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Christopher Columbus' Ten Most Forgettable Films

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (30)

340x_susan_sarando.jpg

Christopher Columbus, who directed the first two Harry Potter films, turns 52 today! To celebrate his birthday, we take a look back at this bland director’s ten most forgettable films. Count the number that you remember Christopher Columbus directing. I’d tell you more about them, but I don’t remember them.

10. Stepmom

9. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

7. Percy Jackson and the Olympians

6. Bicentennial Man

5. Rent

4. I Love You, Beth Cooper

3. Only the Lonely

2. Nine Months

1. Heartbreak Hotel









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Comments

Hey, I for one loved Nine Months. Watch it again sometime and you'll find the entire plot and most of the jokes from Knocked Up, minus the whole "HER with HIM?!?" novelty.

Posted by: valerie at September 10, 2010 9:48 AM

I remember Bicentennial Man all too well, sadly enough. Therapy can only do so much.

But yes, "bland" really is the best word to describe his directing style.

Posted by: jthomas666 at September 10, 2010 9:49 AM

Why is the list just a blank series of numbers?

Posted by: admin at September 10, 2010 10:01 AM

admin,

Maybe we can help each other, because I read the list, forget what's there, then read the list again, forget again, then read it again. Then someone asked me what was on the list and I said, "What list?! What is happening to me?!?!"

. . . . . .

Oooh! A Seriously Random List! "Stepmom" picture? Wonder what we have here . . .

Posted by: Kballs at September 10, 2010 10:11 AM

I'm a HUGE Isaac Asimov fan and, yeah, call me nuts, but I loved Spielberg's similarly-themed A.I. Unbelievable as it may seem, Columbus' Bicentennial Man just completely missed my radar until a friend recommended it to me, saying how great it was and stating that I'd "love it."

Yeah...we're no longer friends. Seriously.

I can only imagine how much he loved it when Hollywood wiped it's ass on I, Robot a few years later.

Posted by: Case at September 10, 2010 10:12 AM

He made movies other than the first two Harry Potter flicks? Really?

No, seriously?

Posted by: Craig at September 10, 2010 10:13 AM

What did he do that was good?

I know he wrote Gremlins, Goonies and Young Sherlock Holmes, but I can't remember anything good he directed.

Is his name really Chris Columbus? Discoverer of Dullerica.

Posted by: Kissing Girls Makes You Sleepy at September 10, 2010 10:16 AM

Interestingly, I just read (I think in the NYT) about a Bollywood remake of Stepmom. Starring Kajol! (Love her.)

Posted by: Samantha at September 10, 2010 10:24 AM

I thought "Only The Lonely" was great, all due to John Candy's performance. And "Stepmom" is best viewed when ill and or bed-ridden. Otherwise, it's drek.

Posted by: AlwaysSunnyinNJ at September 10, 2010 10:32 AM

*dreck

Posted by: AlwaysSunnyinNJ at September 10, 2010 10:34 AM

I'm with AlwaysSunny on "Only the Lonely" BUT...for me, its Maureen O'Hara. Jesus, I love that woman.

On second thought, just give me "The Quiet Man," "Captain Blood," "McClintock!" and her films on a loop. Thank you.

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 10, 2010 10:42 AM

No wonder Rent sucked.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at September 10, 2010 10:44 AM

Rent is not forgettable. Rent is unforgivable. It was a crime committed against the entire musical theater community and Christopher Columbus was never punished.

Posted by: Robert at September 10, 2010 10:52 AM

GARRRRRGH now I've been forced to remember how much Rent sucked ass. What haunts my dreams? "hey, since Jesse L. Martin is really bald, we're gonna have to keep him in this stupid hat the whole show. And cut "Contact", no one wants to see that shit with these actors."

Posted by: Ian at September 10, 2010 11:00 AM

You missed out 'Mrs Doubtfire'.

I do recall 'Adventures in Babysitting' being mostly ok, but it has been 20 years since I last saw it.

Posted by: Simon at September 10, 2010 11:50 AM

How awesome are Susan Sarandon's cans?

If Chris Sarandon had them, I'd hit it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 10, 2010 12:48 PM

You know in Clerks 2 when Rosario Dawson sees the donkey show and she says "I'm disgusted and repulsed and... and I can't look away!"

?

That's Rent for me.

The actors are all way too old for those parts (and I'm so old now that I can't get past the fact that they're a bunch of squatters who look down on people who actually work for a living,) some of them have obviously lost interest in the material, the characters are mostly repellent and completely exhausting...

And I watch it every single time it's on TV. Which is a lot, in my neck of the woods. IFC Canada airs it only slightly less often than Spike airs Star Wars.

Posted by: Melodie at September 10, 2010 1:07 PM

Nine Months is fuckin' funny. The rest of the list is accurate.

And I'm agreed with Case on the offensiveness of Bicentennial Man and I, Robot. Those movies made me glad Asimov is dead, so he didn't have to see them. Can't wait for Roland Emmerich to rape Foundation.

Posted by: TL at September 10, 2010 1:39 PM

I love Only the Lonely. But I'm a sucker for John Candy and a super bitchy Maureen O'Hara. She reminds me of my evil Mom Mom.

Posted by: Julie at September 10, 2010 1:45 PM

I'm still waiting for 3-D Rocks to come out, his movie about Little Steven's concert in NY with Iggy Pop and the NY Dolls from 2004. It was filmed in 3D at the time which was so novel! Shameless self promotion: I was a dancer at it.

Posted by: lawnjart at September 10, 2010 5:06 PM

What? Nobody blathering on about how the first two Potter films were absolute shite and the rest were gooey, dripping wads of chocolatey cinematic lusciousness? What's the world coming to?

Posted by: laredo at September 10, 2010 5:28 PM

H-P I, II were faithful recreations of the books and have no business on this list...unless it's just not okay to have directed films that took in close to a billion dollars each.

Posted by: James S at September 10, 2010 6:11 PM

I always wondered why people always hated on the first two Harry Potter films, which in my humble opinion were the best of the series...especially the first one.

But I get it now...its because Columbus directs horrible movies.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at September 10, 2010 8:46 PM

UGHH, I will NEVER forget Stepmom.

But then again I was taken to see it when I was 12. About a year after my mom had died of breast cancer. And I was taken by my Dad and my (at that time future) stepmom who I didn't get along with. at. all.

AWKWARD.

That movie completely WRECKED fragile/depressed/therapist-visiting preteen-me. I'm nearly 25 now and even just thinking about that movie makes me ragey.

Posted by: RedRightAnkle at September 10, 2010 9:08 PM

RENT was forgettable? REALLY?

Posted by: duckandcover at September 10, 2010 11:58 PM

I too find that Stepmom enrages me. I wanted to slap Jena Malone, it took several viewings of Saved to get over that initial repulsion of her.

Posted by: Finn at September 11, 2010 12:09 AM

duckandcover...
Okay, maybe forgettable IS the wrong word for something that vomit-inducing.

Posted by: HairlessMonkeyDK at September 12, 2010 9:35 AM

Oh, come on. He may have been the WEAKEST director of the HP flicks, but they were hardly FORGETTABLE movies.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at September 13, 2010 12:56 AM

Ain't nobody leave this stage without singin' the blues.

Posted by: Fuckchop at September 13, 2010 2:47 AM

You can't really trash Rent. With the reuniting of most of the original broadway cast, the film was more a dedication, than an attempt at making the best film possible. Just imagine if every main actor in the movie were 10 years younger, it would have felt like a different film.

Posted by: Valetboy at September 13, 2010 3:20 PM