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Deciphering the Messages Behind Taylor Kitsch's Seductive Eyes

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | June 15, 2011 | Comments ()


Bryan Cranston also stars, and with Stanton on board, I have plenty of optimism.

The new movie poster, however, doesn't do much to bolster that optimism. It's mediocre, and the Internet is rife with much better shots of Kitsch's abs. There is something in the man's eyes, though. Kitsch's acting talents are iffy, at best. Always have been (it's hard to tell when his shirt is off). He's best when he doesn't speak (see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Bang Bang Club), but he is capable of acting with brilliantly his eyes. In the movie poster, his eyes suggest a certain menace, as though he's thinking, "Do not make me turn completely around. The Disney brand cannot withstand this much sex appeal."

john-carter-movie-poster-01-404x600.jpg

In the spirit of that John Carter movie poster, I scanned the Internet and found several other photos of the "Friday Night Lights'" star. Based on the look in Taylor Kitsch's eyes, I tried to decipher what he was thinking in each:

I Just F*cked Your Daughter. What Are You Going to Do About It?

justfuckedyourdaughter.jpg

If I Stare Long Enough, I Can Melt the Underwire in Your Brassiere

meltunderwire.png

I Borrowed This Look from Marky Mark. Say Hi to Your Mother. I Know I Just Did

taylor-taylor-kitsch-16251563-328-450.jpg

I Can See Into Your Soul, and I Just Removed Your Soul's Panties

icanseeyouinyoursoul.jpg

I Could Bring the Midriff Style Back for Men

taylor_kitsch_bathroom.jpg

I'd Murder You, But In Doing So, I Might Misplace My Perfectly Tousled Wet Hair

600full-taylor-kitsch.jpg

Come On In, The Water's Fine. And No: I Don't Mean the Ocean

taylor-kitsch-mobile-wallpaper.jpg

I Unbuttoned My Shirt For You Before I Smoked that Bowl. You're Welcome

taylor kitsch3.jpg



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