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Five Celebrity Lesbians We'd Like to Get With (A Bunk Counterpoint)

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (84)

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Last week, there was some sort of debate over on Jezebel over whether women can fantasize about men who openly like other men. No offense to the brilliant ladies of Jezebel, but that’s one of the most bizarre debates of which I’ve ever heard. Of course you can! Married, gay, or otherwise, celebrities are already off limits to the rest of us plebes in real life, but no one can dictate who you can bring to your bunk. The bunk is a sacred place, where anyone is allowed, regardless of gender, race, religion, creed, marital status, or sexual orientation. You can’t put your petty real-world constraints on the bunk! There’s an open-door policy there.

The women at Jezebel did, it seems, eventually come to that realization, and decided to embrace the no-rules-in-the-bunk law by posting a pictorial of what they perceive as the most attractive gay celebrities. A gay bunk arsenal, if you will.

We’re going to go ahead and tackle the other side of the equation now, because it needs to be done. And while I’ve limited our list to only five, I have expanded the criteria to include openly bisexual women. Why? Because there are no rules in the bunk. That’s why. (However, the list is limited to only those of the self-confessed persuasion. We won’t speculate on sexual orientation here).


Rachel Maddow

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Marlene Dietrich

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Portia de Rossi

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Kristanna Loken

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Anna Paquin

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Comments

Ok, I know she's not everyone's cup of tea, but damn it, you can't just ignore the scorchingest bisexual in Hollywood. Ok, fine, I'll say it: Angelina Jolie.

Posted by: joker at May 17, 2010 3:05 PM

I've never heard of Kristanna Loken before, but she looks like a Bratz doll...

::Googling::

Nope, never heard of her. She gets a meh from me.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 17, 2010 3:05 PM

Celesbians?

Posted by: Paul Southworth at May 17, 2010 3:10 PM

Why hello there, Ms Maddow.

Posted by: Aislinn at May 17, 2010 3:12 PM

Loken was the other Terminator in T3.

She was also one of many love interest for Shane in L Word.

Posted by: John W at May 17, 2010 3:14 PM

Marlene Dietrich in a heartbeat.

I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.
-- Marlene Dietrich

Posted by: mswas at May 17, 2010 3:19 PM

No shit, Marlene Dietrich was a lesbian? Wow, the more you know.

Posted by: androstarr at May 17, 2010 3:21 PM

I had no idea Dietrich was a lesbian. Rawr!

God, Portia de Rossi is incredibly beautiful. And funny. I've been watching Arrested Development again and damn, she's something else. Ellen's a lucky lady.

Posted by: figgy at May 17, 2010 3:27 PM

I routinely curse the gods that Rachel Maddow is gay. Good to know I'm not alone.

Posted by: Lennon at May 17, 2010 3:27 PM

Rowles, this is by far your best contribution to society yet. You are indeed a credit to your race.


[Deleted for sheer dumbfuckery. -- DR]

Posted by: Pookie at May 17, 2010 3:30 PM

Pookie!

Posted by: Nadine at May 17, 2010 3:33 PM

Ahem. Dustin, would it not be better if there was photographic/video evidence of said lesbianism included in the above list. I'm sure we all have great minds but a little more inspiration for the bunking would be appreciated.

Posted by: bob at May 17, 2010 3:35 PM

Wasn't Loken doing Michelle Rodriguez a while back?

Dietrich, in a heartbeat

Posted by: dammitjanet at May 17, 2010 3:36 PM

Yes to Portia!! She is the best part of the already fantastic Better Off Ted!

Posted by: Eva at May 17, 2010 3:39 PM

A better question: Why isn't Michelle Rodriquez on this list? (Shh. It's because Rowles hates Hispanics.)

Also, why did you use a picture where de Rossi looks like Sebastian the Crab?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 17, 2010 3:41 PM

dammitjanet, that would make sense, because when I Googled her (teehee), the first option in the drop-down menu was "Kristanna Loken Michelle Rodriguez".

Now Rodriguez, she can take me to the bunk any day. Seems like the type to leave me with bite marks, bruises and happy memories...

[Rodriguez is not self-confessed; she completely denies any AC/DC feelings, thus her omission. Also, Tracer: -- The Portia photo looked much better as a thumbnail. Apologies. -- DR

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 17, 2010 3:45 PM

Wasn't Loken doing Michelle Rodriguez a while back?

Posted by: dammitjanet at May 17, 2010 3:36 PM


I just came!

Posted by: Pookie at May 17, 2010 3:48 PM

I apologize Rowles, I’m steal trying to learn about boundaries and tact.

Posted by: Pookie at May 17, 2010 3:52 PM

*Still*

Posted by: Pookie at May 17, 2010 3:56 PM

Really? My apologies to you then, but just who the fuck does Michelle Rodriguez think she's fooling? She's more AC/DC than Angus Young.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 17, 2010 3:57 PM

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 17, 2010 3:59 PM

What no Queen Latifa ?!?!?!?

Posted by: gilp at May 17, 2010 4:00 PM

@Lennon: curse the gods all you want. Rachel Maddow makes me a bad hetero.

Posted by: Aislinn at May 17, 2010 4:04 PM

over whether women can fantasize about men who openly like other men

Have the writers of Jezebel met any women?

Posted by: Jay at May 17, 2010 4:05 PM

the scorchingest bisexual in Hollywood. Ok, fine, I'll say it: Angelina Jolie.

Finish what you were saying before. Who's the scorchingest bisexual in Hollywood?

Posted by: Jay at May 17, 2010 4:07 PM

What about:

Sarah Paulson
Cynthia Nixon
the black FBI girl on Fringe
Jane Lynch
Melissa Etheridge's blond former girlfriend/wife
and yeah, I'd throw Queen Latifah in there (she hasn't exactly denied it), although I take your point on Michelle Rodriguez having explicitly denied it (whatever one may think of the truth of that)

Deist, Patricia Velasquez, really? {The More You Know!} She's hot!

Posted by: MM at May 17, 2010 4:11 PM

Maybe it was taken out of context but I remember Loken refusing to answer questions about Rodriguez in an interview but then saying something along the lines of "just don't look upstairs, there's a really hot housekeeper"

I remember seeing somewhere that Rodriguez chooses her roles to try to avoid hispanic stereotypes and her girlfriend just referred to her as the "housekeeper".
I channeled my inner 10 year old and went "oooOOOOOHHHH!"

Posted by: king at May 17, 2010 4:20 PM

Rachel Maddow, are you fucking kidding me? She gives every impression of being about as much fun as nailing a board. Including the splinters.

Posted by: EricD at May 17, 2010 4:24 PM

Portia is a treasure and I blame all of you for not watching "Better Off Ted". I know the name is terrible and nearly impossible to recommend without people thinking you love CBS comedies but it was so good. And the cast was brilliant. A comedy machine with no unfunny... cogs? All funny cogs. Put that on the DVD Box Set.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 17, 2010 4:25 PM

I don't think that Rodriguez resides at the Island of Lesbos, but merely visits whilst drunk off her ass. If only someone would film it.

Posted by: peanut at May 17, 2010 4:29 PM

Jay, for that, I'll pull out my most eloquent comeback: :p


Word, Optimus.

Posted by: joker at May 17, 2010 4:33 PM

the black FBI girl on Fringe

Jasika Nicole is gay? Good for the other team!

If the ladies at Jezebel were confused about straight women finding gay men hot, they might try exploring the dark basements of fan fiction sites. There's an eye-opener for you. Pretty sure no gay men are actually writing slash. That's all the ladies working out their boy on boy fantasies.

Posted by: Reba at May 17, 2010 4:34 PM

I'm assuming age was an accidental omission from the we don't discriminate in the bunk opener. Cause, really, I'd give it up in a heartbeat for Helen Mirren.

Posted by: Robert at May 17, 2010 5:10 PM

Woahwoahwoah...what happened up there with pookie's comment? Is there some kind of fascist editing going on here?

Posted by: superasente at May 17, 2010 5:13 PM

Where the motherfuck is K.D. Lang on this list?

Posted by: samantha t at May 17, 2010 5:15 PM

Please stop calling it fascist when the editors exercise their right to edit. Yes, it's a public forum in the sense of a forum where the public writes shit for other members of the public to see, but it's also Dustin's site, and he can choose to moderate however he likes. Overall, he has a pretty light touch with the Editing Stick (which sounds like a euphemism when I capitalize it like that ... weird). It's hard to cross a line here, but it happens - it's not fascist, it's editorial prerogative.

Posted by: Tammy at May 17, 2010 5:20 PM

How oddly prescient. Look what was released today.

http://www.afterellen.com/people/2010/hot100

Except THIS list would be the women other gay women want to sleep with. It's our Maxim Hot 100. Browse away, Pajibans.

Posted by: Jen at May 17, 2010 5:22 PM

Oh, also, I'll second your Rachel Maddow - conversation would crackle between make-out sessions. Rawr.

Posted by: Tammy at May 17, 2010 5:24 PM

Rachel Maddow, are you fucking kidding me? She gives every impression of being about as much fun as nailing a board. Including the splinters.

I always knew carpentry was my calling in life...

Posted by: Lennon at May 17, 2010 5:30 PM

Ah yes, I remember the days when I had never heard of "slash fic"... I long for them.

Ever seen John Locke/Ben Linus fanfic? Look up "shudder" in the dictionary...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 17, 2010 5:30 PM

But, Kristanna Loken is bisexual, granted, a bisexual who enjoys women more than men, but bisexual none the less. Kind of like Freddy Mercury, Gia, or Alexander the Great.

If she counts, than Angelina Jolie in full on crazy mode should count, she's bisexual, and she's never stated who she likes better, but she did say she would have married Jenny Shimizu if it wasn't illegal.

Posted by: George at May 17, 2010 5:37 PM

Quinto might be gay? Well, he's an advocate, but I always figured him to be more of the depraved bisexual type, like Vamp, from Metal Gear Solid.

Posted by: Voodoo Lounger at May 17, 2010 5:41 PM

I stood about 18' away from Rachel Maddow recently, as she filmed a live segment. She seemed so much smaller than I expected.
OK, That is all I got. Random celeb sighting. Yay me.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 17, 2010 6:06 PM

The day I discovered slash fic was the day I stumbled across Fred/George Weasley fanfic. That was also the day the internet broke my heart.

VoodooLounger, I have no idea who Vamp is, but now I can't stop thinking about Quinto as a depraved bisexual. And I don't WANT to stop either.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at May 17, 2010 6:16 PM

Rachel Maddow, are you fucking kidding me? She gives every impression of being about as much fun as nailing a board. Including the splinters.

are you kidding ME? maddow has awesome oozing out of her pores.

Posted by: stopthemadness at May 17, 2010 6:31 PM

As an Australian, I'd like to add local TV interviewer and proudly lesbian, Ruby Rose.

She's not only gorgeous, she's funny, has a great rapport and is oh, so smart - as evidenced by her decision to be a lesbian.

Posted by: DarthBrooks at May 17, 2010 6:47 PM

oh yeah, Dietrich had it...she used to cross dress too (not as frowned upon as men cross dressing, generally speaking).

Posted by: banana at May 17, 2010 6:50 PM

All these comments and not one "second" for Anna Paquin. For shame.

Posted by: stryker1121 at May 17, 2010 7:45 PM

are you kidding ME? maddow has awesome oozing out of her pores.

If all we are after is scintillating conversation and don't care about the fug, go ahead and put Hillary and Eleanor Roosevelt on the list. Maddow looks exactly like a 16 year old boy wearing lipstick, but if that's what trips your trigger, yeah for you.

Posted by: EricD at May 17, 2010 7:59 PM

mmm too right DarthBrooks on Ruby Rose- she's like a smarter, hotter, better-tattooed lesbian version of Megan Fox.

http://www.boudist.com/archive/2009/03/18/ruby-rose-cover-shoot.php

Posted by: sass at May 17, 2010 8:00 PM

All these comments and not one "second" for Anna Paquin. For shame.

Posted by: stryker1121 at May 17, 2010 7:45 PM

Maybe it is because that GAP between her two front teeth could cause an injury if bits were to get caught in there.
She's definately a candidate for a ball gag.

Posted by: bob at May 17, 2010 8:04 PM

A Nell Carter deferred is a Nel Carter denied.

Live with that.

Seriously though, I only know her from that show she did with the profoundly odious Gilles Coren (ugh, nyugh), but if she can put up with him and turns out to be as likeable in real life, I'll have to ask her how she managed to eat some of that crap. Wine and cheese mite party followed by a Depeche Mode dance party. Actually, you'd have to put me on a whole lot of valium to get me to not go to a Depeche Mode dance party. Shake that disease.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at May 17, 2010 8:06 PM

Isn't Salma Hayek out as bi? Or is that wishful thinking?

Also, Sara Gilbert. Does my lingering childhood crush on Darlene mean nothing to you people?!

Posted by: nigeltde at May 17, 2010 8:38 PM

Oh and Reba et al, I find that funtime hobby that you like to do similarly weird!

BLAMMO

Posted by: nigeltde at May 17, 2010 9:07 PM

I'd like to have a bisexual three way with the Bella twins from wrestle mania.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at May 17, 2010 10:06 PM

or i would like to watch Sarah Palin make out with Hilary Clinton.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at May 17, 2010 10:09 PM

i once told a woman who was Bisexual and was struggling with her Faith in god that Jesus said love everyone and she has the power to love everyone
she said this broke years and years of psychological abuse.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at May 17, 2010 10:16 PM


rachel maddow???? that must be a joke! rachel maddow ???
her inclusion destroys any cred for this list.

Posted by: snake at May 17, 2010 11:47 PM

Fuck that! Rachel and Portia and me in a steel-cage sex match to be televised on PPV. Swear to Godtopus, it would be some seriously epic fucking. Rachel and Portia, me and Rachel, me and Portia, me and Rachel and Portia in every offensive to Protestants conglomeration that God himself hasn't imagined. If we could convince Nathan Fillion to drop by it would make the Marquis de Sade blush with shame.

Posted by: Spender at May 18, 2010 3:14 AM

Rachel and Portia and me in a steel-cage sex match

So you've got a teen age boy, a cute blonde and a dude with pretty decent taste in books, is that like a modern mod squad or something?

Posted by: EricD at May 18, 2010 4:02 AM

Although I'm a hetero woman (for my sins), I would turn for Rachel Maddow in a heartbeat. She's funny, incredibly intelligent and incisive, empathetic and knows her booze. In addition, her wonderful liberal (guilt-ridden) tendencies would ensure I wouldn't be limping away from the mattress dissatisfied.

Posted by: Xiufetish at May 18, 2010 6:43 AM

I don't like Racael Maddow. She's bland, phony, and just plain annoying. Her flat boring deep voice, her stiff mannerisms, everything about her just bothers me. Ugh. I will giver her smart, though. Smart is good.

Anna Paquin's a lesbian? Since when?

Posted by: kayla at May 18, 2010 9:31 AM

Rachel Maddow is likely attractive to people who can't admit they
were in love with Cameron Frye in 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'.

I hope I'm not crossing a line. I'd hate to be 'edited'.

Posted by: Poultice at May 18, 2010 11:01 AM

Che: exactly. You can say what you want about Maddow (though I think she's pretty adorable, charismatic, etc.), but I don't think one can say she's phony.

Posted by: samantha t at May 18, 2010 11:11 AM

Cameron Frye in 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'

Perfect call Poultice. Dead ringer for Rachel Maddow. Look, the ladies on here saying they would turn for Maddow aren't surprising. She probably reminds them of some smart boy they had a crush on in high school. The men on here saying they would turn for Maddow are surprising. Since she probably reminds them of some smart boy they had a crush on in high school.

Posted by: EricD at May 18, 2010 12:36 PM

What about Jessica Capshaw from L Word, Bones and Grey's Anatomy?

Posted by: bananapanda at May 18, 2010 1:59 PM

The louder they proclaim their homophobia, the likelier they are to be hypocrites as well as douchebags

Sure, just ignore anything that was actually said and play the gay-card. Pretty typical of arguments coming from the left. So explain to me how saying Rachel Maddow looks like a guy is homophobic? It appears to me it is a look she cultivates. Not that she is a cross dresser or anything but I don’t see how anyone with an open mind could look at her and not say, “yeah, she looks kind of like a young guy”. Unless you are saying that calling any lesbian unattractive is homophobic. In that case you are still wrong. I have no idea who Kristanna Loken is, but she is hot as hell. And I damn sure wouldn’t kick Portia de Rossi out the door.

Posted by: EricD at May 18, 2010 7:18 PM

Saying that Rachel Maddow "probably reminds them (men who claim to find Rachel Maddow attractive) of some smart boy they had a crush on in high school" removes any ambiguity about your intent.

I agree. Seeing as my intent was to say that Rachel Maddow looks like a high school boy. I don't see how its much of a leap that saying that someone attracted to a person who looks like a high school boy would have once maybe been attracted to a high school boy. Sort of day following night to me. Maybe it was too subtle for you.

Posted by: EricD at May 19, 2010 1:36 AM

A want to be intellect using a take on the name ‘Che Guevara’ as his ID questions my sense of self awareness? I assume you know that Ernesto “Che” Guevara imprisoned, forced into hard labor and tortured artists, dissidents, and homosexuals. And that he believed “Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates” and “Instead they must dedicate themselves to study, work and military service.” There is not a person associated with Pajibaland that your idol wouldn't have had on his enemies list.

Or is your use of that ID supposed to be ironic, like a Jew using the name Josef Mengele?

Posted by: EricD at May 19, 2010 11:19 AM

Pookie, changing your onscreen name to "Poultice" isn't going to fool anyone if you keep writing the same douchebaggy bullshit.

And EricD, I'm attracted to men. I'm not attracted to Rachel Maddow, regardless of how "manly" having a short hairdo apparently makes her look to you. If your stupid little theory held any water whatsoever, it should work in reverse, shouldn't it? "SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN, SO GUYS WHO THINK SHE'S PRETTY ARE OBVIOUSLY FAGS!!!11oneone!!! HURR HURR DURR" is patently just as homophobic as it is idiotic, without having to play a "gay card".

Posted by: Craig at May 19, 2010 3:09 PM

Alright, first of all, I did not say Rachel Maddow looks like a man. She doesn't. She looks like a teen age boy wearing lipstick. So no, I wouldn't expect a man attracted to other men to be attracted to her. Second, not once did I say that a guy who was attracted to Rachel Maddow was a 'fag'. What I did say is that if they found her attractive she is probably reminding them of someone else. Which I admit was intended to be outlandish, but heaven forbid someone around here should stretch something to the absurd to make a point. It is you and che that made the leap that if a guy has a crush or attraction to another guy they must be gay. Dustin’s mad man crush on RR is proof enough that this isn’t true. Once again you have shown that the prejudices someone is all to eager to find in others says more about themselves then anyone else.

Posted by: EricD at May 19, 2010 4:57 PM

Why do you keep coming back

For the same reason I come to the site at all. I am either at someones office or up late at mine waiting for a driver to download or a scan to finish or any one of a million things I have to sit at a computer for but can't serf for porn. And so long as someone else is willing to carry on the argument I am more then happy to participate.

Posted by: EricD at May 19, 2010 7:07 PM

Che -

I honestly don't remember why I think Maddow is phony. I haven't watched her show since I noticed it. Probably something she said during the primaries. I just remember being disappointed in whatever it was she said. So I decided she was phony and stopped watching.

Posted by: kayla at May 19, 2010 9:33 PM

I am afraid that you're reading the "implication" into my post, based on your cute, early-90s knee-jerk paranoid homophobia detector. You interpret my post as insulting to teh gheys, when it is, quite obviously, an insult to insecure closeted males who are in denial of their Cameron lust.

Posted by: Poultice at May 20, 2010 1:10 AM

Oh, Che. Your ferocity and tenacity... wasted on these douchebags.

I get it, though. I've wasted more than a few decades, myself, in my time. Been practicing NOT doing it; mostly succeeding, too.

There's no winning, here. You're right, you know you are -- they're wrong, you know that, too. But convince THEM of anything? (Or even get them to admit it, if they already know it?) Forget it.

Pearls. Swine. Blah blah blah.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at May 20, 2010 5:15 AM

Your ferocity and tenacity... wasted on these douchebags

This from the airhead who thinks hating Gwyneth Paltrow is misogynistic.

Posted by: EricD at May 20, 2010 9:35 AM

You're not "locked in" anything, Che, least of all a discussion with me.
Your misinterpretation and obvious bias may have gotten you all riled
up, but they've done nothing for your ability to actually hear what your
opponent is saying. You're mostly just monologuing for your own self-
righteous amusement, as far as I can tell.

I have absolutely no relation to Pookie. I've probably read some of his
stuff, but I barely notice Pajibanyms when I go through the comments.
Is he an asshole, and is this your way of being witty, comparing me to him?

I'm not an American, so I have no rabid defense of free speech prepared.
I just think, if you're going to provide a space on your website to allow
comment, it's a little duplicitious to delete the comments you dislike.

Pajiba can obviously choose to do what it likes on it's website without my permission, but I felt it was fair to comment on it, in a typically bitchy way.

Posted by: Poultice at May 20, 2010 8:26 PM

Yeah...I was going to say how I thought Patricia Velasquez would be a good pick (apparently she dated Sandra Bernhard for a while, can't get much more lesbian than that).

But then I got a good, strong reminder of why I stopped visiting the site as much.

Sigh.

Well, back to the shadows, I suppose.

Posted by: Vermillion at May 20, 2010 10:03 PM

Entirely too late for my comment, but I'm still going to give it:

Vermillion, we all have individual reasons for liking or disliking this site. My opinion only, but I think the 'Pajiba Love' and 'Eloquent Eloquence' columns, which used to be my favorites, have deteriorated considerably.

However, the above thread of exchanges, from all parties involved, was an immensely enjoyable read for me, and the lack of these coherent, literate commentaries are part of why I stopped visiting the site as much.

So they just can't please all the people all the time- no crime there.

Posted by: Bill (Formerly Bill) at May 22, 2010 4:10 PM

Anna Paquin is a Fauxbian

Posted by: logan at May 23, 2010 2:05 PM

Oh boy! This thread made the weekly murdertank, now we can start all over again. hmmm... I'm to lazy to reread it, but I think I was saying something about Gwyneth Paltrow is really Arnold Schwarzenegger and if you think she is hot you are a secret cross dresser and eat babies.

Posted by: EricD at May 23, 2010 9:00 PM

Posted by: EricD at May 24, 2010 1:22 AM

Pretty sure Anna Paquin married a man recently and should be stricken from the list. I also had a crush on Sarah Gilbert, still do.

Posted by: sara at June 5, 2010 7:00 AM

FYI Anna Paquin - not a lesbian. Sara is right, she recently married her True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer. And I think I spied Fergie and Megan Fox in the pics that someone added, can't be bothered scrolling back up through the little hissyfits to find out who posted them, but anyhow, Fergie is married to Josh Duhamel and I'm pretty sure Megan Fox is bi not gay.

Posted by: Lulu at October 13, 2010 10:36 AM