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Five Reasons Supermodels Shouldn't Appear in Movies (And Five Reasons Why They Should)

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (63)



fairgame0.jpg

A couple of months ago, it was announced that supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whiteley would be replacing Megan Fox in Transformers 3. Far be it for me to judge what comes between Michael Bay and his casting couch — maybe Huntington-Whiteley is a talented actress (fat chance) — but the history has not been favorable to supermodels in film. And yet, just this week, Peter Berg — who I used to have considerable respect for — decided to cast another model in his latest, Battleship. Her name is Brooklyn Decker. I’m sure she’s a brilliant actress. Here’s a sampling of her “acting” talents.


Indeed, if the past is any indication, there’s next to no reason to believe that supermodels can become serious actors. Or even credible. Or even not completely embarrassing. What the hell is Peter Berg thinking? Maybe the next time a dumbass director decides it’s a good idea to hire a actress because she looks great in a swimsuit, he should consider the following Five Reasons Supermodels Shouldn’t Appear in Movies.


Gisele Bündchen in Taxi

Cindy Crawford in Fair Game

Tyra Banks in Coyote Ugly

Claudia Schiffer in Friends & Lovers


Elle Macpherson in Sirens


And yet, as there nearly always is, there are exceptions. The exceptions to the no supermodels in film can be summed up thusly:

Five Reasons Supermodels Should Appear in Film

Milla Jovovich in Kuffs

Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element

Milla Jovovich in the Resident Evil Series

Milla Jovovich in The Messenger: The Story of Joan Arc

Milla Jovovich in Stone









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Comments

you forgot Milla Jovovich in 'dazed and confused'.....

Posted by: greg at August 18, 2010 2:05 PM

Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich?
Rene Russo in Get Shorty?

Posted by: causaubon at August 18, 2010 2:07 PM

pshh. Whatever, Dustin. Brooklyn Decker can just come act for me. All alone.

Did I say acting? Cause that's totally not what I meant.
Anyway, Batteship is going to be total shit, why do we care if it's pretty shit?

Posted by: A-schaef at August 18, 2010 2:09 PM

Psh, Milla Jovovich in Dummy invalidates the whole discussion.

Posted by: Todd at August 18, 2010 2:09 PM

Mmmmmmmm Milla. She could be in every movie ever.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 18, 2010 2:09 PM

Your logic is infallible.

Posted by: admin at August 18, 2010 2:09 PM

Um, my 13-year-old self would like to have a word with you, Dustin. Cindy Crawford in Fair Game was the tits and Elle MacPherson in Sirens was the tits and everything else.

Posted by: RobP at August 18, 2010 2:13 PM

If your name is Brooklyn, you're trashy. That's all there is to it. Take heed, parents with naming discretion.

Posted by: samantha t at August 18, 2010 2:17 PM

This reminds me of my favourite Bizarro comic. The caption was "Dogs love anything that stinks," and the picture showed a dog going mental trying to get at the screenplay for Fair Game.

Posted by: Melodie at August 18, 2010 2:20 PM

Tricia Helfer (Battlestar Galactica)

Posted by: jb at August 18, 2010 2:21 PM

You also forgot Milla Jovovich in my pants.

FWIW (which ain't much), my skin absolutely crawls at the "word" 'thusly'. It's redundant. "In the manner of in this manner."

Posted by: ahamos at August 18, 2010 2:23 PM

RobP: Supermodels and tits do not belong in the same sentence. By definition, supermodels do not have tits. They have boney horizontal cleavage, (see Shalom Harlow in In & Out).

Posted by: BWeaves at August 18, 2010 2:25 PM

Paulina Porizkova in "Anna"?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 18, 2010 2:27 PM

I know the list is for movies, but Taylor Kitsch was a model before he started acting and my life would be nothing without Tim Riggins.

Posted by: Michellery at August 18, 2010 2:31 PM

I've always wondered why nobody, not even wise Tami Taylor, ever advised Tim Riggins to move to NY or LA and become a model already.

Posted by: Kettle at August 18, 2010 2:43 PM

Christie Brinkley in Vacation? Kind of painful.

Posted by: JB at August 18, 2010 2:43 PM

Fiddlestick. A fluff of Supermodels could be working as my weekly trash collectors and sure they might not do a good job of it but they would still be hot and I would never ever miss trash day again. Supermodels can only do good.

Posted by: peanut at August 18, 2010 2:44 PM

I also know this is about movies, but Wendie Malick got by pretty well for a model-turned-actress. Up until Hot in Cleveland, anyway.

Posted by: Jerry at August 18, 2010 2:47 PM

Oh, and Iman!!!!

Posted by: Jerry at August 18, 2010 2:48 PM

Peanut- I liked your post. A gaggle of geese, a murder of crows....a 'fluff' of supermodels. nice one

Posted by: Ariana at August 18, 2010 2:52 PM

"It's just a woman driving the car! Shoot her!"

I can't even tell you how many times I've said that during my commute.

Posted by: Lindsay at August 18, 2010 2:57 PM

BWeaves, I respect your opinion, but Elle, Brooklyn, and Tyra would, uh, firmly disagree with you there. Not to mention a handful of others whose names I never remember. I suppose it depends on what kind of "super model" we're talking about. Victoria's Secret/Sports Illustrated Swimsuit vs. runway/haute couture.

Yes, I've watched way too much ANTM.

Posted by: RobP at August 18, 2010 3:01 PM

Leeloo Dallas mul-ti-pass

Posted by: mswas at August 18, 2010 3:02 PM

I saw Resident Evil 2 the other day and I must say never have i been so bored of pure action. There was just nothing to the movie but action, no plot, nothing

Posted by: Jared at August 18, 2010 3:02 PM

Also, I realized I completely forgot to pay attention to how bad Claudia Schiffer was acting because I was too busy fantasizing about Robert Downey Jr. dirty-talking to me in that ridiculous accent.

Posted by: Lindsay at August 18, 2010 3:03 PM

Rebecca Romein (sic) Stamos in Femme Fatale? Anybody? Greatest lesbian make-out scene in a non-porn movie ever. Plus, it's just a damn fine movie.

Posted by: professor_love at August 18, 2010 3:07 PM

She may not have been a designated supermodel, but Monica Bellucci was definitely a model before becoming an actress.

True, she has been in some stinkers - but she was aces in L'Appartement and Malèna.

Posted by: Simon at August 18, 2010 3:15 PM

MILLA! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

also,
BIG BADDA BOOM

Posted by: gee. ay. at August 18, 2010 3:19 PM

Some of you folks have a broad definition of "supermodel." Cameron Diaz?! Tricia Helfer?

I believe introduction into "supermodel" territory requires extensive runway work (especially Victoria's Secret) and/or becoming a regular model for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. I grew up in the '90s and know what the fuck I'm talking about, people.

And all of those ladies are straight ASS when it comes to acting. Anyone that enjoyed their performances either did so ironically or want to fuck them. End of story.

NEXT!!!

Posted by: Kballs at August 18, 2010 3:21 PM

I think Milla is actually a pretty good actress, but did she ever qualify as a supermodel?

Posted by: Katie at August 18, 2010 3:39 PM

Milla most certainly IS a supermodel. While her acting skills may not be the greatest, her singing ability more than makes up for it. I just want her to take off her clothes and sing me to sleep every night...

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at August 18, 2010 3:48 PM

In the 'reasons they should" you left off Kathy Ireland in both Mom and Dad Save the World (greatest movie ever) and Loaded Weapon 1.

Posted by: EricD at August 18, 2010 3:52 PM

If your name is Brooklyn, you're trashy. That's all there is to it. Take heed, parents with naming discretion.

But, but, Brooklyn is such a classy name! So different, unique. One mom's trashy is another one's creative expression.

Just kidding! I totally agree Samantha T. London is another name that sets off my warning sirens. And we all know what happens to little Parises.

Posted by: katy at August 18, 2010 3:57 PM

Tricia Helfer was good as #6,and Shelly Godfrey, and Caprica 6, and Gina in BSG. Which was better than most movies (except for the finale).

Posted by: rezcat at August 18, 2010 3:59 PM

You know how I know you're gay? You think Elle Macpherson full-frontal naked in Sirens is a bad thing.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at August 18, 2010 4:05 PM

Was that a Playstation 2 glued underneath Billy Baldwin's car?! Oh no!!!

Posted by: PissBoy at August 18, 2010 4:11 PM

Kathy Ireland was aslo the place kicker in Unnecessary Roughness. Where she, yes, got to kick some fat hick in the nuts. Pure quality.

Posted by: richmac at August 18, 2010 4:18 PM

The first five could have just been Tyra Banks, right? She's made more than five movie appearances. Top picks for the list: Hannah Montana: The Movie, Life-Size, Coyote Ugly, Tropic Thunder, and Halloween: Resurrection.

Posted by: Robert at August 18, 2010 4:33 PM

You forgot Paulina Porizkova, a legitimate supermodel, in Thursday, a movie currently playing here on Hulu. She holds her own against Aaron Eckhardt, Mickey Rourke, Thomas Jane and James LeGros. It's beyond Tarantino all the way past Peckinpah. She gets naked and rapes Thomas Jane while he's tied up which is something I've never seen in any movie before. The twist is that she tells him she is going to kill him but not until he comes. The movie is from 1998 and the end is pretty weak but it holds up almost all the way through.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 18, 2010 4:35 PM

Millllllllllllllllla!

Posted by: MM at August 18, 2010 4:37 PM

What, no Jerri Hall in Batman? She was pure genius as Joker's disfigured gal pal.

Posted by: hindulovegod at August 18, 2010 5:06 PM

I'm sensing a theme here...

Posted by: John W at August 18, 2010 5:08 PM

Let's not forget Kathy Ireland in "Alien from L.A." where ever character described her as having Big Bones (TM) and then asked her if that was her real voice (i.e. squeaky, high-pitched, kills mosquitoes voice).

Posted by: BWeaves at August 18, 2010 5:59 PM

How could you miss Kathy Ireland, in Necessary Roughness?????

Its why I became a place kicker. true story.

Posted by: Juice in LA at August 18, 2010 6:16 PM

I'm with Lindsay. That was my favoritest part of this post.

Posted by: Jelinas at August 18, 2010 6:28 PM

Luc Besson should be the only director allowed to use models in film. He instinctively knows how to place them where they won't affect the story yet remain appropriately decorative.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at August 18, 2010 6:59 PM

I see what ya done dere

maith thú

Posted by: PyD at August 18, 2010 8:04 PM

Yes! there's also Milla in 45, A Perfect Getaway, and You Stupid Man

Posted by: idleprimate at August 18, 2010 10:17 PM

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat

Sigh... Love.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 18, 2010 10:51 PM

You know how I know you're gay? You think Elle Macpherson full-frontal naked in Sirens is a bad thing.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at August 18, 2010 4:05 PM
---
Exactly.

And speaking of exactly, how do you say that? Is it:

Mee-ya joy_O-vich?

MILL-a JO-vo-vich?

How? I'm asking?

Posted by: , at August 19, 2010 1:28 AM

Milla makes me all tingly in my perfectly straight girlie parts. Which kinda turns on the hubby a little. Excuse me, we'll be in our bunk.

Posted by: randomlurker at August 19, 2010 1:48 AM

And speaking of exactly, how do you say that? Is it:

Mee-ya joy_O-vich?

MILL-a JO-vo-vich?

How? I'm asking?

Posted by: , at August 19, 2010 1:28 AM

According to my crack sources (IMDB), it's Mee-la Yo-vo-vitch.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 19, 2010 6:22 AM

Some of you folks have a broad definition of "supermodel."

Agreed.

To qualify you need to be one of the highest paid working models as well as being a household name. A lot of the more successful models these days aren't well-known, and the title 'supermodel' is more of a throw-back to a bygone era.

Posted by: Uda at August 19, 2010 6:27 AM

I'm torn....

On one hand, I agree that we have mimicked a logical, thinking, normal human beings when placing a model into a movie. This is a mockery of life, something like It's a Small World at Disnei (TM R C C R C R TM TM R C TM) or The Jersey Shore.

On the other hand, Milla Jovovich stated modeling was never a priority but gave her the ability to do what she wanted, ergo ANYTHING. And yet, Jovovich has done bad movies (Deck Officer!! said The Fourth Kind Sucked Balls, and I'll accept this on faith).

Mind you, Rowles, I come off harsh on you when you meddle in the affairs of Movies That Don't Suck When You Think They Do. This time, I'll give you some credit. I agree with you to a fault that some models should never be allowed on screen. But I don't think that Milla is the counter-thesis for this arguement.

Posted by: Kahntahmp at August 19, 2010 8:30 AM

Milla in Zoolander.

Posted by: sars at August 19, 2010 9:15 AM

Looking at that clip, I finally (kinda) get the fuss about Brooklyn Decker. She obviously has the rockin' bod but I'd never before seen images of her where she was actually ... pretty. (And that goes for many of the VS models too, somebody's obviously going for strange and unusual faces vs. pretty.)

I still don't get and never will all the attention for Giselle though.

Thanks, Creep, though I might have guessed it would be the hardest of all possible pronunciations.

Posted by: , at August 19, 2010 10:01 AM

Which one of the chicks in the clip is Gisele, anyway, driver or passenger? Neither looks all that hot to me.

Posted by: , at August 19, 2010 10:05 AM

I strongly recommend ______ Mixed friends -- C o m ______ to you where I just found

my interracial boyfriend! You know it is a great place to meet black men and

beautiful women. What's kind of relationship do you want?

Posted by: grace at August 19, 2010 10:56 AM

Paulina was really very good in Anna, and she WAS a genuine supermodel.

But she and Milla are exceptions that prove the rule.

As a rule.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at August 19, 2010 10:38 PM

Am I the only one who liked Milla's song "The Gentleman Who fell"?

Posted by: courtney at August 20, 2010 6:00 AM

I was just going to post that, Courtney. I like that song,too. It's quirky.

Posted by: masonwasp at August 20, 2010 12:52 PM

Lol perfect!

Posted by: Lex at August 23, 2010 12:10 AM

Hmm. You have to admit, Rebecca Romijn plays an excellent Mystique from X-Men.

Posted by: tommy at August 26, 2010 7:35 PM