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Meet the Defenders of the Worst Movies of All-Time

By Josh Kurp | Seriously Random Lists | August 17, 2012 | Comments ()


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Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of what's, for my money, the worst movie of all-time: The Adventures in Pluto Nash. Y'know, that $100 million film that made $7 million at the box office, that currently has a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, that took over 15 years to make, that JENNIFER LOPEZ dropped out of. That's the ultimate insult. Anyway, on Adventures' birthday, I found myself looking at the movie's fan-made Amazon reviews, which is evidently the only place in the world that has positive things to say about Pluto F*cking Nash. Here are 10 awful movies, including Pluto Nash, that everyone in the world hated, except for these wannabe-critics on Amazon.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

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Im a big fan of movies like star wars, titan ae, and spaceballs, and i place this right next to those on my shelf. "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" is about a nightclub owner (murphy) who refuses to sell the club and gets his name put on a hitlist for it. Full of action and laughs. (Via)

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

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I LOVED this movie. For all those who trashed it saying that it was shallow, Loud, lacking in dialogue, I beg to differ. And don't listen to them. Go watch it...this is an action pack movie, what did you expect it to be, ballet dancing, classical music with Shakespear lines? The plot is good enough to keep you interested. (Via)

Batman and Robin

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Batman and robin is a visually stylish and entertaining film. It is a special effects extravaganza with lots of humor and funny, witty lines and a nice intelligent storyline that is almost as fun as tim burton`s 1989 excellent blockbuster film BATMAN. It is a very enjoyable and impressive film with a solid cast, plot, story, characters, lots of fun and excitement and beautifull and romantic scenes.The action is never dull or boring. I liked the museum scene where batman and robin are fighting MR.Freeze and his henchmen, uma Thurman`s arabian music and dance sequence at the Wayne Diamond`s party scene, elle macpherson`s romantic scenes with george clooney and arnold schwarzenneger as mr.freeze and the awesome sound and music and the beautifull architecture and buildings of gotham city. I don`t know why people don`t like this movie ,it is a great film. Batman returns (1992) is awful, hideous and horrible and very boring. The Dark Knight, Batman Begins and Batman Forever are OK but not great. (Via)

Battlefield Earth

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im not sure why so many people hated this movie, but i loved it. im no good at reviewing movies, so im not even going to try. i just think it was great and john travolta is awesome. (Via)

From Justin to Kelly

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It is your average teen movie but on the beach. It is also just like Grease but on the beach. It starts off with Kelly not wanting to go to Miami. So her 2 friends convince her to go. Of course! And the movie goes on from there. Kelly meet's Justin they go through alot while on Spring Break. And I mean alot. Mostly having to do with there friends. There friends also go through alot. But have alot of parties. Not bad partys like geeting drunk or something like that. Nice and clean Parties. Well there is one little bad partie. A whipped bikini contest. But you barley see the girls in whipped cream. so this is more for kids that are from ages 9-13. And maybe some adults may like this. KELLY IS MY IDOL!!!!!!!!!!! (Via)

Gigli

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When Gigli came out everyone said that this is the worst movie ever. Thus, I had to see it for myself. When I came out of the movie theater after watching Gigli, I thought to myself "God those critics are morons!" Gigli was wonderful. It was original and entertaining. I titled my review for this movie "Expectations Ruin Everything" because I believe that this movie would have been a hit if audiences hadn't expected Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck to get together in the end. I think that when critics went to see this movie they thought it would be a standard romantic comedy. However, when they ended up seeing an original, funny, unromantic, kind of sassy movie, their expectations were not met, therefore they were not satisfyed. (Via)

Highlander II: The Quickening

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This is simply the most satisfying sequel I have ever seen. It is a rare movie that can surpass the original, but Highlander 2 does just that. Don't take my word for it: the fans and critics alike have shared a rare bond over the striking class and beauty of this visual masterpiece. Yes, it's a science fiction masterpiece that puts Bladerunner to shame with the versatility of it's special effects and leaves nothing out in terms of blowing me away with it's amazing plot. (Via)

The Hottie & the Nottie

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I thought this movie was very sweet. I hadn't seen a movie like it before, it was refreshing to watch an unfamiliar plot unfold. I loved the fact that June was given a chance to shine. It would be so hard to be constantly compared to your friend as the "nottie". I think something we can learn from this movie is that you should make the most of who you are, don't put yourself down. If you don't believe in yourself, who will? I know a lot of people hated this movie because of Paris Hilton. If you focus on the story, its far better than most movies today. I'd definitely recommend it, especially to teenage girls. Go on, its worth it. (Via)

Superbabies - Baby Geniuses 2

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This wasn't as good as the first, but still good. People over-exaggerate to the extreme with this. This film is about a group of toddlers who hear the legend about the Kahuna, a Peter Pan-like kid and his nemesis (Jon Voigt.) Voigt is creating something attached to tvs that control people's minds and the group accidentally retrieve a disc of his for the tvs and are about to be ambushed when the Kahuna himself saves them. The Kahuna takes them under his wing to be super and nail his enemy once and for all. I'll name a few things worse than this: Wall-E, Happy Feet, The Goods, From Justin to Kelly, Bloodsport 4, Daddy Day Camp, Future Wars, the A-Team, Battlefield Earth, Batman and Robin. (Via)

Tiptoes

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like the title says, this is the greatest movie ever made. It will give you hope in humanity. Buy it. (Via)


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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Hiro_the_Eighth_Samurai

    These "customer reviews" were probably written by people who were paid to give the products a positive boost. There's a lot of that taking place on Amazon. Some of the "reviews" on Amazon products sound just like press releases, because that's what they are. Many of them are full of blatant corporate-speak.

  • stryker1121

    I would love to spam that B&R review around YouTube just for the insanity (and death threats) from the rabble.

  • knifeyspoony

    I'll say this about Batman and Robin: it kind of baffles me that films like The Room and Showgirls have become "so bad it's good" cult classics, but Batman and Robin still gets stuck with so much scorn. it's so dumb and ridiculous that it comes right back around to being entertaining.

  • firedmyass

    I don't know... to me, B&R just rams straight up "dumb and riciculous" and lodges there until it forms a tumor of bone and hair.

  • yocean

    That review of Tiptoe made me hate the humanity.

  • ,

    I was wondering how "Plan 9" wasn't on here, and then I realized: These movies have at least one defender.

  • Kip Hackman

    I wonder if there's some service that actors or agents can hire to write favorable reviews for their movies that totally fail. Like how actors hire writers to tweet for them, sorta. What I'm saying, is I hope those people received compensation, because otherwise, I've lost a lot of faith in humanity.

  • Britta

    What about Vanilla Ice's infamous "Cool As Ice?" That's got to be the absolute worst movie I've ever seen

  • Pat C.

    It's true you can't please everybody. And evidently you can't displease everybody. After all, there are people who enjoy eating feces.

  • firedmyass

    shhhhhh! TLC may be reading this!

  • BL Z Bubb

    what, no Rocky?

  • Wow. I had completely forgotten about Justin, until now. And yet I still can't remember his surname.
    (whatever happened to...?)

  • Bandit

    Oh Eddie Murphy. How do you go from the comic genius of Delirious to just being a poor, fallen bastard. His career progression (or lack thereof) makes me so sad.

  • Rochelle

    Bad movies + good friends + several bottles of alcohol of choice = best time ever. Thanks for the suggestions for the next bad movie viewing party. The last one was Titanic, but we all passed out before we got to my favorite part to mock. I'm not sure we'll be able to make it through Battlefield Earth with our livers intact.

  • Snath

    I can't make it past the fuckwit saying that Batman and Robin is better than Nolan's films. Just can't fucking do it.

  • DarthCorleone

    I refuse to believe that Highlander II review isn't just an attempt to yank some chains.

  • PerpetualIntern

    What do these reviewers have against capital letters?

  • Nadine

    KELLY IS MY IDOLL!!!! Aaaw

  • crispin

    This is funnier when they do it on "How Did This Get Made?".... the bit this article is stolen from.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Yeah, because nobody ever discussed the worst movies ever made before "How did this get made?" did it, huh?

  • These people have to be trolls.

    Have to be.

  • JenVegas

    I still have nightmares about Tiptoes.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Tom Cruise wrote the review for Battlefield Earth while grasping L-Rons e-meter.

  • Guest

    Yep. I've defended some pretty controversially "bad" movies in my time, but nary a one of these. Girl's gotta have some standards.

  • dizzylucy

    I don't know, I saw Manos last night with Riff Trax, that's a pretty hard one to dethrone as Worst Movie Ever.
    I have not heard of this Shakespear person. I'm assuming he's some sort of violent grocer?

  • CptCrckpot

    I went too! I love RiffTrax Live. First thing I did when I got to work this morning was schedule 10/25 off so I can see them riff on Birdemic.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Torgo dance break!

  • lowercase_ryan

    WHITE TRASH TWILIGHT!!!!

  • the kitastrophe

    I was there too, what a great time. NORMAN!!!!!

  • I saw that last night, too! I've seen some pretty ridiculously bad movies, too, without RiffTrax to gentle the blow: Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (which was rated PG and I guess says enough in and of itself), Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural...
    But I haven't seen Pluto Nash, so I guess I can't fairly compare.

  • POINGjam

    "what did you expect it to be, ballet dancing, classical music with Shakespear lines?"

    Is that what people think we watch?

  • DeistBrawler

    That's Paris Hilton?

    Holy shit, I thought that was Kate Hudson.

  • e jerry powell

    More like the Jelly Baby that came out if Kate Hudson ass-fucked Uma Thurman.

  • firedmyass

    well, that was... vivid.

  • e jerry powell

    I do try...

    Paris deserves only the best.

  • 'I LOVED this movie. For all those who trashed it saying that it was shallow, Loud, lacking in dialogue, I beg to differ'
    I think if Ecks Vs Sever had been lacking in dialogue that would have in fact been a bonus.

  • no one

    Darn, I thought this was going to be a write up about Armond White.

  • Armando Blanco

    Recognition is merely a dystopic YouTube comment upon the escutcheon of true talent.

    I think that this moment calls for extrapolation on this arrogantly matter-of-fact vestule of self-satisfactory condemnation of honest filmmaking.

    As America citizenry are wont to do, The Adventures of Pluto Nash was drug through the muck of the "critical" minds of the industry for its economic ineffectiveness in the soup of the box office; this, however, made the public more of a farce than the film, and coincidentally furthered the effectiveness of the plot.

    Much like Nash's predecessor and older-soul-twin, Harlem Nights, The Adventures of Pluto Nash bared forth the stigma and emotional turmoil minorities have and will continue to face in attempting to gain social merit, economic viability, and prestige within the community, be it Earth or the heavens going (somewhat comically said) "forward." Verily, be it in said film, or in his oft-troubled public history, Eddie Murphy bravely set forward the ideal of African-American triumph in the workplace and business sector, despite overwhelming dissidence to the noble cause of equality. In the face of such an insurmountable obstacle, Murphy holds not even the slightest of grim candor in his complex expressions- he instead works in a vibrant humor and oft-hilarious determination to remain in the taxing spotlight of a middle ground; a star's appeal of pure entertainment, and a heady, futuristic indictment of the forces that continue to hold him and his goals to the ground, far from the dreamy crevices of a moon, where all ground is equal and same.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    You are totally stealing pages from "How Did This Get Made" podcast playbook - a podcast I highly recommend by the way which has covered a good portion of these cinematic wonders. Also, Highlander in no way belongs on this list. Any movie where Sean Connery plays a Spaniard must not be questioned.

  • icravefreshbrains

    I totally second the recommendation for this podcast, it's awesome

  • There are seven billion people in the world. How do you expect one or two ideas NOT to overlap each other?

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    The podcast usually does commentary and then includes a section of reviews read aloud from amazon (like above). Nevertheless, "Stealing" was probably a poor choice and I should have said something more like "taking a page". I just really wanted to point people to the podcast because those that like this post will probably enjoy it as well.

  • Group hug.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Mos def to the group hug.

  • dahlia6

    A Spaniard by way of Egypt, if I recall correctly. Which I don't, because, uh, I'd never watch anything so crappy . . . DAMN IT!

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You didn't. Highlander has no sequels.

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    And there's totally not a shitty remake being made with some rando pretty boy because, god knows, there's just such a dearth of Scottish actors out there right now.

    *bitter post is bitter, like my heart*

  • Maguita NYC

    Clearly, you've never watched Jean-Claude Van Damme's Hard Target. A movie sooo bad and cheesy, that had become a favorite in our household for drinking games.

    For every slow-motion action sequence (and there are very many), we do the wave followed by one Tequila shot. No need to tell you that we were never able to finish the damn movie.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • bamf lovah

    I need to know the other rules of the Hard Target Drinking Game, because that one rule already sounds amazing.

  • Maguita NYC

    Try surviving the trailer first, then we'll talk of other rules.

    Remember, EVERY slow motion action sequence deserves a Tequila shot.
    Yes, even recharging a gun.

  • dude I love Hard Target.

  • hapl0

    I don't care what you say about Ecks v Server. Still one of the coolest movie posters of all time.
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x2Xb...

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