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And You Won't Have to Move, You Just Sit Still: True Blood Threesomes That Would Have Kicked That Lame Dream's Arse

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (25)

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If you’ve ever read any of Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire series and watched HBO’s “True Blood,” you know that most of the time, the show isn’t nearly as cheesy as the novels. But Sunday night’s episode hit a new low, with Sookie, Eric and Bill featured in a ridiculously bad ménage à trois dream sequence. Not only was the sequence as dull and dim as Sookie herself, but it managed to completely desexify both Alexander Skarsgård and Eric Northman, the character he plays. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I’d have thought it impossible. So, to wash away the excruciatingly awful, prudish nightmare that was “Let’s Get Out of Here,” let’s take a look at few trios who would actually set our panties/Speedos afire.


5. Sam, Jason and Tara:

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4. Pam, Jessica and Jason:

pamjessjas.jpg


3. Jessica, Jason and Sam:

jess.jpg

SamJason.jpg


2. Eric, Alcide and Pam:

ericalcide.jpeg

pam.jpg


1. Eric, Jason and Sam:

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Cindy Davis is likely imagining herself in the middle of one of these trios at any given moment.









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Comments

Hmm. Jason features in all but one of those fantasies. Hung up on a certain ripped Aussie, are we?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 23, 2011 5:15 PM

I changed the station during the dream sequence scene because I was too embarrassed by the cheese to watch.

Posted by: natalie mae at August 23, 2011 5:16 PM

Just not into Jason at all. Too sinewy. Any combo of Eric, pam, alcide, Jessica and Sam would make me happy.

And now, having FINALLY watched Firefly...I get the oft quoted 'i'll be in my bunk'. Which is where I'll be.

(I resisted firefly for one major reason. Having previously caved to Pajiba peer pressure and watched v mars last year, the belated loss of which left me' in a profound state of mourning and rage). I've only just recovered enough to try other recommendations.

And on a random note- I'm very grateful for the eloquents today. Was a bad day, but the comments here have me' grinning like a Cheshire cat. Yay.

Posted by: Cadence at August 23, 2011 5:36 PM

Clone Jessica twice.

Or maybe just once and bring Lizzy Caplan back.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 23, 2011 5:46 PM

True Blood is only really cheesy because you're not really high. Everyone was high when they made it, so that's how it's supposed to be watched.

Posted by: John G. at August 23, 2011 6:37 PM

you know that most of the time, the show isn’t nearly as cheesy as the novels.

Wait, what? Really? I've always regarded the show as being twice as cheesy as the books. There are some seriously over the top side plots and most of the actors seem to want to beat each other for top scenery-chewing honors. Not to say that I don't enjoy the hell out of it, because I do, but it's definitely a trashy sort of pleasure.

And this list? YES PLEASE. ALL OF IT.

Posted by: Even Stevens at August 23, 2011 7:32 PM

No love for Bheel? Huh. I want them to go one further than the man/man fantasy from S3 and add in The Sookster. Bheel and Sam had obvious chemistry and Bheel and Sookeh are combustible. I'd watch. Big time I'd watch.

So Bheel, Sam and Sookeh.

Posted by: klingonfree at August 23, 2011 7:42 PM

Pam, Pam and more Pam, please.

Posted by: bdog at August 23, 2011 8:34 PM

Hmmm. Bill, Alcide and Eric. And throw Pam and Jason on the pile after about thirty minutes. And I'm shooting video in hi-def. Using a three-camera setup.

Posted by: Jerry at August 23, 2011 8:48 PM

Kwanten in from New Zealand. And if I could screw three of him at the same time, I would.

Posted by: jzhz at August 23, 2011 9:53 PM

*is

Posted by: jzhz at August 23, 2011 9:53 PM

While I'm thinking about it, is Anna Paquin just a good actress, or is she really in an open marriage with Stephen Moyer and banging Skarsgard on the side?

Not judging (in fact, I'm kinda hoping), just curious.

Posted by: Jerry at August 23, 2011 10:33 PM

sorry jzhz, Ryan is indeed aussie.

Posted by: general rhubarb at August 24, 2011 12:33 AM

I'm not gay, but that Alcide guy's body is ridiculous

Posted by: Ruso at August 24, 2011 2:45 AM

Three Jessicas please.

Posted by: Shane at August 24, 2011 6:49 AM

This list needs way more Hoyt. But I approve of the high Jason content.

Posted by: Nicole at August 24, 2011 7:44 AM

I don't know, even if the idea of these is really pretty hot, I have a feeling that the show would just cheese the hell out of them and make them silly, like they do just about everything else. In the books, Eric and Sookie having sex was, well, pretty damn hot to read. In the show it was all shot through a layer of vaseline coated on the lens, and it was all stale and boring and silly. I'm so annoyed that they managed to screw that up.

Posted by: figgy at August 24, 2011 8:45 AM

Or maybe just once and bring Lizzy Caplan back.

HELL. YES.

Posted by: Thijs at August 24, 2011 9:17 AM

I think I'll have the Pam, Jason, Pam, Jessica, Pam, Eric, Pam and Pam.

Posted by: NateS1973 at August 24, 2011 9:36 AM

Hoyt, Jason and Jessica.

Hoyt is hawt.

Posted by: Tarn at August 24, 2011 9:41 AM

I didn't know Kwanten was a Kiwi, but I feel I have arrived. After years of being the one whose fellow Irishmen/women are always referred to as Brits on this site, I finally get one back.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 24, 2011 10:26 AM

DarthCorleone obviously has excellent taste in women.

As for these combos, I think you have to take into account their characters, and most of these characters above wouldn't be having sex with each other (you can't really pair Alcide with any vampire, for instance). So I offer:

1) Hoyt, Jason and Jessica (actually, artistic integrity be damned, just put Jessica together with anyone and everyone and it'll be the best dream sequence in the history of television)

2) Alcide, Debbie and Sookie (does anyone else think Debbie is a ridiculously sexy white-trash bitch?). And I know Sookie is boring and cheesey, and say what you will about that dumb dream sequence, her body is smoking hot.

3) Sam, Tommy and literally any other woman on the show, since both those characters will f-ck anything that breathes.

4) Sam, Tara and her New Orleans girlfriend (again, say what you will about Tara being insufferable, the girl has an unbelievable body)

Posted by: jimbob at August 24, 2011 12:49 PM

Kwanten was born in Sydney...so not a Kiwi. The three way scene was cheesy, but Paquin is in some serious shape.

Posted by: Joanna at August 25, 2011 1:53 AM

I like the idea of Sam, Jessica, and Tara. And then Sam shapeshifts into some random guy who looks a lot like me. Except it's not Sam.

Posted by: Bert at August 25, 2011 4:20 PM

Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is excellent, let alone the content!

Posted by: closet organization at September 29, 2011 1:39 PM