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I Skipped the Part About Love: Why Carey Mulligan Really Needs to Make a Happy Movie

By Cindy Davis | Seriously Random Lists | February 23, 2012 |

Come on now, you little dimpled, pixie minx, let's take a look at what you've been up to and why you need to make a violently happy movie.

*Warning: Massive Spoilers Ahead.

5. Jenny in An Education

Sixteen year old Jenny longs for her life to be more interesting and falls head over heels in love with worldly (older) David who wines and dines her, charms her parents and proposes marriage. Only one problem stands in their way...oops, he's already married! Hey, that is an education.

4. Kathy in Never Let Me Go.

Kathy and her two best friends spend much of their youth in a love triangle; the best friends have an affair that breaks Kathy's heart. When finally she gets a chance to be with the sniveling, little asswipe it doesn't matter anyway, because they are part of a group of clones created only to be organ donors. Everyone dies. Fun times!

3. Irene in Drive

Irene is married and has a son, but her husband is in jail. While he's away, she falls in love with Baby Goose--but he hasn't got time for love, so all she ever gets is a kiss before he drives away. Oh, and her husband gets killed. The end.

2. Sissy in Shame

Sissy has no real job, no place to live, a brother who (rightfully) considers her a burden and nothing much to live for. She does what she has to to get attention, including cutting herself over and over and over. At the end of the film, she cuts herself again.

1. Daisy in The Great Gatsby.


Yes, in the upcoming Baz Luhrmann adaptation, Mulligan will play the unhappy wife of Tom Buchanan (also unhappy and cheating), again involved in a miserable (but beautiful) love triangle.

Okay honey, we get it. You wanted to show us your depth and didn't want to get typecast as a perky, romantic comedy actress. As someone who loves dark, twisted characters, good on you and all that--but now it's time to lighten up a little. Give yourself one happy film. Maybe snap that Baby Goose back up and pop out a kid or two or run off to the Caribbean and raise a family of otters. Do a goddamned cartoon, will you? Even Kate Winslet knows how to give the sad a rest once in a while.

Cindy Davis is way up high, high.

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