation, she's star IN Parks & Recreation. We were made for each other. It's like kismet or science or something....

  • Au Contraire

    I don't understand the Amy Poehler love. I don't think she's funny. She's miscast on Parks and Rec - part definitely meant for someone younger.

  • jayme

    lol, well it was written for her, so you're bad at interpreting tv shows. Also, she is PERF. YOU GO AWAY RIGHT NOW.

  • Bert_McGurt


  • Strand

    Sorry, both of those Duplass brothers just come off as the most self-indulgent, pretentious douches every time I hear them talk. If Will Arnett's out of the picture then Adam Scott/Amy Poehler is now my new OTP.

  • Margrete

    I used to have the biggest crush on Seth Meyers, and so I have probably watched every sketch he's been in 10 times or more. I am convinced that he at least used to have a crush on Amy. I remember that during the Hillary Swank monologue he wrote, he got Amy to say "I love how spineless you are" before kissing him. I like to think that was he's way of getting to make out with her.

  • dongloverlover

    I think...this is the dumbest thing I've ever read on pajiba.

  • Three_nineteen

    This must be your first day visiting this site.

  • Viking

    No Jon Hamm? I think he'd be good with Kristin Wiig too. Or me. Wait, I vote me & Jon Hamm.

  • jayme

    He's been with his lady for like ten years though, it's as good as married.

  • John W

    heck put me on that list....

  • A nice man far, far away from the television industry.

  • Pookie

    Not for nothing honey, but if Will Arnett could hit that ass, just about any guy walking the face of the earth has a chance with Poehler.

  • Firestarter

    Last I had heard, Marsden was sniffing around Seyfried. Kirk? Dated an actress I knew way back when. Possibly a tool.

  • John G.

    No way on Matt Besser. That's a bucket of wrong-sauce. I'd go Louie, but if he was head over heals in love, it might ruin his comedy. I'm gonna have to go with Adam Scott. Ok, I have spoken. let it be done!

  • Rochelle

    I think she has great chemistry with Adam Scott and I'd be all over that except for the whole 'he's married with kids' thing. Good choices over all.

  • thedarkisz

    I'm pretty sure I've heard her in interviews mention that Her and Matt Besser used to date in the old days.

  • amylu

    I am surprised that everyone didn't know this. I "shipped" them pretty hard back in the UCB tv show days.

  • lowercase_ryan
  • Bedewcrock


    (Watch Parks & Rec Season 2 bloopers where she's drunk and crashes at his house. Such chemistry. At 5:53:

  • lowercase_ryan

    and then there at the 10 min mark: Amy and Will =(

  • BendinIntheWind

    That clips is my ultimate pick-me-up:

    "I'm so sorry I'm kicking your ass at pizza fight." Between that and Amy's amazing delivery of the line "Are you impressed that I know what it's called?", I die every time.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    You don't know MY wife! You don't know for sure if I'M gay! Stop your administ mandate right now, Robinson!

  • But...but I *do* know your wife, Sparkletits.

  • I swear I saw a commercial for this week's ep of "Louie" and Amy Poehler was in it and she was talking to Louis on the phone and so I googled every single variation of "Amy Poehler guest star Louie" that I could think of (with and without certain key words) and I can't find a single thing to confirm it so now I'm wondering if I dreamed the whole thing up and now I'm sad.

  • Arran

    OMG THIS IS A REAL THING. If only David Lynch were making a return appearance as well it would be the best episode of Louie ever.

  • No! It's real! I just saw it on FX. Unless this is all just a Pajiba induced fever dream. But I'm 99% sure that its real.

  • Yay! I am both relieved and excited.

  • Groundloop

    "Well I’m always pro-hedgehog"

    Somewhere in Porn Valley, Ron Jeremy's ears are burning.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I like the Matt Walsh idea, and were it not for the Hermano factor I would go to the mat for Bateman. But Bateman would never do that to his brother, real or fictional. Louis is too depressing, Seth is too smug, Adam is too married, the Duplas is too who?, and for some reason I just can't see Marsden and her together (maybe it's the Tina Fey link, I don't know). But what about...

  • Name

    Internet pandering 101 :)

    Why didn't you just 'shop a cat in!?

    I keed, I keed.

  • Bedewcrock

    i love me some Fillion but he seems like he wouldn't do so well dating a fellow actor/comedian.

  • Snath

    He's the correct answer to ERRRRRRYTHING.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Agreed. Dunno why, but Walsh fits for me.

  • tamatha_uhmelmahaye

    Oooh. James Marsden. I didn't realize he was single now. Excellent call, Joanna!

  • melissa

    Charlie Day totally doesn't count per the wife rule. How can you not be aware of THE WAITRESS!?

    Definitely James Marsden.

  • amylu

    James Marsden got a Brazilian model pregnant when the ink was still fresh on his divorce papers. HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR OUR AMY.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Charlie Day's married to The Waitress though, which would put him in the Offerman category...unless you're not a Sunny fan?

  • Your #1 is the correct #1.

  • BendinIntheWind

    I would have never thought of it, but it is so, so perfect.

  • Jezzer

    Personally, I want to see Amy Poehler hook up with Michael Bay or Bret Ratner. Like total, head-over-heels, "no-I-can-change-him," in love. That would truly be a fairy tale ending.

    OOH! OOH! Or Seth MacFarlane! Then they could collaborate on funny stuff!

  • Jezzer

    Sometimes I court the downvotes, and I thrive on the delishus, delishus butthurt they represent. <3

  • CMooreVerdad

    I hear Seth McFarlane is dating the Queen of Dragons.

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