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Mindhole Blowers: 20 Strange, Inane and Stupid Things Celebrities Said

By Cindy Davis | Seriously Random Lists | June 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Listen, as someone who has spent most of her life with foot firmly planted in mouth, I know how it is. Who among us has not uttered something she immediately wanted to take back? But you know what’s cool? We’re not celebrities, so the likelihood is, only our friends and family poke fun at us. Not Sorry, famous people…this one’s at your expense.

In poking around, I tried to make sure there was some sort of “evidence” or back-up on these quotes, because interestingly, one of the most horrifying quotes (attributed to Mariah Carey) was disproved.

(See more Celebrity Facts.)

1. Sean Connery, 1965

“I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman—although I don’t recommend doing it in the same way that you’d hit a man. An openhanded slap is justified—if all other alternatives fail and there has been plenty of warning. If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I’d do it. I think a man has to be slightly advanced, ahead of the woman.”


2. Chris Brown, 2012

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“Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you!”


3. John Mayer, 2009

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4. Gwyneth Paltrow, 2011

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“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can.”


5. Justin Bieber, 2012

“I’m not going for the Sixteenth Chapel.”


6. Lindsey Lohan, 2012

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7. Melanie Griffith, 1992

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”I didn’t know that 6 million Jews were killed,” the actress told the New York Daily News. ”That’s a lot of people.”


8. Ashton Kutcher, 2012

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“The number of lines in your forehead tells how many lives you’ve lived.”


9. Samuel Goldwyn, (quoted in) 1976

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“I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.”


10. Raquel Welch, (During Larry King interview, unknown year)

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“I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our fifty-two states.”


11. Shaquille O’Neal, 2002

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(Asked by a reporter if he’d visited the Parthenon during his trip to Greece) “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”


12. Arnold Schwarzenegger, 2003

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“I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”


13. Axl Rose, 1989

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“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”


14. Paris Hilton, 2011

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15. Terrence Howard, 2007

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“If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.”


16. Ke$ha, 2011

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(On her favorite keepsake) “My placenta. My mom found in my basement, crushed up, and made into a necklace that I wear every day to improve my psychic abilities.”

17. Tyrese, 2011

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18. Frank Sinatra, (unknown year)

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“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they are going to feel all day.”


19. Brooke Shields, 1981

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20. Tom Cruise, 2005

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“These drugs are dangerous. I have actually helped people come off.
“When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that.”You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things.”


Cindy Davis, (Twitter) has tape over her mouth.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Bob Loblaw

    I don't think Terrence Howards quote was stupid in anyway. Dry toilet paper is disgusting, it does not properly clean or disinfect. If you get shit on your hands are you gonna just wipe it off with a paper towel and then go about your day? Porbably not, so why do the same with your ass? Baby's get sanitary wipes and wet wipes, why is it we have to downgrade when we come to be adults? Wipe your shit right and use a wet wipe or sanitary wipe, it's safre, clean, sanitary, and helps get rid of the dark coloration from around your anus that people bleach away. Stop it from happening and stop using dry toilet paper. Also with so many advancements in technology and we still haven't moved past toilet paper, really?

  • Stan

    some of these quotes are dumb,but many are someone being funny or just misinterpeted.I think the author missed the mark on most of them.

  • Maddy

    This possibly reflects badly on my own person, but I just thought the Sinatra one was hilarious

  • ferryman

    Connery and Sinatra are okay in my book. Remember though, you should never hit a woman because you want to, you only hit them because you have to...

  • lowercase_ryan

    William Shatner "Sabotaage"

  • Strand

    That Sean Connery one is perfect. It comes out of his mouth with such ease and confidence, and sounds like something he's had to justify before.

  • Honestly, I'm with Goop on this one. I've never smoked crack or had cheese from a can but the crack seems like it'd be cleaner and more nutritional.

  • Kirbyjay

    Did Tom Cruise help people "come off" by jumping up and down very fast on a couch with their legs squeezed together? I'm gonna try that.

  • kirbyjay

    or maybe he helped Oprah come off by having her squeeze vitamins between her legs while he jumps up and down on the couch. It looks like it works.
    Tom Cruise, providing sexual stimulation through cleaner living

  • Kirbyjay

    How about when Bill Clinton referenced Thelonius Monk to Kennedy from MTV
    Kennedy: Who's the loneliest Monk?

  • Axl Rose looks more like Sam Kinnison than he looks like Axl Rose.

  • Ashley

    I fail to realize why the Sinatra quote is dumb. Dude has a point.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Also I am pretty sure that Sinatra was not an alcoholic. He was just saying maybe if you have a drink you might feel a little bit better.

  • cgthegeek

    I find Mayer's "my dick is a White supremacist" comment more baffling, but whatever.

    http://blogs.villagevoice.com/...

  • cgthegeek

    ...and now you know why Black women call him Baby Wipes. You're welcome.

  • Slash

    OK, c'mon, the Sinatra one is funny.

  • Margrete

    As an avid reader of dlisted, that Terrence Howard quote is forever burned into my mind, and the first thing I think about when I see his name. In other words, it's been some time since I last saw one of his movies.

  • e jerry powell

    So now I need someone to drive me to the doctor so I can get my eyes un-rolled.

  • yocean

    I love the Beib's inane facial transition as what I imagine he goes though in his head: "Why is everyone laughing? Are they laughing at ME?! Did I say something wrong? This asshole made me say something wrong! Asshole, but I will fist bump him 'cause I'm cool like that. Grandpas, aye. Fuck you. Jesus don't care I said one of his chapels wrong cause he LOVES me. I'm filled with Jesus love!!!"

  • kirbyjay

    The little Beiber prick was steaming at Dave. What a moron. Jeesh, even dumbass Sylvester Stallone knew what the Sistene Chapel was, he named his daughter Chapel.

  • the dude

    Tyrese must have been messing around, no one is that stupid

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I really like cheese. I am probably a little bit of a cheese snob... but canned cheese... spray cheese... that is some good s*** when you are backpacking or camping in the middle of nowhere. Probably a good staple to have when the zombies attack... especially if the zombie happens to be a smug goop zombie.

  • $27019454

    Having never smoked crack, but knowing my affection for most drugs, I am gonna give it to Gwyneth; I think I actually would rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can. So Gwynnie FTW.

    Also, the Axl Rose picture is fucking depressing.

    Lastly: I loathe Sinatra and his "broads&booze" bullshit, so I am going to take that quote to indicate what a total loser he is/was (ducks and runs for cover).

  • kirbyjay

    I'm with ya K, Sinatra was an atrocious human being who donated to charities to redeem himself.

  • $27019454

    Hate every little thing about him. Including his droopy songs.

  • oilybohunk7

    My grandpa does, and always has, worshipped Sinatra. My mother and grandmother were tortured by his obsession to the point that if either of them snap and go on a killing spree I'm sure that hearing Nancy for the one billionth time was the trigger.

  • ljridley

    Totally agree. On all of it.

  • $27019454

    We need to meet, smugly declare our love, and marry.

  • ljridley

    And have smugly children. Enough generations and canned cheese and Sinatra will be eradicated!

  • Stina

    Aw, I say leave Brooke Shields alone. She was 16, we all say incredibly dumb stuff at that age.

    Also, is there the possibility that the Tyrese quote was a joke? Surely no one's quite that stupid, right?

  • Mrs. Julien

    I say stupid stuff now!

  • e jerry powell

    You mean this very minute?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Chest hair is bad. SEEEEEEE!

  • e jerry powell

    You did leave yourself open, y'know...

    ;-)

  • Three_nineteen

    "Smooth-chested men leave me clammy." - Berkeley Breathed

  • Mrs. Julien

    I knew the man that created Opus was a genius!

  • Adrienne Marie

    And, Terrance Howard, that is why they now make moist towelettes wipes for adults that they sell right next to the TP.

  • BWeaves

    I think his point is that he wants the ladies to use them. He probably already does.

  • BlackRabbit

    Yeah, but how do you work that into the conversation?

  • so wrong.

    TH: "so I think we've reached the point in our relationship where I'm ready to rim you. Interested? then here's what needs to happen..."

  • Samantha Klein

    UGH. Terrence Howard. Why do you exist?

  • BWeaves

    Terrence Howard has a point. After I dry myself with toilet paper, I squat over the tub, because I don't have a bidet, and wash myself. I'm amazed at the crap that comes off -- bits of toilet paper, etc. I don't feel clean until I've washed. I've never tried baby wipes, but I get his point.

  • Viking

    Terrance Howard is a misogynist jerk who thinks that women are inherently dirty and he is going to condescend to teach a grown woman how to clean herself. That is the problem I have with his comment. Maybe he had a bad experience with someone who is not particularly adept at personal hygiene, but to say that he has to do a bathroom inspection of another adult followed by his approval or instruction just makes me want to kick him in his dirty, tiny, little balls.

  • foolsage

    This is why the bidet was invented.

  • BWeaves

    I would LOVE a bidet, but my house didn't come with one, and there is no room to install one. However, when I redo the bathroom, I'm getting one of those Japanese toilets that does everything.

  • True_Blue

    Just make sure it has the water temperature feature. I've used one of the Japanese toilets, and having not-warm water squirted _there_ on a cold day gives you a jolt.

  • foolsage

    Bidets are pretty rare in the States, sadly. It's a nifty idea.

  • PaddyDog

    Not to mention the "bidet fuck". About the only thing I can truly thank Bret Easton Ellis for.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Do I want to look that up?

  • PaddyDog

    No need: I'll happily share:
    I’m about to take a shower because I smell like an all-nighter, then I
    think I’ll take a bath so I can have a faucet orgasm. After all, I
    didn’t get any last night. A faucet orgasm is pretty much the same
    principle as a bidet orgasm except upside-down. When we were growing up
    we had bidets in all the bathrooms and when I was about ten I
    accidentally discovered one of the things they were good for. After that
    I used to spend hours on the damn thing. This dump we rent doesn’t have
    a bidet so I have to get in the tub and slide up toward the front,
    running my legs up the wall on either side of the faucet. Turn on the
    warm water and smile. Actually, you’ve got to get the water temperature
    just right first or you could really be in for a nasty shock. I’ve made
    that mistake a few times. This time I get it just right and I come three
    times before I get around to actually taking a bath.

    Story of My Life. Jay McInerney.

    A reviewer for The Paris Review once wrote that sharing that passage with girls was responsible for every thrilling moment he had with the opposite sex as a teenager.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I just looked the book up. I thought he was writing about a guy, which would have made the whole thing very, very weird.

  • PaddyDog

    Strike that. I meant Jay McInerney, not Ellis. 1980s brain freeze.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm still on the expression, never mind the attribution.

  • Benderman

    So you squat over the tub and start wiping your ass with wet hands?

  • BWeaves

    Water running. Use soap and water with hands, yes. Dry with clean towel. Then wash hands and dry on different clean towel. I have a lot of towels.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Baby wipes are a lot less work.

  • Benderman

    Nothing wrong with that. Almost a shower.

  • Mr_Zito

    Frank Sinastra's and Axl Rose's are totally NOT stupid.

  • GDI

    Agreed on Frank. Rose, not so much.

  • Bert_McGurt

    “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can.” - GOOP

    "F*ck that, you can do both!" - Rob Ford

  • Mitchell Hundred

    America: Land of Opportunity (cries a single tear)!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Actually, the Rob Ford situation is a Canadian clusterfu*k. A "Canucksterfu*k", if you will.

  • Slash

    Who the hell is Rob Ford?

    (Googles)

    Oh, the crack mayor. Right. Just say "crack mayor" next time. We'll know what you mean. I know Marion Berry was once Mayor of Cracktown, but that was awhile ago.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    I awarded the designation of 'Honorary American City' to Toronto quite some time ago, on the grounds that it is full of self-centered assholes.

    Edit: Although 'Canucksterf*ck' is quite an apt little portmanteau (tips cap).

  • PaddyDog

    I've heard it referred to as Florida of the North.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Let's not go crazy. We have Alberta for that.

  • Stina

    No no, Alberta is Texas of the North with all the oil and rednecks. Vancouver Island is the retiree capital and thus Florida of the North.

  • Bert_McGurt

    I'll be borrowing that, thank you very much.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I thought it quite good, I must say.

  • Jasper Ferrer

    Isn't the Ashton Kutcher quote just about experience coming with age? maybe i'm just strange, inane, and/or stupid.

  • IngridToday

    John Meyer's quote sounds more like a joke.

    To be fair to Shaquil there probably is a club (or several) called the Parthenon.

    You should have found Gwyneth Paltrow's quote about how everyone woman can find the time to exercise and be thin. Comparing cheese in a can as grosser then crack.... I can see her point.

  • Viking

    I was sitting here thinking there is no such thing as cheese in a can, and that she was referring to processed food in general. I think she has said she only eats macrobiotic whatever that is expensive and only someone with her income could really afford to do. Then I realized there really is such a thing as Cheeze Whiz, and I have hated that stuff my whole life, it really is awful both in concept and execution. I realize she is being extreme to make a point. However, with a gun to my head, I'd still eat the cheese. I might vomit, but I wouldn't turn into a crackhead and all the awful that comes with it. Paltrow is out of touch with everything and while I don't have kids, I do have a home that I take care of by myself, own a dog that I take care of by myself, have a full time job and I have days where I really can't find time to work out. I don't get the time to see my friends like I want to either. I am barely making enough money to cover expenses and have any savings. I like working out, but sometimes I'm too busy and too damn tired. So she can suck on it.

  • Batesian

    Yeah, Shaq can be pretty funny. I wouldn't be surprised if he was goofing on purpose.

  • Mrs. Julien

    So Paris Hilton got the geography wrong, but the semi-colon right?

  • I would not be completely surprised if one day, Paris took off her wig to reveal herself as a strange golem made by cave-trolls to go forth into human culture and fuck with everyone as much as possible.

  • Finance_Nerd

    I think Paris Hilton is pretty familiar with semi-colons; probably from seminal fluid being in her colon

  • Mitchell Hundred

    I'd like to amp 'er sand, if you know what I mean.

  • Mrs. Julien

    dude.

  • I'm gonna give Axl Rose a pass here because that's hilarious.

  • logan

    I know that Connery quote is wrong but hey it was 1965, and he's Sean fucking Connery and your not.

  • Michelle Belden

    What about my not?

  • TenaciousJP

    It sounds to me that the Samuel Goldwyn quote was tongue-in-cheek, and the Sinatra quote is just awesome . It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Henny Youngman: "When I read about the evils of drinking, I quit reading."

  • Bert_McGurt

    I wouldn't be surprised if Shaq was just messing with the reporter as well.

  • dizzylucy

    Yeah, I liked those two, they definitely had an old school, witty remark kind of tone to them.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm pretty sure the Goldwyn comment was intentional. Just very dry.

  • Seems like he was known for saying strange things, to the point they were called "Goldwynisms."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    The Yogi Berra of film?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Is he also, "Don't say yes until I've finished talking."?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I fucking love you, John Waters.

  • My favorite quote from him is "We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    It's the whole reason I have books. I'm 100% illiterate, but man do I get some tail.

  • HackingPeopleShit

    lmao.
    i like the honesty.

  • Sofia

    Whenever I see a picture of Sinatra I hear a swing band playing instrumental versions of his songs in my head. It's a wonderful break from constantly hearing "The Glory Of Love", so I'm not exactly complaining here.

    "I am the man who will fight....." Ugh, crap.

  • True_Blue

    Why do you constantly hear "The Glory Of Love" (which makes me want to barf)? Can't you turn it off?

  • Feralhousecat

    I'm rather fond of that Sinatra quote.

  • One person's stupid and inane is another's zeke's life motto.

  • I don't know if Sinatra said it first, but I have a clear memory of Dean Martin saying it on his TV show.

  • Feralhousecat

    It is probably a Joe E. Lewis line.

  • Anthony Hoffman

    If you've ever worked 40 hours a week, it's not stupid.

  • foolsage

    Yeah, that one really doesn't belong with the others. It's just a witty comment about alcoholism; it's not stupid or inane like the other quotes.

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