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Not Like This! The 7 Most Distressing Hook-Ups Of TV's Favorite Will They/Won't They Couples

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | March 22, 2013 | Comments ()


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The will they/won't they couple is a mainstay of TV sitcoms and dramas. Though the tension and energy between two people is not enough on its own to sustain a show, it can certainly ramp a pretty good show into "Must Watch" status. The question that has been picked over time and time again in pop culture blogs and (no doubt) writers rooms is when do you pull the trigger on the relationship? Do it too early and you could achieve "Moonlighting"-level of disappointment or watch something lovely descend into something unwatchable. Ahem, Jim and Pam Halpert, I'm looking at you. It's a tricky balance and one that's rarely done right. And I can't be certain but sometimes, just sometimes, it feels like the writers are saying "Really? You want these two together so badly? You sure? NO YOU DON'T." So here are 7 instances that made us cry into our Live Journal and Tumblr accounts. What's a hapless fangirl to do? Also, there are a lot of vampires on this list. I apologize.

Buffy and Spike: Yes, fine, he's a monster. But when they finally got together in Season 6 it was...upsetting. Buffy was feeling all hollow and shattered and, frankly, used Spike for his killer abs. Not that we blame her. Then That Episode We Do Not Speak Of happened and then it was all sort of better in Season 7. But still, during their first fight/sexual encounter when I heard that awful zipper noise I yelled "NOT LIKE THIS!"
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Damon and Elena: These two are basically Spike and Buffy redux. Have we been rooting for them to get together? Yes, shamefully, yes. Did we want it to happen because Elena was sired to (essentially enthralled by) Damon? HELL NO. Damnit.
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Will and Alicia: I understand they're trying to prolong and extend the tension/love triangle dynamic but for Will and Alicia to treat their "finally" moment (and subsequent moments) as an affair that needs hiding rather than a "F*ck You, Peter Florrick" triumph? I do not like it.
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Jes and Nick: I may be in the minority here but after the heat of this...
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...and the excellent drama and awkwardness that ensued, I thought the writers had completely nailed how to give us what we wanted while prolonging the tension between these two. But this week's episode was...well...what in the hell was it? The Hardware Store scene? Amazing. The drugged up sexual molestation followed by a sex/fight? I was not a fan.
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House and Cuddy: It's hard to sell us on the idea for several seasons that Cuddy is House's match intellectually and romantically only to have their relationship train wreck so quickly. I suppose it's in keeping with House's character, but it just made me wish the show had ended a few seasons earlier.
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Sookie and Eric: Sorry, last vampire, I promise. Eric was neutered amnesiac puppy dog when he and Sookie finally got together. Isn't he point of Eric that he's a dark, monstrous badass? Was anyone thrilled by him in this mentally enfeebled state? Oh, Sookie was? That's...healthy.
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Kate and Sawyer: Two words: Fish Biscuit. This was about as degrading as it gets.
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Bonus pre-disappointment:

Ser Jorah and Dany: What's going to happen here? Nobody knows. Not even you, book readers. The showrunners are off the book map and there's no telling what they're going to do now, plotwise. But the odds are we Jorah Dany lovers are going to be crushed. CRUSHED I TELL YOU.
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  • EssyRomaine

    Oh hell, if they mess up Dany and Jorah I'm gonna be pissed.

  • celery

    Dany/Jorah is bad and you should feel bad.

  • ,

    Lisa Edelstein's ass.

    Jee-Sussssss

  • Jezzer

    The most distressing thing about the Buffy/Spike thing was the way the Spuffy people tried to handwave the rape. There are some things you can't "Pfft" away, Anya. Then came Season "HE HAS A SOOOOOOOOOUL NOW," where we were expected to believe that Ms. "What am I, St. Buffy? He's three feet tall!" who spent the entire season being a hardass, would welcome her attempted rapist back with open arms. When that happens in real life, we call it "Stockholm Syndrome." We don't pretend it's healthy because the abuser has great abs.

  • troublesometots

    Watching Sookie have sex with that lobotomized blond guy was like watching old people eat soup.

  • Even if Eric hadn't been out of character for the long awaited hook up the scenes were filmed with such obscurity it could have been any two people having sex. So much so I've wondered if body doubles weren't used. AS was never properly lit to the extent he even looked particularly blonde in any of the sex scenes; or actually, more properly? snippets of a montage is what they amounted to.. The lack of close-ups and intimacy during the Eric/Sookie scenes as opposed to the immediacy of the Bill/Sookie is really quite striking.

  • *just laughs at the last one*

  • cathyh

    Can I put a vote in for the colossal fuckup that was Mulder & Scully hooking up? I'm still devastated by how all that was handled.

  • pthalio

    I've actually blocked it all out and nothing past season 6 exists for me.. i only allow season 6 in my world for triangle

  • Kate at June

    Same. I was obsessed with the X-files--like I had video games, magazines, fan fiction novels, every episode taped to vhs...but I still have no idea what happens after the first half of 7.

  • Kate at June

    I feel like I'm rooting for the wrong pairings here. I really loved Starbuck with Anders (even though she was terrible, she was upfront about it) and I will always pick Stefan with Elena over Damon.... Or Stefan with anyone really. But the show is really not so good anymore.

  • foolsage

    How about Archer & Lana?

    As for distressing ways they could hook up, look no further than last night's episode.

    ***

    Archer to Kazak: OK buddy, so here's the deal: a) scrooch down, and b) normally in this situation I'd do a PIT maneuver, but if I do the truck will flip, and if Lana doesn't die, best case she's a quadraplegic and I marry her out of guilt, but after a few years of feeding tubes and colostomy bags, I start to resent her, and the night nurse is, like, Brazilian and 20.

    Kazak growls.

    Archer: Don't judge me! I have needs, man. The point is, and it might be a kinda shitty plan, but I'm going to jump on the truck, so I need you to take the...

    Kazak barks twice.

    Archer: ... wheel, exactly.

  • I'm not a *sigh* "Delena" fan, but even I was not happy about Damon and Elena's hookup. That was building for a long time and should've been a steamy scene, but instead the whole thing was tainted by the stupid sire reveal. If you're gonna give the fans what they wanted, go full out and make it real - don't half-ass it with a stupid condition like siring!

  • pfeiffer87

    Annie & Jeff?

  • Kate at June

    I'm embarrassing myself here, but: I'm pretty sure that's a picture of Damon and Katherine.

  • alwaysanswerb

    There was nothing shameful about Delena shipping at the time. Now, though, I am unsure if that relationship can ever be salvaged. The point of wanting them to get together (vs her staying with Stefan) was their crazy sexual chemistry, whereas Stefan became this kind of wet blanket "you're up on a pedestal" drippy boyfriend type. They've basically done the same thing to Damon's character, with the added crackwhackery of the "sire bond." Ian Somerhalder could have chemistry with a bowl of unripened fruit, so his own girlfriend should be a no-brainer. WRITERS, WAT R U DOING

  • Bodhi

    Kate and anyone. That show is long dead to me & I STILL hate her

  • Kristen Mc

    I disagree about Kate and Sawyer. Loved that one!

  • dizzylucy

    Yeah, I didn't mind that one so much. The whole series was people in dire circumstances, but that was a particularly bleak scenario, and they thought possibly their last chance to act on it.

  • Kristen Mc

    Agreed. I also support any scenario involving shirtless Josh Holloway.

  • Kate at June

    That storyline remains the only fond memory I have of Lost.

  • toblerone

    + 1000 for House and Cuddy.

    Other notable show wreckers:

    1.Maddie and David (The photo pretty much sums up my emotions / horror at seeing them hook up the first time.)

    2.Joel and Maggie (Janine Turner was mind numbing hot in those days though so I can't blame Joel. She was probably the hottest Maggie ever until Lauren Cohan came along...)

    3.Laura and Remington

  • llp

    Yes - Remington Steele and Laura Holt together kind of destroyed that chemistry. I was pretty young, and even I could recognize that.

  • kimk

    I always thought the problem with "Moonlighting" was not the hook-up itself (which IMO was kinda hot; I remember the day after the show aired hearing that song on the radio many times) but the hoops they jumped through after to keep the two characters apart - not just romantically but geographically. I know this was spurred on by both her pregnancy and the fact that they couldn't stand each other IRL, but I think it was the follow-though and not the hook up that killed the show (leading to one of the worst series finales I can remember, but I digress)...

    I think in many of the examples cited in the article the issue is not the hook up itself but the fact that the writers didn't have a good "what now?" strategy for after. I actually have some faith in the "New Girl" writers that they will handle this well.

  • kirbyjay

    I always thought the problem with Moonlighting was Cybill Shepherd playing herself. The fact that David Addison would go anywhere near that superbitch was blasphemy.

  • toblerone

    *P.S: What annoyed me most about the whole Jes and Nick thing was A) I thought it was wrapped up in the last episode and B) they introduce Shane / Odette Annable and do nothing with her? I assume that we will be seeing more of her otherwise why cast her? LOOK AT HER!!! (plus I liked her in House and think she has potential)

  • DeltaJuliet

    Bruce Willis with hair! Bruce Willis with hair!

  • BWeaves

    Shit! Did Bruce Willis ever really look like that?

  • Three_nineteen

    Do bears bear? Do bees be?

  • toblerone

    Die Hard? I know Moonlighting ended in 1989, but Die Hard is on every Christmas.

  • $27019454

    Eric and Sookie was such a hilarious idiotic spectacle. I never liked Eric much, but I felt like the way the writers (Alan Ball & Co) put them together was a HUGE EFF YOU to all the screaming raging hissing fans of the books who insisted the TV series be filmed exactly as those stupid books. I loved it! It was so deliciously embarrassing, especially compared with the OMG HOT Bill/Sookie Thang (at least in Season 1).

    As squinchy as that hookup was -- I loved it because it was SO veddy veddy bad.

  • Maguita NYC

    If you remember any of those scenes, Sookie often turned her head to the side while Northman was on top. Boredom during blah sex never looked sadder.

    Now Northman in his dungeon doing the waitress, that was hot. Even hotter? PAM DOING THE WAITRESS!

  • buell

    "Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia.”

  • Maguita NYC

    Cannot believe you remember the words!!! Whoever wrote for Pam's part deserves accolades. She's the only character that kept it interesting throughout the last disappointing seasons, and had the best comebacks on the show.

  • Bedewcrock

    You're totally right but....

    GODDAMN IT SHOW US SOME LOVE. I have to put up with Crystal and Jason and that weird feral/raw meat/biting thing! Throw me a bone! A giant Skarsgård bone! And leave the snow out. What the hell was that?

    Also, look at this picture I found! http://www.imdb.com/media/rm69...

  • $27019454

    Re: The snow -- I am convinced Alan Ball just thought, "How can we make this as unpalatable as possible?" And Skaarsgaaaard is suspiciously good at looking blank and "lightson-nobodyhome."

  • Bedewcrock

    He did date Kate Bosworth........

  • PaddyDog

    Honorable mention for Mr. Bates and Anna, because their getting together resulted in that horribly awkward bedroom scene that I can never unwatch.

  • $27019454

    MY EYES!

  • Boo_Radley

    I thought Buffy and Spike's depression sex was pretty true to life, especially when the had a quicky out back of the Double-Meat Palace...

  • Maguita NYC

    That particular one was off-putting and badly acted. There were other times though that I truly cheered Buffy for buffing the bad boy, and treating him like shit afterwards.

  • PerpetualIntern

    I would put Bones in here too. WE DIDNT EVEN SEE IT!

  • Maguita NYC

    NO WE DID NOT. Not that I'm interested in seeing it anymore, for the show's writing AND acting went down the gutter after that. Way down.

    Stopped watching right after the miraculous birth in the manger. Truly sad how the characters lost their quirkiness and their odd yet endearing interaction with the outside world.

  • Megnadoodle

    For sure! So many seasons of waiting and then, wait, what? She's pregnant? And they hadn't even confirmed yet that they'd hooked up? Huge disappointment.

  • Ughhh yes! I gave up on the show after that.

  • PerpetualIntern

    I thought the Buffy/Spike was a great way to do it. Granted, I wish it had been a happier hookup, but the building LITERALLY (said in a Chris Trager voice) falling down around them as she felt her life was falling apart was awesome.

  • Lovely Bones

    No, that was ham-fisted stupidity, for most people, anyway. Did you like the magic equals drugs storyline too?
    I'm sorry, that's pretty rude. I don't mean to disrespect your opinion, I just easily get vitriolic, especially when it comes to something I'm as passionate about as BTVS.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Wow, that seemed...passionate.

  • alwaysanswerb

    I finally remembered what this comment reminds me of. There's an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race where one contestant is screaming at another one for a good 10-20 seconds, and then the queen getting screamed at just blinks and responds with the most deadpan expression: "Your tone seems very pointed right now"

  • Lovely Bones

    I don't know how the editing/you replying timing worked out like it did. I had already realized how it sounded. Again, my apologies.

  • PerpetualIntern

    No problem, I get passionate about Buffy too.

  • minxy

    Yay Pajiba for this thoughtful exchange!

  • Scully

    Have you seen this, Jo? Re: Buffy + Spike; please excuse the Comic Sans:
    http://airagorncharda.devianta...

  • Mrs. Julien

    I just saw that now. It was AMAZING as Joanna said. Thank you! I've bookmarked it.

  • denesteak

    this kind of just blew my mind. I'm an Angel girl, because I think Spike and Buffy's relationship was way dysfunctional. But after reading that... I don't know anymore. Maybe it was just Buffy who was dysfunctional.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    AMAZING. Thank you.

  • UnderTheDark

    Holy crap, THIS. As someone who dabbles in kinky fuckery, I could very clearly see the dominoes of No!BAD!wrong being set up one by one throughout Season 6... and when you set up a pattern of rough sex and consensual nonconsent WITHOUT having any sort of adult conversation about what's happening, you are pretty much guaranteed to end up in an ugly place.

  • trixiestreats

    Well, crap. Now I want to watch all of Buffy seasons 4-7 again. I can only *barely* remember the "rape" scene, and I'm someone who has a Spike & Buffy t-shirt in my closet. I was too ashamed to EVER wear it, so I never have. But I'll forever be a Spike apologist and fan.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I mean, it's a comic, so it's sort of the only instance where you can allow Comic Sans freely. Also, yes. Perfect. Maybe this will avoid the debate I'm predicting. Because it makes basically all the points.

  • Alyssa Christopher

    If you think Carmen`s story is exceptional..., 5 weeks ago my aunts step daughter got $5416 just sitting there sixteen hours a week from there apartment and they're neighbor's step-aunt`s neighbour done this for five months and got paid over $5416 part-time On there computer. use the tips available on this page, Mel7.com

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Usually I try to be clever at you bots, but today, just go fuck yourself.

  • competitivenonfiction

    Yes. This. Exactly this.

  • JoannaRobinson

    That was AMAZING. Thank you, love!

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    I'd like to add Lee Adama and Starbuck to this list.

  • BendinIntheWind

    I'm more angry about the flashback-almost-hookup. Uggghhhh...

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I'm angry about every scrap of character development from the third season onward. Starbuck suffers the most, though.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    So say we all.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Really? Because it seems like way too many people seem to think the latter half of BSG was actually good.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    I think most people hated it... I watched it all at once when it was available on Netflix so I had a bit more distance and could appreciate it as a whole, but the VAST majority of people thought it should've ended after season 3 or so. Even watching it all in one lump I had pretty major problems with the finale (Starbuck's development being the biggest one).

  • Kate at June

    I agree with the assessment of the earlier seasons being better, but I still enjoyed the whole series. Though I nitpick certain things in season 4, I still like what happened. Probably because my expectations were lowered due to Lost, and because it still was so much better than Lost.

  • Hollyg

    I think they needed to have a bad hook-up to balance out Space Mom and Space Dad and their utter perfection.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    It would be nice if the comments weren't all but guaranteed to derail into fifty posts debating the whole Spike thing.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    So yay, I was mistaken.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    GOD YES ALICIA AND WILL. Them getting together should've been a triumph, not a thing for them to avoid ever happening again. Though I will say that, as uncomfortable as it is, I appreciate the tension between those two now. I preferred when they were friends, but having them being all awkward around each other just makes for great TV. And I think it'll make when Alicia finally dumps Peter for good that much more satisfying.

  • Nathan Convey

    I was really excited about Will and Alicia for a long time, but after the whole dumping him because of her idiot children (the worst tv children in the history of the world - seriously, they're morons.) I've gone completely off the idea. Will is supposed to have been in love with her since college and Alicia is so hot/cold with him. It's like watching a dog get kicked repeatedly. I can't root for that.

  • dizzylucy

    Yes - I was hoping they'd wait and when she and Will finally got together, it would be for real and a good thing for her. Alicia continually going back to a guy who cheated on her with hookers and publicly humiliated her and their children never sits well with me. I love a flawed and complex character, but something about that particular flaw just makes me dislike her. So the way they handled everything with Will was definitely a disappointment for me.

  • Three_nineteen

    You make it sound like Peter cheats on her, Alicia forgives him, then Peter cheats on her again, and Alicia forgives him again. (As far as we know) Peter has not cheated on Alicia since before the series premiere, when she found out about everything. Whether she goes back to him is up to her, but if she loves him and he has truly changed, which it definitely seems like he has, then we shouldn't fault her if she does.

  • dizzylucy

    By saying she continually goes back, I meant that she has been on and off with him throughout the series, after the big scandal, not that he's continually cheating. However, he did also at some point in the past have an affair with Kalinda too, so it wasn't an isolated incident, and just one of those would have been enough for me to give him the boot permanently.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I'm far from convinced that she'll actually be dumping Peter. Once upon a time, I really was rooting for it, but lately Peter's improved quite a bit, all while Alicia's been forced to play the occasional game of somewhat dirty pool. They're a pretty good match right now.

    Also I just find myself disliking Will more and more. He's entertaining as hell, but I have very little interest in seeing him happy; in fact, I'm not very sure he's capable of it.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Okay... that looks like Buffy is getting busy with her grandfather... I guess he is old enough to be her great great grandfather...

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