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Christian Bale: A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Gross

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (22)

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Cute
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Dance Break!

Encore!

Fabulous
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Tasty
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Fiery
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No. No thank you. No. Get the f*ck outta here with this auschw*tz bullsh*tz.
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A F*CKING YEAR LATER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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No, stop. Stop it. STOP.
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Film School Rejects is reporting that Darren Aronofsky is courting Christian Bale to play 600 hundred year-old Noah. Yeah, that Noah. The one with the boat. Cole Abaius writes, “No doubt it would involve losing 40 pounds, growing a formidable white beard, and giving himself diabetes.” Stop, Bale, seriously, stop. My ventricles and valves can’t take it and neither, I suspect, can yours.
[via FSR]


Joanna Robinson had forgotten Christian Bale was in Shaft. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.









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Comments

Bale's physical state in the Machinist was excruciating (and amazing) to behold. Acting!

Posted by: Greedy at June 14, 2011 4:13 PM

While his chameleon abilities have astounded in the past, I also have no desire to see him become ill for the sake of art.

So you caught Shaft on FX the other day too, didja? Yeah, I was shocked as hell.

"Oh Lordy, here's that piece of shit movie with Sam Jackson. Hey, who's the white guy in the defendant's chair? That looks like - HOLY FUCK!!"

Posted by: Kala at June 14, 2011 4:20 PM

That's what it looks like when a dude who is 6'1 gets down to 120 pounds. GROSS!

Posted by: Gigi at June 14, 2011 4:37 PM

Can't he be a plump old guy? Would it really matter?

Oh Newsies, you never fail to cheer me up.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 14, 2011 4:40 PM

I have it on good authority that the Machinist photo is actually of his soul.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 14, 2011 4:51 PM

The weight fluctuations are pretty disgusting. Also, why does he have to have a different accent in each movie? Is that the only way he can keep the characters separate or something (and the way he talked in The Fighter was nigh-unintelligible).

Posted by: fracas at June 14, 2011 5:05 PM

Oh, yeah, and he's going from crackhead skinny back to buff superhero for Batman 3, before he goes to old-man for Noah. Yuck.

Posted by: fracas at June 14, 2011 5:09 PM

How does a 600 years old guy look like?

Posted by: carrie at June 14, 2011 5:15 PM

@fracas, my Bostonian friends say he had the best Boston accent in The Fighter, not counting Wahlberg's.

Posted by: sars at June 14, 2011 5:22 PM

His accent was legit

Posted by: sailboat at June 14, 2011 6:14 PM

If he does Bill Cosby's Noah routine as a profane Cockney I'll see it three times.

Posted by: Jay at June 14, 2011 6:28 PM

I know it's not from a movie, but I wish you included the Jesus-y look he was sporting during last year's awards season.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at June 14, 2011 6:37 PM

Unintelligible doesn't mean inauthentic.

Posted by: Fracas at June 14, 2011 8:37 PM

Mmmm...method-y.

Posted by: stryker1121 at June 14, 2011 9:05 PM

I know it's not from a movie, but I wish you included the Jesus-y look he was sporting during last year's awards season.

Run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch him! He's the Ginger Beard Man!

Posted by: branded at June 15, 2011 8:47 AM

What ever happened to Laurie? I miss my childhood.

Posted by: nix at June 15, 2011 11:32 AM

I have cousins who talk a la the fighter. It's legit. and i miss it down here in NYC.

Posted by: Matty at June 15, 2011 11:41 AM

I just want to point out that Noah was 600 when he died, not necessarily when the Flood happened....

Posted by: Sara Tonin at June 15, 2011 2:12 PM

Sara Tonin....
Please. Noah was 600 when the flood came (Genesis 7:6) and 950 when he died (Genesis 9:29)
But who knows how long a year was back then....

Posted by: Calvinthebold at June 15, 2011 3:08 PM

Actually, The Fighter was a Lowell, MA accent, a watered down version of a Boston accent with a little local flavor thrown in, and he nailed it.
Another really good BA was Jeremy Renner in The Town.

And yes, hard to understand. You have no idea how often I have to repeat myself when talking on the phone to Customer Service in other parts of the country.

I really wish CB would not do the flucuating weight thing. I heard Matt Damon say in interviews that his weight loss for Courage Under Fire had an adverse affect on his health. Not worth it.

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 20, 2011 10:27 AM

this is a cluster of critical dirt say you

Posted by: thin in 30 days at August 3, 2011 1:04 PM

Tup Tup, dont agree with a teabagger and you are called a liberal, if you really knew me, you would know that I am far from being liberal. I believe in hard work, lower taxation, less government spendthrifting just as much as you but where I differ, I feel this whole teabag movement is a fraud because if you guys were really about less government spending you would also include defense spending, we do not need army bases in just about every country you could think of, do you teabaggers ever think about how much money that is costing us? Steak and Eggs Your hero Sarah Palin is already talking about Iran as WWIII, how many trillions will that add to the deficit, this is why I think you guys are frauds, there is not way you can be for cutting the deficit and have our military bleed money the way it is.

Posted by: hcg at August 3, 2011 3:34 PM