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And I've Got No Right to Take My Place With the Human Race: Television's Biggest Jackholes

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (37)



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What’s T.V. without a couple of jackholes? With Archie Bunker as the godfather of ignorance, bigotry, self-importance and general asshattery, followers had a lot to live up to, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem. When I saw the debut of Showtime’s “Nurse Jackie,” my first thought was “Hey, there’s a gal I can get along with.” She’s snippy, snarky and cynical—what’s not to love? But as we’ve come to know her, it’s clear that Jackie’s high is her number one priority. She’s a fairly shitty mother and in between popping pills, she cheats on her devoted husband and lies to everyone she knows. So though this could easily be an all-male list, that bitch belonged with her fellow jackholes.

5. Nurse Jackie:

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She’s nice to about one out of four patients, but you don’t want to be the one to piss her off. A bitch to co-workers, friends and family alike, never get between this girl and her pills.

4. Louie De Palma:

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One of the worst bosses in television history, he stole, he lied, he treated everyone with equal contempt. Louie’s the little jackhole that could.

3. Gregory House:

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The second pill-popper on the list is coincidentally also in the medical profession, but you probably would want him on your side if you had a weird condition. Still, his deductive talent is only reason this guy should be allowed to live (and I don’t buy his love for Cuddy, one bit).

2. Ben Linus:

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Plenty of people have had terrible daddies and gone on to live happy lives, but this guy ain’t one of them. Misery loves company and so does jackhole Ben—so he can fork with their minds, keep them in cages and pretend he’s more important than he is. Talk about ruining a beautiful island…


1. Larry David:

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The ultimate rich, white, self-indulgent, self-important, self-obsessed, offensive, ignoramus ever to have delusions of grandeur. Larry tries to hide his jackholery behind humor but never fails to expose himself as the biggest jackhole of them all.









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Comments

Great list! It might help some people if you give the name of the show the characters are on.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 20, 2011 3:36 PM

What's a "jackhole"? Is that when a jackass and an asshole mate?

Posted by: Max at April 20, 2011 3:43 PM

Marie Barone

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 20, 2011 3:48 PM

Lucille Bluth (to follow my own suggestion, Arrested Development)

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 20, 2011 3:52 PM

Anyone on Archer

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 20, 2011 3:52 PM

I'd put Nancy Botwin in there at about #6.

Posted by: Paultera at April 20, 2011 4:02 PM

Livia Soprano?

Posted by: dammitjanet at April 20, 2011 4:06 PM

Joe McCoy, Friday Night Lights

I keep wanting someone to punch him in the balls.

Posted by: Figgy at April 20, 2011 4:17 PM

I friggin hate Larry David.

Posted by: logan at April 20, 2011 4:36 PM

I have a huge, huge crush on Gregory House. I hate reading interviews with him, or articles about him, especially when they state that he's (Laurie) such a nice man. Don't ruin the image! I love that he's a huge asshole...

I might have issues.

Posted by: Scully at April 20, 2011 4:36 PM

Nurse Jackie is a Jackhole? I think she's great! And Larry David is just selfish and obnoxious and...well I suppose that's pretty accurate, actually.

Posted by: Junior at April 20, 2011 4:37 PM

I second Lucille Bluth.

"I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna."
"Plate or platter?"
"I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it."

Posted by: Mel C. at April 20, 2011 4:41 PM

I don't know how people watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

Really, if he's like this in real life, I don't know how Larry David has a career.

Posted by: Meander at April 20, 2011 4:48 PM

Larry David has a career because he made Jerry Seinfeld his front man. George Costanza is Larry's stand-in.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 20, 2011 4:53 PM

Tara, from United States Of Tara. she continually abuses, betrays and fails everyone in her family while they pamper and dote on her and she never expresses the slightest gratitude. she's like a grown-up sized two year old.

On Californication, everyone but poor loyal Runkle

Posted by: idleprimate at April 20, 2011 4:59 PM

Vic Mackey, in the Shield

Posted by: idleprimate at April 20, 2011 5:01 PM

There are certainly many characters from The Wire that belong on this list but none more than Valchek. That man was deliciously rancorous and self serving. Total jackhole.

Posted by: becks at April 20, 2011 5:16 PM

Larry David is the only one on the list I can't handle watching because his jackholery feels so very real. I guess that's the point of Curb, but it just feels painful to me.

Posted by: Cabbage at April 20, 2011 5:23 PM

Omg yes I totally agree with you Figgy.

Joe McCoy, Friday Night Lights
I keep wanting someone to punch him in the balls.
Posted by: Figgy at April 20, 2011 4:17 PM

He sucks.

Also Agent Stahl on Sons of Anarchy. UGH.

Posted by: grace b at April 20, 2011 5:30 PM

@ becks
Valchek was a douche, but I think Clay Davis was the bigger jackhole. That guy made my skin crawl.

Posted by: tremenator at April 20, 2011 5:51 PM

I second Nancy Botwin and Livia Soprano.

Posted by: TheEmpress at April 20, 2011 6:54 PM

I second Marie Barone. And Patricia Heaton, in any form.

Posted by: Sara H at April 20, 2011 7:19 PM

Buh, Kenny Powers, anyone?
To me, he epitomizes the irredeemable jackhole.

Posted by: Jess at April 20, 2011 7:25 PM

but the entire joke of Curb is that no matter how big a fuckwit asshole Larry manages to be those he encounters or is friends with are even bigger fuckwit assholes

Posted by: PyD at April 20, 2011 7:26 PM

Anyone on Archer? Posted by: Three-ninetee at April 20, 2011 3:52 PM

Really? Even Pam??? Pam rocks.

Posted by: Salieri2 at April 20, 2011 7:51 PM

I think 1-5 should be the entire cast of the Jersey Shore. NOT including them on the list is an insult to the term jackhole.

Posted by: aroorda at April 20, 2011 8:29 PM

Sam's dad (Jo Lee Mickens) on True Blood. He was a prick, yes, but the dirty underoos just...dude, just...no.

Also Maryanne on True Blood, but she'd ding-dong DEAD so Hahahahaha!

Bitch.

Posted by: klingonfree at April 20, 2011 10:00 PM

Lynette DiSalvo on Desperate Housewives. I won't go into all the times she manipulated and backstabbed members of her own family always rationalizing that she was a good person with noble motivation.

I hate that bitch.

Posted by: ed newman at April 20, 2011 11:21 PM

I have a huge, huge crush on Gregory House. I hate reading interviews with him, or articles about him, especially when they state that he's (Laurie) such a nice man. Don't ruin the image! I love that he's a huge asshole...

I might have issues.

Posted by: Scully at April 20, 2011 4:36 PM


Hon, I'm right there with you. I think he's SO sexy. I feel like I'm too old to still fall for the Bad Boy, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to do naughty, naughty things to Hugh Laurie.

Posted by: Kaleena at April 21, 2011 12:02 AM

On Californication, everyone but poor loyal Runkle

Didn't he cheat on his wife with his secretary? I mean I don't think he's the biggest jackhole on the show, but I've never felt bad for him.

Posted by: Uda at April 21, 2011 1:23 AM

Oh and I think Tara's sister is a bigger jackhole. Especially because of the way she treats Neil.

Posted by: Uda at April 21, 2011 1:25 AM

I forgive the omission of George Costanza in that he's also Larry David

Posted by: Protoguy at April 21, 2011 2:46 AM

Hon, I'm right there with you. I think he's SO sexy. I feel like I'm too old to still fall for the Bad Boy, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to do naughty, naughty things to Hugh Laurie.

Count me in. He may be a bastard, but he's my bastard. Also, sex with him must be FANTASTIC. All that pent-up frustration? INSANELY HOT.

Calling my therapist now.

Posted by: Pitter Patter Matter at April 21, 2011 3:32 AM

Since I have no idea who half these people are, it would have been helpful to write which shows they are on.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 21, 2011 10:46 AM

nancy botwin is repulsive and should be on this list maybe replacing someone on a show i've never watched so that could be numbers 1, 3 and 5 for me.

Posted by: splinter at April 21, 2011 2:20 PM

I was going to complain about the lack of Seinfeld characters but Larry David makes up for it.

Though the entire cast of It's Always Sunny deserves a mention.

Posted by: Bert at April 21, 2011 2:50 PM

Eric Cartman!

Posted by: seed at April 21, 2011 6:09 PM