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October 28, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | October 28, 2008 |

5. Jackie Earle Haley: I’ll admit his inclusion on this list has a lot to do with his role in Little Children, but come on: The guy actually looks like a pedophile. A skeevy fucking child-molesting skeeve. He’s also set to play Walter Kovacs/Rorschach in Watchmen, and from what I gather, that character is a mentally unstable right-wing nutjob. Jackie Earle Haley is perfect.


4. Willem Dafoe: The fourth spot had to go to one of three people, any of which would’ve felt at home on this list: Dafoe, Christopher Walken, or Mickey Rourke. Rourke, I feel, is more befitting of a “Five Ugliest” (or even Ugly Hot) list, while Walken is more kooky than freaky. Dafoe, arguably, is more creepy than freaky. But whether he’s playing Jesus Christ or Schreck in Shadow of the Vampire, dude totally gives me the heebies.


3. Elijah Wood: He seems like a nice enough guy, but those eyes. Those eyes! I think I read somewhere that Charles Manson had the same eyes as the Russian mystic, Rasputin. I think Elijah Wood has those same eyes. I’m not saying it’s gonna happen, but if Elijah Wood ever goes on a murderin’ spree, I won’t be surprised.


2. Lukas Haas: You don’t see Haas in a lot of films anymore, but when he is, he’s always memorably freaky. He was a cute child actor, but as an adult, he looks exactly like the type of fella who would procure sex through dishonorable means. Actually, I think that Haas is more of a watcher. And that makes him even creepier. He looks like the kind of guy that’d ask you to make love to your wife while he stood idly by playing the piano with a blank expression on his face.


1. Crispin Glover: I don’t think that Glover would ever harm anyone. But he might approach a stranger, pin her against a wall, and lick her repeatedly. I think this video pretty much sums up Crispin Glover:

Mommy. Save me from the scary man.


A Seriously Random List VIII / Dustin Rowles

Lists | October 28, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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