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Gunpowder, Gelatine: 10 Creepy-Sexy Characters Who Cause All the Fights Between Our Tingly Bits and Brains

By Cindy Davis | Seriously Random Lists | September 11, 2013 | Comments ()


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After thinking about and arguing the “proper” Breaking Bad ending ad nauseam, don’t we need a little sexy-break? I think we do. A friend of mine recently started watching The Fall, and as a fan of Jamie Dornan, she found it hard to believe he was going to be a really bad guy; in fact, it’s no spoiler to say he’s the terrifying guy. But he’s also dead sexy, and in between the moments his character was scaring the ever-loving crap out of me, I found him strangely alluring. It’s unsettling when we find someone creepy and sexy. And he’s not the only one; you might feel the same about a few other characters, including half the Sons of Anarchy cast.

*Spoilers ahead!


1. Paul Specter (Jamie Dornan), The Fall

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The creepy-sexy factor can’t have a more equal weight than with Paul Spector…by day he’s a family man and a fucking bereavement counselor; by night, a methodical, brutal killer. Moist shiver, anyone?

2. Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), Game of Thrones

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Come on, admit it. Now that Jaime’s been humbled and had his hand whacked off, you’ve forgotten all about the ick factor? But it’s still there. Incest and the attempted murder of a child can’t just be wiped away. And he’s still jonesing for Cersei! Blech. *sigh*

3. Jim Moriarty (Andrew Scott), Sherlock

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I don’t know what exactly it is about this squirrelly bastard, but there certainly is something. He’s a master criminal and a coward who seemingly caused our beloved Sherlock’s death (dun dun dun!). Perhaps it’s the idea that he might be able to outwit our hero that makes him so attractive?

4. Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), Dexter

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Yes, he’s a serial killer, and there’s nothing attractive about Dexter when he’s trussed up his latest victim and stabbing him or her in the chest. But Dex definitely has that Seinfeld two-face thing going; there are times when the dude is totally hot.

5. Alice Morgan (Ruth Wilson), Luther

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If you aren’t attracted to Alice Morgan, you are dead. That’s all folks.

6. Gus Fring (Giancarlo Esposito), Breaking Bad

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Gustavo. Say his name. Sexy, ain’t it? There’s something about a very controlled, buttoned up man. Sure, he might slice open your throat with a box cutter, but he’ll also take out his archenemy with a plan so brilliantly hot, you’re left fanning yourself. Just try not to think about his two-facedness.

7. Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnam), Sons of Anarchy

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This one makes me feel dirty and ashamed. In theory, nothing should make Jax attractive; he’s a murdering thief with his own warped sense of justice, who has no problem shooting up his addict ex with heroin to keep her away from her son. Um…yes I do kind of despise myself.

8. Gemma Teller Morrow (Katey Sagal), Sons of Anarchy

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And for that matter, Jax’s mother is one of the most despicable women alive; she’d screw over anyone, including her son, to get what she wants. But I defy you to tell me she doesn’t have it going on? Sagal knows how to work our own emotions against us.

9. “Tig” Trager (Kim Coates), Sons of Anarchy

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Tig is a man of extreme violence, with just as strong an unexpectedly soft, compassionate side—especially toward animals. It’s all so confusing, and so are our feelings about this devil with the blue-eyes.


10. Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen), Hannibal

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He eats people! Oh, my lions…


Cindy Davis, (Twitter) feels duly ashamed.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • ryallen

    the last one - you wrote lions. think you mean loins.

  • raeraefred

    i guess i'm only mostly dead then. ruth wilson is a chameleon to me. from some angles, i think she's absolutely gorgeous. in other shots, meh.

  • MGMcD

    I'd also nominate Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood in House of Cards. He's a slimy dishonest fuck but his Southern drawl could talk me right out of my lacy underthings.

  • Janey

    Early season Spike would be on my creepy sexy list and same with early season Damon from Vampire Diaries.

  • j

    Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List

  • Adrienne Marie

    Ryan O'Reily from "Oz." The man made his brother kill the object of his obession's husband. And rigged a boxing competition by drugging the fighter's water, killed the object of his obsession's rapist, helped organize the murder of a mafia kingpin, etc. etc. But, man was he dead sexy.

  • Berry

    Amen. And it was made even weirder by the fact that I wouldn't necessarily even call Den Winters all that good looking. But something about that character just made the ladyparts happy.

  • Wigamer

    Giancarlo Esposito has had my ladyboner working for years now:

  • Samantha Schltr

    I think this list just highlighted how much I need to see a shrink. Tig still makes me drool.

  • Sirilicious

    So, if two people on that list were to hotly combine their hotness in a hot scene of forbidden sexifying hotness, would their two wrongs make my ladyboner right?

    Tig and Gemma in the hallway. Mmm.

  • You should have added Melisandre to the list, Also possibly Illythia and Lucretia from 'Spartacus.'

  • Slash

    Moriarty, definitely. And Tig, I guess. He's amusing, in the episodes I've seen. And that dude has beautiful eyes.

  • TheFatling

    Ummm, I'll just leave this here.

  • tjedison

    Nice "Killer Queen" reference.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Can we just let Dexter die? Michael C. Hall is a dish, but Dexter hasn't been anything but a boring whiner since the beginning of season 5. Although Dex's big bro Brian was kinda hot...

    Gus and Hannibal are perfection, however, I love a stylish representation of evil.

    Can I suggest Boyd Crowder? He's a bad, sick man, and if he asked, I'd seriously consider leaving Mr. Syndrome for him. And Mr. Syndrome would probably understand.
    Also, the entire cast of Oz: They were crazy, evil, naked and gorgeous (I still love you Chris Meloni).

    I also was crazy into Matthew Settle in Stoker, but that could just be because I had a crush on Joseph Cotten as "Uncle Charlie" in Shadow of a Doubt, which inspired Stoker

  • You mean Matthew Goode? Me too.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Wow. You're right. Total brain failure, which I attribute to my marathon re-watch of Band of Brothers. Both Matthews are dreamy, but Goode definitely has the edge on creepy hot.

  • I wanted him for Batman because of Stoker.

  • Wigamer

    I want him for myself because of him.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    That would have been interesting. I think he would be a great step in getting back to the dark and creepy Batman, instead of the muscle-bound playboy we've come to know. I always wondered why no one in the Nolan films noticed that Bruce Wayne put on roughly 30 pounds of muscle...

    As for Goode, I find him very compelling, especially in Chasing Liberty.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    Oh, but Dexter is indeed dying.

    Albeit of a slow and agonizing syndrome of systematic body shutdown (Seasons 3-5-6-7-8) instead of dying in a blaze of glory and awe (Seasons 1-2-4).

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Dexter was one of my favorites, I got my husband to start watching it right as season 6 premiered. As he got obsessed with the early show, I got frustrated and angry with the current show. Now he watches alone (he has a weird obsession with finishing things) and gives me the plot low-lights. I just can't believe what they did to that show.

  • $65530708

    Dexter Morgan? No.

    *Season 1 maybe but Michael C Hall's appeal is the only thing carrying Dexter.

    No Omar?

    **The lack on women on this list is a bit depressing.

  • Guest

    I agree that the dearth of women on this list is depressing. Might I suggest Gillian Damordy. Beautiful? Check. Smart? Check. Horrible? Check.

  • Guest

    YUP. And I'm kinda surprised Cersei Lannister
    isn't here. Or Irene Alder from Elementary.

  • ruby

    Hold on a sec? How about Irene Adler from Sherlock? Lara Pulver is, like Ruth Wilson, gorgeous in a psychotic will-definitely-screw-with-you-and-possibly-also-screw-you kind of way.

  • Feralhousecat

    Dammit, I went into my account to edit my post and accidentally erased it. So now it shows up as guest. I'm surprised that any number of women from Game of Thrones failed to make this list. Melisandre for instance. Who can resist penis leeches?

  • freetickles

    Melisandre's a better answer than Cersei since she's way sexier, although she's less obviously creepy. Err oh right, penis leeches, shadow babies and random human sacrifices.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Jessica Lange for AHS?

  • Guest

    Also YES.

  • dizzylucy

    A little relieved I'm not the only one who finds Tig strangely appealing. I think it's all in the eyes.

  • Katylalala

    David Morrisey as The Governor.

    It's so wrong. So, so wrong. And yet, the lions, they tingle. Nay, they roar.

  • sanity fair

    THIS!!! (I was trying to think of something witty or thoughtful to say, but I just completely agree with your assessment.)

  • The_Ghost_of_Bo_Crowder

    Alice is intelligent and a redhead.

    I'm sold.

  • Sars

    Yea I found myself attracted to Moriarty... and was plain confused because (A) I'm not in to skinny boys (2) Im not into skinny boys in v-necks

  • Mrs. Julien

    Keamy

    [hangs head in shame]

  • nangi

    Yes thank you!! As a lurker from the Lost days, I clicked on this for the sole purpose of seeing if anyone had remembered to include steamy Keamy. Because I do.

  • Wigamer

    Oh. I see.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Were you around during the Lost days? The Keamy is scary sexy discussion thread was very interesting. A lot of the male commenters were asking, "What the hell, women?".

  • Wigamer

    I was not around during the Lost Days, but something about Keamy just revolted me...I had one of those weird mental blocks about him. However, many don't understand my Fassbender feelings either, I'm well aware.

  • Jerce

    I don't think Andrew Scott or his character are the least bit sexy or attractive; but I do think that Andrew Scott is a goddamn fucking genius actor, because if I ever found myself in physical proximity to him, I feel sure that I would leap upon him and attempt to take his eyes out of their sockets and peel the skin from his face with my fingers. I would not be able to stop myself.
    I loathe his Moriarty even more than I hated Benjamin Linus. I did not think that was possible.

  • I wish I was Gemma's Harley.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Thank you, Mads Mikkelsen, for making a character I couldn't care about before seem utterly terrifying yet bangable at the same time. My lions are yours, if you don't mind moistness on your 70s Italian mobster suits (you do, I know).

  • BWeaves

    I also loved Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in Headhunters. He played cute/creepy/sicko in that one, too.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    Wait, there are TWO danish films called Headhunters then?

    And both are good?

    Because I just saw a pretty great corporate thriller the other day by the same name starring Lars Mikkelsen, who I presume is Dr. Lecter's brother in real life given the surname, similar bone structure, talent and eyes of a cannibal.

  • Yours is called Headhunter (no s). And yes, he's his brother.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    Thank you for replying, I will most certainly check Headhunters as soon as I can.

    I'm a a sucker for well-acted and bleak nordic* films just as much as disturbing South Korean revenge flicks.

    *I hope I used the correct term there.

  • pfeiffer87

    Nordic = Norway, Scandinavian = Norway, Finland, Sweden & Denmark

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Sorry to be nit-picky, but Finland isn't considered part of Scandinavia, as it doesn't belong to the same cultural circle (the whole concept is dumb, but I'm feeling smartassy today).

    The adjective for Norway is Norwegian. Nordic and Scandinavian are synonyms.

  • Berry

    Well, as a Finnish person who sometimes gets extremely tired of this, I thank you. Howeeever... You're a little bit wrong. Nordic and Scandinavian are not synonyms. Historically, Scandinavia is Sweden, Norway and Denmark. Geographically, just Norway and Sweden. Nordic countries are Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Finland, and Iceland + the autonomous islands that are technically part of Finland, Norway and Denmark.

    Btw, why do you think Finland doesn't belong in the same cultural circle? Our language is completely different (that's also something you get tired of hearing as a Finn, that our language is "like Swedish". It ain't) but in terms of history, politics, values... There's a lot in common, I think.

    Sorry. I know no-one cares. But sometimes it's just impossible to resist the temptation to correct people, you know.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I guess it's because of the language, but I think the whole culture thing is overrated anyway. The concept that culture stops at a country's borders is dumb.

  • Berry

    Despite the fact that everyone's already moved on from this discussion, I simply must say that, Fabius, I wholeheartedly agree with this: "The concept that culture stops at a country's borders is dumb." You've actually kind of made my morning, because the public debate in this country is currently dominated by people who insist that "cultures" are clearly defined entities, completely separate from one another, and hierarchical to boot. It's nice to know not everyone in Europe has been swept away by the madness.

  • kirbyjay

    Finland isn't part of Scandinavia? But they're all just hanging there together like a 3-balled scrotum. We have our bunched up little states in the northeast of the US and they're called New England. Not because they are alike, but because they are all bunched up together. It's all about the geography.

  • Berry

    Geographically, the Scandinavian peninsula is consists of Norway and Sweden. The third ball of the scrotum, Finland, is across the Gulf of Bothnia, and is not really completely part of the peninsula. They were very adamant during my school days never to call Finland a Scandinavian country. It's one of those things that sticks with you. :)

    PS. I never thought that one day I would end up calling my home country, "the third ball of the scrotum", but I like it.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Pick those nits. Get 'em. It moistening my lions.

    [I can't even type that with a straight face]

  • Headhunters is fantastic!

  • Guest

    Does Hannibal set your lions on fire?

  • Here you go:

  • Mrs. Julien

    And then eats them for dinner?

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    There's got to be fan art about that on Tumblr somewhere.

  • Emperor Cupcake

    Your...lions?

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's from the best typo ever -

    1. Seth Green ALWAYS has a spot on my Pajiba Five. I believe Brett McKenzie has snuck on a few times as well. The funny ones always moisten my lions.

    Oh...That's.....That's not what I meant at all.- Quorren

    http://www.pajiba.com/eloquent...

  • Wigamer

    I would like to humbly present what I found doing a google
    image search

  • emmalita

    I can't even post the things I found when I searched 'moist lions.'

  • Berry

    That is... just not right.

  • Wigamer

    No. It's really, really not.

  • Berry

    Not even so wrong it's right. Just wrong.

  • Wigamer

    Well, it fits the description of a moist lion quite accurately...and horrifyingly, I might add.

  • Berry

    That it does.

  • Mrs. Julien

    OMFG!

  • Wigamer

    Isn't it...apropos?

  • PerpetualIntern

    Still one of my favorite Pajiba moments of all time.

  • BWeaves

    Old Pajiba typo for "loins." You'll see it a lot round these parts. The original typo was for "moist lions."

  • Jerce

    Yeah, Emperor, keep up. Gah.

  • $71965920

    as Martin responded I am startled that you can get paid $5107 in one month on the internet. hop over to these guys w­w­w.J­A­M­20.c­o­m

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