Lust-Ranking TV & Film's 20 Best Depression Beards

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Lust-Ranking TV & Film's 20 Best Depression Beards

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | September 30, 2013 | Comments ()


Nicholas Brody — Homeland: Okay not strictly a depression beard. More of a “I’ve been kidnapped and emotionally and mentally abused until I don’t really know who I am anymore.” Not a good look.

Jack Bauer — 24: This is another captivity beard. Equally not lust-inspiring.

Ted Mosby — How I Met Your Mother: Everything Ted does is the worst. We accept this as fact.

Andy Botwin — Weeds: NO.

Jack — Lost: I actually found this less upsetting than real world Kate’s addiction to lip gloss, but it’s not great.

Ron Burgundy — Anchorman: When there are things IN the beard? Foodstuffs? Oh we must look away.

Eleven — Doctor Who: This is the first and only time I’ll concede that Matt Smith is funny looking.

Dr. Cox — Scrubs: Well this BARELY counts. It’s more like robust stubble.

Jesse Pinkman — Breaking Bad: The hair was particularly egregious, but the whole look was tremendously distressing. Especially remembering how he once was.

Commander Riker — Star Trek: The Next Generation: Riker’s beard is generally one of my favorite’s in TV history, but alternate timeline Riker? Well he was coping with the Borg. Maintenance was futile.

Max — Happy Endings: Aw who can resist the bear beard?

Ron Swanson — Parks & Recreation: Listen, this is a monstrosity. But, then again, it’s also Ron Swanson. Basically a Swanstrosity.

Walter White — Breaking Bad: Honestly? This is the best Walt has ever looked. And he’s BASICALLY The Fonz.

Bruce Wayne — The Dark Knight Rises: Do you think Alfred snuck in and shaved the sides off in the night?

Marco Ruiz — The Bridge: I don’t know if it’s Bichir’s accent or the accompanying Hoodie Of Constant Sorrow, but this worked for me. I can’t explain it.

Mr. Rochester — Jane Eyre: Higher than it has any right to be by virtue of being a Fassbeard.

John Luther — Luther: You don’t think he was depressed and angry in Series 3? Feh, that’s his secret, he’s always angry.

Clark Kent — Man Of Steel: What beard?

Christian — Mouline Rouge: It comes off as more artistic than depressive. But he’s in France at the turn of the century so I’d wager the stench is epic.

Margaery Tyrell — Game of Thrones: Winner, winner.

Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)

Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)

Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his Pussy Posse Wolf Pack were on the douche prowl in NYC. (Lainey)

Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)

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