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But I Think That God's Got a Sick Sense of Humor: Five Things You May Not Have Heard About This Week

By Cindy Davis | Seriously Random Lists | September 23, 2012 | Comments ()


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I find the Important Stuff so you don't have to.

5. Jesus (May Have) Had a Wife.

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This makes me want to sing, a la The Farmer in the Dell...Jesus takes a wife--but that's probably not appropriate. Anyhoo, Harvard researcher and Divinity Professor, Karen King was given a scrap of ancient papyrus by a private collector, and asked to translate it (from Coptic). Of thirty-three words--incomplete sentences--King interpreted: "Jesus said to them, 'My wife,'" "She will be able to be my disciple," "I dwell with her," and a reference to "Mary;" King believes is Mary Magdalene. Chemical ink tests are pending to validate the artifact's authenticity, after which there will certainly be endless debates over its meaning. September 30th, the Smithsonian Channel will air a documentary about this discovery.


4. We Got Our First Look at Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp As The Lone Ranger and Tonto.

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Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Carribean series, The Mexican) continues pimping Disney with his film version of the Texas ranger and Native American partner, Tonto. The film boasts a talented cast including Helena Bonham Carter, William Fichtner, James Badge Dale, James Frain, Ruth Wilson and Tom Wilkinson.

Apparently Johnny is going the method route, staying in character at all times.

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A 48 year old crew member (diver) drowned while performing a stunt on set, Friday. He is believed to have suffered a heart attack.


3. FX Ordered the pilot for Guillermo del Toro's "The Strain."

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As "True Blood" begins winding down for what we can only hope is its last season, other vampires lie in wait. FX announced it is adapting del Toro's trilogy, co-authored by Chuck Hogan (The Strain, The Fall, The Night Eternal), with "Lost" showrunner Carlton Cuse at the helm. These vampires are just a leetle different than your average fanger, in that instead of piercing bites, they attack with a six foot long retractable proboscis; a stinger that both sucks blood and infects the victim with tiny worms. Um, ew.

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Speaking of EW, they have some spoileriffic details if you want to read more, but this sounds like one to go into cold. Del Toro and Hogan will script the pilot; here's hoping we get the full series.


2. Gus Van Sant's Promised Land Trailer Showcased Matt Damon's Screen Presence.

Let's be real; you start reading about a film and the description talks about a corporation taking over small town rural farming--your eyes start to glaze over. And then you read a few names: Matt Damon, John Krasinski, Frances McDormand, Hal Holbrook, Gus Van Sant, and you think, okay--I'll at least give the trailer a looksie. And you probably won't be sorry, but it's not because of the storyline, it's because Damon has that thing that draws you in. I don't know how he does it, but he'll keep you watching.


1. LEGO® May Have Given Us a Man of Steel Spoiler.

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Who'd a thunk it? A toy leaking a cool (possible) spoiler about one of the most hush-hush upcoming films? Seems quite a few sites are getting in on the speculation. What happened is, Brickset published a list of upcoming 2013 LEGO® (who have a licensing agreement with Warner Brothers and DC Entertainment for Man of Steel) sets that seem to correlate to film releases. Swipe for the possible spoiler: One of the sets is called "Superman Black Zero Escape;" therefore the popular deduction is that Supervillain, Black Zero, aka The Man Who Destroyed Krypton, be making an appearance in Zack Snyder's Man of Steel. Obviously this is just a rumor at this point, but it's worth noting that some of the other sets listed do correspond to The Dark Knight Rises and Iron Man 3. Man of Steel hits theaters June 14, 2014.

Note: Don't forget to come back tonight for Courtney's Live Emmy Blog!


Cindy Davis may finally be over her Johnny Depp crush.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Re: Promised Land trailer
    AND THEN THEY PLAY MUMFORD AND SONS IN THE BACKGROUND AND I WANT TO CRRYYYYYYYYY

  • Anna von Beav

    Ohhhhhhhhh. I was so confused about that header picture, when there was no item containing Matt Bomer. I see now.

  • Buuuuh I'm Kewl

    Are Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter the same person?

  • Fredo

    A series based on "The Strain"? Here's hoping F/X is coming after that "Walking Dead" ass.

    And as for if Jesus had a wife...so what? Last I checked, matrimony was one of the 7 sacraments. It's not like he was "living in sin". If that's his wife, then cool.

  • Christopher

    I was wondering when that mouth was going to end.

  • stardust

    There is also a fascinating article on the Smithsonian website about the scroll fragment:

    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/...

    In the article, Karen King comes off as a conscientious and reasoned scholar. Too bad we can't afford the satellite package that includes the Smithsonian Channel, I'd really like to see the documentary. Maybe I'll catch it online.

  • BierceAmbrose

    Those "conspiracy" movies starring the actor who played Wilson's island fling barely touched the weirdness and alternative stories out there. Even that lame "Templars Take Manhatten" made for TV thing a couple years back - sadly, without Muppets - stayed disappointingly close to "common knowledge."

    Things for which there is evidence like scraps of parchment of unusual provenance include:

    - Among the evil beliefs ascribed to Gnostics back when they were being wiped out for being insufficiently state religion-y was that women could be clergy, that Mary was an apostle, and that she was Jesus' wife.

    - Both the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Nag Hammadi Library contain works that outright state Mary was an Apostol and wife of Jesus. There are at least half a dozen pretty well known folk traditions that say the same thing, recorded as early as Frazer.

    - There's a grand, juicy story of conspiracy and intrigue around how these documents have been held privately, or "publicly" with limited access, mangled provenance, and all kinds of errors in their preservation once found

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Gospel of Mary, Gospel of Thomas, Gospel of Judas, etc etc...

    What bugged me the most about the news this week was that people kept reacting as if King said "Jesus had a wife." The gist of what she said was, even early in the religion, people were discussing *whether* Jesus had a wife. It takes so little for people to get their panties in a bunch.

  • BierceAmbrose

    Only because they're trying to. I'm beginning to wonder if this is some kind of hangnail-outrage syndrome developed in people who's lives are too well-padded.

    Some wag - Mencken, maybe? - said: "There are only two newspaper stories: My, how terrible! and My, how wonderful!"

    The problem is "Huh. That's kind of interesting." apparently doesn't sell papers. Sad thing is, boobs and snark do just fine at generating clicks around here, and it's way more interesting.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Well, considering that the gospels of the New Testament were carefully chosen out of what are now considered gnostic scriptures, the first point is not surprising.

  • BierceAmbrose

    A friend of mine wondering "How did *these* become the canon back in the day?" was pretty bugged to hear the answer.

    The simple story of Christianity's transmission in the world is incomplete - Incarnation to Catholic Church to Split Papacy to Protestant Reformation to a second missionary wave to Modern Evangelicals. Even before finding libraries in the sand, some of the lines of transmission remained many pretty "Gnostic" and there's a bunch of them.

    Regardless, I think any piece of Historical Fiction on TV would be better with Muppets. Everything is better with Muppets.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    That is patently true. Muppets solve everything.

  • googergieger

    Uh huh. That's whatever you were talking about for you.

  • AM

    One of the all-time greatest Zapp quotes. Kudos, my friend.

  • googergieger

    I know about all these things and I'm the least informed person ever. I mean I don't watch Fox News or anything, but outside of the Huey Lewis and The Daily Show, I don't get my News from anywhere.

  • 'Let’s be real; you start reading about a film and the description talks
    about a corporation taking over small town rural farming—your eyes start
    to glaze over.'
    Yeah, with jizz.

  • googergieger

    Sorry about that.

    *pulls pants up*

  • Mitchell Hundred

    There's no way that that spoiler is true. Zack Snyder isn't clever enough to have Superman team up with Nelson Mandela.

  • TheOtherGreg

    No. No more vampires. There is nothing new here, Hollywood, give it a rest.

  • space_oddity

    I'd generally agree with you, but ever since I read these books, I've been waiting for this. Yes, they're vampires, but the whole feel is much more 'zombie apocalypse.' The first two books detail how it all goes down (as opposed to picking up after it's all happened). I don't know if that's better for you, but I totally dig it.

  • Jezzer

    Stake Land is another look at vampires that is more "zombie apocalypse." And it'll make you jump. A lot.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Oh, well, zombies we're not tired of at all, right?

  • Jerce

    The first book set my head on fire (in a good way); the second was a letdown, and the finale sucked. Hard. I will watch a TV show if it has a decent cast--and if del Toro keeps a hand in the production.

  • celery

    Even if it turns out to be good, most people would probably be more interested in five years or so. We're way past saturation on vampires right now.

  • ummm have you met Hollywood? They never get over saturated with anything that makes money.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    But... money! MONEY!!!!

  • Lbeees

    Damn, my mom is going to LOVE that movie. And Matt Damon really is probably the finest actor of his generation. Who, who I ask you, compares?

  • My first thought is Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

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