thor-wink-better.gif

If the World’s Sexiest Man Is Playing a Hacker, Then Screw It, Let’s Cast These People As Hackers, Too

By Rebecca Pahle | Seriously Random Lists | November 20, 2014 |


thor-wink-better.gif

Have you by any chance seen the trailer for Blackhat, where World’s Sexist Man Chris Hemsworth plays the World’s Sexist Hacker? If not, here, I have it for you. Barf bags at the ready:

Where to start with this trailer? Well, OK, let’s start with “the movie looks bad.” That’ll do, pig. That’ll do. Then there’s the whole LIVES INTERCONNECTED WE ARE ALL VULNERABLE THE INTERWEBZ ARE COMING TO KILL US vibe. Which, yeah, there’s been a general increase in awareness as to how technology can fuck us over in both big and small ways: drone strikes, the NSA, Celebgate, this. But the “ZOMG HACKING!” vibe is, like, so mid-’90s The Net.

And then there’s beefcake Chris Hemsworth as a badass MIT alum hacker who does badass upside-down pushups in his badass prison cell and makes badass deals with the police because he’s just so fucking badass all the time, sweet Christ, badass out the pores. And… look. Is it a negative stereotype that all hackers are Cheetos-eating, Mountain Dew-swilling nerdbros? Absolutely! All types of people can be hackers! There’s nothing to say a guy of the build and demeanor of Hemsworth’s character couldn’t have been to all the LAN parties. But… I don’t know. Hollywood is trying to sell me this Chris Hemsworth as a badass hacker thing, and I am just not buying it.

While we’re making weird casting decisions regarding one of the world’s least sexy professions (Swordfish lied to all of us), might I make some Blackhat 2 suggestions?

The Rock

the rock blind pull.gif

Zoolander

zoolander strut.gif

Amy Poehler

amy poehler computer.gif

Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire

marlon streetcar.gif

Chris Evans’ butt

chris evans butt.gif

Dame Julie Andrews

julie andrews facepalm.gif

Zac Efron dancing across a golf course

zac efron golf course.gif

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Steve Buscemi in Airheads

steve buscemi airheads.gif

This dog

this dog.gif

This kid

this kid.gif

Tilda Swinton

tilda swinton smile.gif

The Green Power Ranger

green power ranger.gif

Joan Holloway

joan mad men.gif

Meryl Streep, exactly as she appears in this gif

Beyoncé

beyonce hair lick.gif

Danny DeVito

danny devito dance.gif

Giselle from Enchanted

amy adams enchanted.gif

Dale Gribble

dale gribble.gif

Charming Potato

Drunk Emma Thompson

drunk emma thompson.gif

Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez

sean connery highlander.gif

Retta

retta treat yo self.gif

Tim Gunn

tim gunn is flabbergasted.gif

All the chickens in Chicken Run

all the chickens in chicken run.gif


Get entertainment, celebrity and politics updates via Facebook or Twitter. Buy Pajiba merch at the Pajiba Store.

5 Reasons You Must Watch Last Night's American Horror Story: Freak Show | From the Trades: Chris Pratt's Shiny New Comic-Book Role, and a 'Better Call Saul' Teaser and Release Date




Continue Reading After the Advertisement

Bigots, Trolls & MRAs Are Not Welcome in the Comments




Advertisement




The Pajiba Store


petr-store-pajiba.png






Privacy Policy
advertise