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Here's the Lady Expendables Cast the World Deserves

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | July 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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In September of last year, it was announced that producer Adi Shanka was assembling a female version of The Expendables. The movie doesn’t yet have a title, but so far, both Gina Carano and Katee Sackhoff have been cast in undisclosed roles. So far as we know, there has been no further casting. However, we thought maybe we could offer Shanka a few suggestions as he puts together the rest of the cast.


Sarah Manning — The Leader

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Gina Carano — The Muscle

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Cosimo Niehaus — The Tech Geek

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Katee Sackhoff — The Red Herring

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Rachen Duncan — The Financier

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Melissa McCarthy — The Comic Relief

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Alison Hendrix — Logistics

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Helena — The Villain

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Gwendoline Christie — The Sexpot Henchman

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Katja Obinger — The Double Agent

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • DarthBetty

    WILD CARD??

  • Blank Stare

    This list is under-Milla Jovovich-ed.

  • Adrien

    Well,if you are going to match the male expendables composed of 80s action heroes then Cynthia Rothrock should be there.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Mr Maslany gives out a certain Helen Mirren sexy/intelligent/tough chick vibe.

  • This post was simply a distraction to post various shots of Tatiana Maslany in various characters (oh, god, Cosima... bunk).

    I meets with my approval.

  • Why do they almost all look the same? It's like the same petite, big-eyed woman wearing a bunch of different wigs.

    ETA: No I do not watch Game of Thrones, how could you tell?

  • eeeee

    Oh hayyyy most of these ladies are under 30 or 40 years of age. They're lovely, but the whole point of the original Expendables was to feature Men Of A Certain Age.

  • Jezzer

    Guys! Guys! I'm sure if everybody sucks in, we can cram a few more joyless, humorless motherfuckers into the Pajiba comments!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Behold the Craugen!

  • Victoria Pratt from Mutant X

    http://imstars.aufeminin.com/s...

    Zoe Bell - Xena stuntdouble, and bad ass from Death Proof

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tum...

  • clancys_daddy

    And, no.

  • OldSchool60

    Dustin, I'm very disappointed...

    ...but then, we all have bad days.

    We'll pretend this list never happened.

  • Kim Voeks

    You left off the Grandmama of all O.G's - Pam Muthafukin Grier. Pam scares Samuel L. Jackson. Ya hear?

  • e jerry powell

    No Jodie Foster?

    I AM AGHAST.

  • romarsd

    what a lazy list. utterly lazy.

    and completely misses the point of The Expendables = old, action heroes.

    Burn that list above (except Gina Carano and Gwen Christie) and bow down to these ladies:

    Sigourney Weaver

    Linda Hamilton

    Michelle Yeoh

    Cynthia Rothrock

    Brigitte Nielsen

    Pam Grier

    Lucy Lawless

    Natasha Henstridge

    Geena Davis

  • mslewis

    What made "Expendables" fun was the casting of all those old-ass action stars that we recognized and could fantasize about them as younger men. That and also they had at least one Black guy. I have no idea who any of these women are except Carano and all I know about her is that she is a terrible actress. So, whatever, unless they can afford to pay Angelina Jolie $50 gazillion to headline this mess, they won't be getting my money.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You need old school warriors/has beens like the original:
    Rose McGowan from Planet Terror
    Demi Moore from G.I. Jane
    Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies
    Pam Grier from Foxy Brown
    Uma Thurman from Kill Bill
    Geena Davis from Long Kiss Goodnight (as well as Susan Sarandon for T&L)
    Jeanette Goldtein and Sigourney Weaver from Aliens
    Linda [Hamilton] from Terminator (thanks for assist ryan, the list was long)

    See also:

    Lucy Lawless from Zena
    Helen Mirren from Red
    Jennifer Garner from Alias
    Jessica Walter from Archer
    Rhona Mitra from Underworld
    Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby
    Famke Jannsen from X-Men
    Michelle Yeoh from Crouching Tiger

  • lowercase_ryan

    you mean Linda Hamilton? FAUX PAS!!!

  • TCH

    I agree with the first list.

  • LeikanS

    LUCY LAWLESS AND LINDA HAMILTON YA'LL!

  • ActionGirl

    No Friggin way! Without Linda Hamilton, Zoe Saldana, Michelle Rodriguez, Either Angelina Jolie or Milla Jovovich, Pam Grier, Yvone Stahovski or 7of9, either one of the chicks with the dragon tatoo, Some Charlie's Angel, and Lucy Liu, and Michelle Yeo or That other girl from Crouching Tiger this list is BOGUS!!!!! Gina Carano rocks though and some of these other women too. Oh hey I want to be in it too!!!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Good grief, Whitey McWhitenstein, the 3rd Earl of Caucasia. No Michelle Rodriguez or Gina Torres?

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Guys, I think a bunch of those are the same person wearing different wigs.

  • Ruthie O

    Pajiba, you do so much good! So much right! But this. The blinding whiteness of the lists. You can do better. You should do better. Do better. Love, One Of Your Biggest Fans

  • theotherone

    This list is an instant FAIL (for many reasons).

    But especially for:

    NO LAURA COHAN.

  • lowercase_ryan

    as if. If anyone from the WD deserves to be cast in this it's Laurie Holden.

  • toblerone

    Now you just talking crazy.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I totally was.

  • Blake

    No Grace Park or Yunjin Kim (Shiri / Lost).

    Also No Tricia Helfer?

  • lowercase_ryan

    Also for consideration: Noomi Rapace, Carrie Anne Moss, Elisabeth Moss (I want to see her do the Chris Pratt - Zero Dark Thirty workout for 3 months and just get RIPPED, she could do it and she'd be so badass. Plus she can act.), and Lena Headey.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Carrie Anne Moss is an excellent suggestion. She's got awesome arms.

  • DeistBrawler

    I've actually thought about this a bit. The men to women counterparts would be something like...

    Jet Li - Michelle Yeoh

    Jason Statham - Rhona Mitra

    Sylvester Stallone - Cynthia Rothrock

    Dolph Lundgren - Milla Jovovich

    Randy Couture - Gina Carano or Kyra Gracie

    Terry Crews - Paula Patton

    (the images are in poster order from The Expendables poster. Jovovich, Carano, Yeoh, Rothrock, Mitra, and Patton)

    The villains could go however you wanted, but I think Kate Beckinsale should have a spot somewhere, as well as Brigitte Nielsen.

  • fauxhawk

    I'd prefer Gina Torres instead of Paula Patton, but I like how you think.

  • TCH

    How about Cyborg Santos?

  • sean

    Too many steroids. She could just be one of the guys in Expendables 3.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Milla kind of has to be in it, now that I think about it. No Beckinsale though. Olivia Williams would be a far superior villain. Or Lena Headey.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Sigourney Weaver needs to be in this as some kind of nod to badass women from years gone by.

  • How about Angela Bassett, too? She's about 10 years younger than Weaver, but that's still older than anyone on the above list.

  • Maguita NYC

    If they can have Stallone, we sure as hell can have Weaver.

  • TCH

    Sigourney is actually anti gun. If memory serves she was not down with using the pulse rifle in Aliens 2. Hence Alien 3 has no weapons. It is a good idea but I am not sure she would want to,

  • Captain D

    I think your choices are all too young. Start the cast with Pam Grier.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Ohhhh YES. Excellent suggestion. Pam Grier, Sigourney, Michelle Yeoh, Linda Hamilton...and throw in some Tina muthafuckin Turner.

  • emmalita

    Pam Grier needs to be in this movie, unless she has no time for this shit, and then we should be ashamed we asked.

  • TCH

    It would be nice to see the return of Foxy Brown.

  • ThatHarlot

    No women of color? I don't know why I bother with this site sometimes...

  • LeikanS

    No Michelle Rodriguez, No Gina Torres(Zoe from Firefly, nothing kicks more ass!), No Sarah Michelle Gellar(she was buffy for christ's sake!), No Lucy Lawless?(She was XENA! SHE WAS A WARRIOR PRINCESS WITH A KILLER WARRIOR CHANT), Im sorry but I think we should have Angelina Jolie somewhere in here, or at least some sort of recognizable leader for the movie.Lets be frank here, The Expendables had old school kick ass known actors that anchored that film, we need the same for this one. Heck, how about Lucy Liu or Zhang Ziyi, or MIchelle Yeoh! Uh.

    Oh, not forgetting miss kick ass herself Linda Hamilton aka Sarah Connor from Terminator! Jeez... :/

  • e jerry powell

    No, Kristy Swanson was Buffy. Sarah Michelle Gellar was Kendall Hart.

  • LeikanS

    Errr... but Swanson was in ONE movie when Sarah was in what.. 6 seasons of the show? Plus she actually trained in kickboxing and martial arts, its not like she doesnt know anything. I thinks he would be great.

  • e jerry powell

    Fair enough, but without Kristy Swanson, Sarah Michelle Gellar has no TV version to audition for.
    ;-)

  • lowercase_ryan

    Good call on Linda Hamilton though

  • lonolove

    I say this as a die-hard Buffy fan: Keep Sarah Michelle Gellar away from any and all action movies. She has no place there.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I second this.

  • LeikanS

    But but... BUT! She can be the bubbly idiot who kicks ass! No? Oh well... =/

  • Please don't dilute the clones further. I like that show where it is. Otherwise, good choices. Here's some suggestions to fill in the list:

    Kim Rhodes
    Gina Torres
    Michelle Yeoh
    Sarah Shahi
    Amanda Mealing
    Michelle Rodriguez

  • Ginger Dynamite

    I thought the Expendables was a vehicle for 80's and 90's action heroes.
    Where are Sigourney Weaver and Linda Hamilton? And how about a little diversity with Michelle Rodriguez and Lucy Liu?

  • LeikanS

    Too much white up in here.

  • Aaron

    I love Orphan Black and Tatiana Maslany, but this list seems kind of insulting to all the other great female actresses that could go into a dream movie like this. One of the great things about Orange is the New Black is that it brings so many great female actresses together and shows them off, can we not think to do the same thing with an action movie?

  • Andrew Jara

    Hey pajiba do you like orphan black? Cause you are totally not getting annoying talking about it constantly! We got it!

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's a phase. Ignore it. It will pass.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I hope so, it makes me cranky... and I'm a big fan of this particular show.

  • TCH

    Really? This is good news.

  • toblerone

    Pajiba's love of Orphan Black is one of its redeeming virtues and helps counter balance all the misguided love it doles out *Cough Newsroom Cough* *Cough Olivia Munn Cough*.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I seriously don't get the hate for Olivia Munn.

  • e jerry powell

    Daily Show?

  • toblerone

    It's not hate (for me anyways). She is just one of those people, who this site is constantly trying to up sell when there is no real reason to.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I disagree. Joanna expressed the reluctant nature of her love of her. But it's a love Munn has earned.

  • koko temur

    Seriously. "girl" worked for it hard. She is a female charming potato!

  • lowercase_ryan

    that's a great comparison. Also I was wondering when you'd get here.

  • koko temur

    Never left, why?

  • lowercase_ryan

    because there was this whole huge conversation with NVAs and everything and you were suspiciously absent.

  • koko temur

    Oh! look again! Im right below that conversation comparing creepy stories with nate! i guess i felt a little guilty for hijacking the threads lately. But i do like how im automaticly associated now withanything slutty or gun related. Tough call.

  • NateMan

    There just HAS to be a porn called Sluts with Guns. And if not, there should.

  • space_oddity

    Well, there IS 'Nude Nuns with Big Guns.' And it's streaming on netflix!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I was associating you more with Maguita than anything else. Thats a positive thing I would think.

    And if the threads didn't want to be hijacked they would fight back.

  • toblerone

    Just like The Great Canadian Debate over Zee or Zed will just have to disagree on this one.

  • Maguita NYC

    I AM ALL CONFUSED. I love Newsroom AND Orphan Black...

    How do I up-down-vote you?

  • toblerone

    Why not have Tatiana Maslany play all the roles?

    *No Michelle Yeoh?

  • toblerone

    **Or Anna Torv?

  • toblerone

    Or:

    Amy Acker / Paget Brewster / Felicia Day / Sarah Michelle Geller?

  • FrayedMachine

    No Michelle Rodriguez? For reals? Could we put a little more effort into getting a little bit of color in there?

  • TCH

    I think she has substance abuse issues. I am speculating but I believe she was cut from a production for it. That could be the reason for her non inclusion or maybe she had a scheduling conflict.

  • FrayedMachine

    That is pretty irrelevant at the end of the day for a dream cast, innit? Also doesn't excuse why the casting is still insanely fucking white and still missing a slew of fantastic action women of other backgrounds.

  • TCH

    It could change, also there really isn't much talent in the combat sports area to poach as it is just developing. Most are busy being fighters. As far as female action stars that could change. Though Rodriguez usually plays heavys which has already been cast, who knows maybe she will be cast.

  • FrayedMachine

    What are you talking about exactly? The original Expendables was a film that boasted well known and established action film stars. This isn't about combat sports, it's about action film stars. There can be overlap but this has nothing to do with sports.

    This isn't an official cast. This is a dream cast that the writer made - as in it's official. The critique is about a neglect of any attempt at providing variety in the actors chosen (apparently many of them are from the same show from other comments being made?). Soooo... yeah. Point missed? Me thinks so.

  • TCH

    I guess I am saying the casting options are fairly limited. The Untouchables series has been using not just action star but, former combat sports stars as well. There are a limited number of both when it comes to female action stars/fighters/martial artists. I should have left that out but it seemed tangentially related and somewhat relevant. As to your second half Pajiba has always seemed to have an unintentionally narrow writers pool. I have never been able to figure out why.

  • Ruthie O

    I dunno, I think the plethora of great suggestions in the comments section proves that the options are not limited.

  • FrayedMachine

    Nonono, the only options that are viable are young white actresses. Haven't you heard??

  • FrayedMachine

    > I guess I am saying the casting options are fairly limited. The Untouchables series has been using not just action star but, former combat sports stars as well. There are a limited number of both when it comes to female action stars/fighters/martial artists.

    That still literally has nothing to do with anything that I was stating nor does it address the complete absence of the female stars who DO cross over and have training outside of acting (such as Michelle Rodriguez). But okay then.

  • TCH

    And how many of those are there that are free and with brand recognition?

  • FrayedMachine

    ... Are you serious?

    Again - DREAM CASTING. Means that it doesn't matter what their availability is. It's what people *imagine* the movie would look like. Who people think would make an ideal cast. Who the eff knows if it's actually will happen. Part of what makes it problematic is that they're stating in a way in which it should be perceived as something for everyone to gun for and hope for. People are getting annoyed because it's not even filled with a lot of actresses that ARE widely and easily recognized AS WELL as lacking diversity.

    What actresses have brand recognition and are easily recognizable?

    Sigourney Weaver? Linda Hamilton? Lucy Lawless? Michelle Yeoh? Zhang Ziyi? Lucy Liu? Gina Tores? Pam Grier? Zoe Saldana? Are you trying to tell me that no one would recognize any of these women? You're saying that it's totally understandable to last a female version of the Expendables while neglecting some of what film considers to be the more important in action films? For reals? For reals?

  • TCH

    No I am saying look at it from the Producers angle. I would imagine alot of money is on the line. Lucy Liu could do it as could Gina Torre and Zhang Ziyi. However the other actresses you listed are getting long in the tooth (plus weaver is anti gun, hence alien 3 having no weapons). Heck the only reason stallone is still acting in any physically demanding roles is HGH. Iook I agree with but I made this slapdash agruement and by god I am keeping it, however not all my points are invalid.

  • Guest

    To say those actresses are getting long in the tooth, without noting that Stallone, and well almost everyone in the expendables franchise are up there in age is for lack of a better word stupid.

  • FrayedMachine

    What.

    What.

    > No I am saying look at it from the Producers angle. I would imagine alot of money is on the line

    Considering how everyone I listed is outright recognizable (JUST like the male actors in the Expendables), I'm going to go out on a limb and say they'd be more successful. Wanna know why?

    Because the majority of actresses on the list provided are from obscure TV shows that next to no one knows about.

    And you know what? GOD FORBID we have actresses over the age of 35 in movies. Everyone knows they all jump off a clip the moment they turn 36 JFC.

    > weaver is anti gun

    Because there's no way what so ever that you could ever make an absolutely amazing action movie that didn't involve guns GOOD GOD TO FATHOM THAT IS ATROCIOUS

    > however not all my points are invalid.

    Except they are and you've officially bored me.

  • TCH

    No a great deal of actresses are recognized by Pajiba, not a global audience. How many people actually watch Orphan Black, answer honestly. Also gun are necessary in an Expendables movie. They are action pastiches/homages. Who is going to see an expendables film where nothing gets blown up or shot? Also you really did not listen to my point. Older actors and actresses are going to get injured in seriously demanding roles. Who wants to risk injuring their main caste and costing money when the stars have to heal?

  • FrayedMachine

    > How many people actually watch Orphan Black, answer honestly.

    You didn't bother reading what I said, did you? I very clearly stated: Because the majority of actresses on the list provided are from obscure TV shows that next to no one knows about.

    As in the list that THIS ARTICLE is comprised of.

    > Also gun are necessary in an Expendables movie.

    Right, because it's totally unfathomable to do an action movie without guns OH WAIT.

    And even if you had to remove her from the list, that still leaves -everyone else I listed-. OH . SHIT.

    > Older actors and actresses are going to get injured in seriously demanding roles.

    Have you looked at the cast for Expendables films? No?

    Sylvester Stallone - 67

    Eric Roberts - 57

    Chuck Norris - 73

    Bruce Willis - 58

    Arnold Schwarzenegger - 66

    Let's compare it to the list of older women I provided, shall we?

    Linda Hamilton - 57

    Sigourney Weaver - 64

    Lucy Lawless - 45

    Michelle Yeoh - 51

    Gina Torres - 44

    Pam Grier - 64

    CRAZY. The oldest female actress provided is younger than the oldest male actor in the expendables films! in the group of older actresses, the youngest is STILL younger than the list of senior actors in Expendables!

    Not only that but - uh - Stunt Doubles? Not everyone has to go in running through action and doing hand to hand combat with insane back flips and the like?

    You're grasping at straws, man. It's getting absolutely 100% pathetic.

    Edit: EVEN LOOKED UP EXPENDABLES 3 - They've added even more older male actors!

    Jackie Chan - 59
    Nicholas Cage - 49
    Steven Seagal (Rumored) - 61
    Mickey Rourkey - 61
    Mel Gibson (Rumored) - 57
    Wesley Snipes - 51

    Funny how the more movies they put out of these, the more older male actors they don't seem to be shying from. FUNNY how how works, huh?

  • TCH

    I am not sure you are listening, Linda Hamilton has tens of millions of dollars from her divorce with James Cameron. Why would she want or need to be in any movies? Lucy Lawless is mostly retired from film. Michelle Yeoh is mostly involved in Chinese cinema and fairly well off why would she want to get involved in this? You and I both know Weaver won't do this. Gina Torres and Pam Grier Could do this. That does not leave many actresses with branding potential.

    Also how would an Expendables without firearms work? Please explain it to me.

    P.S. This is the internet, why so serious? I get you are upset but I am not really trying to rustle your jimmies.

  • Ginger Dynamite

    At the Calgary Comic Expo this spring Linda Hamilton said that if a female Expendables went ahead and she wasn't asked to be involved, she would be hurt.
    Guess despite her tens of millions of dollars she still enjoys being a working actress and interacting with her fans.

  • FrayedMachine

    > I am not sure you are listening, Linda Hamilton has tens of millions of dollars from her divorce with James Cameron. Lucy Lawless is mostly retired from film. Michelle Yeoh is mostly involved in Chinese cinema and fairly well off why would she want to get involved in this? You and I both know Weaver won't do this. Gina Torres and Pam Grier Could do this. That does not leave many actresses with branding potential.

    You are fucking dense, huh?

    Dream casting means OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THIS MOVIE EXISTED WITH THIS CAST. This literally has NOTHING TO DO with actually proposing it to an actual studio. This is about seeing what would be FANTASTIC in an idealistic world. Holy. Shit. Dude. Also stop making completely pointless speculations as to why anyone would be interested in anything because god forbid anyone be interested in doing it just because it'd be fun and a little bit of extra cash, right? Holy fucking shit.

    > Also how would an Expendables without firearms work? Please explain it to me.

    Because the idea of making an awesome filled with hand to hand combat that wouldn't require the heroes to have guns and actually find different methods of, you know, kicking ass is TOTES UNREALISTIC.

    Not only that but I clearly stated:

    And even if you had to remove her from the list, that still leaves -everyone else I listed-. OH . SHIT.

    But I guess it's wwaay easier to disregard that than to address it, ain't it? Also good job addressing the bullshit "omg people are scared of using old actors" arguments. Let's go for baseless assertions regarding their social lives and speculate WILDELY about something that will likely never happen anyway.

    > This is the internet, why so serious? I get you are upset but I am not really trying to rustle your jimmies.

    If you think that I'm upset then you give yourself far too much importance. The simple fact that you can't provide any actual logical and well founded argument as to why these women wouldn't work IN A DREAM CASTED FILM is more than enough reason to fully understand that what you say is virtually unimportant.

    But yes, continue to use the internet to defend your dense sensibility. Arguing for the sake of arguing still makes you look like a tool.

  • TCH

    You are still taking this seriously, I mean you and I both probably have better things we could be doing with our time. Here are on a site with a questionable fixation on certain celebrities, shows, and subjects, what do you or I win if either of us comes out on top, besides internet points. Listen I am sorry if I have offended you, my bad. No one should take subjects like Pajiba seriously.

  • FrayedMachine

    > You are still taking this seriously, I mean you and I both probably have better things we could be doing with our time.

    Again, to repeat myself: If you think that I'm upset then you give yourself far too much importance.

    You haven't offended me. You've just very very clearly wasted my time with some of the most dense and senseless arguments I've ever head in my life.

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