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Because There's Something About You: Top Ten Least Aesthetically Pleasing (Male) Actors

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (43)

AlexSkarsgardElle.jpg

There are those who would say Alex Skarsgård isn’t humanity’s perfect specimen (fools!). Though beauty may in the eye of the beholder, certain faces consistently ring true to the masses, so we are perpetually bombarded with magazine covers announcing the same top ten list over and over. Being handsome or pretty brings accolades and riches; in some cases, so does having some oddity about one’s appearance or resembling an everyman. But men have an advantage, in that they can get away with being unpleasant to look at and still able to book great roles and even be popular with audiences. So why not celebrate that? While the fashion world may not demand them and the magazines cannot airbrush away their flaws, these fellas have a je ne sais quoi that somehow keeps them booking jobs. Just don’t stare at them too long.


The Classics:

Wallace Shawn

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Paul Giamatti

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CAN’T LOOK AT THESE DUDES STRAIGHT-ON, MAKES EYES FEEL FUNNY:

Taylor Lautner

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Ben Stiller


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It’s Something About the Eyes:

Marty Feldman

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Steve Buscemi

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Need Their Own Unnamed Category:

John C. Reilly


john_c_reilly.jpg


Woody Allen

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Oh My Godtopus, What Have You Done?

Mickey Rourke

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Mike Myers


mikemyers.Jpeg


We Love You As the Doctor, But…


Matt Smith

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Christopher Eccleston


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Cindy Davis currently appears on no top ten lists.









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Comments

Wallace Shawn, dearie, not Shawn Thumb.

Posted by: Jerry at October 2, 2011 2:07 PM

I hope John C. Reilly having his own category isn't derogatory towards him as an actor. Because he's amazing.

Posted by: Theseus at October 2, 2011 2:08 PM

I really like Buscemi's eyes but his teeth are scary.

I'd like to nominate Benedict Cumberbatch for this list. The guy's face is basically a collection of knobs and his eyes are too far apart but he's still sort of mesmerizing.

Posted by: snapnhiss at October 2, 2011 2:24 PM

Ecclestone? Why ever would you put him on this list? Except for his ears, he is a fine specimen of the male persuasion.

And I say that as a very straight male.

Posted by: FabMax at October 2, 2011 2:47 PM

I've maintained this on many Pajiban occasions: Matt Smith's sexiness lies in motion, it doesn't translate to frozen images. Goddamn I want to push River into the Time Vortex

Posted by: Laurie at October 2, 2011 2:51 PM

Adrian Brody - Not only is he a walking Halloween decoration, he's got creepy fingers.
Benecio del Toro - The man is just scary, ok?
Owen Wilson - Who knew a person could get hotter the more often they broke their nose?
Gene Wilder, Christopher Walken - They aren't going to be the romantic leads in anything, but they make their weirdness work.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at October 2, 2011 3:04 PM

Jon Heder - nothing but teeth and gums

Posted by: buell at October 2, 2011 3:24 PM

Eccleston? No fucking way.

Posted by: Arrogant Ambassador at October 2, 2011 3:28 PM

we are perpetually bombarded

You can't say "we", you're staff, and I hate you all for it. SMOOCHIES!

Ecclestone?

Spell. His. Name. Correctly. Why. Is. It. So. Fucking. Difficult?

Posted by: Jay at October 2, 2011 3:39 PM

p.s. STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!

Posted by: Jay at October 2, 2011 3:50 PM

Not sure I'd include Llamautner in this list. I, for one, find it all too easy to take my eyes off him. In fact, I prefer it that way. The others can act (Giamatti, Buscemi, Reilly), or at least their shtick was good enough to hold one's attention (Feldman, Myers).

Someone mentioned Benedict Cumberbatch. I'd add his Sherlock co-star, Martin Freeman, who is the very image of an Everyman, and a far, far better actor than he gets credit for. Not at all flashy or in-your-face, but he makes any film or TV series better just for being in it.

Posted by: PDamian at October 2, 2011 4:01 PM

Matt Smith.

I saw that picture, and it reminded me of something. I didn't know what it was and I didnt' know where I had seen it. In fact I hadn't seen it anywhere, but my instinct said google 'weird toad', and, well...

http://kidstuff.homestead.com/files/smilyfrog.jpg

Posted by: zeke the pig at October 2, 2011 4:07 PM

You went a long way for that one.

Ah, the special announcement Confidential. "Mad as a bag of spanners" they said, and I agreed, and I eagerly awaited.

Posted by: Jay at October 2, 2011 4:20 PM

Ecclestone is hot, as is Matt Davis. They're hot in different ways. I agree with Laurie; it's the sexy energy that makes Davis so hot.

Posted by: jzhz at October 2, 2011 4:39 PM

I said hot a lot in that last post. Because their hotness confused me.

Posted by: jzhz at October 2, 2011 4:40 PM

Fold

Posted by: Jay at October 2, 2011 4:46 PM

Eccleston?! ECCLESTON?!

How dare you, madame. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at October 2, 2011 4:47 PM

Hot damn, I actually got the song reference in the title. I'm so proud of myself.

Posted by: snapnhiss at October 2, 2011 6:50 PM

Eccleston?! Seriously? He is deliciously dreamy. Actually Ben Stiller makes me laugh so he's in the sexy pile as well. I totally vote we vote in owen wilson...he's equally mediocre physical and in his acting ability.

Posted by: ladyvader99 at October 2, 2011 7:15 PM

I might also suggest Stephen Fry and John Cleese. John Cleese started out as a gangly motherfucker, and now seems to have a wider aspect ratio, but he has always been able to move his body and project whatever character he is playing in a very compelling way.

And Stephen Fry's voice is just warm buttered sex dripping into your ears and offering your brain a post-coital cigarette before you even knew what hit you.

Posted by: StoatCat at October 2, 2011 8:29 PM

DJ Qualls, he's a CAlvin Klein/Prada model.

Ben Stiller is Ok in my eyes.

Posted by: Adrien at October 2, 2011 10:20 PM

Tommy Lee Jones. He's only attractive because he has that gravelly voice and can act. Otherwise, he's that guy at the end of the bar you hope doesn't come say hello.

And Taylor Lautner does not belong on this list because he's quite easy to look away from. He's just another buff boy scamming on the ladies after school.

Posted by: Reba at October 2, 2011 10:35 PM

Skarsgard looks like Big Bird. So underwhelming. Sort of ipecac-y... Like drinking pancake batter.
Where is Malkovich on this list? He's THE.

Posted by: klingonfree at October 2, 2011 11:09 PM

Your post is written in the present tense ("somehow keeps them booking jobs"); but you know that Marty Feldman is dead, don't you? Almost 30 years now. Kudos however, for including him.

Posted by: Tecuya at October 3, 2011 12:48 AM

Ben Stiller has really nice eyes, though. I have some other nominees:

-Andy Serkis
-Jerry Seinfeld (one of the most ludicrous things about his show was that they kept trying to sell me the idea that he could bang that many women)
-David Letterman

Posted by: Figgy at October 3, 2011 12:57 AM

Jesse Trejo, Quentin Tarrantino, Dan Fogler, John Tuturro, Louis C.K., Tim Burton; the list is long

Posted by: Roland at October 3, 2011 1:54 AM

Sorry Cindy but
Ben Stiller - invented Blue Steel and Magnum
Alexander Skarsgard - died in a freak accident involving a gasoline fight after an orange mocha frappuccino spree.
Therefore Ben > ASkars

Also, if you're gonna put Matt Smith and Chris Eccleston, might as well put Colin Firth, Daniel Craig, David Tennant, ok all British actors because all of them have quirky looks that defy Hollywood standards.

Posted by: Adrien at October 3, 2011 2:26 AM

See, I always thought Matt Smith was a spitter for the kid from Mask:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tXa4xKKt_Rw/SxYdXUjVJ4I/AAAAAAAAAMY/TtDaSmLujDc/s320/mask.jpg

Posted by: Renton at October 3, 2011 3:40 AM

Gerard depardieu, a colossal monument to pate

Posted by: teaboy at October 3, 2011 5:31 AM

Denis Leary. Icky, yet not

Posted by: kirbyjay at October 3, 2011 5:48 AM

Yes, Martin Freeman love!!!
Agree, agree, agree.

Posted by: Agogagogo at October 3, 2011 7:50 AM

Definitely should include mantis-face Cumberbatch.
And David Tennant. He is odd, but mostly cute, except when he does that thing with his mouth. You know, that thing. With the teeth-baring.

Posted by: Tarn at October 3, 2011 8:48 AM

Matt Smith looks like the Grandmother in House of the Devil.
But then he speaks and it's all good.

Posted by: shawnp at October 3, 2011 9:12 AM

Why the above are not aesthetically pleasing men...

Wallace Shawn- looks like a he bakes cookies in a tree

Paul Giamatti- small woodland animal with bad eyesight

Taylor Llamautner- pack animal in South America

Ben Stiller- huge ears, no top lip, receding hairline, odd angles in face, not funny

Marty Feldman- need I say it?

Steve Buscemi- serial killer/cartoon character

John C. Reilly- potato face with a chia do

Woody Allen- filthy thoughts about young girls. ugly inside and out

Mickey Rourke- determined to hide handsome face under a layer of crust and bad plastic surgery

Mike Myers- such a pieface his skull is full of blueberry filling

Matt Smith- very pointy and sharp

Christopher Eccleston- his ears will keep him airborne and his nose will steer the plane

Posted by: kirbyjay at October 3, 2011 9:25 AM

Lay off The Cumberbatch. The man is sex on legs. Yes, he's got odd features, but then he speaks. Oh god, that voice.

Posted by: lyssie at October 3, 2011 9:45 AM

mmmmmmmEccleston. He is a frequent guest star in my dreams.

Posted by: Kristen at October 3, 2011 10:20 AM

Gene Wilder was a romantic lead in many films. It's just that his romantic lead partner was usually Richard Prior or Marty Feldman.

I'd add Toby Jones, Timothy Spall, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Tim Curry to this list, and remove Ecclestone. He's not that odd looking.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 3, 2011 10:54 AM

Pryor. Doh.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 3, 2011 10:56 AM

What about Steven Segal, he should be on this list.
He looks like some mad scientist infused a saggy grease filled sack made from old men's scrotums with the sentient spirit of the 80s,
and he runs over puppies in his police tank so he's ugly on the inside aswell.

Posted by: teaboy at October 3, 2011 12:42 PM

This thread is mean.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at October 3, 2011 3:43 PM

Um, Leonard Nimoy?

Posted by: Obst N. Gemuse at October 3, 2011 4:19 PM

I added "ducks quickly" in brackets, but I guess it looked to HTML-ly for the Comments bot.

Posted by: Obst N. Gemuse at October 3, 2011 4:37 PM

Hey, Sklyer Durden, do you think any of the actors pictures fail to use their middling to unusual looks to get roles? In a business where your face gets you in the door, you have to know what sort of face you're sporting. The fact that these guys, and the ones who come to commenters' minds, have had the sorts of careers that makes us know who they are is a testament to their hard work. I don't know that they'd trade it for the standard pretty. Leading men go in and out of style. Proven character and ensemble actors have staying power. And these days, if they last long enough, the less beautiful might get an award-winning series built around them. I don't think it's mean to admit we don't find them aesthetically pleasing, just honest. Besides, sometimes the imperfect is far more interesting to watch.

Posted by: Reba at October 3, 2011 7:14 PM