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I Am Human and I Need to Be Loved: Five F*ckwads We Couldn't Help But Root For

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (17)



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For the aficionado of dark, twisty television, 2011 was a banner year. From “Game of Thrones” to “American Horror Story” to “The Walking Dead,” there were bad guys aplenty and even a gloriously evil woman or two (Jessica Lange, Madeline Stowe). Though we can’t exactly identify with these diabolical dudes, we can appreciate them—even (inexplicably) root for them, despite everything our instincts scream out. Here are the best of the worst.

*Note: There be spoilers ahead.

5. Dexter Morgan, “Dexter”:

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As bizarre as it seems, most of the time Dexter—the serial killer—is the most interesting and likable character on the show (that’s certainly a testament to Michael C. Hall). We might not be able to condone his killing, but his victims are justly chosen and since he’s surrounded by idiots, morons and despicable people alike, it’s easy to find ourselves rooting for our antihero’s traumatized soul. As he teeters on the balancing wire of monster and father, Dexter deftly analyzes his motivations as well as any psychiatrist; he feels remorse if he makes a mistake. If I found out my own brother was a murderer, would that he were Dexter.


4. Nick Brody, “Homeland”:

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After being held as a POW for eight years, Sergeant Nick Brody returned home with a mission: “Blood makes the grass grow, kill kill kill!” Though his plan was temporarily foiled by an emotional phone call with his daughter, Brody was prepared to take out the U.S. Vice President—along with other high ranking government officials—and would have done so if not for a device malfunction. Having slammed the final nail in Agent Mathison’s career coffin, Brody put his ill-placed (and traumatically influenced) sympathies with his captors ahead of his family, friends and country, murdering his colleague and former friend to prove his loyalty. Still, at the end of the exhilarating first season of “Homeland,” we can’t help feeling hopeful that Brody will turn around again, to play for the home team and be a “good guy.”


3. Walter White, “Breaking Bad”:

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With each season of “Breaking Bad” that passes, Walter White grows more self-centered and less likable. This man for whom we once felt compassion and understanding has been taken over by a dark arrogance that will surely destroy him before cancer gets a chance. The family he sought to protect and leave well taken care of has taken a back seat to Walt’s burgeoning ego…but still, we couldn’t help but cheer as we watched his brilliant plan unfold.


2. Nucky Thompson, “Boardwalk Empire”:

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As oddly appealing as Steve Buscemi’s own charm is mobster, master manipulator and murderer, Nucky Thompson. Regardless of the evil he does, there’s something about him—an ugly duckling, underdog-ish soft side—that we see exposed in quiet moments by himself or when he’s around children. Though he’s conniving and cold (marrying Margaret to save his own skin, killing Jimmy), we inexplicably want Nucky to keep clawing his way to the top.


1. Tom Kane, “Boss”:

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Jesopus, is this guy despicable; he’ll destroy anyone and everyone who gets in his way and use any method to get ahead in the political game (including sacrificing his wife and daughter). A corrupt mayor who is harsh and cruel; Kane berates his underlings, mentally and physically abusing whomever is so unlucky to be in his path and yet, somehow we still find sympathy for him. Diagnosed with a terrifyingly, quick-moving debilitating disease that causes Alzheimers-like dementia, along with neurological issues that manifest with tremors or moments of immobility, Kane sobs in private and suffers alone as he feels his mind and body betray him. In between being horrified by his every word and action, we find ourselves wishing he’ll find some miracle cure…so he can carry on perpetuating his particular brand of evil?


You wouldn’t want to meet Cindy Davis in a dark alley.









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Comments

Haven't watched Homeland yet but agreed on all the rest.

I want Nucky to retake AC and ruin all those that crossed him. I want Kane to re-establish his dominance and bitchslap everyone who thought his time was done. I want to see Walt build an empire and crash it into the sun like Tony Montana and, well, Dexter is kinda a given since he rids Miami of child-murderers and such so ... go Dex!

And Sterling Archer is another fuckwad of the highest order, who I'd hate to know in real life but is just awesome from a safe distance. Undisputed inventor of the Tactileneck!

Posted by: MurderBot at December 29, 2011 3:32 PM

No TATE? C'mon, he's a mass murderer, but you just want to lose your teenage virginity to him.

I mean, the guys above, sure you "root" for them despite their bad deeds, but how many of them do you want to save, then fuck? Or fuck, then save? [Maybe Dexter. I'll give you Dexter.]

Posted by: MM at December 29, 2011 3:42 PM

I've lost all respect for Walter White (which is a testament to the skill and talent of Bryan Cranston) and I look forward to seeing him die.

The only character on BB I'm still rooting for is Jesse. The impetuous little fuckup has done some growing in the right direction. I want Jesse to come out okay in the end.

And MM is right; but then, Tate/Evan Peters should be on all the lists.

Posted by: Jerce at December 29, 2011 3:50 PM

Agreed with MM that Tate should be on here. Sweet, damaged Kurt Cobain looking teen killer that also wears latex bondage suits... dirty dirty.

Posted by: Longi at December 29, 2011 3:59 PM

And here I thought Don Draper would be heading up the list.

Posted by: Joseph Finn at December 29, 2011 5:35 PM

You and me both Finn! But Draper is pretty so he gets a pass around here.

Posted by: logan at December 29, 2011 6:03 PM

I was a sucker for the bad boy all through high school and most of college. And, judging by this article, I haven't outgrown that yet.

Posted by: cinekat at December 30, 2011 4:01 AM

I still have trouble reconciling the fictional Thompson from the factual Johnson, but knowing that, like Capone, it's going to take Internal Revenue to bring him down fo' reals, and that that won't happen to real Nucky until 1939, the Scorcese boys have plenty of play time to make a fun ride.

I think Miami Metro is steadily lowering Dexter Morgan's IQ. Seriously. Boyfriend is getting dumber by osmosis.

Posted by: Jerry at December 30, 2011 4:11 AM

Just watched the entire season of Homeland in 2 days and I'll say this

A. I love it
B. Is it wrong to have wanted Brody to succeed in blowing up the vice president and all the other career politicians? I could picture his intact head landing on a shelf surveying the carnage of mangled politician bodies with that somewhat detached and perplexed smirk on his face.

I love CIA, espionage,terrorist fare like this. For a real guilty pleasure check out Cinemax "Strike Back". It's just waht you'd expect from Cinemax; boobs, guns, accents and blood. Great fun!

Posted by: kirbyjay at December 30, 2011 8:37 AM

Walter White is objectively horrible as a human being, yet he's probably my favorite character in TV history, I doubt anything he could do would be evil enough to make me truly despise him.

Though I've only watched up until the third season. I have little doubt he'll shove decency right off a cliff once I catch up.

Posted by: Devil Child at December 30, 2011 8:52 AM

Don Draper's not a bad guy. He's just a normal jerk who cheats on his wife. He's never killed anyone, or double crossed anyone, or stolen anything (other than Don Draper's identity).

Posted by: BWeaves at December 30, 2011 10:38 AM

I think that these (with the possible exception of Dexter, who's a serial killer) illustrate the old saw, "There but for the grace of [Whoever] go I ..."

We see Kelsey Grammer's character lie, bully, manipulate and destroy everyone in his path in order to maintain a secure grip on power. Nucky's manipulative, and not averse to acting from sheer self-preservation. Wouldn't you do the same, if you were in their shoes? Wouldn't you act like Walter White if you were faced with dying and leaving your family destitute, but had the ability to remedy at least one of these outcomes?

And, I remind you of this quote: "Nothing is evil in the beginning. Even Sauron was not so."

Posted by: The Wanderer at December 30, 2011 11:22 AM

Watching the final season of Breaking Bad next year is probably one of the highlights of 2012 for me. That, and seeing Dustin blow a gasket if he has to review "The Avengers".

Posted by: bignick at December 30, 2011 12:53 PM

Cmon Bweaves he's a drunk, a fraud and a serial cheater. The only reason he hasn't ran off and left his kids is the women didn't go with him.

Look me in the monitor and say if he looked like Earnest Borgnine you'd feel the same way.

Posted by: logan at December 30, 2011 3:21 PM

Walter White is the hero of every secondary school chemistry teacher in the world.

Posted by: jimgooseridesagain at December 31, 2011 12:51 AM

What, no love for Margo Martindale's Mags Bennett?

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