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Girl, You Can Do So Much Better: 8 TV Crushes We Can No Longer Support

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | January 22, 2014 | Comments ()


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I like to call this Catalano Syndrome. As in, we get it, Angela. We do. He leans so well. He has nice eyes. He rocks the sh*t out of that choker.

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But as a match for Angela Chase we can’t honestly support this, can we? We get the infatuation. We want her to have everything she wants. But we also want her to come to her senses eventually and date the nice date-rapist from across the street. Or someone else. Just not Jordan. Emotionally distant and intellectually vague Jordan. Not for our Angela. I could do this all over again with Rory Gilmore and Jes/Logan, but I shan’t. Let’s break out of the 90s and talk about the here and now. Here are 8 TV crushes I can no longer support because, girl, you can do so much better.

Annie Edison and Jeff Winger — Community
Even Harmon himself recently called this a “school girl crush.” Annie is quite young and sweet and smart and while I like the way she and Jeff improve each other through friendship, the thought of the two of them together gives me the creeping heebie jeebies. Side note: why has Annie not had a serious boyfriend in the entire run of the show. Am I forgetting something? It’s been five seasons of pining, hasn’t it? Ugh. No.
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Cary Agos and Kalinda Sharma — The Good Wife
Cary exactly how many times is Kalinda going to have to screw you over before you get the message? One more time? One more time it is.
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Tina Belcher and Jimmy Jr. — Bob’s Burgers
Oh Tina, you’re a little lovable weirdo and you don’t deserve Jimmy Jr.’s scorn. Find some other nice young man to take you to Quickie-Kiss-It Island. You’ll be so much happier.
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Tessa Altman and Ryan Shay — Suburgatory
Tessa’s the closest thing we have to Angela Chase these days (not just because of the flannel and the red hair). Like Ms. Chase before her, she’s hitched her wagon to a rather dim star. Ryan’s a sweetheart and we wish Parker Young well over on Enlisted but Tessa needs to quit moping and find someone more her equal.
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Cups Guy and Fiona Gallagher — Shameless
We get it, Cups Guy. Fiona is extra hot and deliciously sassy. But she will break your heart into smithereens and then lie about it. Anyone would be wise to steer clear of the Gallagher clan, but at least Jimmy Steve brought his own baggage to the table. Cups Guy, you are out of your depth and, girl, you can do better.
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Daisy and Alfred — Downton Abbey
Can we PLEASE get some fresh male blood into the downstairs so Daisy can quit her moping? Mrs. Padmore is doing her best to sassy snap Daisy out of it, but I’m so tired of the long faces. For Alfred? That ginger? Daisy, you are a landowner, for pity’s sake. Aim higher.
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Charles Boyle and Rosa Diaz — Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Boyle, my dove, find someone who wants to track down the perfect slice of pizza with you. Go for her, not for Rosa. Rosa we like. But this will never work. Not in any universe.
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Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes — Sherlock
Sherlock likes to self-diagnose as sociopath to explain away his dickish behavior. Wrong. He’s not a sociopath. But what little care he has for others is all used up and though he’s been sweeter of late to poor Molly, we’d like to see her stop pinning her hopes on Holmes or facsimiles thereof.
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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jezzer

    GROSS. THAT GIRL IS BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY AN OSTRICH IN THAT LIST PICTURE.

  • Bryan

    Glad to see I'm not the only one completely sick of Jeff+Annie. She seems more interested in keeping him from other relationships than starting one of her own with him. She even said as much when facing "Evil Annie" in Gas Leak Year. And we're expected to think that's okay?
    And she's not a child anymore, so we shouldn't be using that excuse. Annie, you're 23 years old, time to grow up.

    And Jeff is hardly blameless here either. You should know better, Jeffrey. Either make a move or don't. One way or another, you need to deal with this. It's like he's dangling a string in front of a cat. Stop teasing already.

  • AvaLehra

    I'm just going to leave this here...

  • kirbyjay

    Next episode of Shameless, Fiona gets all hot and bothered over Cup Guy's bad boy brother. Let the heartbreaking and job losing begin.

  • Afferbeck

    I feel like Tessa from Suburgatory kind of hates herself for giving into her girly teenage emotions and being into Ryan. Because he's such a dumbass but he's too dreamy to deny. She's a sharp girl and even though he can be really sweet, he's still an unbelievable idiot, and I see her growing out of him pretty quickly (if they hadn't broken up already).

    Also I kind of hate myself in a similar way, for being a typical dude and being into Rosa from Nine Nine. She's such a hotass badass who don't care for nobody but she's also pretty sweet and caring at times and I can't help it.

  • 100% agree on Tina & Jimmy Jr. - he doesn't deserve a strong, sensual woman like her.

  • John G.

    I want to say something about Sherlock and Sociopathy, but I'm not sure if all the episodes have aired in the US yet.

  • BiblioGlow

    I would nominate Mrs. Hughes and Carson from Downton. God knows I love Carson, he's one of the most delightful parts of that show, and adorable with all Crowley offspring, but Mrs. Hughes deserves so much better than that snobby stick in the mud.
    I'm crossing my fingers that if they do start a relationship it will unlock previously unseen awesomeness from within him and they will become simply the best thing to ever happen in Britain.

  • Muertemaria

    Why is that last image not the animated gif that starts when he messes his hair and ends after the kiss. Serious disappointment that is not here.
    Edited: Well thankfully it is down in the comments, but it should really be in the post :-)

  • Zen

    Hopeless crushes are something that make us more human; thinking that one day someone will notice you, and that you can change their sexy but insufferable nature is a common human failing.

    Having characters change to suit the desires of a fandom, however, is cowardly writing. Very few hopeless crushes need come to fruition.

  • Three_nineteen

    You do realize that Annie has to be at least 23 years old by now, right? I don't ship her and Jeff but we need to start thinking of her as an adult.

    And I can't believe anyone supported Molly's crush on Sherlock in the first place. She's way too good for him.

  • BiblioGlow

    23 is not adult. 23 is the opposite of adult. 23 is the worst.

  • T_A_R

    See also, the pilot episode of Girls (i.e. the reason why I couldn't get into that show).

  • Nobody likes you when you're 23, or so I heard.

  • Excuse me mo(&(*^. Cups guy berated Fiona for lying about a vicious attack against her by a baseball bat wielding stranger, never considering she might have done that because she feared losing her job. NOT HER FAULT. He harassed her about not calling one night. Now she doesn't feel free to break up with her boyfriend cum BOSS over said harassing and haranguing which severely misses the point anyway because she fears losing her job and insurance. AND YOU THINK HE'S TOO GOOD FOR HER? Eff that noise.

    Edit: Excuse me milady, I didn't finish reading before seeing red. Nevermind. *sheepish*

  • annie

    Didn't we just learn that Annie occasionally refers to Jeff as her uncle?

  • Molly Hooper has become a stand-in for fans, and fangirls in particular. She is useful and, in fact, vital to making his plans work on the regular. She waits patiently while he figures things out, but she doesn't really understand how he does it. She finds him attractive, even though he's never been anything but an unrelenting dick to pretty much everyone who comes into contact with him. She recognizes the futility of her crush but can't seem to shake it, and pale imitations don't assuage her desire. The very small signs of affection are dribbled out to keep her around because, c.f. above: useful.

    In short, she is both Moffat's nod to his fan base and his hearty "fuck you, fools."

  • Bryan

    "The very small signs of affection are dribbled out to keep her around because, c.f. above: useful"
    Eh, I dunno about that. I think Sherlock DOES care about Molly in his own way (moreso now than in season 1), and does it because he realizes how awful he is and tries to give the occasional "pet the dog" moment to her. I don't think he's doing it to manipulate her.

  • chumbawumba

    that's because y'all have only seen the first episode of this season.....muahahahahahahah

  • Um, sure... that's totally true, because how else would we have seen it? *whistles innocently, walks away*

  • lowercase_ryan

    Annie was with Vaughn

    and someone beat me to it.

  • evica

    I giggled at that Quickie-Kiss-It Island reference. I can't believe I like that show so much

  • Maddy

    I so agree about Sherlock and Molly. Yes Moffat, lets all laugh about how pathetic this girls crush is for Sherlock while he continues to treat her like crap. Hilarious.

  • Maddy

    That hair ruffle is my everything though

  • Guest

    I'm waiting for the GIF of that to be made so I can watch it like a hypnotic lava lamp.

  • Uriah_Creep

    The hair ruffle seems to be very popular with the ladies, doesn't it?

    Note to self: grow some damn hair.

    * buys barrels of Rogaine *

  • Maddy

    And the thing he does with his coat ...

  • ruby

    Alternatively, that coat? Oh, man.

  • AvaLehra

    Yes, yes and yes.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I just happen to have a similar coat as well...

  • Rebecca Hachmyer

    Methinks you've forgotten the most divisive one of all:

  • JoannaRobinson

    THEY ARE PERFECT TOGETHER AND YOU KNOW IT.

    Ugh you're right.

    Ugh.

  • NateMan

    I STILL don't get this one. He's such an asshole. Would any of us really encourage our friend to date someone that damaged?? I think not!

  • ruby

    Encourage? Nope. Definitely not.

    Be completely understanding when they did anyway? Yes. Always.

  • Berry

    My random, well-adjusted real life friend, who never does anything more adventurous or illegal than jaywalking? Obviously not. If I was actually friends with actual Veronica, though, in all her brilliant and damaged glory? I might. Maybe not encourage, but not... discourage either. And maybe not the people they were when the series ended, but give them a chance to grow a little, find some healthier coping mechanisms? We'll see. We shall see.

  • basse buus

    But he can stare his way into your soul! No? Okay, then maybe I should take the Dohring shrine down.

  • NOT. NO. ABSOLUTELY hell no.

  • Guest

    Tessa Altman and Ryan Shay — Suburgatory

    I disagree and thought her and Ryan were great together. If anything Tessa needs to lighten up and Ryan was the perfect for that.

  • Adam Borden

    The APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition, defines antisocial personality disorder:

    A) There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three or more of the following::

    1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

    2. deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;

    3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;

    4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;

    5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others;

    6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;

    7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another;

    I'm pretty sure Sherlock qualifies... He may have the ability for remorse, compassion and whatnot, but it's certainly a diminished ability, and I think that still qualifies.

  • profession: none, or starlet

    There is a reason that possessing a DSM does not qualify you as psychologist or psychiatrist; everyone in the world is diagnosable with multiple disorders on the basis of a straight application of the criteria.

    This British psychiatric student argues persuasively that Sherlock is not diagnosable with either Asperger's or Antisocial Personality Disorder and in fact most likely not with any psychiatric or personality disorder: http://wellingtongoose.tumblr....

    http://wellingtongoose.tumblr....

    He's outside the range of normal, but that doesn't make him ill, and he's not even close to sociopathic.

  • J4Sho

    Substitute "Sherlock" for "Everyguyieverdated" and I think I need to go to my quiet place to re-evaluate my life choices.

  • yy_future

    I have issues with him calling himself a sociopath though. I think Sherlock's line is "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high functioning sociopath."
    First, neither psychopathy or sociopathy have been in the DSM since its second edition, I believe. Antisocial personality disorder has mostly taken its place.
    Second, the two terms are often used interchangeably. Psychologists don't seem to be in agreement on the difference between the two conditions, or indeed whether there is a difference at all.

  • JoannaRobinson

    I was actually reading that earlier today, Adam. I'll give him Sociopath-ish.

  • chanohack

    I've done a lot of reading on this subject and I agree with Joanna's "ish" diagnosis.

  • lowercase_ryan

    *functioning

  • Enrique del Castillo

    I like Boyle/Diaz, it's not as if either is a terrible person and don't deserve each other, they are just very different and it could potentially be funny. Also, Peralta and Santiago could make an interesting couple, but I'm hoping the show doesn't go that way

  • Ben

    It worked for Andy and April in Parks and Rec, I don't see why Boyle/Diaz couldn't work.

  • NateMan

    Oh, it will. Of course it will. Just like Crane and Mills will probably end up together, because it always happens with the 2 main characters - gender/sexuality permitting.

  • Afferbeck

    I don't see Crane and Mills happening with the dead witch wife still kind of hanging around. Crane strikes me as the kind of guy who'd 'remain true to his love' and never remarry or whatever even without actually talking to his dear departed every couple of weeks.

  • Naye

    But I don't see santiago as THE main character. 9-9 does a really good job of giving each character some plot and good screen time. The only character who gets more than others consistently is Peralta. I was sure they were going to ship him and Santiago From the first episode but she has been of doing her own thing and he has teamed up with a different partner every episode. They don't even make googly eyes at each other and that is the main reason I love this show

  • csb

    I like what the show has done with all its characters, especially with Boyle who has never come across as overly pathetic. I think they need to lay off the Rosa angle for a while though because it's at risk of getting creepy at this point.

    I agree totally on Peralta and Santiago - keep them apart!

  • laylaness

    I would like to add that Zoe Hart needs to let go of George Tucker and New Guy Whose Name I Can't Bother to Learn and hook back up with Wade, ASAP. Come ON.

  • e jerry powell

    Apparently he forgot that the oil was for the salad dressing.

  • laylaness

    YEAH he did.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Thanks for that.

  • Berry

    On one hand: pretty! And ABS! On the other hand: I can't get a handle on Wade. One minute he's "negging" her, and I want to throw things. Then there's smoldering and kissing, and I swoon. Then he cheats. Then he's really sorry. And extremely pretty when he tells her he loves her. Swoon. Then suddenly it's accepted as fact that their break-up was as much her fault as it was his. Throwing things.

    It's all very confusing, is what I'm saying.

  • Kim Voeks

    You missed Olivia Pope and anyone she's been with so far. Fitz killed Verna. Jake is pretty much willing to kill anyone. And Senator Edison "Pudding Pop" Davis was just a bore. Bring on someone sane and not homicidal for her to date and the others to conspire against.

  • kirbyjay

    Excuse me? Hyde was Jackie's "Pudding Pop". There will be no other puddins

  • Kim Voeks

    Hyde does not look like a Jello Chocolate Pudding Pop. Edison does.

  • kinoumenthe

    Am I the only one who found Fitz creepy from the very start ?
    Because reading comments about the series (which I stopped watching half-way through season 2), everybody was shipping Olivia-Fitz like mad.
    Me, everytime he started his shtick, it only gave me a really bad vibe. I always found the character slightly sleazy and hugely manipulative.

  • Maddy

    Nope, I don't get it. I think the show knows that it's a messed up relationship though if that makes sense. Fitz is the worst and I really don't understand how he's still the President. I'm Team Mellie forever though so I'm biased!

  • chanohack

    I haaaaaaaated that jerk. And I sort of hated Olivia Pope for liking him, especially if he like, grabbed her and kissed her, and she was like, don't touch me, and slapped him, but then when he tried again she was all, well, okay, let's do this. WHAT THE FUCK.

  • Maddy

    I know - he's so possessive and gross. Like that time he literally tried to have sex with her against a tree in front of like all his secret service people. What the hell dude.

  • chanohack

    YES, LIKE THAT TIME. Ug.

  • kinoumenthe

    THIS. Exactly.
    THANK YOU.

  • LittleMissPonderer

    Seriously, can someone please grace us with the GIFed version of the Sherlock photo? I really need this, people.

  • Tinkerville

    Annnnnd you're welcome.

    http://static.tumblr.com/a017a...

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    Upvotes for everyone! I'm drunk on GIF magic!

    I really do think Molly could do better and I like what they did with her character in S3, but maybe her very nature is what leads her to cling onto him so. Unless she's Mollyarty. Which, well...that'd be a helluva episode.

    But what I really came here to say is that even though I loathe the casual and incorrect "sociopath" description, and I really despise/pity Molly and her crush behavior, and I really don't have a kink about tall huge dudes. . . . .

    . . . his hand cradling her head in that scene? Pure sex. Sexy sex. Sexy McSexerston going downtown to Sextown.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Dear lord.

  • profession: none, or starlet

    THAT KISS. And the ruffle.

  • PDamian

    Y'know, I usually absent myself from Pajiba and other websites at the beginning and end of the semester because I'm way too busy to read and/or post, and this semester is no different. But I had a little free time, so I thought I'd take a quick peek -- and there it is, the GIF of my dreams. Thanks for making what is shaping up to be a difficult semester AAAAAAAAALLLL better.

  • Tinkerville

    Best of luck with your studies! We can come up with an automated system where you're sent a gif every time the semesters get tough.

  • PDamian

    Actually, I'm a professor, not a student. But please set up the automated gif system, all the same. A little Benedict, a little Momoa, and a little Hiddleston, and I can face any amount of grading with equanimity.

  • webelos8

    I'm not a professor, or a student, but otherwise, I agree. :)

  • LittleMissPonderer

    I know beggars can't be choosers, but is there any way we could we get a little hair tousling action in there?

  • Tinkerville

    Done and done. I aim to please.

    https://31.media.tumblr.com/11...

  • Tatertot

    Ahhhhhhh...there it is

  • Swagger, bro.

  • Hair ruffle included: http://melbivdevoe.tumblr.com/...

  • LittleMissPonderer

    Mmmmmm. Many, many thanks......

  • flavia_deluce

    I live and die by that hair ruffle--BTW, "ruffle" is the correct terminology in this case.

  • Dumily

    The hair tousling is really the foreplay of this GIF. It's necessary.

  • Annie dated Vaughn, the shirtless guy, pretty seriously in the first season, and almost "left" to be with him. Since then though I can't think of anyone.

  • Guest

    YEP, but by Abed's catfishing confession she has been in a relationship(s) in the recent past. We just haven't met them.

  • Enrique del Castillo

    For that matter, has anyone (besides Shirley) in the study group had a serious relationship? Jeff has dated bimbos and Annie/Troy was dropped long ago (haven't seen the 4th season but I'm willing to guess they didn't/it didn't matter because gas leak year)

  • cruzzercruz

    Jeff
    -dated Professor Slater for a chunk of season one, and got pretty serious until he was forced to choose.
    -Had secret sex with Britta for about two years.

    Britta
    -Dated Troy for almost all of season four
    -Dated the psychopath from Balkan in season two
    -Dated Vaughn before Annie
    -Fell in love with Subway in season three

    Pierce
    -Dated the Asian chick who was using him for his money.
    -Dated the call girl seriously before she made him start paying.

    They're not all serious, but at least two or three of those are longer arcs. Slater was a big deal for Jeff, as was Britta to both he and Troy.

  • Guest

    Britta almost with a girl in Early 21st Century Romanticism. Also Brie Larson is coming back so I'm hoping she's Abed steady and not just a rebound from Troy.

    I assume we just going to ignore Britta and Troy's hook up?

  • Tinkerville

    You beat me to it. Oh he with the tiny nipples!

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    Why copy and paste the sentence in the same thread?

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    Why are you asking a bot a question?

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