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Great Movies I Refuse to Watch | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Ten Great Movies I Absolutely Refuse to Watch

A Seriously Random List XXVII / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | November 24, 2008 | Comments (148)


There are scores of so-called great movies that I wish I’d never seen, probably enough to create a completely separate seriously random list — The Hours, English Patient, Moonstruck, Crying Game, Beautiful Mind, and Lord of the Rings come to mind — but as a critic, I try to watch most of the classics, or at least those from the last 20 years, so I don’t sound as ignorant as I am when I’m asked about film. It’s almost inevitable, but when I meet someone new and tell them I review films, they almost always ask my opinion on one of the few films I haven’t seen. Then I feel like an idiot. Then I decide that I hate that person.

I don’t make a lot of new friends.

But then there are movies, Oscar winners and nominees, well-respected films, movies among IMDb’s top 250, etc., that I just can’t bring myself to watch. They usually involve war, or they’re period pieces, but no matter how good someone tells me the film in question is, or how much coaxing I receive, I just won’t do it. These are ten of them — ten great films that I absolutely refuse to watch. Ever. You can’t make me. I will not do it. Don’t even try to talk me into it.

10. Children of a Lesser God

9. Howard’s End

8. Sense and Sensibility

7. Into the Wild

6. The Queen

5. Letters of Iwo Jima/Flags of Our Fathers

4. Chariots of Fire

3. Lawrence of Arabia

2. The Piano

1.The Prince of Tides


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Comments

Titanic

Posted by: anikitty at November 24, 2008 3:35 PM

I can understand most of these, but dammit if The Queen isn't a fantastic and wonderfully understated piece of film making. It seems unfairly saddled with the drawn-out period pieces that dominate the rest of the list.

Plus, Helen Mirren is such a GILF.

Posted by: Macafee at November 24, 2008 3:36 PM

omg, I am so with you on that list.

The Queen? 2 hours of my life I *wish* I had back.

Mystic River is one of those movies I will never watch.

Oo, and Boys Don't Cry.

Or Monster.

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 3:37 PM

I mostly can't blame you.

I have tried watching The English Patient a couple of times, and I just cannot do it. Nor can I manage Out of Africa, Last of the Mohicans, Braveheart...I think I see a theme.

Posted by: Cindy at November 24, 2008 3:38 PM

I'd have to agree with "The Prince of Tides". Just looking at the DVD cover, with that lovey dovey image of Streisand and Nolte post coital, it automatically makes your mouth taste like an ashtray and convinces you that the room reeks of alcohol and Ben Gay.

I'd also have to agree with Mystic River...the book was so much better. A bad man touched you, I get it. See a shrink, Tim Robbins!

I would have to add on to the list Shakespeare in Love. Two reasons: 1.) It stole the best picture oscar from Saving Private Ryan. 2.) It just looks like an overpuffed chick flick with accents and a member of the Fiennes family. If I want that, I'll watch...something other than Shakespeare in Love. I bite my thumb at it.

Finally, "great movies" i'd never watch again..."Juno". It's not a great movie. Stop kidding yourself, it's ok not to be "cool".

Posted by: Mike R. at November 24, 2008 3:41 PM

I never have and never will watch Titanic. I so desperately need those 11 hours of my life to be on Pajiba and on Facebook, looking at the pictures of all of the Pajiba people. I remember when this came out how everyone was saying it sucked...then somehow it won an Oscar...I don't get it..

On a boat...

On a boat....

(four hours later)

On a boat.....

(two days later)

The boat sinks (God, I hope I didn't ruin the ending for anyone...it was after all an historical event of some note). In between, a poor guy gets some cooter from a rich woman. Let me guess, she has a snobby boyfriend who runs down the scrappy but lovable hero who snuck on, but Scrappy shows that money doesn't buy courage
or romance and the woman gets the deep dicking of a lifetime, which is why she still talks about it 70 years later.

Pass. I'd rather watch Zorro, the Gay Blade, at least that had George Hamilton in multiple roles....did Titanic? No? Then fuck it sideways.

Posted by: Rubble44 at November 24, 2008 3:42 PM

oops, Macafee, sorry. lol, I HATED the Queen. And I love British films. And Helen Mirren. And QE2 (she is the spitting of my dear sweet Babuszka).

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 3:44 PM

Notes on how to make Titanic better...

- multiple roles for George Hamilton, including (but not limited to) Captain, Jack, Rose, Mr. Andrews, All of Steerage Class, Cal, Rose's Mom, Bill Paxton's Dirk Pitt Wannabe, James Cameron.
- make the film a real time account of the sinking, with a love story people can actually GIVE A SHIT ABOUT
- Zombies.
- David Tennant and Kylie Minogue

Posted by: Mike R. at November 24, 2008 3:45 PM

I felt the same way about Dawn of the Dead, The Warriors and Big Trouble in Little China until I read accolades upon accolades on this very site. I'm friggin' glad I'm not as stubborn as you Dustin because all were excellent and now I can't figure out why I thought they weren't my bag in the first place.

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 3:46 PM

Fuck.

This is going to infuriate everyone, but...

Shawshank Redemption.

Absolutely everyone I know screams at me when they learn that I haven't seen it. Which just makes me dig my heels in, shake my head and squinch my eyes shut even more. I may well never see it, unless my friends shut the fuck up about it.

Posted by: TK at November 24, 2008 3:47 PM

I'm with you on most all of those. Lamesville!

Butsept for Howard's End which, much like Chinatown or Coming to America, I can watch whenever as if it were the first time.

Posted by: Amanda H. at November 24, 2008 3:48 PM

I love "Chariots of Fire." My dad loves it and he got me into loving it. And I love my dad. He also loves "Tender Mercies", and tries to shove it down everyone's throats. I hated it. At least the parts I didn't sleep through.

Posted by: Sofía at November 24, 2008 3:48 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed Shakespeare in Love because:

1. Dame Judi
2. Joseph Fiennes (hubba hubba!)
3. Geoffrey Rush
4. Tom Wilkinson
5. Imelda Staunton
6. Colin Firth

and yet, I hated The Queen. Go figure.

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 3:49 PM

TK, just watch it. I understand you're a man of principles...but just watch it.

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 3:50 PM

I'll never watch any western starring John Wayne. To hell with those. I only saw The Searchers a few weeks ago, but that's it.

I'll never watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Believe me, I tried, but it was way too much for me. I hated it.

I'll never watch Eraserhead. Looks ridiculous, and I've heard and read enough shit about it to know I'll never watch it in this life.

Posted by: JC at November 24, 2008 3:51 PM

Brokeback Mountain. I just can't do it. It isn't due to the subject matter or the characters but ever since the South Park Film Festival which, according to Cartman's prognostications, is "just a bunch of gay cowboys standing around eating pudding," I laugh my ass off every time someone mentions it.

Rubble44, plus it features the dulcet tones of Celine Dion.

Posted by: admin at November 24, 2008 3:53 PM

Fuck.

This is going to infuriate everyone, but...

Shawshank Redemption.

Are you trying to trick me into agreeing with you on that? Because I do. Every word.

Golly!

Seeing "Lawrence of Arabia" get that position in one's life makes me a little sad, but I do have to respect digging the heels in (see what I was just talking about).

Also, sex in a bathtub hurts, Cindy.

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 3:57 PM

I liked Into the Wild, but I won't argue against that.
Now...Sense & Sensibility, really? I love that movie, but, you know, I am female. With an English degree.

Posted by: VeinsRHiways at November 24, 2008 3:59 PM

Don't do it, TK! It's a great flick and all, but I read the book several years (and multiple times) prior to the movie coming out. Now? All I see is the cast of the goddam movie. If you've read the book, keep what you've got in your head...

Posted by: Skitz at November 24, 2008 3:59 PM

I gasped when I saw "Sense and Sensibility" and "The Piano" on that list. They're two of my favorites. Ah, well. I guess not everything can be perfect.

But I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of that list. Fuck Chariots of Fire and Lawrence of Arabia. I tried to sit through both of them and fell asleep before the first hours were done. Jeebus. They're so fucking LONG! I tried to sit through a horrible 'great movie' with Citizen Kane, and all I got was an almost irresistible urge to stab myself in the eye with a pencil. Repeatedly. Because holy SHIT that was painful. Don't want to relive the experience.

I'll never watch 'The Seven Samurai'. Big huge no for me.

Posted by: figgy at November 24, 2008 4:01 PM

2001: A Space Ody..zzzzzzzzzz [huh,wha?]

yeah, exactly.

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 4:04 PM

Is it bad that I didn't know Shawshank Redemption was a book?

Why does bathtub sex hurt? You can make it work. I've heard.

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 4:04 PM

Oh, and Flags of our Fathers was almost as manipulative as a Ron Howard film. I think Clint Eastwood squinted too much while directing that one.

Posted by: Sofía at November 24, 2008 4:06 PM

becks, Elaine Benes knows what she's talking about, and I'm inclined to take her word on anything!

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 4:08 PM

I'd like to point out that they NEVER have sex in the bathtub in The English Patient. Fuck. They just sit there and have a weird talk while she washes his hair. Then she gets naked and gets into the tub with him (BEHIND HIM). They don't have sex!

I don't know why this bugs me so much. But it does. I kept shouting it at Elaine during that Seinfeld episode.

They don't have sex in the bathtub! No!

Posted by: figgy at November 24, 2008 4:08 PM

I absolutely REFUSE to watch Into the Wild...but my reason is a little more logical, at least to me.

I boycotted this film from the beginning because it took what was a fantastic and tragic story by Jon Krakauer and it turned it into some coming-of-age-adventures-in-the-great-outdoors grandiose bullshit. When I read the book it meant something to me but after watching the trailers it looks like Penn has changed it into a saccharine, manipulative and overly-romanticized feature.

That's just my opinion anyways.

Posted by: citizen_cris at November 24, 2008 4:15 PM

The Big Chill. I won't. I just won't. I grew up resenting the Boomer self-love fest of the Eighties, and this movie, rightly or wrongly, symbolizes that navel-gazing, self-affirming yet self-loathing zeitgeist. Fuck it. Fuck it in the ear.

Gone With the Wind. At this point, it's just to be contrary. Also, it looks really boring, like the distaff version of a car chase movie. Meh. I got better things to do than watch a long-ass prototype of Dynasty.

The Sound of Music. I love good family movies, but also want to resurrect Walt Disney just so I can punch him in the throat. Also, I loathe musicals. Thus, even thinking about Sound makes we want to hit things with a fireplace poker.

Posted by: Soulless Merchant of Fear at November 24, 2008 4:17 PM

Jay, I'll e-mail Sarina the blueprints and then you two crazy kids can try it out. I'll make a believer out of you.

figgy, I picture you screaming at the TV and then exasperatedly giving us that explanation Elaine- Benes-style.

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 4:17 PM

Hey, you still know it was uncomfortable and cramped, figgy. Ya gotta give us that.

Now where's my sack lunch??

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 4:19 PM

Thanks, TeaKettle, It's good to know I'm not the only one that hasn't seen Shawshank. My roommate for a Year even owned it. I just never got to it.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 24, 2008 4:23 PM

Please remove "Prince of Tides" from this list. Not because you MUST see it (you mustn't), but because it doesn't deserve to appear on a list with any of these other films. It sucked wooly mammoth balls. I don't care if it was nominated for umpteen awards; it doesn't stand the test of time (I'm guessing -- I haven't been able to watch it again since I first saw it at the theater). No one -- NO ONE -- should feel the least embarrassment for not having seen it. God knows I wish I hadn't.

Posted by: Jimbob at November 24, 2008 4:24 PM

Into the Wild is worth seeing, if only for the amazing soundtrack and cinematography. BUT, that being said, I hear ya. I will never watch Castaway because too many people have told me I need to watch it.

Posted by: Mary at November 24, 2008 4:27 PM

becks, more true than you can imagine...

Jay and...splashy....ick. I think it'd have to be a big tub. I don't see how you wouldn't get the urge to jump out right after because...oh ick.

Posted by: figgy at November 24, 2008 4:27 PM

Optimus, Mon Savage, we'll watch Shawshank together. It's in my Top 10.

Posted by: Sofía at November 24, 2008 4:27 PM

citizen_cris, while the trailer did have that coming of age vibe to it the final movie is much closer to the story. It's very tragic but only gets melodramatic in a few spots. I only ended up seeing it because we'd driven all the way to the arclight and missed the movie we'd gone for. It was much better then I expected, but then again, I thought I'd hate it.

Posted by: no-one at November 24, 2008 4:30 PM

I'm firmly convinced that my abortive attempt to watch "Rocky Horror" has spoiled me on all musicals for all time with the exception of "Streets of Fire." Of course, that was a rock-and-roll musical so it may not count. In any event, holy shit balls, "Rocky Horror" was awful.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 24, 2008 4:32 PM

People think The Prince of Tides is a great movie? I wouldn't even say it's a good movie.

Don't blame you for The Piano. It's a love it/hate it movie (I loved it, but I can understand why people hate it).

I don't care if Chariots of Fire is a better movie than Raiders of the Lost Ark -- Raiders should still have won the Oscar. I hate it for that reason.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 24, 2008 4:35 PM

Jimbob is right on the money re: Prince of Tides. Wonderful book, piece of crap movie.

Tracer Bullett - I have three words for you West Side Story. You can't give up on musical movies based on Rocky Horror!

Posted by: mswas at November 24, 2008 4:38 PM

The Prince of Tides has Barbara Streisand in it, I'm not surprised you haven't had the desire to see that movie. I avoid that shit like the plague. Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson is wonderful!!! I so love her as an actress, she's brilliant! Into the Wild is REALLY SAD. Not a bad movie, just hard to watch. The only other movie I've seen on here is The Piano and it is a lovely movie, a little slow but quite a good film.

Posted by: ph at November 24, 2008 4:40 PM

Hmmm...RE #s 4, 6, 8 and 9. I think I see a decidedly anti-period Brit flick bias. Let me guess. You also haven't seen A Passage to India, The Remains of the Day, Atonement (OK, maybe you have seen this one), Wings of the Dove, etc.?

What can I say? You're only depriving yourself (though I'm sure you don't give a shit, busy as you are with repeated viewings of Kevin Smith movies [who I'll admit is great, if a bit one-note]).

Oh, and Shakespeare in Love DESERVED to beat Saving Private Ryan. One-and-a-half admittedly awesome battle scenes do not a great movie make.

Posted by: boogs at November 24, 2008 4:40 PM

I'll never watch 'The Seven Samurai'. Big huge no for me.

But WHY!?

Posted by: jM at November 24, 2008 4:42 PM

There's some alleged classics I haven't seen and am waiting to (namely a bunch of Hitchcocks and Bogarts), then there's the so-called greats I'm avoiding like the plague:
Gone With The Wind - frankly my dear, I think you're retarded;
The Wizard of Oz - reading the book was a bad enough waste of time, thanks;
Citizen Kane - some rich guy dreams of his sled while kicking the bucket, whoop-de-shit;
Sense & Sensibility, Pride & Prejudice, The English Patient, etc - some of these I've read, none of these hold any interest for me as film genres. Saccharine weepy melodramatic shit! Either the story's so good that any flaw in the execution will kill my high hopes (and thus be best avoided) or the story was average enough that reading it or just knowing the basic plot is enough to avoid wasting another few hours of my life in front of a screen.

I shit you not, Pa Helmet fell asleep in the opening credits of 2001 (not hard to do, considering how long they were) and I only stayed awake by turning on a hockey game on the radio at the same time. Good lord, I've seen more riveting baseball games! For that reason alone, Kubrick's films are on my moviespoilers list. Add the travesty of AI to the equation, and he's gone right out the window - I'm sure I'm not missing anything much.

Posted by: lordhelmet at November 24, 2008 4:43 PM

Pulp Fiction

Posted by: muphinsmom at November 24, 2008 4:46 PM

I wouldn't even know where to start, honestly. If I have no desire to see a movie I just, I dunno, ignore that movie. That would include just about every Merchant-Ivory film ever.

On the other hand, I love Gone with the Wind so fiercely that it borders on fanaticism. Actually, it is.

Posted by: Nicole at November 24, 2008 4:47 PM

I haven't seen Atonement either. I sort of don't want to. It's like Crash...pajiba totally made me anti-Haggis so I absolutely refuse to see it. Especially now that they're coming out with the TV show. Sounds too heavy-handed for me!

Posted by: ph at November 24, 2008 4:47 PM

jM I don't know! it's just...so not my kind of movie.

Nicole HA! Me too! I love that movie so much it's scary.

Ooh ooh...2001 Space Odyssey is another HUGE no for me. Good lord that shit looks awful.

Posted by: figgy at November 24, 2008 4:52 PM

I loooooove Lawrence of Arabia. It's so pretty. I feel the exact same way about Into the Wild, though. Will never, ever watch it. The Sean Penn association, I think.

Posted by: Phegan at November 24, 2008 4:53 PM

I have never seen Titantic, nor have I ever seen The Godfather.

At this point, though, it's mostly to be ornery. Lord knows I'll watch just about everything else.

Posted by: minorblue at November 24, 2008 4:57 PM

I haven't watched "Rocky" and I'm never going to watch it. Why? Because it beat "Taxi Driver" for the best picture oscar. I mean, "Taxi Driver" against "Rocky"...there was not even supposed to be a contest!

Posted by: Emran at November 24, 2008 4:58 PM

You nihilist.

Posted by: Walter Sobcek at November 24, 2008 5:03 PM

Emran can you not, at the very least, appreciate the irony?

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 5:04 PM

I am soooooooooo very with you on this list!!
I have to add Star Wars though (i just fucking hate it) and Gone With The Wind. I watched it once as a six year old and that much film is TOO MUCH for a child with a way more expansive imagition than is healthy. I ended up trying to escape by pretending it was some sort of prison and i was being punished for being the rebellious prisoner so if i stuck it out i'd be the hero of the prison.

Also literally anything Kiera Knightley has ever done. Except for one i started watching before i knew she was in it,that turned out to be okay, not great, but okay.

But she was just as shit and wall eyed in it as she is in everyfuckingthing else ohmyGOD can we have a list where we list everything we hate about her?!

Flags of our fathers is one i'd love to actually sit down and watch because i adore most of the cast but at the same time its one i probably never will.
The Queen too

Posted by: Nadine at November 24, 2008 5:10 PM

It's funny how I just can't bring myself to watch certain movies either.

I can't, don't want, and refuse to watch "Dances With Wolves." Oh, but you've got to see the scenery on the big screen. I'm not sitting for 3 hours in a theater to watch scenery.

Still, some of the movies on Dustin's list I love and other hate:

10. Children of a Lesser God (it was boring)

9. Howard's End (it was boring)

8. Sense and Sensibility (much better than the book, really!)

7. Into the Wild (never heard of it)

6. The Queen (it was boring)

5. Letters of Iwo Jima/Flags of Our Fathers (cannot bring myself to watch these)

4. Chariots of Fire (I loved it! It's a true story.)

3. Lawrence of Arabia (too long, and too boring)

2. The Piano (boring)

1.The Prince of Tides (cannot bring myself to watch as one of the characters has my real name, ugh!)

Posted by: BWeaves at November 24, 2008 5:14 PM

I dunno, becks. You'd probably have to see the end for the complete irony.

And keeping up the string of dates (noted by Paddy), tomorrow is the 33rd anniversary of the day Rocky starts!

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 5:16 PM

To each their own, figgy. I took a class on Kurosawa so I've kind of been a fiend for his work ever since.

Man, I love Kubrick. I'm pretty sure I've watched 2001: A Space Odyssey before. But it's just one of those things that my mind immediately erases, like old episodes of Law & Order and family outings.

Posted by: jM at November 24, 2008 5:31 PM

DON'T DO IT, TK.

Fight the good fight.

Mine is Life is Beautiful...just on general principle.

Posted by: Smokin at November 24, 2008 5:31 PM

I thought "The Piano" was very erotic and well worth watching multiple times.

"Into the Wild" just annoyed me.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 24, 2008 5:43 PM

Lawrence of Arabia is one of my favorite movies all time. Yes, it is a long historical epic, and a lot of long historical epics suck, but that's like boycotting the Cohen brothers just because The Man Who Wasn't There blew.

The best way to watch it would be to pop it in and tell yourself you're only going to watch it until O'Toole says the line "nothing is written" and then you will turn it off. If you aren't hooked by then you never will be, but if you are, you will re-arrange your life to see the rest.

Posted by: Sean P at November 24, 2008 5:44 PM

I've only voluntarily watched and liked one of the "great" movies mentioned (Chariots of Fire), so I agree with almost everyone on movies they aren't going to watch.

War movies and/or love stories generally don't interest me, so that cuts out a lot right there. Saw Mystic River after hearing how great it was, went "eh." Semi-forced into watching Citizen Kane with film students, and was bored off my ass. The first few minutes of The Queen bored me.

Posted by: Sabrina at November 24, 2008 5:54 PM

Lawrence Of Arabia?

Lawrence Of Arabia??

Lawrence Of Arabia?!?

The other stuff on your list? Fine. You can be a perfectly respectable cinephile without watching any of that.

But LAWRENCE OF ARABIA?!?!?

Seriously, dude. Required viewing. Preferably on a huge theater screen in 70mm. (If you are ever going to give in, you might as well wait until you have that glorious visual opportunity. DVD will not do it justice.)

Have you seen any of David Lean's other films? Did you enjoy them? (And if you Bridge On The River Kwai is something else you refuse to watch, that's a whole separate rant.)

Frankly, I'm shocked I'm the first person in this thread to have this reaction. A lot of you seem to think it's "boring."

Anyway, per your statement above, I guess you can start hating me now.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 5:55 PM

Scratch that "you." There's always at least one typo in my defective brain.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 5:56 PM

Haven't watched Letters from Iwo Jima/Flags of Our Fathers, eh?

That doesn't surprise me at all... comrade.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 24, 2008 6:03 PM

I never got Fellini, either. My mom LOVES Fellini.

"Girls, it's either a Fellini film, or chores..."

Chores won. Every. Time.

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 6:05 PM

Additionally, this thread reads like a bunch of kids who won't eat their vegetables. Did y'all read Green Eggs And Ham? There's a good lesson in there.

I'm enough of a movie fan that I'll give almost anything a chance. That doesn't mean there aren't movies that I don't put off watching for various reasons, but there's nothing widely acknowledged as a great film that would elicit this sort of stubborn refusal.

Films that are obvious crap (e.g., Twilight) are a different story.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 6:05 PM

I will agree with

Chariots of Fire
Letters/Flags
Prince of Tides.

Please, oh Darth one, sell L of A to me. Isn't it , like, eighteen hours long or something?

And I refuse to try to attempt to watch Casablanca again because every time I even think about that movie I just zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Posted by: greer at November 24, 2008 6:18 PM

Dirty Dancing and that one with Kevin Bacon that they are remaking.

The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles and anything else with Molly Ringwald from the 80s (I think she did one other one...don't remember what it was called).

I HATE 80s movies. The dialogue, the costumes, the shitty dancing and shittastic music. I got suckered into watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off and literally kicked my sister afterward (i was 10, she was 12).

And speaking of movies everyone likes that I don't: The Princess Bride. That movie is beyond unfunny. I've seen it twice on occasions when I was forced to and I just don't get it. I really don't.

Posted by: NotBlonde at November 24, 2008 6:18 PM

NotBlonde I too had that initial reaction to Princess Bride, I saw it twice and was like, what is the fucking deal with this movie?

Then I saw it a third time, and a fourth... and well, by the time the VHS tape got worn out, my sister and I knew that movie by heart.

It is routinely quoted in our household. We adore that movie.

Posted by: Stella at November 24, 2008 6:22 PM

Ooh, yes. The Piano is one of the most erotic movies of all time. It's hard to explain. But it's not just any movie that makes Harvey Keitel be that...weirdly, bizarrely attractive. It's such a weird movie, but I love it.

Posted by: figgy at November 24, 2008 6:27 PM

Rocky Horror Picture Show is one of the few musicals I actually enjoy. I don't know who said that Rocky Horror was awful...well, it's supposed to be a bad movie, that's what's funny about it...sort of like Young Frankenstein. Basically, Rocky Horror has Tim Curry in drag which is...wow, just fuckin' awesome! Hedgwig and The Anrgy Inch comes close to the awesomeness of Rocky Horror because of the cross-dressing. Rock and roll musicals CAN be better than Grease. Not sure about Jesus Christ Superstar though, I've always wanted to see it, but never gotten around to it. In other words, if you don't like Rocky Horror, you have no soul!

Posted by: ph at November 24, 2008 6:30 PM

I've got a system,

Won't watch anything with either of the following:

1.Heigl aka Skank-cancer
2."Rachel"
3.Any actor rocking "stupid hair" for the film (see: Da Vinci Code)
4.Paltrow (unless a superior actor/actress is on lead)
5. "Sassy" african-american women, especially if they are fat assed.
6. Annoying children
7. Will Smith's fucking kid
8. Comedies with De Niro
9. Comedies with Ford
10.Tea Leoni

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 24, 2008 6:33 PM

That's a shame, Slim....because there's a new movie coming out in the summer of 2009 that you will have to miss.....

Skank Cancer, Rachel, Paltrow and Leoni are sisters who run a music school for the "gifted". They are all snobs when it comes to music, looking down on "the hippity hop and rap" as garbage. However, while walking on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, they come across a young street performer, played by Jaden Smith, who not only sings the blues, but hip hop as well. The girls see him as a diamond in the rough and want to let him into their school. They go to the orphanage where he lives (run by Ford and Deniro as a gay couple, Ford has a long ponytail and Deniro has a perm) to try to get him to sign up.

However, there is a snag in the plan. The kid already studies after school at an urban music center, run by Mo'Nique, Jada Pinkett Smith, the Ghost of Butterfly McQueen and Martin Lawrence in a fat suit. They are trying to "Keep it Real" with the younguns and don't want no uppity white cracker bitches tryin' to "liquid paper" their #1 student.

And so begins the battle between the two schools for this "prodigiously talented" kid. Hijinks will no doubt ensue with pranks being done to each other, escalating to a final showdown and at the end, there will be a big concert where all of the white kids sing the hippity hop (i.e. Yeah by Usher with a redheaded kid acting like Lil Jon and saying "Yeah!!!!" and "Whatttttt???!!!" three years after it was played out) and the black kids perform something from Chopin or Beethoven and everyone ends up a little better than they were before because they were able to put aside petty racial differences and we find that Smith's kid is actually an angel who is too good for this world and he ascends to Heaven while the rest of the cast holds hands and sings We Are the World or All You Need is Love or some such shite, with kids mugging at the camera relentlessly and Skank Cancer making out with the Ghost of Butterfly McQueen.

I think Brett Ratner is directing off of a Will Smith script. and to think, Slim, you are going to miss it....it's your loss Hombre.....

Posted by: Rubble44 at November 24, 2008 7:13 PM

Hehehehehehe ....early Eloquence entry?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 24, 2008 7:18 PM

I WISH I hadn't seen Into the Wild. All it did was piss me off. Boo hoo, your parents are divorced and fight. Boo hoo, everyone is fake. Boo hoo, the world sucks. Get over and get a job, ya hippie. No patience for that b.s.

Posted by: BizzyBees at November 24, 2008 7:20 PM

I agree with every entry, all of which I have successfully avoided seeing. To add:

1. Dances With Wolves...BWeaves said it best.

2. The Godfather...it started because my father loves it and it pissed him off that I refused to watch it. Now I refuse just to be a brat.

3. Scarface...I couldn't get through 10 minutes of it. Al Pachino is the worst actor I have ever tried to watch. Meh. Just Meh.

Posted by: christina at November 24, 2008 7:21 PM

Sense & Sensibility is one of my favorites! You should watch it just for Hugh Laurie's scenes. He's in the film for all of five minutes but he still manages to make his character stand out.

Posted by: Kolby at November 24, 2008 7:29 PM

I can't bring myself to watch these:

10. Amadeus (boooring)

9. The Matrix (Johnny Moronic and Whatshername)

8. Chicago (overrated as hell)

7. Girl, Interrupted (Fishlips)

6. Forrest Gump (Sorry Tom!)

5. Cold Mountain (Scrunchy)

4. Erin Brockovich (Horseface)

3. Coming Home (Fuck you, Jane Fonda)

2. The Sound of Mucus, er, Music (barf)

1. Titanic (Fuggedaboudit!)

Posted by: Tomasina at November 24, 2008 7:30 PM

I can't bring myself to watch these:

10. Amadeus (boooring)

9. The Matrix (Johnny Moronic and Whatshername)

8. Chicago (overrated as hell)

7. Girl, Interrupted (Fishlips)

6. Forrest Gump (Sorry Tom!)

5. Cold Mountain (Scrunchy)

4. Erin Brockovich (Horseface)

3. Coming Home (Fuck you, Jane Fonda)

2. The Sound of Mucus, er, Music (barf)

1. Titanic (Fuggedaboudit!)

Posted by: Tomasina at November 24, 2008 7:30 PM

Chariots of Fire!? Well...

Mine are: The English Patient, Clockwork Orange, Chinatown.

Posted by: LB at November 24, 2008 7:33 PM

Rubbell44: Yeah, but what role does Queen Latifa play?

Posted by: Sean P at November 24, 2008 7:34 PM

I can't believe people are venturing stentorian opinions on any film they've never seen. It's like being told you're ugly by someone who is blind.

I also can't understand wanting to deprive yourself of something to which a lot of people have ascribed value. What was that Rilke quote from Kissing Jessica Stein again?

Posted by: Ginginho at November 24, 2008 7:46 PM

I can't believe people are venturing stentorian opinions on any film they've never seen. It's like being told you're ugly by someone who is blind.

I also can't understand wanting to deprive yourself of something to which a lot of people have ascribed value. What was that Rilke quote from Kissing Jessica Stein again?

Posted by: Ginginho at November 24, 2008 7:47 PM

Curses.

Posted by: Ginginho at November 24, 2008 7:48 PM

greer>> It depends upon which cut you're watching, but you're probably looking at a runtime around 3 hours and 40 minutes. So, yeah, it's lengthy, but if you don't want to sit that long, you can always take a break at the designated intermission, and spread the film out over two viewings. I was sufficiently enthralled the first time I watched it on a Saturday afternoon that the time flew by and I had no interest in not finishing the film.

Just for the record, I'm not trying to sell Dustin here, because I don't want to cause him to further dig in his heels. Honestly, you can probably Google dozens of more convincing arguments than I could give you. The fact that Casablanca - quite possibly the most charming and enduring movie in history - puts you to sleep doesn't bode well for your patience for Lawrence.

However, since you asked, here are a few answers as to why you should give it a chance...

1) Scope: People can roll their eyes at the concept of watching a film for its visual grandeur simply because it's a historical epic, but Lawrence sets the bar. When you think about the logistics involved with so many players and this vast desert, the mere rendering of this film is stunning. Add this to the fact that it's beautifully done and visually creative (the last time I watched it I found myself wishing that particular stills were available as screensavers), and you have a filmic masterpiece.

2) History: The film is an extremely interesting slice of historical fiction, and as long as there is tension in the Middle East, Lawrence Of Arabia will always be politically and culturally relevant.

3) Character: If you dig intense character studies, Lawrence certainly has that element. Yes, it's a film about war and power struggles, but it also works on a very personal level. As someone mentions above, the line "nothing is written" is the point at which I was immediately hooked on the character of Lawrence and how he comes to terms with his new role. His personal journey from there with respect to immersion in this new culture takes many directions and is rife for repeated analysis.

4) Influence: There's not a sprawling cinema epic post-1962 that doesn't owe something to Lawrence. Steven Spielberg cites the film as the reason he wanted to become a filmmaker. Peter Jackson and Martin Scorsese also list it as a seminal influence. If you're a film nerd, this is required viewing. It is cinema history.

5) Score: If you're also a film score nerd - again - it's required viewing. Maurice Jarre's composition is one of the greatest in film history.

6) Consensus: Widely acclaimed, cleaned up at the Oscars, generally acknowledged as one of the greatest films. Sure, I'm not guaranteeing you'll enjoy it, but there's no good reason not to give it a chance. I've never read any critique of it that didn't boil down to a simplistic dismissal of its being "too long" or "boring." If you don't have the patience for it, more power to you, but I find the story, characters, presentation, and innumerable moments and details that are not immediately obvious engrossing.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 7:50 PM

1. Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Ten Things I Hate About You, etc. etc. etc. (high school has no positive or negative mystique for me)

2. The Crying Game (heavy-handed)

3. Life is Beautiful (not offensive, exactly, just really stupid)

4. Rain Man (still hurting the autism community after all these years)

5. Forrest Gump (sentimental pap)

6. Titanic (see above)

7. Sideways (boring)

8. Those movies where nothing happens but extremely subtle social and romantic things (The Squid and the Whale, Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf...)

9. E.T. (dreadful)

10. Dunces With Wolves

Posted by: Mimi Pickwick at November 24, 2008 8:00 PM

I've seen plays that were better than Prince of Tides... PLAYS.

Posted by: popejenn at November 24, 2008 8:18 PM

Jay, if it hurts you are doing it wrong. It can work. I did feel a certain kinship with Elaine going off on TEP though.

The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles and anything else with Molly Ringwald from the 80s... Blasphemy!

Al Pachino is the worst actor I have ever tried to watch. This makes me want to cry.

Posted by: Cindy at November 24, 2008 8:19 PM

Sooo late to this game...

- Dogma (I will be shot around these parts for saying that...) Not that I haven't TRIED to watch it...I just have always fallen asleep. SNORE.

- Sound of Music LAME

- Sideways (One of the main characters repulsed me so much, I had to turn it off about 15 mins into it)

- Harold and Maude LAME

- 2001 etc ....love fucked up Kubrick, do not want the spacey Kubrick

- Amelie

- Fletch

Posted by: Be Adequite! at November 24, 2008 8:24 PM

I sometimes want to like Pajiba, but other times it just seems dumb. This thread feels dumb. Let me get this straight: you haven't seen these movies but you somehow anticipate that you wouldn't like them and you therefore "refuse" to watch them? Um...okay then.

As for the long, long list of idiots here who dismiss movies like Citizen Kane or Lawrence of Arabia because they don't have explosions every two minutes (or whatever), I don't understand your nervous antipathy. In case you haven't noticed, "your side" (the side that insists that movies be intellectually barren, photographically predictable, and full of "action") has won. Most movies are exactly the crap that you seem to crave. What, exactly, is the problem?

Posted by: Kikuchiyo at November 24, 2008 8:29 PM

Sense and Sensibility is a joy. Period piece or no, you are missing out.

Posted by: amber at November 24, 2008 8:29 PM

Also, people seem to be making two different kinds of lists here. Some of you are noting films that are considered great that you found to be awful based on some amount of viewing, but the original conceit was to list great films you outright refuse to give a chance. That's a substantial difference.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 8:31 PM

I can't believe four of my all-time favorites are on your list: S&S, Howard's End, The Queen, CHARIOTS OF FIRE?? Clearly you don't appreciate the understated beauty of the "English People Talking" genre. Dustin, you just became a lot less sexy in my book.

I'm with you on The Piano, though.

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at November 24, 2008 8:39 PM

Darth,

I agree with you on most things about Lawrence of Arabia, except the history part. I had read Lawrence's autobiography "Seven Pillars of Wisdom" before I watched the movie, and I must admit that I was rather disappointed with the movie. Characters and events that had never been mentioned in the book popped out of nowhere in the movie. But then, may be I should not compare the book with the movie, which are two different media, and historical accuracy was probably not the movie's aim in the first place. If you happen to read the book (it's long), you will realize that Lawrence was as powerful an author as the other Lawrence of the early-20th century England - D.H.

Posted by: Emran at November 24, 2008 8:41 PM

Well, I can't stand Green Eggs and Ham. I'm not a fan of Dr. Seuss.

So there.

Julie Roberts and "Chick-Flick" movies are pretty much on my No-Watch List, unless it's some cultural phenomenon that sounds retarded. Like Twilight.

Posted by: Wednesday at November 24, 2008 8:41 PM

most of these are sensible choices. but if you are a professional critic, and haven't seen on of the movies on AFI's top 10...
you really just need to suck it up, donate a few hours, and check lawrence of arabia off your list

Posted by: dg at November 24, 2008 8:50 PM

most of these are sensible choices. but if you are a professional critic, and haven't seen one of the movies on AFI's top 10...
you really just need to suck it up, donate a few hours, and check lawrence of arabia off your list

Posted by: dg at November 24, 2008 8:51 PM

Oh Dustin I am with you on Prince of Tides. Run from it like the plague. A lot weepy bullshit and Babs running around bra-less. Do. Not. Like.

I have this aversion to the Harry Potter series. Never read the books nor seen the movies. Never gonna. Because they are so bleedin' popular and I'm that kind of snotty bitch.

Brokeback Mountain-because I can't sympathize with or enjoy a movie where the protagonist, gay or straight, cheats on his wife for years. Fuckwad.

Also, to everyone who talks about how they can't sit through long historical epics, if you are every hospitalized, you'll eat that shit up like candy. I got sucked into Dr. Zhivago AND Ghandi. Nothing eats the time away like a good historical fiction epic. Plus, it made me curious enough to read up on the actual events.

Posted by: Alabamapink at November 24, 2008 9:07 PM

Okay, fuck you if you watch and don't like Letters From Iwo Jima. That movie is amazing. And I wept after Into the Wild, but I never read the book, so I'm a bad source on that, apparently.

But you can definitely skip Children of a Lesser God. That movie was dull as shit.

Posted by: Audiosuede at November 24, 2008 9:20 PM

Emran>> Yeah, I understand what you're saying and am with you. I haven't read Seven Pillars, although a friend of mine - who is a much bigger fan of Lawrence Of Arabia than I am - has read it and discussed some of the differences with me.

What I meant by my second point wasn't that the film is a down-to-the-detail accurate portrayal of history, although I do think with its broad strokes it does a pretty good job of teaching viewers who don't have much knowledge about Lawrence and the history of the region. It doesn't surprise me that someone who had read the book first would have your reservations about the film.

Rather, I think the film is such an effective piece of historical fiction that it inspires viewers to want to learn more about the facts. Yes, there is dramatic license as there is in any film of this genre. So as long as viewers are clever enough not to take films at complete face value, I have no problem with that.

There was this series on The History Channel that would examine films like Lawrence and compare them to the facts, and I always found that fascinating. If you showed Bridge On The River Kwai to the real POWs in that camp, they might be a little offended at how easy the cinema makes it seem that they had it, but that doesn't mean it isn't a great film.

Braveheart? Mel Gibson glazed over the fact that the Battle of Stirling was actually the Battle of Stirling Bridge, and William Wallace - after goading the British army into crossing the bridge to meet them properly on the field of battle - took the opportunity to burn the bridge while the army was crossing, thus winning the day. That battle scene was still mighty impressive, though.

Anyway, my point was that Lawrence Of Arabia invigorates the study of history and more specifically the Middle East, and generally I think that is a good thing.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 24, 2008 9:23 PM

I've made a promise to myself not to see any more Wes Anderson films. I've had enough of the quirky. I could've done without seeing Bottle Rocket and The Darjeeling Limited. Ugh.

Also, I will never see Kill Bill. The main reason is because my sister, the control freak, badgered me about watching it for like two hours one Thanksgiving.

Posted by: debbye at November 24, 2008 9:24 PM

I can't believe people are venturing stentorian opinions on any film they've never seen. It's like being told you're ugly by someone who is blind.

Posted by: Ginginho at November 24, 2008 7:47 PM

This thread feels dumb. Let me get this straight: you haven't seen these movies but you somehow anticipate that you wouldn't like them and you therefore "refuse" to watch them? Um...okay then.

Posted by: Kikuchiyo at November 24, 2008 8:29 PM

My outrage at this thread was rising into a bilious crescendo, and then I came upon these two late entries. Now I got nothing -- defused by having to look up "stentorian" (all I could come up with on first glance was the protozoan from Biology class which made no sense at all) and dismantled by steely cold logic surgically applied.

Well, nothing except this: airing one's uninformed prejudice proudly is not a characteristic I usually associate with this place. I really can't imagine proclaiming that there's a movie I absolutely would not watch; even if I thought I would hate it, I would probably be motivated at that point by a desire to test my resolve. There are plenty of movies I'll never seek out, but that doesn't mean I won't at least sample enough of it to form my own opinion if the opportunity presents itself. Starting a movie is not a mandate to finish it, but refusing to start it on "principle" is a mandate to revel in ignorance.

Posted by: Che Grovera at November 24, 2008 9:59 PM

I have to agree. The first and most recent times I've seen "Lawrence" were big ass screens. Robert Osborne does a film festival in Athens every year and that was on this year's bill (damn work kept me out of the Friday afternoon "Notorious").

I'd almost say Dustin's not being sold on it correctly since no one's mentioned Alec Guinness Arabian prince...but I don't think Obi-Wan would actually do the trick either.

Uh...Anthony Quinn's really amusing?

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 10:22 PM

Seconded, Che.

I used to be stubborn about films, but then, when I finally watched The Princess Bride and Edward Scissorhands, they were pretty great. And now I'm not a stubborn jackass.

Well, I'm not stubborn anyway.

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at November 24, 2008 10:31 PM

debbye, I could respect your refusal to give Wes Anderson a chance (he certainly has that quirk thing people hate so much for some reason), but then you go and list his two (arguably) weakest films as the only two you've actually seen.

Take one dose of The Royal Tenebaums and call me in the morning if the symptoms persist.

Well, don't call me, just continue feeling justified in your dislike with his films.

Posted by: Macafee at November 24, 2008 10:43 PM

after reading Into the wild like ten years ago, sean penn, eddie vedder and any other psuedo-intellectual-ecological nutjob will only deter me further from going back down that rabbit vaginer; of course aint nothin ever good come to me from askin "why"

Posted by: furtherbeyond at November 24, 2008 10:46 PM

of course i did watch Out of africa, early sat morn in a still accelerated state o mind, and it was..it was..just great; i wasnt worth a damn the rest of the day; same went for the Natural

Posted by: furtherbeyond at November 24, 2008 10:50 PM

HOLY FUCKING BEJEESUS...here we go!

OK, to begin, The Prince of Tides is a brilliant movie, my undying love for Barbra Streisand aside. Case in point: Nick Nolte's hair. Blythe Danner's hair. George Carlin playing a gay. BRILLIANT.

Which brings me to my next point:

It is SUCH a hipster, ridiculous fucking mindset to dislike Streisand. She is an amazing actress, a talented director, a visual trailblazer (if not for her, there would be no Sarah Jessica Parker), and one of the most unbelievably powerful singers of a generation. So the hatred people have for this woman eludes me. It is something I can only attribute to a tendency of 20-somethings to agree with everything Trey Parker and Matt Stone tell them to think or like. And before you argue with me, name one Streisand film or cd you have ACTUALLY watched or listened to without just getting your opinions of them from someone else. Every time I hear someone criticizing Streisand, I always ask them why. Interestingly enough, they usually just tend to turn back to their Camels, Stella Artois, and scarf-wearing friends, and adjust their thick-framed glasses without being able to answer the question. It's either that, or they're just too fucking afraid that someone will think that they are gay for admitting to appreciating her talent.

Liking Barbra Streisand DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY.

Well, it made me a little gay. But that's not the point.

As for the other movies on the list, meh. They are all long and boring, like Wes Anderson movies, another hipster thing I fucking hate. The only reason people say they love Wes Anderson is because they think it makes them sound cool and intellectual. Newsflash: getting an education makes you cool and intellectual. Intellectual masturbation to a Bill Murray film does not.

Unless it's Groundhog Day, because that shit is funny. Even though I hate Andie McDowell. She is NOT pretty.

OK, I need to go now. I think my meds are all screwed up. I need to just sit down and watch Funny Girl and try not to cut people...

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 24, 2008 11:19 PM

I will not watch: A Clockwork Orange, Blue Velvet, In Cold Blood, Life is Beautiful*

It is not that I think they might be bad movies (for those of you who believe this is a decision born of stupidity or bias) but because I have been informed enough of the plot that I am entirely sure I will find them deeply disturbing. Had I been informed of the plot of Seven, I would not have suffered the three months of nightmares that followed my having viewed it. I avoid horror in general. Silence of the Lambs used to be on my list but, while I have not yet seen it, I am not entirely opposed. Likewise, The Godfather. I would prefer to have missed The Shawshank Redemption but make due with vowing never to watch it again.

*Add to this any WWII/internment camp movie, as I was subjected to hours of actual footage of concentration camps by my junior high social studies teacher who was a survivor. It worked. I will never forget. I will also never go near the subject matter again.

Posted by: Reba at November 24, 2008 11:26 PM

name one Streisand film or cd you have ACTUALLY watched or listened to without just getting your opinions of them from someone else.

Meet the Parents & Meet the Fockers.

We're done here.

Posted by: admin at November 24, 2008 11:39 PM

if not for her, there would be no Sarah Jessica Parker - The Pink Hulk

I'm not sure how this helps prove your point that Babs is a good influence... :D

Posted by: popejenn at November 24, 2008 11:44 PM

Pardon me. Only Meet the Fockers. I can't quite tell when one ends and the other begins. To me its all one long coiling turd.

Posted by: admin at November 24, 2008 11:49 PM

Ah, admin...Streisand wasn't even IN Meet the Parents.

Nice try, though.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 24, 2008 11:49 PM

I agree. The entire Meet the... series sucks ass. But then, isn't that like trying to judge Ryan Reynolds on the merits of Blade Trinity?

And popejenn...in today's society that is dominated by magazine covers and E! exclusives on the rich and skinny and ridiculously modelesque, I appreciate a woman who chooses to keep her nose and look exactly as she was intended.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 24, 2008 11:53 PM

Hey now Pink watch what you say about Mr Reynolds and Blade Trinity.

No need to bring Mr Abtastic into your little Yentl smackdown.

Before Blade most women (and gay men) had NO IDEA what he was packing under his T shirts.

Posted by: Be Adequite! at November 25, 2008 12:18 AM

"A Star is Born"

Streisand blows.

I have my reasons.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 25, 2008 12:32 AM

Another vote for Lawrence of Arabia to be taken off the list. Incredible film about a fascinating character.

Posted by: Anon at November 25, 2008 12:36 AM

I never say never, unless it was to that docudrama about Central Asian yak herdsmen. In the trailer, when one herdsman says "come, my lovely little yak"? That broke me.

Can we have an end to one-word comments, like "boring"? They make you sound age twelve. How is it boring, darling?

Posted by: Janis at November 25, 2008 1:18 AM

Ah now, Be Adequite!, I've been in love with Mr. Reynolds since we were both wee lads, and he was on Canadian kid-drama, Fifteen.

But seriously, Blade Trinity blows. It almost made me hate Parker Posey, and I love Parker Posey almost as much as I love Barbra Streisand.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 25, 2008 1:28 AM

Well, an opinion's an opinion, but I saw "Bottle Rocket" when it was still pretty obscure and "Rushmore" four times (might've been five actually) in rapid succession before I thought it might be hip to do so. So I definitely don't pose for Wes.

I don't have a dog in the Streisand fight though, the rest of you can settle that amongst yourselves.

Posted by: Jay at November 25, 2008 2:18 AM

can everyone answer me this:

1. you haven´t seen this movie
2. you think it´s boring

3. when did you realize you were psychic?

how the hell would you know?

and for people who undoubtedly enjoy talking about movies...even ones you thought were bad...doesnt it kill you that the only comment you have is:"english patient? havent seen it. BOOOORING!"

haven´t you noticed how everyone else in the group slightly rolls their eyes and changes the subject? yeah. cause you´re an idiot.

you dont have to watch every movie, or love every movie that´s deemed "good" (like citizen kane. which sucks ass) but all you can say is: dont wanna see it.

done.

ok. rant over. back to work.

Posted by: kf at November 25, 2008 3:33 AM

"...(if not for her, there would be no Sarah Jessica Parker),..."

THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING!!! *bangs head against desk*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 25, 2008 6:23 AM

Here we go:

I've never seen and will never see...

1. Grease
2. The Sound of Music
3. Casablanca
4. Dirty Dancing
5. Rocky Horror Picture show

There's more surely, but those are the big ones.

Posted by: DJSoulglo at November 25, 2008 6:38 AM

Be Adequite: FLETCH???

Holy crap. We got so few good Chevy Chase movies, it is a shame to discount the ones that are genuinely funny.

I'm with the others questioning why someone would refuse to watch a movie just to be obstinate. I can see not doing it because of a hatred of a particular actor/actress, director, not caring about the plot, etc, but refusing just to refuse is pretty ridiculous.

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 25, 2008 6:50 AM

"I refuse to see/try/listen/read/eat [insert acclaimed film/experience/band/book/food] just to be stubborn"???

I've had more intelligent discussions with my five year old cousin on why he won't try broccoli.

The list is Dustin's, so I kind of expect him to be contrary for the sake of being contrary - that's part of his charm. But the rest of you all jumping on the bandwagon? Exactly who do you think you are punishing by your refusal? I don't give a shit what you won't watch - all you're gaining is the ability to sound like a jackass during great conversations. So, yay?

I'm with Darth Corleone - there are plenty of movies I haven't gotten around to seeing (including Schindler's List for crying out loud), but I am not OPPOSED to seeing them on principle! That is like having the chance to lick Ryan Reynolds' abs, but refusing to do so just because Dustin says it would be awesome. DO YOU SEE HOW CRAZY THAT IS?

Posted by: Tammy at November 25, 2008 9:34 AM

Add Master and Commander to the list. Fuck that movie.

Posted by: Lucas at November 25, 2008 10:46 AM

Tyler- I know, I know...Fletch is also in the category of "I tried for 15-20 mins and fell asleep"...I'll have to give it another shot over the holiday break.

I'm more of a Caddyshack girl myself.

Posted by: Be Adequite! at November 25, 2008 10:52 AM

I think there's a difference between refusing to see a relatively insignificant movie everybody tells you you really, really have to see (Garden State, Knocked Up, Shakespeare in Love) because you know damn well you won't like it and refusing to see a confirmed classic (Lawrence of Arabia, Casablanca, The Godfather, etc.). Engaging in the former isn't that big a deal - life's too short. Engaging in the latter is strikes me as anti-intellectual.

Sure, sure - we can have a whole threat devoted to what constitutes a "confirmed classic", but I think there's an enormous gulf between Lawrence of Arabia and Into the Wild as far as cinematic and historical importance is concerned. And I liked Into the Wild very much.

Posted by: samantha t at November 25, 2008 11:21 AM

Anaconda
Volcano
Deep Impact
Armageddon

None of them can be good.

Seen but wish I hadn't
- Godfather 3

Posted by: Fuel at November 25, 2008 11:46 AM

I'm a total slut for movies, so none of this craziness really applies to me, but...

I just wanted to throw this out there: Harvey Keitel's wang has a cameo in The Piano. Depending on the person, this could tip the scale either way, but I think everyone should have the chance to make an informed decision.

Posted by: Arr Matey at November 25, 2008 11:47 AM

I'm late on this and wasn't going to say anything to defend INTO THE WILD...

But the movie isn't about some hippie frustrated with society and his completely dysfunctional parents. It's about his brief interactions with different people that EACH have the power to move you and change your perception for just one tiny incredible second to how they see things... and it's THAT second that you remember and treasure.

and GEEZ, if anything, the movie has Catherine Keener (AMAZING) and Hal Holbrook.... and fuck, Hal's best scene better make you stop and contemplate your life... because if not, well then go dig your grave already, people.

Posted by: Soto at November 25, 2008 12:16 PM

The Pink Hulk, I've got nothing against SJP's looks in general. I was referring mostly to her acting abilities which are limited to playing annoying overly-neurotic characters. Except in Footloose. She was good there.

Posted by: popejenn at November 25, 2008 12:21 PM

Aw come on...I LIVE for SJP's squeal. Seriously. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 25, 2008 1:04 PM

Far be it from me to take that away from you, The Pink Hulk. Consider it an early xmas gift that I refrain from sending my ninja schnauzer puppy after her.

Posted by: popejenn at November 25, 2008 1:36 PM

wow. just wow.

Lawrence?

you call yourself a film critic and you won't bother to at least watch a film that is routinely considered one of the top 100, if not top 10 films of all time???

really?

i'll just have to defer to the words of Count Ruegen, the Six-Fingered Man,"I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard!"

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at November 25, 2008 1:41 PM

The English Patient - GAH! I hate, hate, hate, hate this movie. I tried. SOoooooo dull....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....I'm sorry what were we talking about?

Movies I don't want to see because of love of the source material or general annoyance at the idea:

Brokeback Mountain - cheating asshatery is not cool.
Into the Wild - read the book and have a dislike of Sean Penn.
Michael Moore movies - all of them. I find him to the be the opposite wing version of Rush Limbaugh and thus, inherently repulsive and nausea-inducing. As an Independent, I can hate both equally with political prejudice.

John Wayne, whatever your feelings are about the politics, made some very good westerns. I happen to love The Quiet Man.

Posted by: Melody at November 25, 2008 3:55 PM

I agree with DarthCorleone on this one.
Seriously, you are that determined to avoid what could easily be pleasurable experiences, just to be perverse? There's a well-known saying which covers that, something about noses and faces.

Maybe a lauded film doesn't sound like your type of thing. But you know, you could be wrong.

A friend of mind had an aversion to watching one of my favourites. She insisted it didn't seem like her type of film. At. All.
Eventually she did watch it with me (we'd run out of alternatives). When it was over, she had to admit that she'd had completely the wrong idea about it, and she liked it.

There is one film which is meant to be good that I will probably never watch, though. United 93. I just don't think I could take that.

Posted by: Tarn at November 25, 2008 5:03 PM

I agree, Soto, that ITW is unfairly criticized. The books exceeds the movie, for sure, but the movie is fine.

Posted by: samantha t at November 25, 2008 5:17 PM

Kikuchiyo, and Darth Corleone, thank you. I think this post of Dustin's marks the point at which Pajiba has jumped-the-shark/nuked-the-fridge/whatever. Lawrence of Arabia!

Tarn, I put off watching United 93 for years, because I couldn't bring myself to go through that much angst. Then one night, with a glass of wine, I got it down from the shelf.

Man, it's not an easy view, but it's fucking brilliant. It's really one of the most moving pieces of cinema I've ever seen.

Posted by: rocky at November 25, 2008 5:27 PM

Citizen Kane SUCKED - classic, no....THE best example of over hyped crap.

I'd rather watch Twilight.

Firefly/Serenity > Star Wars(respect/props to the animated(2D!!!) Clone Wars).
Star Trek > Star Wars

Twilight > Star Wars likely...

Though, I refuse to watch Twilight.


After seeing Indy IV, I refuse to watch anything with George Lucas taint. I have a copy of THX 1138 special edition new sealed somewhere. I refuse to watch it. If I knew where it was I'd offer it up for cost of shipping.


I refuse to watch Inconvenient Truth because it's all lies.

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at November 25, 2008 5:29 PM

Ok, a little late to the party, but to those who brattily refuse to watch The Godfather or Casablanca, that is your prerogative, however, you are relaly just hurting yourself. I also hate when people try to shove movies down your throat and declare it the second coming, but for those two, there are REASONS that they are the icons they are. They are genuinely good movies. Give it a try. Now The English Patient I will give you. I have tried to watch that 3 different times and could never make it through. And I resent whoever mentioned that movie in the same breath as Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice. Totally different. Just because they have people with British accents doesn't make them the same!!!!

Posted by: Luka at November 25, 2008 5:33 PM

Well ok, rocky, maybe I'll try that approach. I think it'll be a bottle, though, not just a glass! And possibly with a side of whiskey.

I can take fictional angst aplenty, no problem. But that subject.... man...

Posted by: Tarn at November 25, 2008 7:29 PM

Beaches.

The Rose.

Yentil.

Anything Woody Allen.

American Graffiti.

Anything with Spenser Tracey.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Posted by: postagestamp at November 25, 2008 10:04 PM

Macafee, I've seen all of Wes Anderson's films and there are some that aren't that annoying, but that's about all I can say. If he comes out with anything else I'm not watching. I've had enough.

Posted by: debbye at November 25, 2008 11:43 PM

i'm with you on English Patient -- that was a whole lotta nonlinear nonsense sprinkled with tears and sand. but you should watch Last of the Mohicans because of (a) Michael Mann, (b) DDL and (c) it was Madeleine Stowe in her prime. sure it's a bit cheesy, but overall a great period piece with great performances, and the score is awesome. Braveheart? also some great directing, great performances and great tail... and people get brained. always a bonus.

Posted by: dj at November 26, 2008 3:35 AM

I tried twice to watch the English Patient then decided life is just too short to torture myself. I have no interest in seeing Titanic and also think Shakespeare in Love was an overrated piece of crap. But I loved Lawrence of Arabia (although my sister has never forgiven me for making her watch it with me).

Posted by: teresam at November 26, 2008 4:59 AM

The only thing I remember from The Piano is Keitel's full-frontalized cock. As for the other films on the list, I did not like either of the Eastwood war flicks; too long, too introspective, all-together lifeless the both of em. The Queen has been on my NetFlix queue for literally like two years.

Tarn...United 93 is a great film, very understated in its recreation of the event. I recommend it even if yes indeed it's hard to watch. I felt awful dread throughout even knowing what's going to happen. People in the theater were openly weeping. I will say it's an experience...a necessary one in my opinion.

Posted by: stryker1121 at December 9, 2008 3:56 PM

movies i won't see

5.rocky horror picture show
4.stanly kubric films
3.stevn seagal movies
2.shekespere in love
1.twilight

movie way to hyped
i am legend( 3 time and the all suck)

Posted by: alicia at December 29, 2008 8:34 AM

Forrest Gump. Never seen it, never will.

Posted by: lil_a at February 11, 2009 5:43 PM

what is the common denominator that determined this list? as a reviewer, there is an obligation to see movies that attain a certain stature, deserved or not. you cheat only yourself when you eschew " the queen " and " into the wild "...

Posted by: snake at February 12, 2009 1:13 AM





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