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Fantasy Girls

A Completely Random List XII / Genny (also Rusty) & Marra

Seriously Random Lists | November 3, 2008 | Comments (39)


Growing up, I had a very hard time feeling comfortable in my own skin. I read a lot, used big words, watched the Discovery channel, and insisted on questioning what “normal” meant. It’s gotten better as I’ve grown, more because I’ve become a stubborn misanthropic bitch than because I fit in more as an adult. However, even in the darkest days of feeling like the world was playing some kind of cosmic joke on me, there were women who inspired me, who lead me to believe that perhaps there was a light at the end of the tunnel for girls and women who didn’t fit. These are four women who make me feel more normal for an hour (or more) at a time.

gillian-anderson-maxim1.jpgDana Sculley*: The original, the trailblazer, the smoking hot death-dealing redheaded FBI agent who could apart a corpse like nobody’s business. I started watching the “X-Files” when I was 10, and while the ostensible hero was Fox Mulder, I watched for Sculley. Did it bother me that she was usually wrong? Hell no, I’m a rational human being and I don’t care how much “paranormal phenomenon” you’ve see, when you hear hooves you think horses not zebras. Is she the reason I have red hair now? Not directly, but the association definitely doesn’t hurt.

*The writer does not acknowledge that X-Files existed past season 7 and neither should you.

katestarbuck.jpgKara “Starbuck” Thrace: The world of “Battlestar Galactica” appears to be refreshingly gender neutral, but even there Kara Thrace is a stand out. She’s a foul mouthed, cocky, loose cannon, hard drinking pain in the ass who gets away with it because she also happens to be a damned amazing pilot with absolute confidence in her abilities. Too often women who are exceptional internalize the societal pressure to downplay their own accomplishments or talents. This is not a problem for Ms.Thrace, and it’s wonderful to see a woman who’s wildly talented and both knows it and will talk shit about it to anyone. If I were in a post-apocalyptic world where immortal, sentient robots were pursuing me with an eye towards total annihilation, I’d definitely want Starbuck on my side.


Elastigirl.jpgHelen Parr aka. Elastigirl aka. Mrs.Incredible: So inspiring she’s been a Halloween costume of mine. Helen was not only a kick ass superhero, but also a kick ass mother and I think both those roles are equally impressive. Never mind being an attentive, loving yet firm mother to three normal children, imagine doing it when one of those children can become invisible at will and throw force fields, one has super speed, and the third one…? Is a hellspawn? Whatever, Helen Parr is an amazing woman who not only manages to be a good mother to her children, but also an amazing hero who can orchestrate attacks using her children and husband’s unique abilities. Plus, she’s out there working it for all us bottom-heavy girls.


hermione-granger.jpgHermione Granger: Final hit in the pagan warrior/mother/maiden trifecta (although it could be argued that throughout the series, Hermione embodies all these roles), but also a great character in her own right. Brainy, capable, occasionally pushy, Hermione’s saga tracks several typical smart teenage-girl plights. Her tempestuous relationship with Ron Weasley, her overwhelming desire to be known as the best or brightest, her struggles with her looks, all of these are likely familiar to other girls who grew up trying to find a balance between their desire to showcase their intellect with their desire to fit in. Despite her occasional overbearing mannerisms, Hermione is a valuable member of the team and always comes through for her friends, whenever they need her help.

Special Graphic Novel Section, courtesy Marra

kittypride.jpgX Men’s Kitty Pryde, code name Shadowcat: Everybody’s favorite kid sister and, thanks to Joss Whedon’s latest reinvention of the Astonishing X-men, a kick-ass, intelligent first string protagonist in her own right. In the late 80s and 90s, especially, it was incredibly difficult to find a strong female character that wasn’t totally sexed up or borderline retarded (Invisible Woman, anyone?). Considering she became an X-Man in her early teens, she had a surprisingly normal transition to adulthood. Her powers are defensive, but that doesn’t stop her from kicking ass and taking names; she’s one of the few Jewish comic heroes, and she’s the best damn thing about X-Men: The Last Stand (granted, that’s not a high bar to clear). She’s brilliant, opinionated, and she has a pet purple dragon — if that’s not the definition of awesome, I don’t know what is.


tulip.jpgTulip O’Hare: For those of you not familiar with the Preacher Universe, it’s a fucked up world where God’s a pussy and a man can survive a nuclear explosion without even the help of a refrigerator, and Tulip O’Hare, gun-wielding girlfriend of Jesse Custer, is easily the greatest character in it. A bold claim to be sure, but Tulip is the very definition of bad-ass. She’s strong, smart, and hard-bitten, and also heartbreakingly vulnerable. She loves her man but doesn’t take any paternalistic shit from him — he tries to leave her behind in the final battle between Good and Evil to ‘protect her’; so what does she do? She mows everybody down with an M-4 and shoots Jesse’s mortal enemy herself, right in his penis-shaped head. Though she falls into a downward spiral of drugs and depression after she thinks Jesse died, she manages to pull herself together not because her man comes back to life but because she’s just that tough.


Honorable Mentions: Molotov Cocktease, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Selena (from 28 Days Later), Sharon “Athena” Agathon,, Professor McGonagall, and ZoĆ« Washburne.


Genny (also Rusty) spent the last four years getting a degree in Music with a minor in English and is now wondering if she should have pursued the trophy wife option. She wastes her time and potential in the farmland of central Maryland and blogs about it at Rusty’s Ventures.

Marra Alane Wilcox is a senior at a major university in southern Florida, where she is double majoring in Political Science and Criminology. She unfortunately realized too late that these areas of study have little to do with her future career plans. She blogs at Marra Alane. Sometimes.


Films for Lil Pajibette | Some Like It Wicked





Comments

I love Scully for her brains, but for absolute all around kick-assery - Starbuck is my favorite. The character is so right for her situation. She's hard-assed on the outside, soft on the inside; and Katee Sackhoff plays her to perfection.

Posted by: Cindy at November 3, 2008 2:47 PM

This is a better mastabatory list than "The Ten Most Unusually-Hot Celebrity Women ". That list was shite. And I'm a straight female.

Posted by: Big Red at November 3, 2008 2:47 PM

God damn, you were 10 when the X Files was on? I am oooooooold.

Posted by: courtney 2 at November 3, 2008 2:50 PM

P.S. And it's "Scully", sans e. Sorry for being anal-retentive.

Posted by: Big Red at November 3, 2008 2:50 PM

Kara "Starbuck" Thrace....eh, sorry, don't you mean Karl?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2008 2:53 PM

Other badass graphic novel gals:

Gert from Runaways (pudgy, smart, sarcastic, purple-haired and even has a bodyguard dinosaur named Old Lace)

Agent 355 from Y: The Last Man (in a series filled with women, she is the most awesome)

Posted by: Illyria at November 3, 2008 2:55 PM

No Buffy? Seriously?

Posted by: CDub at November 3, 2008 3:01 PM

Oooh... gave me chills. I'd like to nominate Deunan from Appleseed as well. Beautiful, bad ass, and totally in love with the ultimate unavailable man. My kind of woman. (Hmm, actually sounds suspiciously like Starbuck...)

Posted by: Alexandra at November 3, 2008 3:01 PM

ladies, JackJack was awesome.

Other than that, I love this list. Helen Parr is fabulous.

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 3, 2008 3:06 PM

No Buffy? Seriously?

And Rusty gets a little extra admiration from me.

Posted by: Jay at November 3, 2008 3:08 PM

Damn. Talking about how awesome Tulip is just reminds me of how I always thought Dian Belmont from Sandman Mystery Theatre was better. Which means it's time to dig those comics out and reread them. Again.

Oh, and Kara Thrace is an asshole, period.

Posted by: Todd at November 3, 2008 3:10 PM

"Kara Thrace is an asshole

Translation: "Girls are yucky!"

Posted by: firedmyass at November 3, 2008 3:18 PM

Two words: Veronica Mars

Posted by: Melissa at November 3, 2008 3:19 PM

Kitty Pryde is Jewish? Funny, not a Jewish name and not a Jewish picture. And this is from someone who doesn't look Jewish, either.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 3, 2008 3:19 PM

BWeaves: "Not a Jewish picture?"
"Were they too Jewish? I tried to make Judas the most Jewish."

I do believe Pryde is her Ellis Island name.

I like the list, although I don't really think Scully deserves the top slot.

Posted by: Kat at November 3, 2008 3:29 PM

CDub, the 100% unvarnished truth is that I haven't seen Buffy. I asked Marra and she said that plenty of words had previously been dedicated to the charms of Buffy Summers, so we left her out.

(General note: Please do not tell me how empty my life is because I have never seen Buffy. As I mentioned at the opening I'm an incredibly stubborn person and the more I feel something is being forced down my throat the more I will go out of my way to avoid it.)

And as for Veronica Mars, I was trying to reach across multiple forms so to have three women from TV would've been overwhelming. We've got two teleivsion, one movie, one literary character, and two comic/graphic novel characters and I like that balance.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at November 3, 2008 3:33 PM

I love you so very much for the inclusion of Helen Parr


so very very much


[call me]

Posted by: Bethy at November 3, 2008 3:35 PM

(General note: Please do not tell me how empty my life is because I have never seen Buffy. As I mentioned at the opening I'm an incredibly stubborn person and the more I feel something is being forced down my throat the more I will go out of my way to avoid it.)

Dammit, come over here and let me hug you!

Whaddaya need on your farm? Any certain trees or livestock you like?

Posted by: Jay at November 3, 2008 3:38 PM

What a remarkable coincidence! Each of these are in my wet dream portfolio.

Except the young one, of course...that's just gross.

Yes, comic book girls are frequently in my wet dream portfolio...it's not my fault, they're drawn that way...

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 3, 2008 3:41 PM

Fantaaaastic list, guys. I really thought I'd be out of my depth with a list of comic book characters I'd never even heard of, but this is beautifully comprehensive and touched on all mediums very nicely. I love all these chicks. They're not perfect but they're badass and memorable and awesome. Helen Parr is one of my favorite cartoon characters of all time, and even though I never watched X-Files much, I love Scully for having the courage to put up with Mulder all those years. Great job!

Posted by: figgy at November 3, 2008 3:46 PM

If I ever have a daughter, I fully plan on introducing her to Hermione Granger as soon as she can read. I'm hoping that she'll look up to characters like Hermione and Lyra Silvertongue the way I admire them. And Godtopussy help the poor tweenager who tries to convince her that Bella Swan is better!

Posted by: Melissa at November 3, 2008 3:49 PM

Don't you dare bring myFarm into this conversation, Jay. God dammit, don't you dare!

And Illyria, I'm with you on Gert and Agent 355 being totally amazing - but I read Preacher when I was fifteen and Tulip was my first indication that female comic book characters could actually be awesome.

Posted by: Marra at November 3, 2008 3:50 PM

But seriously, a list that includes animated characters and no mention, even honorable, of Faye Valentine?

If you don't know who that is, you have no business making this particular list.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2008 3:57 PM

Tulip really was an amazing cog in a beautiful machine of a book but "easily the greatest character" is heresy... which kinda makes it fit the book but That's not my argument! Arseface! Tragic Story We've heard a million times but with an enormous twist! He stole every scene he was in.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 3, 2008 4:19 PM

"Kara Thrace is an asshole

Translation: "Girls are yucky!"

No, translation: "Kara Thrace is an asshole." She treats everyone around her like shit and has no regard for anyone's feelings. I don't care if she's "refeshingly cocky for a female character" or whatever the hell got her on this list. She is just a terrible person.

Posted by: Todd at November 3, 2008 4:21 PM

Kat: Yeah, look at the Pryde picture. Does that look like the drawing of a Jewish girl? I've got reddish blond hair and a Methodist nose and I look more Jewish than that drawing up there. Pryde doesn't sound like an Ellis Island name to me. People (i.e. my family) that went through Ellis Island dropped the umlaut over letters or dropped the "ski" as the end of very long names. What was "Pryde" before the family went through Ellis Island? Pridieski? Just curious, that's all, since I'm not familiar with this character.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 3, 2008 4:22 PM

Faye might kick ass, but her balloon-ed up breasts always annoyed the hell out of me, and she's anything but relatable. I don't think this list is about kickassery as much as it is about inspiration, which I define much more specifically.

Posted by: Smithy at November 3, 2008 4:22 PM

Hey, my mother's family went Guluzher --> Wolfson and Shpitzenetsky --> Dawson, so Pryde seems possibly to me. And I think the "drawing" is actually a highly photoshopped picture of Ellen Page, who played her in the movie. She certainly looks plausibly Jewish here:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/aa/Shadowcat_%28comics%29_2.jpg

Posted by: Smithy at November 3, 2008 4:27 PM

BSlim, I promised myself a long time ago I would never venture into Manga, so I've never actually read Cowboy BeBop. Unless you are talking about the porn star, in which case, I like Katie Morgan better.

Posted by: Marra at November 3, 2008 4:29 PM

wait, Bslim - you like CB? I thought you'd be the anime-is-stupid type.

Posted by: s. pisaster at November 3, 2008 5:31 PM

wait, Bslim - you like CB? I thought you'd be the anime-is-stupid type.

Posted by: s. pisaster at November 3, 2008 5:31 PM
----------------------------------------
Slim likes the anime, Slim is mistreated and misunderstood, Slim is like ...Jesus.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 3, 2008 5:56 PM

Oi, President Roslin anyone? She's PRESIDENT for fuck's sake. And battling cancer AND saving the human race and totally bringing a hard-nosed badass admiral to his knees and looking super-hot while doing it. I'll just stop here, you get my point.

Oh and Charlie Baltimore?! No?! Fucking hell people! Any Jane Austine heroines? Elisabeth Bennett for example?! Don't even get me started on the women in the Discworld series: Angua, Susan, the witches. Ooh Death in the Sandman series. Ok ok, I get it, we could go on forever...right...carry on then.

Posted by: Joker at November 3, 2008 6:23 PM

Well, to quote Todd: Roslin's an asshole.

Man does she get under my skin. But there's also a weird chemical reaction with me between the character and the way Mary McDonnell's face works, that sad smile thing that always makes everything she's saying seem condescending, and she's usually telling someone that they're wrong and no one else's opinion matters, now run along...oh but...feel sorry for me, okay?

I sure wouldn't marry Kara Thrace, but I'd much rather be friends with her and take her advice. Provided she's not out of her mind with fatigue and chemicals, I'd also gladly let her be my boss, as she clearly knows the job.

Posted by: Jay at November 3, 2008 6:49 PM

HAhahahaha, Molotov Cocktease is the shit.

Posted by: Eep at November 3, 2008 6:49 PM

Fuck Buffy. No Xena?

Posted by: Gabs at November 3, 2008 7:30 PM

YAY! And Squee. I love you. You are me. I mean, these are literally exactly the women heroes I would pick.

Posted by: Pheagan at November 3, 2008 8:31 PM

Awwe man. I like this list but I LOVE the honorable mentions. Molotov Cocktease, thats my chick. Not to mention Rogue and Storm. I also realized I'm probably some sot of nerd because I knew that Kitty Pryde was Jewish yowww. or should I say meow.

Posted by: ms shai at November 3, 2008 11:36 PM

You put Tulip on the list. Good for you for being a blasphemous comic book nerd.

Posted by: Lucas at November 4, 2008 3:01 PM

I want to be Scully when I grow up. And Hermione is awesome as well.
Though, if I were to totally geek out on you, I might suggest both Leela from Futurama and Sam Carter from Stargate. Yes, I hypothetically said Stargate. She's kickass, ok?!
I'll go now.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at November 5, 2008 3:28 AM





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