Eight More Franchise Crossovers Ripe for Hollywood's Picking

Resistance is Futile: Eight More Franchise Crossovers Ripe for Hollywood's Picking

By Rob Payne | Seriously Random Lists | March 15, 2013 | Comments ()

Last week I wrote about, and put my limited Photoshop skillz to, the seeming inevitability of the biggest franchises and blockbusters of our modern cinematic era crossing over into each others’ streams. The biggest movies today, of course, almost entirely come from adaptations of superhero comics, and the idea of crossovers is a common trope for that genre. Assuming Warner Bros. can get their DC ship to actually set sail on something besides Batman power, I don’t see any reason (besides, maybe, taste) why studio executives wouldn’t be trying to synergize the hell out of everything they make. I don’t necessarily support this idea, it just seems like a fiscal no-brainer. And when the rest of Hollywood saw how much money Marvel and Warner could make, if their beast with two backs ever actually consummated, the rest of the studios with big franchises would immediately begin greenlighting mash-ups of their own. Because movie magic only matters if you can duplicate huge financial successes!

What follows is the most likely cinematic crossovers I could imagine, and the scripts practically write themselves. Which is good, because that means less expenditures and more profits. Bottles of Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Jouet and Bugatti Veryons for everyone!

Transformers 4: G.I. Joe 3 (Transformers + G.I. Joe)
Directed by Michael Bay

Tagline: “The real American hero is more than meets the eye.”

The Twilight Saga - Underworld: Rectification (Underworld + Twilight)
Directed by Len Wiseman

Tagline: “It’s a vampire eats werewolf eats vampire eats werewolf world.”

Star Trek Into a Galaxy Far, Far Away (Star Trek + Star Wars)
Directed by J.J. Abrams

Tagline: “A long time ago in the future…”

Harry Potter and the All-Girl Vampire Slayers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer + Harry Potter)
Directed by Joss Whedon

Tagline: “Can there be only one chosen one?”

The Expendables 3 (Terminator meets Rambo meets Universal Soldier)
Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Tagline: “Now with more pretense for existing.”

Krazy Katniss Beyond the Arena (The Hunger Games + Mad Max)
Directed by George Miller

Tagline: “She fought for a life of freedom, but she never expected to take the fury road.”

Alice Doesn’t Kill Here Anymore… (Resident Evil + The Walking Dead)
Directed by Frank Darabont

Tagline: “…unless she has to!”

The S.T.A.T.H.A.M. (The Transporter + Crank + [Your Five Other Favorite Statham Movies])
Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor

Tagline: “Sneaky Taciturn Ass-kicking Thuggishly Heroic Action Man”

(Predator vs. Alien Source)

Rob Payne writes the comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter, tumbls on the Tumblr, and his wares can be purchased here. He initially planned for ten entries, but bad Photoshop is really time consuming.

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Frank Booth

That was totally lacking wit as well as humor. Please try again.

Buck Forty

The S.T.A.T.H.A.M. is an all action reboot of 'Being John Malkovich', right? I might watch that one - the others, not so much.

blacksred

I need to know where to get my presale tickets!

Blake

Blade:Twilght is still the one I most want to see..

nachosanchez

I understand how stupid it would be, but I would watch the absolute shit out of a GI: Joe and Transformers crossover.

Same for Star WarTrek. But that one mostly because it would make fans of the franchises simultaneously spontaneously combust.

greg

also you

greg

yeah I am off the wagon again
what of it

greg

also fuck you

greg

so what was the point of this again

John W

The makers of Left 4 Dead and Resident Evil have heard your pleas:

http://kotaku.com/left-4-dead/

googergieger

You got the tagline wrong for the Statham one. It should be, "You just came."

In which case, guilty as charged!

emmelemm

Boom!

You have a point.

Bert_McGurt

We could reach back a couple decades for Police Squad! Academy, where Lt. Drebin's obfuscatingly literal grandson enrolls as a cadet in the school now run by Mahoney, who's gotten a great deal older but hasn't grown up much. Featuring an imprisoned Nordberg in an unexpected cameo.

BobbFrapples

Can we make these into Celebrity Death Matches?

Jerce

The S.T.A.T.H.A.M. looks fantastic. Where does the queue form?

Miss Laaw-yuhr

I would see that in a heartbeat. This whole post was merely an excuse for a good Stathaming.

Yocean

Thus the Stathaming begins.

lowercase_ryan

Love the S.T.A.T.H.A.M. well played.

Pants_are_a_must

Ooh! Can I play at obnoxious crossovers? Can I?

"The Bond with the Dragon Tattoo" - Daniel Craig plays an MI6 agent who goes into deep cover as a Swedish journalist with a mysterious British accent. Craig's brain breaks, Q and Salander totally bro-bond over being super talented skinny hackers, the audience wins.

Natallica

And what about Hobbit Holmes? Wait... would Martin Freeman play Holmes or Watson? The sidekick would be a dwarf or a magician? How would Holmes fight Smaug by the Reichenbach falls and still be able to toss him out of the edge? Oh, well, nevermind.

Rob Payne

Greenlight!

TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

Thanks for making me want to punch you in larynx, Rob.

Rob Payne

Get in line, sir. Fair warning, it's pretty long. (Like my dick [in my dreams].)

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Resistance is Futile: Eight More Franchise Crossovers Ripe for Hollywood's Picking