Forget the Female 'Expendables': Let's Cast the Geek 'Expendables'
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Forget the Female Expendables: Let's Cast the Geek Expendables

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | October 8, 2012 | Comments ()


As you all probably, there's a female Expendables movie in the works, which has cast Gina Carano and, over the weekend, added Katee Sackhoff (both brilliant choices). I think it's great that there'll be a female equivalent to The Expendables, but then again, one must also consider that intelligence is far more powerful than brawn. If you were to put a team of geeks together, they'd kick 20 Jason Statham asses before he even made it to the front door. You don't need a machine gun or martial arts skills if you have a few computers, some science geeks, some schematics experts, and a few gadgets. Technology will beat muscle every time.

Now, if I were to cast a Geek Expendables, it'd look something like this:

David Tennant -- Captain of the Expendageeks


Alan Tudyk -- Navigator


Ben Whishaw -- Gadgetry


Wil Wheaton -- Black Ops


Christopher Mintz-Plasse -- The Con Man


Simon Pegg -- Intelligence Super Agent


Mae Whitman -- Medic


Kevin Smith -- Senior Liason


Aisha Tyler -- Conspiracy Investigator


Craig Ferguson -- Communications Director


Danica McKellar -- Physics


Jesse Eisenberg -- Information Technology


Felicia Day -- The Sexpot


Michael Cera -- Boy Genius Supervillain


Jay Baruchel -- The Muscle


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • N0rfil

    wtf wheres Richard Ayoade??!?!

  • Big Dom

    Sheldon Cooper as evil mastermind

  • competitivenonfiction

    Alysson Hannigan needs to be on here somewhere for her role in the first couple of Buffy seasons.

    I'd say Blossom because I've heard she's brilliant is real life, but she loses points for the Big Bang Theory.

    And Jeff Goldblum for the villain. Always Jeff Goldblum.

    I feel like Bruce Willis should play a cameo.

  • Where is Aldis Hodges? Or Chris Gorham? It's okay for geeks to be hot men, and vice versa.

  • BlackRabbit

    Ben Whishaw looks like Cillian Murphy's envious younger brother. Also, what about Mr. T? He's a WoW geek.

  • duckandcover

    Not geeky enough. Christ.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Goddamn Aisha Tyler is so ridiculously freakin hot it doesn't even make sense

  • Ed

    Medic? Her?

  • daisy

    I couldn't figure out what was missing from this list and then it hit me: John Barrowman..I
    am beautiful woman and I love good man…..inter racial romance is my dream… so I
    joined —blackwhitePlanet.С0M—–it's where to- connect with
    beautiful and excellent people! I feel like Neil Patrick Harris should have a role in there somewhere. Maybe replace Mintz as the conman?

  • AudioSuede

    Failure to include the FIllion = Automatic points deduction.

    That's okay. You can take the test again next year.

  • Subversable

    The whole deal with The Expendables was that it was an all star cast of the action heroes of yesteryear, ranging from just past their prime to barely young enough to still get away with being in an action movie. What you have here is the current A-list of geek heroes.

  • Gina

    Fine, we can throw Shatner in there ... .;p

  • Green Lantern

    I would actually go out to the theater and pay real American money for this.

    I'm cereal.

  • Idle Primate

    it needs the woman from sanctuary and SG1(i dont remember her name). and katee sackoff. and if the team is getting too big, jeff goldblum could play the villain, david arquette could be his henchman

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Amanda Tapping.

  • Ben

    I feel like Neil Patrick Harris should have a role in there somewhere. Maybe replace Mintz as the conman?

  • No

    richard ayoade is the gina carano of this group-- can't do it without him.

  • alwaysanswerb

    Came here to say this

  • Quatermain

    Ben Whishaw and Michael Cera have the most punchable faces I've ever seen.

    "Technology will beat muscle every time." I don't know if that's entirely accurate...I have a sneaky suspicion that's something geeks tell each other to assuage the pain of being held upside down over a toilet in high school, along with 'Don't worry, in five years he'll be bagging our groceries."

  • peppermt

    and a cameo by the geek behind them all: Joss Whedon.

  • Anna

    He could be the "Charlie" voice giving them their mission.

  • Wembley

    Would Michael Cera's Super villain name be 'The Tool'?

  • celery

    That or something along the lines of "The Fuzzy Knit Hat".

  • Blake

    How the #$@! can you not have Nick Frost on this list? Judy Greer, Kristen Schaal and Robert Sheehan would also be excellent additions.

    Also my wish list would include JGL, Louie CK, Adam Scott, Aubrey Plaza, Brie Larson, Gillian Jacobs, Donald Glover, and Nolan North. And I'd want H. Jon Benjamin, Laura Bailey, and Jen Taylor to use for any AI characters. And Liam Neeson...

    Katee Sackhoff would be my first choice for a Geek Expendables.

  • Idle Primate

    katee sackhoff is my first choice for most anything. preferably a night on the town.

  • lowercase_ryan

    while I love Sheehan, he doesn't fit the geek bill to me. Plus Rudy > Nathan

  • Whaaaaa? Rudy > Nathan??

  • lowercase_ryan

    You people know nothing. Nathan was a twat.. A funny twat but a twat all the same. Rudy is a degenerate's degenerate.. He's the real deal.

  • Blake

    Sorry, no way. Nathan > Rudy. Forever.

  • luthien26

    Definitely agree that Fillion and Bruce Campbell (as the Stallone type?) need to be on this list. I'd add Bill Nye the Science Guy as the cranky Expendable, and put Neil DeGrasse Tyson in the Chuck Norris "overall badass" role. :)

  • Idle Primate

    how could i forget bruce campbell. add to the villain list

  • TenaciousJP

    Danica is all about the maths, not the physics. And you call yourself a nerd!

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    She's both! albeit heavier on the math side. Note her paper deals with Statistical mechanics and particle physics: “Percolation and Gibbs states multiplicity for ferromagnetic Ashkin-Teller models on Z(squared)”

  • JAE

    Where is Simon Pegg's other half? They come as a packaged duo!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I couldn't figure out what was missing from this list and then it hit me: John Barrowman

  • Felicia Day is fine, but I think we could use male and female representation of "The Sexpot", and Barrowman is definitely our man.

  • madderrose74

    I would pay hard American cash to watch Barrowman as the Yo-Saff-Bridge of this little group.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Not one of those people is expendable in my world!!

  • Lucie

    John Darnielle or quit, man.

  • Wembley

    I'd take the day off work to see The Expendageeks. That is if there wasn't a midnight show.

  • BWeaves

    Needs more Nathan Fillion and less Kevin Smith.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Seriously. Kevin Smith tries way, way too hard.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Are the downvotes some kind of general Kevin Smith support, or do you guys feel like I'm dissing his movies, too? Because I'm not. It's really just the Kevin Smith part of the Kevin Smith machinery I can't deal with. When he isn't trying too hard to craft an Internet brand/personality cult, and he's just making movies, it's all good to me.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Maybe he could be struck dumb.

  • Mrcreosote

    Isn't Vin Diesel a roleplaying, comic reading fellow traveller? Not to mention any Geek Expendables list without Bruce Campbell filling the Arnold/Bruce Willis cameo role is invalid. Also if you could shoehorn Lucy Lawless in there I'm not going to complain. I thank you for your consideration.

  • Green Lantern

    Yes. Vin Diesel is. He's even a WoW nerd.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Bruce Campbell is a must. Great call. And what ever happened to Gabrielle??

  • Pants-are-a-must

    This list is a complete flop without Stephen Colbert.

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