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Locking All the Insanity in a Single Room: Lumping the Most Explosive Character Types Together

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Seriously Random Lists | April 3, 2013 | Comments ()


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You are warned up front that is a list of lists. There is nested structure going on up in here. The idea is that some characters in different television shows have very similar characteristics. This should not be shocking. Some of you are undoubtedly yelling, "they're called archetypes you ignorant twat," and that would be relatively fair. What this list of lists is for is identifying not just the similarities of character, but the characters who are similar in such ways that when combined together, their properties exponentially magnify. Most similar characters from disparate shows tossed together would just be duplicates of each other, contributing nothing more than each individual brings on their own.

And really, the casts of characters are supposed to be complimentary to a degree. They're supposed to bring different qualities to the table, fulfilling different roles. But some roles are so magnificent that if you toss complimentarity right out the window and just pile together similar individuals, it's like dynamite.

Think of it this way, if you tape two calculators together, you really can't calculate twice as fast. But if you tape two grenades together, you get twice the splodey. This is the list of grenade types.

The Wildcard. This group might just manage to kill each other within ten minutes, mostly accidentally. But if you set this group of unhinged individuals onto a single task ... they'd still end up dead but it would be memorable. Charlie ("Always Sunny"), Nick ("New Girl"), Max ("Happy Endings"), Taco ("The League").

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The Suit. Some men were just born to suit up. I'm pretty sure that it's clear that Barney lives in Archer's apartment, and that Schmidt's original character description was just "Barney Stinson". I could point out that these three hitting the town together would be legendary, but that would be too obvious to bother stating. Barney ("How I Met Your Mother"), Schmidt ("New Girl"), Archer ("Archer").

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The Anchor. Some people are born to drag everyone else down. If these three were combined together in one room they would crush the will to live out of every living thing within a mile, probably by doing a series of catastrophically stupid things that put everyone else in the show at risk, and alerting them with their trademarked high pitched whine. Dawn ("Buffy"), Carl ("Walking Dead"), Callie ("Battlestar Galactica").

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The Mad Scientist. By the end of any given day, these three would either literally destroy the universe, build a race of murderous sex robots, or just wake up naked and slathered in LSD-laced cough syrup. It's really a toss-up. Walter ("Fringe"), Krieger ("Archer"), Baltar ("Battlestar Galactica").

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The Zeppo. Television shows often like to hold up a character who is portrayed as the least competent, obviously least likely to ever have sex, stammering loser with no self confidence. That individual is almost inevitably secretly the most competent bad ass that the show has ever produced, and to drive the point home, usually manages to sleep with just about every female character on the show, plus half the guest stars. Put together, these characters would manage to satisfy the entire female population of North America, save the world repeatedly, and do so in such a way that no one else ever even knows that they exist. Xander ("Buffy"), George ("Grey's Anatomy"), Cyril ("Archer")

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • aardvark

    Can Chloe from Don't Trust the B- get in on the Wildcard group?

    Tranq sex: it's consensual.

  • I'd watch the hell out of any show made out of any of these groups.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Some people are born to drag everyone else down... by doing a series of catastrophically stupid things that put everyone else in the show at risk

    God knows I hate Carl, but the proper choice for "anchor" in The Walking Dead is (was) Lori.

  • pumpkin

    Taco might kill you accidentally, but he's not "unhinged."

    If you want someone from The League, look no further than El Cunado.

  • chumplunt

    Yep, got to agree. Rafi is his own special type of insane.

  • Kobie

    GATTACA!

  • alwaysanswerb

    Here's me just being happy that Archer is finally being included in Paji-lists

  • Majorly creeped because I watched that GIF's episode of Buffy last night. For the first time in over ten years.

  • Safely Anonymous

    Don't get me wrong... I am a Buffy-fanatic. But who would choose to watch "Inca Mummy Girl" out of all the Buffy options? :)

  • This is a little awkward to say especially in a website full of Buffy-fanatics but Inca Mummy Girl was the episode that got me totally and completely on board the Buffy ship. I never got to grow up with it and never really got into it until a year ago when my Buffy fanatic friend watched the first couple of episodes of season 2 with me (I'd marathoned the first season with other friends but didn't really like it so didn't watch it for ages) and season 2 was a lot more entertaining and engaging than season 1 but it was Inca Mummy Girl that made me go 'I need to watch Buffy'. It had a clear villain/monster character but she was so fleshed out in just one episode and I understood her motivations and I could feel her angst and her confusion and dilemmas. With even just a monster character so well developed, how could I not jump on board?

  • hahaha I'm rewatching it from the beginning - just part of the roster!

  • Matt C.

    Anchor's don't weigh things down, they hold things in place.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    Please, please, PLEASE someone make the Mad Scientist list a spin off show. I beg of the TV Gods and I offer up this strawberry milkshake in supplication.

  • WOW COOL

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I am all about the Mad Scientists. But it will still need some Astrid.

  • mb

    Someone PLEASE make Nick and Charlie happen. A cross-network crossover isn't too much to ask for, is it?

  • PerpetualIntern

    That would be the messiest, possibly most deadly game of True American ever played.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    Especially when the baby it has with CharDee MacDennis comes of age and develops a mean case of 'The Hunger'.

  • The wild cards would be amazing. I'd love to see what Charlie and Max get into.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    The Waitress + Caroline = nexus of the universe.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I think I have some issues with the later groups but I can't process it because I'm too busy salivating over the possibilities from the first group. I want to see that more than I've ever wanted to see anything. Including boobs when I was a freshman.

  • Rebecca Cristian

    If you think Clifford`s story is really great..., last pay cheque my boy frends dad worked and got paid $6122 putting in a thirteen hour week from home and they're best friend's aunt`s neighbour was doing this for 8-months and broght in over $6122 in there spare time from there laptop. follow the guidelines from this web-site.. Big31.Com

  • lowercase_ryan

    Oh it's already been broghten!

  • kirbyjay

    her boyfriend's dad's best friend's aunt's neighbor. That is a lot of apostrophes and straight from the horse's mouth. How can you not believe that? Sign me up.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    I DO think Clifford's story is really great!

  • This made me laugh far, far too much

  • melissa82

    Clifford taught me how to dance.

  • kirbyjay

    Clifford needs a giant dog house. Call in the Amish

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