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Hands Off! 9 Performances That Will Make You Feel Like An Absolute Creep.

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | January 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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The next couple of years should be big ones for Nicholas Hoult. He's got four large profile projects coming out. If his name isn't instantly familiar, you can think of him as Beast from the new X-Men franchise, that hipster goth zombie from Warm Bodies or, if you prefer, Jennifer Lawrence's ex-boyfriend. Most people who watch British television know him as the slimy, sexy lead of "Skins." But for me, and maybe for you, he'll always be that cherubic beanie-wearing kid from About A Boy. Don't get me wrong, the guy's a great actor. Warm Bodies and Jack The Giant Slayer look like enormous fun and he was completely mesmerizing in mohair in A Single Man. But I cannot shake the feeling that ogling him (as I would any other actor with his prodigiously talented cheekbones) is wrong. Just sick and wrong. Here are 9 performances (including Hoult's) that make me feel like a complete creep.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Angels In The Outfield:
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Jamie Bell-Billy Elliot
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Josh Hutcherson-Little Manhattan
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Nicholas Hoult-About A Boy
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Zac Efron-"Firefly"/The Taint Of Disney Teendom
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Michael B. Jordan-"The Wire"
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Daniel Radcliffe, Rubert Grint and Matthew Lewis-Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone
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I may be persuaded to make an exception for Lewis.
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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • Guest

    For me, most of these actors were kids when I was a kid so I don't feel too weird about it.

  • Nadine

    I will never stop being just...so happy for Lewis. That is how you do puberty. Well played.

    If there is a female version of this list it should basically just be Emma Watson for every entry. Beautiful girl but she is, by her own admission, frequently mistaken for a 12 year old.

  • chanohack

    Ten points to Gryffindor.

  • Eva

    I really don't get the appeal for that Lewis guy with the crooked smile.

  • Peeg

    Neville gets the award for biggest improvement, but my kid told me that he was wearing fake teeth in the earlier ones to make him look more British, I mean nerdy.

  • Idle Primate

    these people still seem like kids.

  • Kip Hackman

    Good Lord Ron is white in that picture. If ever there's a need for a ginger vampire, Rupert Grint gets first dibs.

  • PerpetualIntern

    He also gets first dibs ON MY PANTS.

  • Alex00

    Wow, well this seems to answer the question "Where Wallace at?"

  • JoannaRobinson

    I truly wish You People could sometimes hear the ugly laughing noises I make when I read your comments.

  • Haystacks

    That is a really badly photoshopped picture of Radcliffe there. The proportions are alarming.

  • Kala

    Lewis is the least creepy, primarily because he looks so different from when he was a boy. First runner up is Michael B. Jordan because goddamn. JGL has starred in enough films as an adult for me to get past any weirdness. Other than that, the rest aren't far enough removed from their boyhood to make me feel anything tingly. I bet many of the young men on this list will just get better with age.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Neville Longbottom hell yes!

  • Mmm...Neville grew up GOOD. Mini Clive Owen, he is.

  • Finn

    Nope. I must be too old. I'm JGL's age, and still that picture makes me want to ground him, and not in a sexy naughty way, but in a "young man, this is totally inappropriate!" way.

  • Cree83

    Well, all these dudes pass the 'half my age plus seven years' test, so. It's on.

  • Kiddo

    Even at their current age I'm a bit too old for them. But damn, Matthew Lewis. Just....damn.

  • KingEntropy

    Goddammit Neville, YOU'RE the one who makes me question my sexuality?!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Going back in time, I remember loving the hell out of River Phoenix and thinking what a handsome kid he was, what a brilliant actor and thinking he had a dazzling future ahead of him. *sniff*

  • MellieOleson

    JGL of Angels in the Outfield fame bugs you but JGL from 3rd Rock From the Sun is OK???

  • mairimba

    It would help not to feel like a creep if it weren't for most of them still looking like they're 7. Except for JGL, Zac Efron and Michael B Jordan. MMMmmmmm....

  • Anna von Beav

    I would hit ALL OF THOSE so hard they would snap in half.

  • JoannaRobinson

    That took longer than I thought it would.

  • Anna von Beav

    I'm AT WORK, for crying out loud.

  • e jerry powell

    So what was the over/under?

  • e jerry powell

    and I would pick of the pieces, rearrange them in a different order, and then set 'em back up for you.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Where is that Ruper Grint shot from? Is that Hermione? Erm....I mean, Emma?

  • Anna von Beav
  • DeltaJuliet

    Ahhhh...thank you.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Are people seriously hot for Josh Hutcherson? He's just covered in BLAND. He's like a loaf of bread with a face.

  • Anna von Beav

    I see what you did there.

    ....because... in the movie.... with the bread....

  • BendinIntheWind

    Yes... that joke that I intentionally made totally on purpose.

  • Anna von Beav

    To be fair, it made me ugly laugh both ways.

  • e jerry powell

    Lewis looks too much like Adam Levine.

    If I weren't so into gingers, I would be completely immune to Grint, particularly because in that shot, he is giving Macauley Culkin profile, and Culkin is a major boner killer for me.

  • Jen

    A few years ago I dated one of the boys from "The Sandlot" for a couple of months and let me tell you it was in fact creepy. Sad because he was really sweet and funny but I would be staring at him all the time thinking this is wrong. It also didn't help that my mother and sister laughed their asses off about it constantly and still do. I'll haven't and will never be able to watch that film again which is a shame because I love it.

  • Benderman

    Oh come on, which one?

  • VonnegutSlut

    I realize discretion is the better part of val----aw, fuck it: WHICH ONE? Tell me it was Squints--it was Squints, wasn't it?

  • Ginger

    Maybe you could just slyly INDICATE which one. Like if you said you were scarred FOR-EV-URR.

  • Abbey Road

    Ok, where'd my comment go? Hope this doesn't double-post, but might I submit a less-than-like-7-years-old "grown-up" pic of J.B.: http://bit.ly/WL2cX7

  • par1964

    JGL was in Angles in the Outfield?? Were they obtuse angles?? Right(eous) angles??

  • JoannaRobinson

    ANGLES AND MINISTERS OF GRACE DEFEND US AGAINST TYPOS.

  • pnnylne

    Since I'm around the same ages as most of these people I feel absolutely guilt free. *skips away*

  • KC

    Ditto! Though I remember watching Zac Efron on that show "Summerland" (I was a kid, don't judge me) and he played much younger so I thought he was just a kid and then I realized (when he became hot) that we were like the same age so I SHOULDN'T be uncomfortable, but I do because I used to think he was so much younger than me.

  • Adrienne Marie

    Oh, the things I would do to Jamie Bell.....

  • Wicked

    He is so pretty, but it sucks that he is putting his penis in the same... place that marilyn manson put his.

  • Adrienne Marie

    To be fair, he actually put it there first. This is their second go-round.

  • Wicked

    Yup, I know but he's still putting it there. :( Oh well, as long as they're happy.

  • KC

    The Marilyn Manson thing is gross but I find ERW to be a really good actress and an interesting celebrity. I was happy when I found out they were back together.

  • Wicked

    Me too! She is a really good actress, loved her in 13. But still.... manson residues inside her. *Sad*

  • toblerone

    You picked Wallace before Mike (Tristan Wilds) or Randy (Maestro Harrell)?

    Chloe Moretz - Kick Ass (but really all of her films).

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Chloe Moretz is 15. That still is creepy.

  • toblerone

    + Sally Draper - Kiernan Shipka.

    She is going to be stunning when she gets older (legal).

  • poopnado

    Am I the only one who thinks this is slightly creepy? These girls are...girls. Maybe you don't mean it this way, but I hear guys say things like "can't wait til she's legal!". Gives me the willies.

  • Idle Primate

    the girls prowling around the young lads in film sound just as creepy.

  • poopnado

    We're prowling around adult men who used to be child actors. A subtle but important difference.

  • Idle Primate

    yes, but i recall a lot of this prowling beginning some time ago. it also doesn't change the fact that many of these actors are barely adults. unless you are also in your early twenties, its a bit odd to be so fixated on performers so young. Jennifer Lawrence is pretty, but she is way too young to nurse a crush on--she looks like a teenager.

  • Bedewcrock

    Just as creepy as people who celebrated Lindsay Lohan's, Hilary Duff's, and the Olsen twins' 18th birthdays.......

    I call them Wilmer Valderramas.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Also, has there been a reverse list like this on Pajiba? Cause I was going to criticize the double standard thing here, about how creepy this list would be from a guy's point of view, but I thought I should make sure it hasn't actually happened before I do.

    That being said, girls can pull off creepy so much better than we can.

  • LibraryChick

    I don't think it's out of line to discuss the other side, though one would have to be careful in selecting the pictures to display. I knew a guy in college who watched Go specifically because as a kid he drooled over Sarah Polley from her Avonlea days. Another guy had a thing for Christina Ricci that had started from her Addams Family days. For both these were age appropriate crushes from youth that were simply kept through adulthood, so maybe those are not the best examples.

  • Skyler Durden

    I'm a girl, so I'll defend your point, even though it's gross and creepy.

  • mairimba

    Here we go...

  • lowercase_ryan

    nah, it's not going anywhere. Nobody cared.

  • toblerone

    + Plus 1

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    Sean Maher is so much hotter than Zec Efron. Yes I said it.

  • asherlev1

    I will never not be able to look at Sean Maher and see Matt Bomer's doppelganger. Or vice versa.

  • Three_nineteen

    I don't think Sean Maher and Matt Bomer pull out their doppelgangers in front of each other - both are with other men. Although I would not complain if it did happen and someone put it on Youtube.

  • Guest

    Oh, the things I would do to Jamie Bell.....

  • E-Money

    Thank goodness I'm the same age as most of these people! I would do horrible things to Matthew Lewis. I knew D-Rad would turn out cute but who could have guessed Neville would get so fine. A victory for Upfish!

  • nini

    I was just thinking about the same thing! I have never been this happy to be 90's kid! (I do hate that phrase tough..And I was born in 1990 so that doesn't almost even count.. Right?)

    All points for Neville and Gryffindor!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I don't understand what you're alluding to with the Zac Efron - Sean Maher link, but I STRENUOUSLY OBJECT!!!!!! Don't EFF with Simon Tam.

  • LadyJustus

    Zac played young Simon Tam in a flashback. GET THE NET.

  • lowercase_ryan

    wow, never made the connection. And wow that is way creepier than any sexual thing.

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