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Five Oscar-Less Women I'd Prefer to See Give an Oscar Speech Over Sandra Bullock

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (51)



bettywhite_sag2010_story.jpg

Now that the Oscars are two days behind us, most of us have probably gotten over the ingratiating charm of Sandra Bullock enough to begin to feel a little resentment that she pulled off the Oscar upset. To be sure, Bullock’s win was nothing on the level of Crash, but it was well undeserved, all the same. She really was doing a pale imitation of Connie Britton on “Friday Night Lights,” and if someone could just do a little creative video editing over on YouTube, everyone else would realize that.

It wasn’t like she won an Oscar in an off year for female performances, either: Meryl Streep’s Julia Child was one of the best performances in her long career; Carey Mulligan gave the female breakthrough performance of 2009 (and, in my opinion, it was second only to Christoph Waltz’s in all acting categories); and I was a lot more impressed with Gabourey Sidibe’s performance after seeing more of her in real life and concluding that she was far from playing herself.

Still, I won’t deny — from a pure entertainment standpoint — that Bullock enlivened the Oscars considerably and that, as speeches go, she was the best part of the evening (and that speech was twice as good considering the Razzie speech she gave the night before). She’s likable; she’s charming; and apparently, she wins the award for the female with whom most people would want to have a beer (I remember the last time someone allegedly qualified for the person you’d most want to have a beer with; his name was George W. Bush, and he nearly drove the country into the ground).

But there are other women who have had long and successful careers, and though many of the females below have been nominated for an Oscar, all have yet to give an Oscar speech. Some of the women below are included because, well, they really fucking deserve an Oscar, and a couple of them are included because, though they are not necessarily the most talented actresses, I think they’d give an even better speech than Bullock.

And so, I give you: Five Oscar-Less Women I’d Prefer to See Give an Oscar Speech Over Sandra Bullock


5. Catherine Keener: Keener has been nominated twice already, both times in supporting roles (Capote and Being John Malcovich), but I’m fairly certain she was an afterthought in both competitions. Keener has gone largely underappreciated in her nearly 25-year actressin’ career in both mainstream films like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, indies like Nicole Holofcener’s flicks, and even those in between, like Where the Wild Things Are. Now that Parker Posey has gone off the deep end, Keener is the most prominent indie queen remaining. She’s also obscenely cool, and I could totally see her lighting a cigarette during an acceptance speech.

4. Sigourney Weaver: Thrice nominated for work in Working Girl, Gorillas in the Mist and Aliens, Weaver has thus far been shut out. A victory for Weaver, however, would represent something a little more special, I think, as she’s been the epitome of the bad-ass female action star most of her career, something few other (if any) actresses could boast. And wouldn’t it be nice to see her take home the gold, at age 60-something, in a role that would essentially solidify her as the genre actress of our lifetime? And for a taste of what we might could expect from a Sigourney Weaver Oscar speech, here’s a great and moving speech she gave on gay rights a couple of years ago:

3. Drew Barrymore: Basically, Drew Barrymore is on this list because she’s the only other actress I can think of besides Sandra Bullock that could give a speech that would make us temporarily forget that she wasn’t all that talented. To be fair, however, she was great as Little Edie in the HBO version of Grey Gardens, and she is as good a comedic actress as Sandra Bullock. Plus, Barrymore has been in the business even longer, and has managed a fairly tumultuous career. She’s likable as hell, and though there’s hardly a scenario that I could envision where she’d actually deserve an Oscar, I’d probably dig on seeing her give a speech. I mean, if she could give a speech this fun for a Golden Globe, imagine what she’d do for an Oscar.

2. Betty White: Betty White has something like 16 Emmy Nominations and four wins, dating all the way back to freakin’ 1951. She’s undoubtedly a great actress, and if she could hang on long enough, I think she’s got a great dramedy performance left in her. Mostly, though, like everyone else in the world, I’m in love with Betty White, and I’d give my left testicle to see her give an Oscar speech. Seriously. If it’s anything like this speech, it could very well be the highlight of Academy Award history. Really, people. Really.

1. Sarah Polley: You know, I have no idea if Sarah Polley would give a great Oscar speech. Truthfully, I don’t care. I can’t think of an actress who deserves an Oscar more than she does. She’s brilliant. She’s well-spoken. She’s savvy and self-aware. She’s unfathomably talented. And she’s the antithesis of Hollywood actress. I just have an immense amount of respect for Polley, as both an actress and a writer/director, and I think that an Oscar would give her the recognition that she deserves but never seems to seek. She’s just really amazing, and to give her an Oscar would — at least temporarily — restore my faith in the Academy.









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Comments

I did fall in love with Catherine a bit way back in "Johnny Suede" (compounded by "Living In Oblivion"). She scared the hell out of me in "Your Friends And Neighbors" because she looked and acted a lot like my then-very-recent ex, and in a very frosty way, but I've long since forgiven her for that.

But Sigourney's just GOTTA get one.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 3:12 PM

I remember the last time someone allegedly qualified for the person you’d most want to have a beer with; his name was George W. Bush, and he nearly drove the country into the ground.

I know anti-Bush sentiment is as played out as MySpace but... Nearly? And which country?


Sarah Polley ftw

Posted by: TSF at March 9, 2010 3:13 PM

Well I suppose the question is which country you mean literally.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 3:14 PM

Not a bad list at all. Hell, I'd give Drew an Oscar for getting rid of her side-talking (for most of Grey Gardens) alone.

It's just shocking that Bullock has one and Sigourney Weaver doesn't, although considering her recent work in Avatar and agreement to do a sequel, she's lost a bit of that sparkle.

Posted by: Cindy at March 9, 2010 3:17 PM

Sarah Polley???

Ran. Dom.

Posted by: jen at March 9, 2010 3:18 PM

Yeah...I'm tryin, Ringo, I'm tryin REAL HARD to look past returning to Cameron without being Ellen Ripley.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 3:23 PM

I love Sigourney's voice. It feels like home. And tropical birds of paradise.

Posted by: Julie at March 9, 2010 3:30 PM

Can't stand Barrymore. Don't ask me why, just cannot stand her. Wait...what the fuck? Sigourney Weaver doesn't have a fucking Oscar?! Gah!!! Halle Fucking Berry has one! Jumping Jack Jesus, what are these people smoking?!

Posted by: Joker at March 9, 2010 3:33 PM

Dustin - what a lovely list. All excellent suggestions. I'm surprised that the anti-Drew vitriol hasn't hit the fan yet in the thread.

That Sarah Polley really is incredibly poised and ridiculously articulate, isn't she? I was, I'm afraid to admit, a bit distracted by her bizarrely tiny hands, though.

Posted by: tamatha at March 9, 2010 3:33 PM

I don't understand why the list is missing an entry for #3. It's as if that part of the list prevents even light from escaping. I would love to hear the others on the list, though, especially Betty White.

Posted by: branded at March 9, 2010 3:35 PM

Re: Drew Barrymore

Ok, here's the thing with Mz. Barrymore, her sort of gasping, talking, confused, wide-eyed excitement, babbling talking thing that she does is... well, borderline obnoxious. I remember a college professor talking about how much she hated her and I remember thinking, "Oh. Well, she's not... offensive, she's just... there." And I didn't really give much thought to Drew, but now that I do think about her, I waffle between thinking she'd be awesome to go to a party with to thinking I might strangle her if I had to listen to her for more than 30 seconds. Listen, if I win any award I know I'd be shocked and confused and would probably need a second to compose myself, but the way Drew does it is just so... irksome. And so I don't know how I'd feel about her giving the "Speech of a Lifetime," so to speak.

Basically, I fear that if Drew Barrymore won an Academy Award, she'd run up there and then clutch her hair and do that weird coughing up a hairball face and snort and mumblesay, "Guys, this is, like, Ohmygod, totally, crazy, what? I wonder if I can turn this into a flower vase. HEEHA! *gasp* You guys! I WON AN OSCAR! Let's, like, party. You guys are totally invited to my place for a barbeque next weekend. Just check your e-vites!! ADOPT A KITTEN, SAVE THE RAIN FOREST!" And then she'd gallop off stage.

So, in summation, I would not like to see her give an Oscar speech.

But maybe she should crash somebody's wedding and give the toast. It'd go something like this: "Love. You guys. Just. Love. Each other, ya know? It'll be beautiful. AND THEN BABIES. Just... Love. Barbeque after the Honeymoon at my place, you guys!" And then she'd kiss the bride and groom way too long. That'd I'd wanna see.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 3:38 PM

I'm surprised that the anti-Drew vitriol hasn't hit the fan yet in the thread.

Heeee! It just takes some effort for us to mobilize.

Posted by: branded at March 9, 2010 3:39 PM

Random story: One of my FILM professors screened Being John Malkovich in class and went on a 15 minute speech about how he had no idea who this "Keener woman" was but how she was just an "absolute revelation" in the movie and how wondered if she'd ever been in anything else. I was trying so hard not to laugh the whole time.

Posted by: michaelceratops at March 9, 2010 3:39 PM

4. Sigourney Weaver

3. Drew Fucking Barrymore

I honestly don't know what to say about the order you put this list in Rowles nor the fact that Barrymore even appears on it. You know why Drew's speech was so fun? Because she knows shes not that talented and honestly realizes she can't put two words together without a cue card. If she actually ever has the opportunity to make an Oscar speech, I bet it will be prerecorded a la Ashley Simpson because that's about all the substance she has.

Posted by: Lemon at March 9, 2010 3:39 PM

Nearly?! Looks like somebody just sent away for his Tea Party membership card. Remember, Dustin: Tea bag them before they tea bag you.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 9, 2010 3:48 PM

her sort of gasping, talking, confused, wide-eyed excitement, babbling talking thing that she does

And the lesson is, "Don't do the hard drugs in handfulls until you exit puberty." It's science.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at March 9, 2010 3:52 PM

I would also like to express my distaste for Miss Barrymore. She may be a nice person but no she isn't.

Posted by: Admin at March 9, 2010 3:57 PM

Yes on Keener, Weaver and White.

No on Barrymore.

? on Polley.

Posted by: Fredo at March 9, 2010 4:01 PM

The problem with women in movies (I alluded to this yesterday I think) is most women's roles stink. For women to get decently-written parts, a lot of them have to go to TV. Oscars don't get awarded for TV performances. And there are only 5 nominees, so that leaves a lot of people out. And if you go a year or two without a role considered major enough to get nominated, you're screwed on any Oscar consideration there. Your best bet, just as an Oscar-grubbing strategy, is to get cast for every "crazy bitch" part in every movie. They love to give people Oscars for acting crazy.

Posted by: Slash at March 9, 2010 4:07 PM

Maybe Sarah Polley will pick up a directing Oscar someday.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 9, 2010 4:23 PM

BierceAmbrose you're so right. Handfulls of hard drugs are for way after puberty. But before that they have those little cough medicine cups. That should be about the right amount, yes?

Admin I think you sum up my feelings about Drew Barrymore nicely. I think she would totally spot you for lunch if you were short on cash, but she'd probably steal your car keys before you had to get to work in the morning because she thought it'd be funny. No, Drew, that would not be funny. Hippie.

On a more positive note, I'm so glad that the past year has seen the total revival of Betty White's career and popularity. That woman brings as much joy as a basket of puppies with laser guns. That is to say, Betty White = Cute^3 * Awesome^2

Posted by: Kayanne at March 9, 2010 4:38 PM

Kayanne- your example of what a Drew Barrymore acceptance speech might sound like is exactly why I'd love her to win one. The oscars need more bat shit crazy moments rather than expected winner, laundry list of thanks, unfunny banter, expected winner, laundry list of thanks, etc.

Posted by: maceo at March 9, 2010 4:55 PM

Glenn Close--5 nominations, no cigar
Joan Allen--3 nominations
Laura Linney--3 nominations

Life is unfair

Posted by: legaleagle at March 9, 2010 5:01 PM

Sigourney was robbed of an Oscar for Aliens.

Posted by: John W at March 9, 2010 5:14 PM

@jen, go check out her imdb page. I think Dustin's choice is far from random. Sure, a lot of the movies aren't big Hollywood productions but she's done a lot in her 31 years. She wrote and directed a film called Away From Her which is really a good movie.

Posted by: Jadine at March 9, 2010 5:16 PM

"she" **Sarah Polley that is.**

Posted by: Jadine at March 9, 2010 5:17 PM

I like Drew Barrymore. But then I'm a sucker for the childhood darling who becomes a "little girl lost", then drifts into the land of terrible movies (have you SEEN Doppelganger? - I have) and borderline soft-core porn, and then, through sheer determination and a little bit of luck, gets back to the so-called A-List and takes control of her own career story.

See also: Alyssa Milano.

I don't think I'd ever give Drew an Oscar, though. Even to hear the speech.

Posted by: MM at March 9, 2010 5:54 PM

drew should have gotten an oscar for taking it up the poop chute from tom skerritt in poison ivy.

bitches, you know i'm right.

Posted by: stopthemadness at March 9, 2010 5:58 PM

Hells YES on Keener and Polley.

Catherine Keener is one of my all-time favorites and Sarah Polley is a Canadian treasure.

She's a damn fine actress and an even better filmmaker. "Away From Her" was stunning and if you can get your hands on it check out one of her early shorts, "I Shout Love." Besides that, she was in the Sweet Hereafter. Anyone with Egoyan cred rules.

A man I used to work for (Lee DeMarbre, his movie "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" was mentioned on here once) is good friends with Polley (also Sasha Grey). And he had nothing but incredible things to say about her, a real stand up person.

Posted by: citizen_cris at March 9, 2010 6:09 PM

With the exception of Barrymore, great list. I don't give a shit how long she's been in the business, she doesn't deserve an Oscar.

Posted by: Brie at March 9, 2010 6:13 PM

Yes, Sarah Polley. She's beautiful, smart, talented and deserving of recognition.

Posted by: Spender at March 9, 2010 6:23 PM

and I’d give my left testicle to see her give an Oscar speech.
---
That's hitting below the belt.

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Heh-heh.

Posted by: , at March 9, 2010 6:41 PM

Okay, I love Catherine Keener and Betty White, and I don't even know who Sarah Polley is, so I can't comment on her.

The rest of this list (really just 2/5) absolutely sucks.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 9, 2010 6:59 PM


a lot of hate for drew. not me and bring on her speech.

i have no reason for this opinion but sigourney weaver has
a face that i can't stand... maybe it's the roles i've seen her play
but i don't think so. she just has this vaguely superior look that
makes certain i won't see her in anything else.

4 of 5 is great, though.

Posted by: snake at March 9, 2010 7:30 PM

Well then I'll assume you've never seen a Sigourney Weaver movie.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 8:47 PM

Sarah Polley ignorance and Sigourney Weaver disrespect...

Y'all are movie fans, right?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 9, 2010 9:00 PM

Sigourney Weaver can't act. She's got the emotional range of a cat with diarrhea (I don't know what that means, but it sounded great in my head).

Drew Barrymore is among the most annoyingly shitty actresses in the history of film.

Boom.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 9, 2010 9:12 PM

Whatever, kid, whatever.

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2010 9:13 PM

Drew Barrymore grates on my nerves every time I look at her, and when she opens her mouth I want to punch her teeth out. One by one. Can't stand her. Can't tell you why. Refuse to change my opinion.

Posted by: Lake at March 9, 2010 9:47 PM

Laura Linney. She defines grace and humility, as well as being simply phenomenal in almost everything. She was great on Inside the Actors' Studio and I think she could give a hell of an acceptance speech.

Posted by: Ty at March 9, 2010 10:53 PM

So, in summation, I would not like to see her give an Oscar speech.

Whaaaaa? I would LOVE to see that. AND the reaction shots in the crowd.

Also, you are on a roll today, Kayanne. A basket of puppies with laser guns?? HAH!

Posted by: Gabs at March 10, 2010 12:40 AM

weaver just seems to play every role the same; she is grating to listen to and unpleasant to look at.

but yay sarah polley, the little canuck that could

Posted by: idleprimate at March 10, 2010 1:24 AM

Rowles, you'd be doing everyone a favor to stroke out and quietly die.
Thanks

Posted by: Jack Random at March 10, 2010 3:03 AM

Just finished watching these clips, and I think this might be my favorite list, like, EVER.

LOVE.

Posted by: Jelinas at March 10, 2010 3:30 AM

daaaaaaaaaang, people are mean to you.

anywho. I LOVE BETTY WHITE. maybe Oscar winners should have speech writers. and she could be one. because I have decided she is going to live forever.

sorry about all the meanies!

Posted by: ashby at March 10, 2010 5:40 AM

After seeing that speech I now want to take Betty White with me and Sandy when we go have our beer. THAT would be a fun night.

I still fail to see how giving Sandra Bullock an Oscar is in any way related to giving George W the Presidency. But if you want to go there, if I could turn back time and circumstances I'd have that reversed. She's a whole lot smarter than he is and I bet we wouldn't have troops in Iraq and Afganistan if Sandra Bullock was President. I could totally live with HIM getting an Oscar if he were just never, ever President.

Also, why would anyone want to have a beer with him? He's an imbecilic, smarmy, elitist, shitstained twatwaffle. He can't string a coherent sentence together. He's not smart or funny. It embarrasses and saddens me that he was president once, let alone twice.

Maybe Betty White should be President.

Posted by: Viking at March 10, 2010 8:18 AM

thank you
I love sarah too, and katherine, and I also would love to see an oscar in the hands of Ileana Douglas, Laura Linney and/or Patricia Clarkson.

Posted by: james at March 10, 2010 11:23 AM

The 5% gay part of me is really angry that object of the aforementioned 5% of my affection - Glenn Close - is not on this list. No one turns a light on and off quite like she does.

Posted by: Adrienne Saia at March 10, 2010 1:59 PM

You made every fibre of my cold, frosty, Canadian heart muscle melt by making Sarah Polley number one. *Swoon*

Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at March 10, 2010 6:59 PM

someone already mentioned glenn close and i would really like her to finally bring that sunset boulevard remake into reality already so she can get her oscar.

i'd also like to add another unloved canuck in catherine o'hara. she should have been nominated for her work in for your consideration where she played *gasp* an actress who thought she was going to receive an oscar nomination!

Posted by: JS at March 11, 2010 4:57 AM

i don't agree with a single one of those. drew barrymore? are you kidding me?

Posted by: mimi at March 11, 2010 4:58 PM


















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