Pajiba

I'm surprised how only one of these is slightly fat. Around here every man (the women less so) who present a cooking show or a show related to food seems fat. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad advertisement (can work both ways I guess) but the people don't really seem to mind, and admittedly professional chefs can make something look tasty simply by presentation.

You're putting Giada over Nigella?

Poppycock.

Rachael Ray has a superfluous a in her name.

You left off Alton Brown, the real-life incarnation of The Anal-Retentive Chef. I've actually learned useful stuff watching Alton Brown.

Anthony Bourdain is a god. I want to spend an evening with him. The kind of evening that concludes with a morning in which you come to consciousness in a pool of vomit to find all your hair has been shaved off.

I agree with Jerce on this one. Alton Brown's campy, geekcentric culinary genius tops my chart. He could just as easily write for the Cooking for Engineers website. I just wish he'd embrace the thinning hair and buzz it already.

Giada's tits should be #1 and Bourdain #2

Anyone remember that guy from The Frugal Gourmet? Like in the 80s? Loved that dude. I think he turned out to be a kid-toucher, but whatever.

#1 and #2 were obvious, but leaving Nigella off this list is a travesty.

My all-time favorite cooking show has to be Yan Can Cook. I am not kidding when I say I watched that show religiously. When I was five years old.

The Frugal Gourmet was awesome, too. And I've actually tried a few recipes from the Food Network shows. Without exception, everything I've made by both Mario & Giada always turns out delicious. And Alton Brown's sweet potato pie is so fucking good.

Also, Wok With Yan merits mention...

I actually know some of the Food Network chefs in real life from working with them. Bobby Flay is a Class A asshole. The man has more ego than anyone I've ever met and is a complete dick. Rachael ignores you till you mention something that has to do with her being awesome.

Alton is amazing. He's such a real person in addition to knowing a ton about food. Guy Fieri, despite coming off like an overgrown frat boy on Triple D, is actually really sweet, and incredibly conscientous. And Paula is exactly how you'd imagine her. That personality is NOT an act. She IS southern charm. It should also be noted that Morimoto is kickass as well.

I can't stand Bobby Flay. He seems like a Grade A douchenozzle and I find it kind of insulting how on Throwdown he runs around the country finding home cooks with great recipes and then attempts to one-up them in front of their friends and family. Kind of a dick move. If that's your slice of pie, do it on Iron Chef America. At least those contestants are "worthy" of challenging The Flay. Douche.

Also, people who make up words and think they're cute piss me off, so Racheal Ray can go fuck herself with an organic carrot. Yummo that, you twat.

I'm a big believe in The Power of Why, so all of the Alton Brown love going on here makes me happy. You can actually LEARN something from his show which is a rarity these days.

I also love Paula Deen. I met her once at her restaurant, long before her show took off, and the personality I saw was EXACTLY what she's like on TV. Watching her cook reminds me of the food that my grandmother cooks -- everything is made with love, butter and sugar.

And as for Anthony Bourdain, I love him. Especially when he cuts those assholes on "Top Chef" down to size. Fucking Amazing!

Bobby Flay blows hard enough I think he and RR should be tied for last.

"Alton ...You can actually LEARN something from his show which is a rarity these days..."

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If you haven't seen his multi-part Specials where he and his crew ride motorcycles across America, you need to ..like, NOW!

I once watched Rachel Ray make a hotdog salad. A simple iceburg lettuce salad that she then topped with chopped up hotdogs and mustard. That's about as far on the opposite end of the yummo spectrum as you can possibly shoot. It rivals some of my pregnant friends' weirdo cravings, and obviously nobody is putting PB and easy cheese sandwiches together on the Food Network (although that screams of Sandra Lee), so the hotdog salad should be avoided as well.

Ok, working for the govt sucks sometimes. I can't actually pull up the video here, but here is a link to another reason why Rachel Ray should be dipped in EVOO and flash fried....

http://www.mattcampos.com/2008/10/07/rachel-ray-excited-about-corn/

although, it IS pretty frickin hysterical!

Anthony Bourdain is sex on a stick, dusted with a light sex coating, then deep fried and drizzled with sex sauce, all served with a sexy side salad.

Two. Fat. Ladies. Forever and always.

admin - Batali gets a lifetime pass on the crocs, motherfucker. dude's a grade-A, 100% bad-ass. And, based on Buford's book Heat, he can eat and drink like no one's business. Interesting thing to watch on Mario -- take a look at his old show Molto Mario -- you can tell that the 30-minute window is really a beat-down for him. Sometimes, I imagined him shooting lazer beams at his producers off-stage. The kind of food that he cooks is not "fast." and, what in god's name was the purpose of having three "friends" along to taste his creations? The banter between he and that crew were often very forced and unnatural.

I also like Giada very much. Her head's a little big but I'll take that with the accompanying body, any day. Plus whatever she whips up for me. Mix in a little TV-watching and you got the Costanza trifecta.

I myself watch America's Test Kitchen on PBS. It is *very* PBS (no food porn, just food). The host, Chris Kimball, is a complete dork. It is almost as informative as Alton Brown, but not quite as Mad Scientist.

Steve: I HATE Bobby Flay. I will never forgive him for that time on Iron Chef where he jumped up on his cooking board and Morimoto was all disgusted, like he wanted to throw his knife at him ninja-style.

admin: YES to the original Iron Chefs. Sakai and Kenichi are gods and oh man I always wanted to give them a hug. They were so jolly.

True story: the other day I made a chocolate-mousse pie and spent the entire time going "You put dee chocolayte...on da moose." and cracking up while everyone in my family stared blankly and shook their heads.

Dork, dork, dork indeed.

Lee, aside from having a kick ass name, you have great taste in food TV. I always catch America's Test Kitchen on PBS and subscribe to its advertisement free magazine, Cooks Illustrated. Both are all substance, no nonsense guides to cooking done right. Plus they test each recipe like twenty times and subject it to a panel of taste testers and have blind tests on equipment and oh, I could ramble on for hours. I love the show. Not as flashy as Food Network, but twice as informative!

Being an old fart, I'd like to list my favorites:

1. Jeff Smith, The Frugal Gourmet (taught me how to cook).

2. Julia Child (I loved it when she dropped stuff on the floor, picked it up and kept cooking).

3. Graham Kerr, The Galloping Gourmet (taught me how to drink).

Guess Who! is clueless regarding food. Don't even pretend you've eaten anything Bourdain has cooked.

Anthony Bourdain is definitely #756 for me. I'd watch Rachel Ray any day over that obnoxious A$$hole. I can tolerate (and even sometimes enjoy) Gordon Ramsay's shenanigans, but Bourdain just doesn't seem like he's even slightly a nice person. Maybe it's that he hung out with Ted Nugent...

My wife has actually met Giada twice and says she is extremely pretty and petite in person, and very nice.

Foodjunkie what the fuck are you talking about? I’ve had cuisine all over the world, I’ve had steak tar tar in Russia and truffles in France. Motherfucker fucking with me, I’ve got a thousand bottle wine collection Foodjunkie. Food and pussy is my passion.

"I'd watch Rachel Ray any day over that obnoxious A$$hole..."

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After a statement like THAT, I don't see why anything you say on this subject should be given even the slightest consideration.

I love Bourdain and Ramsay (well...not Ramsay on American shows, but otherwise, yes) for their entertainment value. But for cooking? Not so much.

My daughter does a spot-on Paw-la Deeeeen impression that cracks my shit up every time.

My sister-in-law loves Rachael Ray and Sandra Lee. We mock her for it endlessly, and even she has taken to calling their shows "Opening Cans with Rachael Ray/Sandra Lee."

I can't think of a cooking show I enjoy more than the old Julia Child shows on PBS. She made cooking look fun and not the least bit intimidating, while still making things you'd actually be proud to serve.

Leigh - I despise Bobby Flay too. And just recently I was explaining to the Main Squeeze that I don't like Throwdown for the exact same reasons that you mention.

figgy - Yes! That is exactly why I started to despise him too! And at the second match up, when his solution was to throw the cutting board, that was equally douchey. Godtopus! how I revile him!

Nigella Lawson is sex personified. I get all swoozy just listening to her segments on NPR.

I like Anthony Bourdain (even though he's a jerk who hates vegetarians). He revels in being a bastard. Also, whenever I meet with a student and s/he mentions a potential interest in owning/running/being a chef/working in a restaurant, I always recommend that s/he read Kitchen Confidential. And, years ago, he wrote this really fabulous piece on the bombing of Beirut for Salon. He pretty much gets a lifetime pass from me for that one, even if he does hate the likes of me.

...And you didn't try to get a threesome going L.O.V.E.?

Posted by: Guess Who!

Actually, I did. But that story has nothing to do with Giada. I wasn't around when my wife met her. Probably for the best.

I wouldn't be able to resist a comment such as, "nice melons", or a "may we watch you toss a salad", or a "want to debone this steak", or a "do you want to eat my wife's taco", or a "my wife just love's my sausage, care for a taste", or a "I want to blast my special gravy all over that turkey neck", or ...

“Care to sample my bananas foster,” or “Giada, want some head cheese,” or “Anyone up for a cocktail,” or…

tamatha:

I gather from your comment that you're a vegetarian. If that's the case, Tony Bourdain doesn't hate you, he just hates what you're doing--the eating all the veggies and no meat sauce.

Try and learn from your mistakes and you too can feel the Love of Tony.

Robb - Yes (though don't tell the real vegetarians that I sometimes eat seafood; they'll totally disown me--for good reason). And I definitely got the impression that his hatred covered the people as well as their choices. If I remember correctly, he felt that vegetarians thought that they were too good for the food, which offended him terribly.

This perspective was interesting to me, because it seemed like he had only interacted with vegetarians who were veg for health reasons, and not those of us who do it for various moral ones (and couldn't give a flying fuck about health--I've been known to eat potato chips for dinner). Trust me, I miss lots of delicious dead animals: mmm, bacon, roast beef sandwiches with horseradish, chicken satay, pork chops, Yum Nam Tok, ribs, cheese steaks, and so on.

Yeah. It sucks to be me. But at least I have this shield of moral superiority. :)

Or, “Hey Giada my wife loves eating out, know of a good place to go?”

twig - I did hear the story of the idiot vegetarians who invited him to dinner to dissuade him, and then overcooked the vegetables. But in Kitchen Confidential, he says that he dislikes them because they think they're too good for the food.

Well since I'm way too cheap to pay for cable / dish (all my mad money
goes to the local sushi bars instead), I make do with the local PBS stations.
I'm a cave gal. No IPod, Wii or IM'ing either [gasp].

Ming Tsai of Simply Ming and Cooking Under Fire is MY cooking guru.
His show usually starts with some sort of main ingredient or starter/
base and then he creates 3 or 4 dishes from that. Nothing too
complicated... friendly delivery... and everything ends with a
glass of wine being poured (on the show too).

I've had it just *up to here* with that Mario Batatli guy and his putzing
around Spain (again and again) with Gwenyth {don't hate me cuz I'm
blonde}Paltrow and Mark {am I not droll} Bittman. The brunette *is*
pretty hot though.

Stella, with all due respect what good is a woman if she can’t cook?

aw, Pooks, I've missed you.

What about Ryan Reynolds Dustin? With all of the hot Bordain action you fantasize about, Reynolds is going to get lonely in your dreams.

Admin, you are correct sir. All bow before the only Iron Chef Japanese that mattered, Rokusaburo Michiba.

Gordon's schtick was fun for a while but his US shows got formula pretty quickly. In the words of one restaurant critic "the most fabulous chef, a really second rate human being". I preferred The F Word to Nightmares/Hells Kitchen, he is far more personable and the blowups are only there for effect.

I'll throw a vote out for Jamie too. They may be vanity projects at times, but the guy made his name by making good food accessible. You don't have to spend hours, sweat and a small fortune to eat well.

I don't even know if the guy has a show, but Ken Hom is my personal favourite. Easily some of the the best asian fusion recipes I have made.

Big YES to:

Giada's glorious HOF yayas (though, as a chef, I'd bump her down to "Honorable Mention")

[for]

Alton Brown cause watching him makes me a better cook and I find him entertaining AND informative, Food TV for geeks!

[just like]

reading Cook's Illustrated. I just love that magazine to death.

[just like]

The original iron chef. the iron chefs, the insane pagentry, the spot on translations and voice acting, the absolutely wonderful ingredients (especially the live ones), all of it was so fantastic.

I probably get more ideas from the American version, simply because they're making more western and relatable food, but the Japanese version is infinitely more entertaining.

Hey, I'll be the first to admit that there's times when I cook crap food, and it's not that infrequently, either. But fuck me blue if it's something I require INSTRUCTION on. I'm not learning anything and I'm not entertained by some abnormally smiley goober who tells me to pour a can of fruit cocktail over Entemann's pound cake and call it a dessert.

There's ten billion cookbooks out there that say the same thing, and at least most of them are put out by goodhearted people trying to raise money for their local fire department or library. The fact that Rachael Ray can make millions by slightly modifying the recipes that come on the back of Campbell Soup cans is freaking borderline criminal.

You really fucking can't make apple pie out of Ritz crackers. Velveeta Cheez Dip is NEVER going to rise above Trailer Park Chic, and the day I eat Sweet and Sour Meatballs (made with Heinz Chili Sauce and grape jelly) is the day I know I've died and gone to Ex-Mother-in-Law Hell.

I don't care if that makes me a snob. If you have time, good food is worth the effort. If you don't have the time, then you don't have the time to be watching semi-morons tell you how to cook crap-on-a-stick in 30 minutes or less.

Wednesday, I think I may love you. In the face.

I hear you Wednesday, but kinda disagree. Food porn it may be, but as a guy who grew up with his mum's version of curry- chicken boiled in water with a couple of teaspoon of curry powder served with sliced fruit- they at least sparked an interest, to the point where I have developed some reasonable culinary skills. Having said that, it's value as entertainment kinda waned as those skills improved. As you say, cooking is something you do, not something you watch. I haven't fully convinced Mum to spend some time learning in her retirement, but she at least now acknowledges that while the process might not be fun, but the result is what you play for.

admin: the menu calligraphy wins it for me. That and the fact I never saw the guy lose

RPtG, I have seen him lose, and he was just as gracious as when he won. But the fact that he writes out his menu in Katakana, is representative of the love he invests in his food.

That is why I left the profession, I didn't love it anymore. Now, I rock the kitchen like a superstar because I'm feeding people who appreciae it and I don't have to sacrifice quality for quantity.

As Wednesday said: "A turd covered in Cool-Whip is still just a turd with some nasty-ass white shit on it."

That was verbatim.

Sandra Lee also has a weird habit of putting all her time and effort into odd details - like spending hours and hours making little cups for her 'cheesecake squares' and then spooning a pre-bought cheesecake into a bag with a pre-bought pumpkin pie and 'piping' them in. Why not buy the cups premade and spend one-half of those hours saved making a fresher filling?

She cuts corners in ways you don't have to to make food that is a) not as good, b) not as fresh, c) not as cheap as things people can make for themselves.

If you honestly think this woman is on your side, please go read some of the criticism. It's not that she uses pre-bought ingredients, it's that she can't even do that right.

Also, Kwaanza Cake. The prosecution rests.

i on board with bourdain & the swedish chef, but batali is disgusting. i don't agree with the rest of the list either. i'd have julia child on there, as well as alton brown & jacques pepin.

what, no love for Elzar from Futurama? BAM!

This list fails simply for the lack of Paula Deen. Any woman who looks like Mrs. Claus married a biker Santa...who can make deep fried bacon wrapped Mac and Cheese should be a Pajiba hero. We should be worshiping statues of the woman carved from butter.

Mz Misanthrope : AMEN.

O Nigella, Nigella! Wherefore art thou Nigella?
Deny thy blouse and refuse thy brassiere;
And, if thou will not, matters not my love,
Even so, I'll no longer be straight!

And um, she cooks good and stuff.
WHERE IS NIGELLA?!

The best is still the first: Julia Child. She is to American cooking what Newton was to physics. I was raised in the American Midwest pre-Julia and I know what I am talking about. Any American who can make a sauce without opening a can of mushroom soup owes it to her.

And watch America's Test Kitchen if you really want to learn.

Julia Child not being on this list is some special brand of mental challenge that needs to be recognized and put in the DSM-IV.

A couple of people have mentioned Wok With Yan, and they're right - if you haven't seen Stephen Yan's late-80s early-90s cooking shows, you're missing out on what is probably the best Asian cooking show of all time. (Primarily Chinese, but Yan did everything from southeast Asia more than a few times.) He's like a shorter, Asian, guy version of Julia Child.

Hello- can I get any Generation X love for the Cajun Cook?

Onn-yon.

Amanda,
I like how the Cajun cook always said "The best wine to go with this heah dish is whateveh ya feel like drinkin"

this is what a sexy female chef looks like.

Yeah, buddy.

I'm loving all the Alton Brown love, he was the first person I thought of when I saw this list.

My list:

5. Elzar (if the Swedish chef can be on the list, Elzar can be on the list)
4. Martin Yan, because of all the fond memories I have of watching his show with my dad when I was little.
3. Alton Brown, because he embraces his dorkiness and he cracks me up.
2. Blanking on his name, but the guy on Food Detectives who was the food & wine guy on Queer Eye. Like Alton, he's funny and informative.
1. Julia Child, because she was the Yoda of cooking. She was a trailblazer. She was brilliant. She was a strong, confident woman who really made a great role model. She was a goddess.

Oh, and I don't remember the name of the Iron Chef America host either, but he's hot.