Pajiba

Was going to disagree w/AJ being so far up, but then I saw #1.

Complete agreement.

I totally agree that ScarJo is a butterface. I'm glad I've finally found someone else who sees through all of that bullshit.

Rosario is beyond sexy. And bless you Seth, for not including Megan Fox.

What would be the female equivalent to this list? Tongue? I don't consider a guy's lips when imagining him taking a trip to my happy place.

Good list, and I'm gonna side with you on the Ryan Reynolds bit. The man is sex on a mahfucking cracker, but he doesn't have much in the way of lips. Andy Samberg, Brad Pitt, LL Cool J and Jensen Ackles have a serious case of cock-suckers though.

Julie, you don't? They really do help things along.

I hate the term DSL. As a fly in the buttermilk (a black person with all white friends), I've heard it non-stop from my guy friends. Like they would ever find out if I'm any good...

I am, btw...

Bound-era Gina Gershon could have ruled the world if she wanted to.

jumped
the
shark

I'm with Slim - I fucking hate Beyonce. I can't really give a good reason for my hatred, but it's real, and it's seething.

Julie, I'm going to have to back up Trouble. I do love a nice pair of lips on a man. Let's see... I'd have to go with Michael Pitt as my #1. Cillian Murphy is a very close second. I was noticing on Dollhouse the other night that Ballard (Tahmoh? is that his name?) has nice lips, too, albeit less full than I normally go for.

I'll also back up Trouble with the hate of the term DSL. No real reason, just don't like it. Can't you just say something like, "You got some purty lips, there, boy"? That's what I like to say to Michael Pitt.

Ha! You're not an idiot, Julie. I love a guy with hands too.

Dude. What about Julia Roberts? Tell me you don't want some from those lipz?

HA HA VERY FUNNY MOTHERFUCKER!

I'm sorry, but white women with fat lips look like they're sprouting hemorrhoids on their face.

The best lips award has to go to Bernadette Peters!

Sarah, I agree. It's a little bit creepy.

Also, Rosario Dawson is a dude.

And it's "Johansson". Nothin wrong with piggishness being persnicketishly correct!

Sarah, you know Dustin peddles the pandering beefcake left and right. Don't worry, this'll pass.

For a nice set of Sweetie Dahling Kissing Lips, I look no further than Morris Chestnut.

Yeah, um, ok, whatever...

Your REAL Top 5 list should be:

5. James Franco
4. Hayden Christensen
3. Channing Tatum
2. Tyson Beckford
1. Ryan Phillippe

Sorry Jeremy, but Andy Samberg? He makes it crawl back up like a frightened turtle.

You DO know Hayden Christensen is ga.....ah, never mind.

These lists really do bring out the worst in me.

Hmm. Clearly I'm an innocent, 'cause I was trying to figure out what DSL stood for if not an internet connection, and I came up with Disembodied Singing Lips. Hey, considering that the header photo is for the Rocky Horror Picture Show lips, that's not an unreasonable conclusion to jump to.

OK, well may be it is, because how many Disembodied Singing Lips can their be? Can I at least get credit for creativity?

How on EARTH does Rosario Dawson look like a guy?!

Julie, think who you're arguing with. Just let it pass through you and away like Paul Atreides' fear.

Oh, and George I believe it's hands, tongue, lips. That's what we want. And it doesn't have to be Gene Simmons-like. Just agile...and both soft and rough....and...

I'll be back shortly..............

What samantha's problem is, though, I have no idea.

Oh, and George I believe it's hands, tongue, lips.

And if all can be used in one place at one time then, well, I've heard it's just the bee's knees.

Only Jay could drop a Dune reference into a thread about the oral arts.

Shit like this makes Pajiba no better than AskMen or Spike

I don't think they invite The Gays to participate. So there's that. And anyway, everybody likes it, everybody wants it, everybody thinks about it, so in the end, isn't it really just more sexy talk? No shortage of that around here, and if you don't create a thread for it, they just hijack the last Friday review.

*meekly raises his hand*

Quiet ShoeFucker!

They already did the woman's equivalent to this list. It was the best moustaches in hollywood list.

Thank Godtopus. I was concerned about a forthcoming Best Mooseknuckle in Hollywood list.

So you can't be intelligent and sleazy? I have to pick one?

Branded, I'm pretty sure I'm happy that I don't know what a mooseknuckle is.

I won't complain about objectifying women's body parts. And it's not like these particular women don't put their best assets on display to be objectified at will. They know exactly what they're doing.

Plus, anything that lets me objectify male celebrities to my heart's content makes me happy. It's only fair.

Oh and Trouble, I think you need some new male friends.

Google it, Julie. Google it now.

Of course you can be intelligent and sleazy at once. I just think that intelligent people should know better than to participate in the objectification of women, as it is harmful and demeaning to us as a gender. Same thing goes for men. It works both ways.

boo, that just sounds painful...

meh. I am not personally offended, but I see puddin' cup's point. If only because I still remember the days when a list like this would cause me to obsess about how thin/not good enough my own lips were in comparison to the "ideal," and how therefore I was overall less desirable as a person (note: I don't think my lips are thin, but my self-image was really distorted when I was younger. I went through a period where I thought my eyes were too small too.) I don't do that shit anymore (as much) but I remember how lists like this that reduced women to body parts made me question myself and I still am a little uncomfortable with the whole concept.

disrespectful junk that I would expect from a group of douche bag frat boys, not intelligent people like those who write for this site.

Posted by: puddin' cup at March 23, 2009 4:10 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH we upset puddin' cup.

*HI-FIVES* *HI-FIVES*

Oh, puddin' cup, don't let the bastards get you down. I myself am coming off a sexless birthday weekend (let's not ask, shall we??) so I have my own rage issues today, too.

Let's hold hands and feminize together. I'm enjoying this list today because I am missing the female element in my life, and nothing brings that home faster than the fact that I know no one with lips like these. And I would like to. Because it doesn't just go for dick sucking. If you get my drift.

I'll stop now.

I see both puddin' cups and pisaster's points, and on any other site I think a list like this would piss me off. But...this is Pajiba, and Seth is awesome, so I know this list is purely for the hell of it, and I won't take it seriously or be offended by it.

Plus, I woke up feeling mighty shitty this morning, and mindless 'discussions' like this help take my mind off the shitty things, so I'm very glad for it. Just the perfect thing for a shitty Monday morning.

Definitely agree with Gina Gershon. Showgirls was vile, but that final kiss between her and Jessie Spano was hot. She's got gorgeous lips, just plump enough to be sexy.

Denzel's got amazing lips, but dammit, he's just too old. Substitute him for The Best Man - era Morris Chestnut.

And LL Kool J. Have you seen that man eat a peach? The panties just come off by themselves.

What we really need is a list for those of us who objectify both genders...best switch-hitting lips?

Heh, Pisaster, when I first saw this post I did think to myself "Are my lips pretty enough for blowjobs?" My answer was "I don't care and those who would can try to tongue bathe themselves in ways that will land them in my forensic journal."

Is there an Eloquent way to say Dicksucker?

Try out cockoisseur or dicketante.

I think I'm gonna vote for dicketante...it has a certain charm.

and those who would can try to tongue bathe themselves in ways that will land them in my forensic journal

Um, wait a minute. Are you saying that I c-- I mean, that someone could kill himself trying to do that?

Could you get back to me? It's not super-urgent or anything, just before the end of today would be good. Just hypothetically speaking.

This is fucking stupid. And Sexist. And objectifying. And utterly pointless. You think it's harmless? How would you feel if people dissected you this way? Looking at your face and imagining it on their balls. Saying this site objectifies equally is laughable. It doesn't matter if you happen to not be offended. I am.

"How would you feel if people dissected you this way? Looking at your face and imagining it on their balls..."

Hehehehehehehe

Oh Shit - I nominate Sharopa for best comment of the week.

How would you feel if people dissected you this way

They do, constantly. It's all Prisco and TK talked about last week.

How about a "Dick Cheney" - You shoot a load in her face, and she returns the favor

Although I also say it's utter nonsense that there's any difference between those sites slobbering over the goods and this one. Seriously, if you think it's okay for you to discuss something because you're cool and not okay for someone else to because they're not, then you're a douchebag.

Well said, admin, much better than I was winding up to say it, with the bonus of time savings.

if you think it's okay for you to discuss something because you're cool and not okay for someone else to because they're not, then you're a douchebag.

Not because Pajiba is (or I am) cool; but because no one is implicitly excluded from the discussion. It differs only in degree from a bunch of white guys from Alabama talking about racial issues versus an open forum where everyone can have their say. In theory, a woman or gay man could join this kind of discussion at Maxim or AskMen, but they're not truly welcome to do so.

In contrast, we have Pookie, BSlim and brassy feminists all in one mystifying thread! Round here I think the women could run us guys out of the gym if they really wanted to, especially if the gays turn on us.

Crap! *new

Branded, If your combining dilatant, "increasing in viscosity and setting to a solid as a result of deformation by expansion, pressure, or agitation" and DS, you win. If your combining it with dilettante, "admirer of lover of the arts" ...hell, you still win.

This is fucking stupid. And Sexist. And objectifying. And utterly pointless. You think it's harmless? How would you feel if people dissected you this way? Looking at your face and imagining it on their balls. Saying this site objectifies equally is laughable. It doesn't matter if you happen to not be offended. I am.

You know, it's not like they are asking people to send in pictures of themselves for judging. This attitude is EXACTLY what I didn't like about Pajiba about 3 years ago: Someone coming in with a holier than thou comment claiming that this will hurt someone's feeling. Well, we AREN'T talking about YOU. We are talking about people who purposefully place themselves in the public eye and earn millions for it. Who cares what a couple dozen people of a fucking website think of your lips, or anyone else's?? We are not talking about your mother.

You choose to be hurt by words on a fucking comment thread. You CHOOSE to be offended. You CHOOSE to be judgmental simply because the subject has something to do with someone's body part, rather than, say, their ability to act. No one calls "OFFENSIVE!!" when commenters thrash someone based on lack of merits. Get over yourself, get a sex life, and imagine your own lips on someone's balls. You MIGHT ENJOY IT.

Yeaaaah!

boo for Motherfucking President!

Damn right, boo. Not to mention that people on this site call people stupid, directly or indirectly, all the time and nobody says a word. Personally I think that's a much worse insult than saying they have attractive lips.

I think it's cool for anybody to discuss anything.

Well, I agree that they should have the right to do so; I'm not suggesting interference if men want to do that. I also comprehend the concern that a bunch of hetero guys talking about the usefulness of women as sex props can color the way those men treat women in other situations. I believe that can happen, which is why I think the discussion is qualitatively different (and therefore not harmful) when (a) women are actively shaping the discussion and (b) men sucking dick is on the table.

Do you see an important distinction when the potentially objectified are part of the conversation? That's the key in my mind.

At first, I thought everyone was talking about Blow Out, Bravo's reality show about Jonathan Antin's Salon in Beverly Hills. Geez! What a businessman! And his team of stylists were some of the most colorful characters I've seen since... gosh, I don't even know when! Who wouldn't be excited/nervous to see the construction and launch of your own upscale Los Angeles hair salon? And when he tried to launch his own hair styling product? Brilliant!

Then I realized everyone was discussing oral hijinks. Now? I've stained my trousers, misplaced my belt, and the middle third of my keyboard is all gunked up...

Who cares what a couple dozen people of a fucking website think of your lips, or anyone else's?? We are not talking about your mother.

The thing is, boo, Rosario Dawson is my mother. And my father.

Ted, don't pretend you didn't like Prisco and TK telling you how pretty you are.

Oh, sure, it's all fun till someone breaks out the Ecstasy. Then they get handsy.

Oh yeah Puddin' Cup needs a man...or, woman?

,
mmmmm

I have been told that I have dick sucking lips.

Does that mean you will or will not submit a photo for the contest?

So when I discuss how nicely done the grille on an Aston Martin is, am I reducing it to the grille?

I get it, puddin' cup, and I appreciate you taking the time to clarify why you find this list offensive. You have every right to feel the way you do, and you obviously don't need me or anyone else to tell you that.

I like Pajiba because everyone digs most of the things I dig, but sometimes it's also nice to read a smart comment explaining the other side of things, and I'd like to thank you for that.

Now everyone leave her the fuck alone!

I think most people assume that people opposed to this kind of post are prudes, because, well, it is a prudish attitude.

Is it?

Oh, it's OOOOOOOOOOONNNN!!!

*removes shirt, jumps into mud pit*

I figured you were talking to me Smokin, just consider a couple of things when plotting revenge:

1. I have kids they need their daddy (more importantly his money.)

2. Tictacs are delicious.

3. Pleasepleaseplease no, don'tdoitIwasonly joking.

*takes pictures of Sofia, shirtless, in mud*

I think it's ridiculous to require that someone who will be offended be invited to every discussion that would offend them

Which is the exact opposite of what I said -- I acknowledged that those guys have the right to say whatever they want to each other, just like those Alabama boys. The question was whether we somehow feel superior to have the conversation here. I maintain that while it's not about being cool, it's a very different situation.

Thank you Sofia and s. pisaster. I wasn't trying to be judgemental or prudish or anything, as some people have said. It's just that when you live in a society where an extremely narrow and mostly unattainable view of female sexuality and beauty is considered the ideal, things like this start to get old. Yes, these women are pretty. Men desire them. We know. We hear about it daily. Do we really need more lists like this when there are already many others just like it?

And after Mooseknuckles we need a top 5 FUPAS article.
You know, for the older folks.

What's a FUPA? Is it a front-butt?

we need a top 5 FUPAS article

Fair's fair, I guess.

Don't patronize me, woman! I row my little boat through y'all's sleazy beefcake fever dream rapids every day!

I do declare it's a challenge for a man to keep his chin up around here!

Top Three Moose Knuckles (based on quality and quantity of showings)
3. Brad Pitt
2. Mathew McConaughey
1. Jake Gyllenhall

s. pisaster, you make a valid point but the people that come here know the score. People start out making love but inevitably it turns into fuckin’.

Well, I already proved the silliness, Sofia, as Maria de Medeiros pretty much did in "Pulp Fiction".

And people say that I'm the one who's not assertive!

Oh but compliments embarrass me. Just like Gary.

Hmm, I didn't look into it that deeply but I understand where you're coming from.
More importantly, where have you been?! Seems like the comment sections are entirely empty of Cara Mia
(Speaking of which, I just learned how to play "Me and Julio" and it's really a great spring funtime song)
Also, Jay is right, It's hard to be a Pajiban with a pair. We're entirely outnumbered. I'm not exactly hanging my head in shame (as I'm in the prime of my life and all) but there's a lot of estrogen to wade through in here.

Oh but compliments embarrass me.

That's why they're so fun to throw your way.

Just like Gary.

As per usual I don't get that reference, so I'm taking it to mean Spongebob Squarepants' adorable pet snail. Cause that's how I roll.

And Don't look up FUPA Chalupa.

Is that a special type of FUPA, Slim?

And just to keep it equal, the ladies should get to enjoy a Top 5 LUPTONs.

Get on it Rowles.

Is that a special type of FUPA, Slim?

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2009 6:26 PM
------------------------------------------------

I think it would be a mistake for me to interfere with the joys and wonderment that will brought upon you if you were to discover it for yourself, son.

I've never seen Weird Science the movie. Only the show. I live in a backwards sort of world.

Figgy babes, mooseknuckles is apparently some tight-pantsical labia flaunting. Is that why I'm single? Because strangers can't see the outline of my clit?

I knew I was doing something wrong.

Actually, BarbadoSlim, I am not easily offended. It actually takes a lot, usually. But when you work with two douches who do nothing but point out tits and talk about women like they're objects existing only for their physical gratification, you're bound to get a little touchy about this stuff. When you combine that with all the other lists like this, as well as all the other images and articles and whatnot that share the same subject matter, it can make one extremely angry.

I remember when I first started to comment on this site, I was called vile, repulsive, grotesque, and misogynistic, and those were some of the nice names I was called. At one point I'm sure Rowles thought of banning me from this site because this site was a place where serious fans of film came to discuss movies with the utmost seriousness, a person such as myself would not be welcomed here. Well looky here, the number #1 column with over 160 comments and climbing is a column about dick suckin’. So listen here you fuckas, I don’t want to here shit about the comments I write every again.

puddin' cups, maybe your melons aren't as big as they should be. I know plenty of flat chested broads who think that men don't like them. It's not that men don't like them. Men don't like them because they refuse the look into getting bigger. You have to use everything under the sun so that men will notice you puddin', right BSlim?

Do it. Look it up.
Moose-knuckles (at least) are pretty funny. If you don't laugh at least a little bit I give you permission to cut me in the taint.

Ok, I take that back after reading the "melons" comment. I am not flat chested at all. And there is no size that they "should be." So yeah, emphasis on the "most of the time" when I said you were funny. Not all the time, by any means. I say that not to be a bitch, just making an observation.

Already got ya covered, Sarah.

And did you watch Troll II yet?

My oh my.

Good call Slash.
No dick here either, and I really think Hollywood chicks with their huge, freaky teeth would scare most of the men on this site. Or anywhere really.

So I've been thinking about this whole thing for a bit. Celebrities and people wanting to stare at them thing. Being or not being offended by it all.

Thing is, I like looking at the pretty people. I'm very much a visual person, so I appreciate beauty in all forms. Celebrities are the prettiest people around, but they're not in the context of my 'real' world. I look at them and declare their beauty or their ugliness as I would a painting.

I know I go on and on about wanting to jump some celebrity or another. I do it because it's a fun game to play. I think if I ever met any of these people I'd be completely weirded out, because that would mean they were really in MY world. I don't want them to be in my world. I don't think I could deal with that. I don't REALLY want to fuck Jon Hamm's brains out. I just think he's an incredibly beautiful person, but completely unattainable and the idea I have of him is of course not real, just one created by me with the help of the media. I don't REALLY fantasize about Jon Hamm. I fantasize about my boyfriend, who is indeed the most beautiful man on the planet to me. And he gets it. It's not real. These people, the idea we have of them in our heads, it's not real. It's a game, and it's a fun game. However, I definitely agree that moving it into the real world is a thing that happens, and that is indeed fucked up. Stalkers are crazy motherfuckers.

I know that these are indeed real people, with massive flaws, but as they get filtered down to us through nothing but images, we create unreal characters in our heads. And in your head, you can objectify whatever the fuck you want and it's not an insult to the thing or the gender it belongs to. Unless you REALLY mean it (and I know there's plenty of fucked up people out there, but I don't think they hang out at PAJIBA of all places), and then you're just fucked up. If any of you REALLY want to go find Salma Hayek and fuck her, get your head examined. It'd be like wanting to fuck a painting.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense. It made sense in my head, but that's a weird place.

All I'm saying is, don't take the Celebrities Who Are Hot posts seriously. Don't get offended by them, they're not worth it. Yes, it's wrong to objectify women, but these aren't real women we're talking about. They're images sold to us. Like someone said up there, I'm not talking about wanting to fuck your dad.

Fuck this is so long. Sorry, but I needed to ponder.

Pookie, I realize that your whole thing here is to annoy people, but seriously? You have no idea what I look like or how big my tits are, so maybe you should keep your comments about that to yourself. Thanks.

Ahh, noted and corrected and still traumatized Sharopa. :p

Why is that interesting, BarbadoSlim? It's true. He doesn't know.

But puddin’ cups and rifley, the title of the column is dick suckin’ lips, let me say it again. Dick. Suckin’. lips. And somehow a non-sexual and serious in-depth discussion is supposed to flow from this column?

Well puddin’ cups what’s the problem? You’re walking around with huge melons like there’s something wrong with that. So why are you breaking balls lady?

puddin' cups, stop trying to confuse the issue. Do you or do you not have large breast? I don't like that word rack, it's so dehumanizing.

Pookie and BarbadoSlim: Does it matter if I have large breasts and dick sucking lips? Because I really don't see why it does.

Hehehehehehehe

Ms. cup--Pookie doesn't actually exist. There's not a shred of evidence. So don't sweat it and don't read it. You'll feel better.

Puddin’ cups don’t listen to BSlim, he can be rude at times. And I know that you aren’t breaking balls. I think you mentioned something about having large breast?

Slim, the hall monitors are here.

I have to ask...

WHOSE are the lips in that first photo up there? Not the title photo, the one after that. There's stubble, so it can't be a woman. Or OK, maybe a hairy woman.

But I suspect they're Seth's. If they are, damn. Because they're somethin'.

Slim, I share your pain. This is getting fucking ridiculous. Rowles puts out a column and we respond like we are supposed to and within all the guidelines. Maybe we should go over to a certain website where we’ll be appreciated?

Well this just got confusing. Am I the last person to find out Slash is female?

Rowles, you need to decide who you’re going to appease. Slim and I, or Jay, and his roller coaster, thrill-a-minute discussions on foreign films and 16th century literature.

That's right motherfuckas, embiggens!

Figster, those lips belong to RyRey.

Idiot like a fox!

Am I too late to join in on this convo?

Should I just keep my mouth shut and make someone a sandwich?

Now that the dust has settled in here, I would like an apology from whomever called my skills "meek".

Jake my sandal said you were mighty fine.

Kayanne, could you make me a sandwich?

What the hell happened in here?! Goddamn, did *everybody* have their Surly-Os today?

P.S. Jay is the sexiest librarian on the planet. Yea, I said it. I said it 'cause it's true.

backrub sandwich

That's the best effing idea I've heard all day. That needs to happen right now.

What a heated comment thread.

I'm late, but:

I totally agree that ScarJo is a butterface.
I'm a chick and not at all offended by this list. I would be a bit offended if I was told I had DSLs (which I had to look up as well) but this list is all in good fun, as was the "best abs" list done a few weeks ago.
The best mooseknuckle I've ever seen was in She's The Man, courtesy of Channing Tatum in khaki pants.

I don't need no stinkin' list. My pet name for Mrs. Daddy is "Lips."

Figs, It's all true, she has GREAT lips. And I AM so classy.

wow... this was totally degrading and misogynistic.
where art thou Dustin?

Y'all are out of your gourds with this "butterface" bollocks about Scarlett.

Holy shit, this might be my favorite thread ever! THere was plenty of Pookie and BSlim action, which I love, puddin got poopy, somebody loves a guy with hands (ME TOO) and a 2 guy 1 chick threesome was mentioned, and those are my FAVORITE. I can't believe I almost missed it.

How hot a girl or the size/shape of her lips have nothing to with her blowjob skills.

Posted by: Colombo at March 24, 2009 3:31 AM
---
I was thinking how true this is, but it took Colombo to say it. The girls I've know who were actually the best at sucking had pretty unremarkable lips, they were nothing memorable, they weren't even particularly good kissers. But they sucked with eagerness and enthusiasm, and (in two cases) to a conclusion, if you get my drift, and that makes up for a world of inadequacies.

Oh, and eye contact, ladies. You make some eye contact, he's yours.
---
"You do have great taste in women."

Posted by: figgy at March 24, 2009 1:49 AM
---
It's true I like to reciprocate, figs, with eagerness and enthusiasm. For hours and hours.

Oh, look, it's Tuesday.

I meant, it's Tuesday, and I have a standing noon appointment to pleasure a Pajibette.

Otherwise, admin, you are correct: I never close.

I used to think the Dancing With the Stars comment thread was the best ever...

Kolby, is that the comment section that did the splits ACROSS THE WHOLE FLOOR?

I feel like I am unfairly going to be used as the posterboy for inadequate oral lovin'.
I will need a volunteer to rectify this situation.
Posted by: JakesAlterEgo

No jokes? Not one? I am crushed. Carry on!

I hate the internet