Men Heterosexuals Believe Gay Men Love | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

The Five Guys a Heterosexual Male Believes that All Gay Men Love

A Seriously Random List XXIII / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | November 18, 2008 | Comments (128)

I like to make lists. And I also like to idly speculate on topics of which I have little or no knowledge. See, my man-crushes are pretty well known on this site: Ryan Reynolds, Robert Downey, Jr., and Vince Vaughn. But, I’m a straight guy. Straight guys, who don’t actually have sex with other men, tend to have man crushes that are more about idolization than they are about sexual attraction (granted, I just happen to “idolize” Ryan Reynolds’ abs).

But there are also certain actors I see, and I think — with absolutely no actual data to back this up, anecdotal or otherwise — that guy looks like a dude that gay men would like to love on. And by “love on,” I mean: Sodomize in a way that’s not looked upon favorably by our Lord and Savior.

So, without further ado, here’s a list of the top five men I — a heterosexual — believe that all gay men think are hot. I invite our gay male readers to weigh in to agree or disagree:

5. Ryan Gosling.

4. Paul Rudd.

3. Daniel Radcliffe.

2. Chris O’Donnell.

1. James Franco.

← JCVD | Robotech Movie →

Comments

I think you're wrong. No one likes Chris O'Donnell.

Posted by: becks at November 18, 2008 2:35 PM

all copies of that pic of daniel radcliffe should be destroyed. he looks so gay there. lol
i love harry potter
but i lust for the weasley twins

Posted by: courtney 1 at November 18, 2008 2:36 PM

afterelton.com, a site recording and commenting on gay and bisexual male visibility in media, has a "hot 100" list every year.
if i remember correctly, gosling and rudd are on it, but i expect franco to be on it next year after his stint in milk.
(he's too squinty for my tastes, but whatever.)

Posted by: LL at November 18, 2008 2:36 PM

Godtopus doesn't look favorably upon sodomy? Huh, who knew?

Posted by: admin at November 18, 2008 2:39 PM

Hee, sorry, all I could imagine when I saw that Daniel Radcliffe picture was "We're the dahncers!" Wonder how he would look in a leotard and high heels...
Eehh..nevermind.

Posted by: Erin S at November 18, 2008 2:44 PM

Jake Gyllenhaal?

Posted by: amanda47 at November 18, 2008 2:44 PM

Are we limiting this to actors? If not, shouldn't Anderson Cooper top this list?

Or Tom Selleck. Take your pick.

Posted by: branded at November 18, 2008 2:45 PM

I think my best friend Jay would call shenanigans, Dustin. Also? That picture of Radcliffe scares the shit out of me.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 2:46 PM

Poor Radcliffe. He has Elijah Wood disease, where he's always gonna look like a 5 year old with a false beard on, no matter how naked he gets on stage.

Franco is aight, but Rudd...*sigh* Ive always loved that picture.

Posted by: Kat at November 18, 2008 2:46 PM

Godtopus looks favorably on sodomy as long as it's one of his tentacles doing the sodomizing. Like in anime. Cuz you know you can't have anime without some orange-haired school girl or a blue-haired nurse getting ass-fucked by a giant squid tentacle at least once within the movie.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 18, 2008 2:46 PM

Vincent Gallo, Elijah Woods, Daniel Radcliffe = *Crazy* eyes

Posted by: amanda47 at November 18, 2008 2:48 PM

Poor Radcliffe. He has Elijah Wood disease, where he's always gonna look like a 5 year old with a false beard on, no matter how naked he gets on stage.

it's funny because it's true.

Posted by: dylanj at November 18, 2008 2:49 PM

Chris O'Donnell? HUH?

Way to be in touch there Rowles, why not put Stephen Dorff there while you are at it?

Actually, B-Slim. O'Donnell was a nostalgic shout-out to my gay Pops. He had a monster O'Donnell crush and he may be the only guy who ever loved Batman and Robin. -- DR

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 18, 2008 2:50 PM

Off the top of my head, Jay's top five list would be as follows:

1. Lee Pace
2. Johnny Knoxville (I know)
3. Anthony Kiedis
4. Joseph Fiennes
5. Jon Stewart

Keep in mind that we've discussed approximately 5 hundred bajillion men over the past ten years, since we're both overly horny bitches.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 2:52 PM

Uh... you left out Bea Arthur.

Posted by: Skitz at November 18, 2008 2:53 PM

Way to be in touch there Rowles, why not put Stephen Dorff there while you are at it?

That made me cackle, Slim.

I can't stop looking at that Radcliffe picture. Take the vest off, TAKE IT OFF!! And then put on a t-shirt, I feel like I'm staring at child porn. And that's for home only.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 2:55 PM

My suspicion is that straight, not gay, men like Paul Rudd.

Posted by: samantha t at November 18, 2008 2:58 PM

That Paul Rudd pic is grossing me out as much as the Radcliffe one--but then, I was never one for male upper-inner thigh.

Posted by: Lindsay at November 18, 2008 3:07 PM

Hmm, I just don't know about this list. I think it's definitely the list made by the hetero who is thinking about what the gay wants but actually has no clue. And I guess that's the point? I always thought gay men went for the men like Eric McCormack and that dude on Brothers & Sisters - after looking him up - his name is Luke Macfarlane. Then I'd add Prince, Morrissey and Anderson Cooper. A yummy gay sandwich!

Posted by: Cindy at November 18, 2008 3:07 PM

Wow...Dustin, you must be straight to come up that list. With the exception of Paul Rudd and James Franco, as a gay man, I have no attraction to the rest of them whatsoever. But I will meet you half-way: some "fey" friends of mine came up from DC to see Radcliffe in that Broadway play he's in purely, of course, to see Harry Potter naked. Got news for ya folks: thems be some low-hangers attached to a half-eaten tootsie roll. Needless to say, my friends were disappointed.

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:09 PM

I was sincerely hoping to die not knowing a thing about Harry Potter's crotch wand. :sob:

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 3:12 PM

Sorry Julie. I had to endure the description over a 5-hour happy hour in mid-town. This might be why I blacked out most of the evening....

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:14 PM

Ha! I would definitely have needed a shot or 7 of Johnnie Walker Gold to get me through that.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 3:16 PM

Scott - nice use of "fey." That word doesn't get as much use as it should.

Posted by: samantha t at November 18, 2008 3:17 PM

mmm...I think I'm a gay man....

I'm not very familiar with Franco, although I think I could be convinced to not kick him out of bed. I could take or leave Chris O'Donnell. But the bottom three....yowza.

Posted by: meaux at November 18, 2008 3:17 PM

Actually, try about 4 vodka martinis, 2 of which were garlic, several "mystery" shots and a glass of single malt scotch. did i mention i watched a bitch fight between two of the idiots that joined us? that more than made up for the tootsie roll discussion. whee! just be happy you haven't seen the Radcliffe cell phone footage some desperate queen took from the front row!

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:23 PM

I agree with everything everybody said, especially the Elijah Wood disease comments, and then I hit this:

"Got news for ya folks: thems be some low-hangers attached to a half-eaten tootsie roll. Needless to say, my friends were disappointed."

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:09 PM

"I was sincerely hoping to die not knowing a thing about Harry Potter's crotch wand. :sob:"

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 3:12 PM

Now I've snorted tea all over my keyboard and screen. Thanks, I needed that.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 18, 2008 3:24 PM

Slim's gonna list all the men you'll ever need:

Pink
Phillip Michael Thomas
Keifer Sutherland
Method Man
John Foresythe

there.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 18, 2008 3:26 PM

Seriously, Dustin. Just admit that this is the list of men YOU would go for if you were gay, and leave everyone else out of it.

Posted by: AM at November 18, 2008 3:27 PM

I'm going to throw Robert Buckley (of "Lipstick Jungle") into this. He's got that "lovable doofus" look mixed with the abs that Dustin whacks off about daily. In my mind, he's that guy you enjoy and then set free. There's nothing there but mindnumbingly good sex (or a whack off fantasy in some cases).

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:29 PM

Do gay men besides Perez Hilton actually like Zac Efron?

Robert Buckley is a fantastiglorious choice Scott.

Posted by: becks at November 18, 2008 3:33 PM

I have a couple friends that like to joke about how much they enjoy "hairless non-threatening boys." They watch Supernatural purely for J-Pizzo. That's the kind of guy I picture a gay man going for. The Abercrombie-model type.

Posted by: Snath at November 18, 2008 3:37 PM

CALLING ALL FEY READERS: in the spirit of bitchiness, let's compile a list of women that gay men think straight guys love. I'll bet you all that we're more on the mark than this list was. my picks, in no particular order: elizabeth banks, mary-louise parker, chloe sevigny, heidi klum, rosario dawson, julianne moore. let's see what the rest of you come up with...

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:38 PM

Radcliffe picture = creepyWTF

But Ryan Gosling? Is beautiful. Especially all scruffy in that main article picture.

Posted by: Gabs at November 18, 2008 3:40 PM

No Becks, we do not like Zac Efron. if we wanted to fuck a wax statue, we'd go to Madame Taussauds (sp?). thanx for the R.Buckley love though...

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:41 PM

I can hardly imagine any time when I actually tried to think of which guys gays were into. A more interesting list or at least more revelant and wider ranging woud be...

"Women that women think are beautiful that guys could not care less about"

Posted by: djganesh at November 18, 2008 3:47 PM

Well Scott three out of five ain't bad. Dump Parker and Moore.

Posted by: admin at November 18, 2008 3:47 PM

I heard that gay men read maps like women, and since I know that I always get turned on by those compass points on maps (imagine the possibilities in an orgy!), I would have to put an anthropomorphized compass at #1.

(I know compass is the wrong word, but whatever, it's not like a gay guy would know the correct term either.)

Posted by: Sabrina at November 18, 2008 3:48 PM

I am not a male nor am I gay, but somehow I think Jude Law belongs on that list, probably in Daniel Radcliffe's place (why is he wearing a leather vest? It looks fetishy)

I mean Jude Law is so pretty, so very, very pretty.

Posted by: citizen_cris at November 18, 2008 3:49 PM

fair enough...in place of parker and moore, let's say Eva Green and Alyssa Milano. if i'm right, that's 6 for 6 bitches!

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 3:53 PM

I think the next random list should be Transgendered Animal Actors. I know Lassie was always played by boy dogs.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 18, 2008 3:58 PM

Scott, this is totally off-topic, but could you please explain a garlic vodka martini to me? Because I can't stand real martinis, but a garlic one sounds intriguing. Because garlic makes everything better.

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 18, 2008 3:59 PM

Whoa, Daniel Radcliffe looks like a pervert in that photo.

He's cute, just shave off that beard. It makes him look like he likes to be tied up and beaten. Eek.

I used to have a huge crush on Chris O'Donnell when I was like...12. No more. He looks like such a pansy...

Posted by: figgy at November 18, 2008 3:59 PM

As far as this supposedly heterosexual male goes, Parker was the only one you got right. And Milano.

Chloe Sevigny? I don't think any straight men find her attractive.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at November 18, 2008 4:00 PM

See, some of my gay friends like the softer, very hairless Abercrombie-look... Usually guys with really pretty lips... None of whom come to mind at the moment. But some of my other gay friends like the really macho guys like Statham or Vin Diesel.

*shrugs* You can't help what you think is cute enough to bang.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 18, 2008 4:04 PM

Lizzieborden, sure i can! basically the bar i was at makes their own flavored vodka. therefore, there are huge jars of vodka (say several gallon sizes) all around the walls, one of which has fresh mashed garlic "fermenting" in it. chill it, serve it with a lime wedge and you're good to go. i can only have 2 though as they are incredibly strong. the ginger ones are better.

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 4:05 PM

I prefer my martinis with gin and about 13 olives.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 4:08 PM

Dustin, i knew you were a Milano fan! honestly, i was never sure about sevigny either, but from what my brother's friends tell me, they think she'd be a wild lay and therefore, find her attractive. personally, i'd take moore, parker and banks....that is, if i were straight.

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 4:08 PM

these are the men straight men think gay men would love to love, because they are the men gay men (and some "straight" men) would want for their bottom girls. There is a definite lack of the BOLD and the BUTCH for the top of this list.

I submit, for your approval:
1. Hugh Jackman
2. Olivier Martinez
3. Vin Diesel
4. David Beckham
5. Tom Selleck

Posted by: Martika at November 18, 2008 4:10 PM

Man, what a high-concept premise for a list.

Also, that pic of Daniel Radcliffe is one of the gayest things I've ever seen. Almost gayer than Chris Meloni's 'Out' spread:

http://www.christopher-meloni.com/photosout.html

The one with the grapes? It's been five years and I still giggle at it. I get that it's 'Out' magazine, but...come on.

I'm sorry, I just like the opportunity to post this.

Posted by: Mimi at November 18, 2008 4:12 PM

Right with you on the gin Julie... in fact, i think i'm due for one after work today. and Martika, no complaints, except for Vin Diesel (eww!) and David Beckham (meh). and before anyone gets all crazy on me, remember that Beckham may have the body of a Greek god, but he has the voice of a prepubescent girl. do you really want to hear that when he "peaks"?

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 4:14 PM

"Women that women think are beautiful that guys could not care less about"

Oh boy, let's wait a little while until the next "s/he's not conventionally handsome but..." lists. Got a little out of hand.

Chloe Sevigny? I don't think any straight men find her attractive.

In "Kids" and "Trees Lounge" definitely. She wears short hair wonderfully and I do like her face, it's just that her hair and clothes often aren't wonderful, and there's this weird cool status she apparently has, or at least Vice thinks so, with her looking like crap most of the time, so I don't get it. I'm kinda nostalgic, like when Amber Valletta grew her hair out and I was like "great, now you're just skinny with straight blonde hair. Way to go". I liked the pixie waif! It worked on her.

Right, anyway, I thought she was really, really cute in "Zodiac" though. Glasses and sweaters, I guess. I still don't know how the hell her name's pronounced.

I prefer my martinis with gin and about 13 olives.

That is, you prefer martinis.

And what if I'm fey and straight and am bored by Heidi Klum? I don't fit in your neat little box, DO I, bucko??

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2008 4:24 PM

well Vin ain't my cuppa either, but he's a good bag over the head candidate. As for Beckham, well there are lots of *fun* ways to keep him from making a peep:) Really I just have a complete obsession with Mr. Jackman. Can't wait for Australia to come out.

again, because the point is men to fuck, not men to have sensitive-post-coital-conversation-with

although DR did say men gay men love, and well, that can be a different category altogether.

Posted by: Martika at November 18, 2008 4:27 PM

Hee. I think Sevigny is pretty in Zodiac too, as well as in Shattered Glass. But that's probably because I want to make out with that movie in general.

Not the Hayden though. No no no. Azaria? Yes.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 4:27 PM

What about the last dude that played Superman? Oh, and Danny Devito, you know those queers love them bears who drink limoncellos and have a potty mouth. Plus, we already know he has no problem sleeping butt-cheek to butt-cheek with another man.

Posted by: JP at November 18, 2008 4:29 PM

woah jay! nobody wants to fit you in a little box. these are discussions, no? besides, who would you pick? anyway, martika, i want to see australia too. i'm hoping some PR friends will get me to the NYC premiere but i very much doubt it will happen. i suppose in beckham's case, duct tape across the mouth (and limbs) would be appropriate. i just have this feeling he's a squealer and for some reason, that's not a turn-on for me. jackman, on the other hand, can make as much noise, and movement, as he wants!

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 4:33 PM

jackman, on the other hand, can make as much noise, and movement, as he wants!

I concur, forever and ever. He's so burly and beautiful and sweet and accented and...burly.

Posted by: Julie at November 18, 2008 4:36 PM

And on that note Julie, i must flee. work is over and i've got some drinks and a man to attend to myself. happy tuesday y'all! seacrest out!

Posted by: Scott at November 18, 2008 4:39 PM

A Gay Take on the List:

Ryan Gosling: Take or Leave

Paul Rudd: Absolutely

Daniel Radcliffe: Crystal-Meth eyes, Peter Gallagher eyebrows, and just on the other side of jailbait...Uh, no.

Chris O'Donnell: This man is where charisma goes to to die. I'm afraid not.

James Franco: Take or Leave

Posted by: Michael at November 18, 2008 4:41 PM

I've honestly only found Hugh Jackman attractive as Wolverine. There's something about those sideburns, man. And the muscles, etc. But when he's not Wolverine? Nothing. Nothing at all.

I call it the Viggo Mortensen effect. I only ever find him attractive when he's covered in dirt and blood and looking all growly in Lord of the Rings.

My friend David's biggest celebrity crush is actually Hayden Christiensen. He likes the girly boys.

Posted by: figgy at November 18, 2008 4:44 PM

Huh. Well based on what I've heard from the gay men that I work with, I'd say Anderson Cooper, Gerard Butler, Ben Browder, Tobey Maguire, and Christopher Eccleston.

Posted by: docsmartypants at November 18, 2008 4:51 PM

I call it the Viggo Mortensen effect. I only ever find him attractive when he's covered in dirt and blood and looking all growly in Lord of the Rings.

What do you call it when I find Viggo irresistible no matter what - and most especially naked?

As for the gay man's straight men's women list, isn't ScarJo on all the lists?

Posted by: Cindy at November 18, 2008 4:54 PM

figgy, you are right on about Jackman and Mortensen.

I've got a friend who loves Julian McMahon. He said the first guy he self-served to was Ivan Drago. Hilarious.

Posted by: becks at November 18, 2008 4:54 PM

Oh I'm just making fun of how unmanly I am, Scott. Besides, I'm basically that girl in the book "Charlene Loves To Make Noise", lest anyone take my bark seriously.

(please)

This was my "Freebies" list from July if you want to know (now that he's left it seems), with a secondary diversion that got added:

Oh, well, "Who in the Whoniverse"? Sarah Lancashire. Googly Moogly. (granted, she'd normally be "Who on Coronation Street" but she counts NOW!)

Sarah Jane, Ace, Tegan, Romana II, Barbara

(well it's too easy to just say Tina Fey, Zooey Deschanel (and is Katy Perry an upsized version or is it just me? But Zooey's personality counts a lot too), Kate Winslet, Dana Delany and Fran Drescher)

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2008 5:00 PM

No...no...no...

This gay guy is going to have to respectfully disagree with your choices, mostly because they're all so young-looking and small. I'm gay because I like men...big burly, masculine mens with hair and scruff and large...well, you get the point.

So here's my list.

1. Paul Rudd. I'll give you that one. He's adorable, in an "I Can Haz Paul Rudd" kind of way. I think he'd make me laugh at how ridiculous gay sex really looks.

2. David Boreanaz. So dark, so broody, so big.

3. Jake Gyllenhaal. He was running a close second to Heath Ledger for me, for obvious reasons, but being that he's still alive, he's the clear frontrunner now. He's just so dreamy.

4. Matthew McConaughey. Have you seen pictures of him in bike shorts? That's really all the reason I need. But, I think my attraction to him really lies somewhere in that pot-laded desire for the fratboy next door that is carried over from undergrad. Plus, he's sweaty a lot, and that's good.

5. Seth Rogen.Daniel Craig. He looks like he'd fuck you and then kill you. And I like that about a man.

OK, off to therapy!

TPH

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 18, 2008 5:01 PM

OMG...somehow the reason why I would bone Seth Rogen got deleted, as if anyone NEEDS a reason.

But the reasoning is this: he's big and cuddly and looks like he'd be fun to have sex with AND eat pie with. That's my kind of man.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 18, 2008 5:11 PM

Slim, your list of men was missing Mariska Hargitay!!! I was waiting for it!!! (Though I have to admit that your inclusion of Pink made me snort.)

Posted by: Jimbob at November 18, 2008 5:17 PM

LOL I don't think any of these guys are attractive.

Posted by: Matt at November 18, 2008 5:22 PM

Paul Rudd and James Franco: where do I sign?

Daniel Radcliffe: give him, oh, six years of hard work as a stonemason and I *might* consider him.

Ryan Gosling: looks too much like a friend in whom I have no sexual interest.

Chris O'Donnell: are we talking the 1994 model?

Posted by: jeem at November 18, 2008 5:32 PM

when you say gay male u actually mean gay amoebas, right? cause who else would find chris o'donnell attractive? even if I though they didnt have sexual orientation, just like chris o'donnel. I still remember fondly when he died under a train to pick a girl's hat, those were good times.
seriously dustin, nobody finds chris o'donnell attractive, not even his wife. maybe nuns.

Posted by: rio at November 18, 2008 5:36 PM

Elijah Wood !!!! Every time I see him on a talk show he seems very Gay. In the movies not as much.

Posted by: White Boy at November 18, 2008 5:42 PM

This list is pretty on the money in my regard.

Gosling is hot, or was at least when he first came on the scene.

Paul Rudd's fineness is unparalleled...

Radcliffe can be hot, that picture is fea though

And Chris O'Donnell was most certainly a 90's cutie.

James Franco is cute too, especially in Pineapple Express, he was so fey and bonable.

The one glaring omission is: CHRIS MELONI!!1!

Posted by: Dangy at November 18, 2008 5:50 PM

Yeah, a straight man picking a list of dudes he thinks gay men would like is ill-advised. Although, having said that, Daniel Radcliffe is not unattractive. The leather vest is suspect, of course, but put him in a Merchant and Ivory movie wearing late 18th century garb and he'd have the gays and the women swooning, I imagine. Hopefully, that's his next career move. I'd watch it.

The rest of the list isn't bad, except for O'Donnell. He's not unattractive either, just kinda bland.

Posted by: Slash at November 18, 2008 5:53 PM

The one glaring omission is: CHRIS MELONI!!1!

But do you want him made up as Sven?

I would.

your list of men was missing Mariska Hargitay!!!

Pardon?

She'll always be the Darwyn Cooke Catwoman that will never be filmed to me.

I've never gotten the Gosling thing but...I guess I don't need to. Like I always say, it's beyond me what a girl can see.

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2008 6:02 PM

Ryan Gosling? Love him.
Paul Rudd? Somewhat.
James Franco? Plow that until something grew.

The other two... hah. That's funny. :D

Posted by: Todd at November 18, 2008 6:25 PM

But the reasoning is this: he's big and cuddly and looks like he'd be fun to have sex with AND eat pie with.

I thought gay guys weren't into eating pie.

Posted by: Sabrina at November 18, 2008 6:29 PM

jake gyllenhaal. who is chris o'donnell?

Posted by: jasper at November 18, 2008 6:39 PM

Ah Sabrina, it's not that we won't eat pie. Indeed, we'll eat almost any kind (maybe not Hair). It's the Hot Pocket we're not a fan of.

But really, as far as Seth Rogen goes, I'd be more than happy to eat hot dogs with him, smoked sausages, popsicles, bananas...almost any phallic food, really!

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 18, 2008 6:56 PM

Oh no, the hot pocket again.

Come on, man. I'm not trying to queer your predilections with unappealing food connotations! (no pun intended, of course) Remember when I went into the Spice Agony a few months ago over that? No?

Posted by: Jay at November 18, 2008 7:01 PM

Hulk, I'm assuming phallicly erupting champagne bottles are in as well?

(Two Gunther references in one night, SCORE!)

Posted by: Sabrina at November 18, 2008 7:40 PM

YES except Radcliffe and O'Donell to a far less extent.

I will never stop having raging crushes on Rudd, Franco and Gosling. Never.

Though I WOULD like to say that its my experience that My People also love Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor and Jonahtan Rhys Meyers for giving us exactly what we wanted with Velvet Goldmine. And, for that matter, Cillian Murphy for Breakfast on Pluto.

Unrelatedly, Lizzieborden, if you see this, we should totally get together sometime for lunch or a shitty movie or something seeing as how we live like down the street from each other.

Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at November 18, 2008 7:45 PM

yes
no
GOD NO!
eh, sure
sometimes (like when he played james dean)

i think the facination with mr. harry potter is that he went from this little tweeny kid to a fairly muscular, bearded, psudo-man who does naked stage performances. kinda like the brittany spears effect.

Posted by: Rikko at November 18, 2008 7:48 PM

Gosling: Maybe, but not a definite. You've got the hotness balanced with how much I fear him, and I think I'm emotionally balanced enough to come out on the "Run away!" side of that equation.
Rudd: Oh dear Godtopus yes! But even at that he wouldn't make my top 5.
Radcliffe: He's got a movie coming out next year where he plays someone who starts the film at age 15. I don't care what age he is in real life, Rowles - that's jailbait and you know it.
O'Donnell - ...seriously?
Franco - Weird-looking dude who I instinctively dislike in everything I see him in. So that's a "No" then.

My own list (narrowing it down to actors/personalities who are likely to be known in the States): Jake Gyllenhaal, Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum, Michael Vartan, Bradley Cooper. (I'll admit the last two are probably influenced by my recent Alias binge-watching, but I make now apologies for that)

Women I'd assume straight men like: Eliza Dushku, Fammke Jannsen, Isla Fisher, Monica Belluci, Dame Judi Dench.

Posted by: Shay at November 18, 2008 7:49 PM

well you got ryan gosling and james franco right hah

Posted by: ian at November 18, 2008 7:50 PM

Shay, you are so right about the women you assume straight men like. It would be Dame Judi Drenched after I got done with her. Yowza.

Posted by: JP at November 18, 2008 7:57 PM

For me, Daniel Radcliffe is kind of a I Can't Believe It's Not Butterface. Like... depending on angles and lighting and whatever else, he either has a cute face with intense eyes or, as Tim Gunn would say {I'm feeling stereotypical today}, a whole lot of look.

Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at November 18, 2008 8:04 PM

Um, NO gay man likes Daniel Radcliffe. Especially the picture. Disgusting. And Chris O'Donnell is really random, but I do think he's hot.

Replace those two with Jake Gyllenhaal and Anderson Cooper, and I think you've pretty much got me covered.

Posted by: matty at November 18, 2008 8:08 PM

OHMYGOD YES, MATTY. I pine for Jake Gyllenhaal and Anderson Cooper. PINE.
Oh Anderson. Please love me.

Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at November 18, 2008 8:13 PM

GAEL GARCIA BERNAL.

so what if he's short. he's talented, he's beautiful, and god damn if he didn't do a realistic job in the hotel room at the beginning of La Mala Educacion.

Posted by: djfox at November 18, 2008 9:55 PM

My suspicion is that straight, not gay, men like Paul Rudd.

So not true.

And Shane? Matthew McConaughey is just gross.

And I think everyone's leaving out those oh so androgynous/strong women that gay men are attracted to, ie Tilda Swinton and Cate Blanchett. Such amazing cheekbones...

Posted by: noah at November 18, 2008 10:11 PM

Radcliff is going to start eating someone's face in a minute.

In a cannibal way. Not a shmexy way.

Posted by: M Kane at November 18, 2008 10:13 PM

Jake Gylenhall
Leam Nissam (sp?)
Russell Crowe
Alec Baldwin yum!

Posted by: Kent at November 18, 2008 10:16 PM

I like Paul Rudd. He's pretty adorable. The rest of them not so much.

Posted by: Jeremy at November 18, 2008 10:59 PM

I cant keep it to myself myself for any longer. Ahem.. my gay friend crushes on Shia. Yes it's true. We bond over our love for Shia. Mind you, he has no taste anyway so I'm not sure what that says about me..

Posted by: Seraf at November 18, 2008 11:17 PM

My suspicion is that straight, not gay, men like Paul Rudd.

Posted by: samantha t at November 18, 2008 2:58 PM

He seems to split the party ticket. Perhaps a Libertine-arian?

I just checked and there are no blondes on this list -- so clearly no Libertine-Aryans...

Posted by: Che Grovera at November 18, 2008 11:32 PM

Jesus Louise-us, Noah, it's THE PINK HULK, not Shane, when we're on Pajiba. How would you feel if I went around revealing your secret identity to everyone in cyberspace?

Now I have to find a new disguise.

I guess these Sally Jesse glasses and hot pink Spanx will go to waste...

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 19, 2008 1:02 AM

And plus, Noah, if you can have Aaron Eckhart on your opt-out list, I can have Matthew McConaughey on mine.

I like that he doesn't wear deodorant.

Which brings me to a possible mini-diversion. What fetishes do you think that celebrities have?

Hell, for that matter, what are you guys' fetishes?

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 19, 2008 1:06 AM

Ehhh, of those five, just Paul Rudd. But then I'm bi, so maybe I don't really count here.

That Radcliffe photo is a billion different types of horrid.

Posted by: vic at November 19, 2008 2:06 AM

Here's my top 10 (in no particular order):

Eric Bana
David Boreanaz
Anderson Cooper
Mario Lopez
Ben Browder
Hugh Jackman
Ryan Reynolds
Jamie Bamber
Chris Evans
Matt Damon

Paul Rudd just missed the cut. For me Ryan Gosling would be eye candy but more of a "friend" type. James Franco has a beautiful exotic look, but not my type. Fervent nays for the other two. Unfortunately none of them bat openly for the team (I know, I know, open secret about Anderson).

I don't know if athletes count, but my list would definitely include Tom Brady.

As far as speculating about the list of women, here's my amateur attempt:

Angelina Jolie
Kirsten Dunst
Kiera Knightley
Hayden Panettiere
Elizabeth Banks
Alyssa Milano
Jessica Alba
Scarlett Johansson
Jennifer Garner
Pamela Anderson

Posted by: hartfan at November 19, 2008 4:16 AM

Some one REALLY needs to explain the Ryan Gosling love to me
I've tried and tried to watch him, to appreciate him as an actor, but one, he's not fit, IMO, and two...i just have this burning hatred for him that i'm fairly certain sours me against trying to enjoy his acting...I first saw him with the constantly fugly potatofaced Michael Pitt in some weird serial killer movie with Sandra Bullock and Ben Chaplin. It was shit, they both where fucking shit it in it.

Some please give me a a clue as to why he's so beloved?
I understand it's widely accepted the kid can act his nards off but i dont see it, and cant bring myself to watch him
MOSTLY because he used to play young hercules and was so god damned awful.
In fact..thats it! That's why i hate him! that show was cockstain bad and he was horrible in it but every episode despite being roughyl 30 minutes long seemed to last SO much longer and would drive me mad!
Also, does anyone think Daniel Radcliffe is Elijah Wood's equally as not fit but in fact creepy and yes, quite gay looking brother??
The only one on that list i'd personally, as a female, have anything to do with is James Franco.
Paul Rudd i'd be drinkin buddies with, but Franco? Franco i would DO THINGS to.
Dirty things

Posted by: nadine at November 19, 2008 6:09 AM

i am friends with "the gays", and you forgot 2 biggies:

christopher meloni & jake gyllenhal (sp?)

meloni was in oz (and the gays love prison sex) as well as on the cover of "the advocate". he worse makeup, in a very masculine way.

& as someone mentioned above, paul rudd is a straight guy crush.

Posted by: glittergirl at November 19, 2008 8:58 AM

Unrelatedly, Lizzieborden, if you see this, we should totally get together sometime for lunch or a shitty movie or something seeing as how we live like down the street from each other.

Saint Saturn Sunshine, if you see this, I'm totally down for that! Are you on Facebook? Or do you need my email?

And Scott, that sounds awesome. And the ginger sounds even better. I'm not much of a gin girl, though. I like girly drinks, mostly. And teh beer!

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 19, 2008 9:17 AM

Are you kidding? Gin's totally a girl drink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfDLDB4g0F4

Posted by: Jay at November 19, 2008 9:39 AM

I don't remember where I read this... but, recently the top two crushes for gay men in England were:

1. Jude Law
2. Robert Downey Jr.

Downey crosses all barriers. He is just that awesome.

Posted by: Aliboo at November 19, 2008 10:54 AM

yay on all counts bar Radcliffe. uggh not my cup of tea thank you

Posted by: David at November 19, 2008 11:11 AM

As a fruit fly, I have to say that I disagree with most of this list.

From my gay friends, I'd have to say that Daniel Craig is definitely one, as well as Brandon Routh and Gael Garcia Bernal (I have a friend who really loves the Latinos)

Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 19, 2008 11:56 AM

Rudd & Franco, hell yes.

The other three. meh, WTF, and NO.

And, just to add one more fey me too!

you really forgot Jake Gyllenhaal.

Posted by: Drake at November 19, 2008 12:05 PM

Jay, have i mentioned lately that i totally heart you? Dylan Moran!

(I have a friend who loves her a dirty gin martini. the only problem is that gin makes her well and truly mean. and then she wakes up the next day and doesn't remember the mean things she did. so i won't let her drink it anymore.)

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 19, 2008 12:07 PM

Franco is just no.

Daniel Radcliffe DISGUSTS me.

Posted by: Kevin at November 19, 2008 12:12 PM

I almost wrote "Where's Bernal?" He is gorgeous to all.

As to C. Sevigny, I have never found her to be a traditional knockout type, but she is so, so talented and has gotten to where she is without really trading on her appearance, so I really can't bear any criticism of her.

Posted by: samantha t at November 19, 2008 1:44 PM

Who would like paul rudd and his beer-belly?? That picture is old.
and how's possible Beckham is not in the list? you know nothing.

Posted by: Henry at November 19, 2008 1:46 PM

No Johnny Depp? Or is it because all gay men (straight men, all women regardless of orientation) DO want him?

Posted by: Drayke at November 19, 2008 2:22 PM

I'm with you on Rudd and Franco. I think everyone, sexual identity aside loves Rudd and Franco.

But Chris O'Donnell is just sdlfksefsdg;sdflg

Sorry fell asleep on my keyboard

Posted by: Park at November 19, 2008 2:25 PM

Whatever; Tom Selleck is on everyone's list. Every chick on Friends though he was hot and it's just getting better. The show wasn't called Magnum; Selleck was called Magnum.

Posted by: TWoP Fan at November 19, 2008 3:34 PM

Gay male here. Um... I guess these five are all "hot" in an objective sense.

And yeah - Jake Gyllenhaal, bar none, should've been on this list dude. Daniel Craig would be a fair addition. RDJ, too. I think he's just universally loved. Ditto Craig.

Chris O'Donnell, though? Hot, I suppose, but man... what is this? 1999?

Can I also just say that I totally appreciate that you found the gayest pictures of these guys for the list. Thanks, Dustin.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at November 19, 2008 3:43 PM

Lizzieborden I am TOTALLY on Facebook. Email me your name at SassafrassGreen@gmail.com.
Unless I'm stupid and your name is Lizzie Borden.

Posted by: Saint Saturn Sunshine at November 19, 2008 4:14 PM

SSS! I am emailing you now.

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 19, 2008 4:40 PM

I'm not a gay man, but I would say you need to swap O'Donnell out for Ryan Reynolds. Gay men like hot abs too!

Posted by: ph at November 20, 2008 2:47 PM

is this the white supremist list? how come you only seem find white men attractive? that says something.

Posted by: zzz at November 21, 2008 4:40 PM

I'm with zzz I'm Caucasian and the list is definitely missing brown boys. What about Usher mmm

Posted by: scallywagfag at November 21, 2008 7:58 PM

They are all twinks. Not all gay men want twinks. My top five would be:

Mario Lopez
Vin Diesel
Daniel Craig
Matthew McConaughey

and the guy I'm sleeping with tonite!

Posted by: Grant at November 21, 2008 8:18 PM

Paul Rudd is a "twink"???

I mean, I love him, but he's a bit, well... middle-aged and hairy for twinkitude, isn't he?

My additions:
Robert Downey Junior (gay guys like him too!)
Gael Garcia Bernal/Diego Luna (must come as a pair)
James Franco
Chris Meloni OH HELL YES

Posted by: Distingué Traces at November 22, 2008 3:32 PM

As a gay man, I say: No, no, yes, no, yes.

Names others have added:

Robert Downey, Jr: Yes.

Diego Luna: Yes.

Vin Diesel: No.

Jude Law: Maybe.

Matt Damon: No.

Eric Bana: Yes.

David Boreanaz: No.

Tobey Maguire: Yes.

Anderson Cooper: No.

Matthew McConaughey: Maybe.

Hugh Jackman: Yes.

Elijah Wood: Yes.

Chris Evans: No.

Aaron Eckhart: Yes.

Russell Crowe: No.

Mario Lopez: Yes.

Tom Selleck: What?

Brandon Routh: Yes.

Jake Gyllenhaal: Yes.

Johnny Depp: Sure, why not.

Daniel Craig: Yes. Fuck you all. I was saying this guy was hot back in his Layer Cake days when everyone else was saying, "Who is this guy? He can't be Bond! He's too ugly."

Posted by: Craig D. at December 5, 2008 10:23 PM

Erm... Chris is cute... James is gorgeous. The other blokes I don't really care for. And Robert Downey Jr. is... like insanely hot.

Posted by: Jude at December 7, 2008 4:11 AM

What about Cillian Murphy? Those lips, those eyes, you could SLICE CHEESE on those cheekbones..

Good list hartfan...besides Dunst...she's cute but not akin to the MAXIM types you have listed. But you forgot Jennifer Aniston and yes, Britney Spears, especially now that she's back in the game. I think Sevigny made the list just for "Brown Bunny." But I dig her...very cute in Tree's Lounge. I like those bookish looking girls...or the idea of them at least. glasses on a girl switch me on as well, see Lisa Loeb for evidence.

Posted by: stryker1121 at December 11, 2008 10:07 PM

ryan gosling... end of story... not only is he incredibly attractive... but he is a spectacular actor, and i love film. watch "half nelson", 'stay', "lars and the real girl", 'notebook'. something about him... cigarette-smoking-hot-loner-brooding-type. call me odd... i'm straight... but i think the guy is a sexy man.

Posted by: jonas at December 13, 2008 3:31 PM

If you think this list consists of the top 5 guys a gay guy like myself would go nuts over, boy did you get a wrong number. It sure says alot more about you though. How about some real men and not twinks? How about guys who demonstrate some great manly characteristics? It's not all about cocky smiles and great abs. Oh, I forgot, for almost all gay men it is about exactly that. Please, no more Brads, Jakes or Zacs ... Men who love men love them for their masculine qualities not their pretty eyes. Now, I want you to run to your local pharmacy, buy some lube and condoms and hang out at your local bus stop! You need it bad ...GIRL!!

Posted by: Patrick at January 3, 2009 9:32 PM

If only Steven Strait would break through already, he'd make every gay man's list. Alas, he's not famous enough (yet). But it's cool cause his fans get to keep him all to ourselves.

Posted by: Michael W. at January 31, 2009 6:18 PM

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