Pajiba

Ooooo, I like where this is going. Although I really absolutely fucking hate Shia Laboeuf, I think the list is pretty much pitch perfect. The "real" list, on the other hand, just triggered my previously non-existent gag reflex.

Didn't Padelecki die? I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere.

Ick. Ick. Ick. Just looking at those photos is enough to tell me none of those people have the necessary personality. And even if they did, it would be an abomination.

Sacrilege.

Godtopus, strike this idea down with all ye tentacles!

Okay, A: You want to replace Molly with a blonde? That kind of thing can get people called "fucknuts".

B: Again with the Thirlby and Seyfried around here!

Granted, someone's probably compiling their own list of Buffy actors to put in here.

I can see Jonah Hill breaking down though. That's a savvy choice.

What would it take to make Katy Perry disappear forever?

When I say I really absolutely fucking hate Shia Laboeuf I really absolutely fucking mean it. I will not be paying money to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen because he is in it.

Wasn't Mr. Vernon just a douchebag teacher with no life who actually wanted to be at school on a Saturday?? I really hope he wasn't supposed to be the principal.

Vernon was the Assistant Principal. Don't know if it's still done this way, but when I was in school, the AP handled all the student discipline issues...including Saturday school.

Jesus Christ, the easiest thing to do would be to set it in modern day with the same characters... Harmony Korine will direct it, there will be no music, and in the end, everybody will die. MAKE IT HAPPEN GUMMODOUCHE!

HERE WE GOGOGO!!

Andrew/Emilio will be a washed-up armchair quarterback with acid reflux and a spinal injury obtained during a fistfight with his ex-girlfriend's son. Most of his scenes will take place in a recliner bathed in the flickering light from a television displaying either ESPN2 or the Spice network... He will masturbate to both.

Brian/Anthony will continually stand dead-eyed and vacant behind the counter at the discount electronics store his parents owned before passing away. Occasionally, he'll slip away to the cellar to tearfully apologize to his mother and father, who he keeps wrapped in several layers of Saran Wrap and Little Tree air fresheners.

Bender/Judd will be wearing the exact same outfit he had in high school. He'll sit sullenly at the VFW staring at a pile of losing pull-tabs. In the background, just out of focus, a pre-adolescent boy wearing a pair of pink bunny ears and shorts will dance the way Bender danced that rainy Saturday of 1984...

Claire/Molly will spend all of her scenes mute and nude under the light of a single red bulb. She poses seductively for www.redheadmilfs.com in order to put food on the table for her children - each one an eerie doppleganger of Andrew, Brian and Bender.

Allison/Sheedy has been replaced by a goat. The goat wanders from scene to scene, and in one harrowing scene, is captured and eaten alive by Marilyn McCoo, playing the part of Mrs. Vernon, a down-on-her luck meth dealer who speaks in rhyme...

See? Ain't gonna be that bad...

branded: You can't really hate fuck someone if you're a bottom...I think. The schematics of gay sex confuse me. Anyhoodle, I wouldn't fuck this guy with a ten foot pole.

Good to see the new cast will be just as lilly-goddamn-white as the first. Didn't most of you motherfuckers attend high school in the 90s? Weren't schools fully intergrated by then? Or did everybody here grow up in Utah or Idaho or some other godforsaken fucking wasteland minority-types are smart enough to avoid?

Well, Tracer , that Zac kid wears enough foundation to almost be considered Latina. Does that count?

Mike you ignorant slut! That is not good news, it now gives her more time to do other stuff! I could at least avoid the Smasher of Prisms as I knew what channels and times her malicious mug would appear. Now I'm going to have to be constantly vigilant lest she spring upon my delicate optic nerves like a mange infected sea donkey.

SHIT!

"Anyhoodle, I wouldn't fuck this guy with a ten foot pole."
Yeah, but would you fuck him with a 10 ft Pole?

For the love god stop talking about this crappy movie. Can you say over rated? The only reason people thought it was half good is becase it was made in the 80's. The same pasty white bitches like the ones in this movie ran our economy into the ground. "Oh, life is so hard! I don't know how to handle the peer pressure"

Please, last night I cyber fucked my math teacher who said he was a 18 year old chick, now were having a digital baby. That's pressure bitches!

This post was cool until the healthy dose of reality at the end.

My inner 16 year old just sliced her wrists in the bathtub.

Do they even have detention anymore? I'm pretty sure it's been outlawed in some misguided movement to treat children like humans, and, like, recognize their human rights. Not to mention the liabilities of keeping them against their will after hours! And the staff time they'd have to pay! Hoo! Boy. It's enough to give a principal from modern times a heart attack. I don't think those kids today would even know what this movie was about. Detention. Feh. That's what they do at Gitmo, right? If they want to remake it they'll have to make up some kind of terrorist bombing conceit to have them all locked in a room together for 8 hours. And Bender will act like a jackass the whole time pretending like he only cares about himself but at the end of the day he'll save everyone from the bomb even though he's risking his own life and then they'll fake us out like he's gonna die but then he won't, and he and Claire will admit their love for each other and make out while he lays bleeding on the floor of the cafeteria.

Meanwhile Allison will help defeat the terrorists by showing them her boobies and Andrew will get totally jealous because he won't realize she's doing it to make her life WORTH something, dammit. And Brian will keep them all laughing at themselves to break the tension. And maybe he'll fall for an older lady suicide bomber who reconsiders and helps them all escape. Played by Eliza Dushku.

It will be awesome.

And Bender will be played by Dule Hill probably. And Claire by that Asian chick from one of those Bring It On movies. (Cause, you know, rich girls now are all Asian in movies. It's such a safe way to bring diversity to the cast, you know?) And kids from the rough side of town are all Black.

Fuck you Dustin! I didn't need to be reminded of this. The inevitable pick that I hate the most is Fred Willard, he's made some of the worst movies ever, and I'm confident if given enough money, he'd eat a pile of shit on TV.

Sorry stripe42, the Buffy people would never do this both because they're in there late 30's or early 40's, and they have way to much dignity for this. I say this with the knowledge of what they've been in (Bones, Date Movie, The Dragon Ball Z Movie) and the knowledge that Nicolas Brendon is a drug addict.

her career will die its eventual stripper death.

But she won't strip right? Right!? Cause I just couldn't handle that man, that's just wrong. Like, Platypus wrong.

I am also confused as to how to feel about you mentioning Visible Colour Spectrum Killer and the ShamWOW! in the same sentence. It's like you want the ShamWOW! to die.

stipey, my darling, let me ask you this: whose buttcheeks can you more easily imagine taping together: Xander's, or Jonathan's? And, frankly, much as I adore him and it pains me to say it, Marsters is no Bender. Bender is a brooder, much like Angel. Hence, Boreanaz.

I stand by my Buffy casting.

P.S. George, what exactly is it that you are saying about my beloved Bones? Because I will not hesitate to cut a bitch.

Exactly what you think Anna, Bones is one of the most implausible and boring shows in TV history. The stuff the Buffy crowd has taken after the show, except Brendon, who became a drug addict, has been utter shit. I stand by that statement with confidence, with certain exceptions, they just pick terrible stuff. Especially Sarah Michelle Geller's choice for a husband. (I'll never forgive you Freddie Prince Jr!)

No no no, you're getting it all wrong. According to recent #1 movies in America, here is who should play who.....

Kevin James is Andrew....who is now a Mall Cop after blowing out his knee freshman year of college and gaining 100 pounds.

Steve Martin is Brian. He moved to France and came back with a really fucked up accent and terrible comedic timing.

Liam Neeson is Bender - Don't fuck with Bender nowadays....actually the only person who could is probably Vernon.

Clint Eastwood is Vernon - He's crotchety and racist as hell now.....

Jennifer Aniston is Claire - For reasons no one can really understand...she's been in two #1 movies so far this year.

Ginnifer Goodwin is Allison - Cause I think she is adorable.

Adam Sandler cameos as the janitor. Rob Schneider will play his mop.

Get Bay or Ratner to direct, we're talking 150 million when it opens Memorial Day Weekend coming in second to the remake of Sanford and Son with Will Smith as Fred G. Sanford, Jaden Smith as Lamont and Jada Pinkett Smith as Aunt Esther.

I think they already remade The Breakfast Club as TV show over in England, but they threw a Sci Fi angle into it. I believe it's called Torchwood. Quite good, actually.

It'd be kind of interesting to do the movie but switch the sexes: dorky girl, athletic girl, gorgeous guy, neurotic guy, rebel girl. And have the teacher be a bitter, bitter bitch, a la Judi Dench in "Notes on a Scandal."

I hate Shia Labeouf.

And Blue Crush had a script?

I'll check back in later when i'm less cranky. It's seven in the morning here.