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A Very Serious and Definitive Ranking of the Best Celebrity Jennifers

By Petr Knava | Lists | October 25, 2018 |

By Petr Knava | Lists | October 25, 2018 |


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Everyone’s always going nuts over the Four Chrises.

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See what I mean?

Although I suppose I should say ‘Three Chrises’, as we all know that Pratt is sort of a floating adjunct to the main triumvirate of Hemsworth-Evans-Pine. That’s in order of greatness by the way. Hemsworth is quite clearly Best Chris. Evans fans are well-meaning but misguided, and all of those Pine nutters are just deluded. It’s hard to tell why they adore him so much. Perhaps they’re hypnotised by his one great performance? I dunno. Who knows what goes on inside the heads of the Pine faithful. It’s like a weird cult of caftans, slip-ons, and no socks.

But anyway, I’m getting sidetracked.

While everyone’s been obsessing over the hegemony of Chrises that’s arisen in recent years, we’ve forgotten who’s held dominion for far longer. The Jennifers. Don’t let them blindside you like that. The Jennifers are wily. Eternal.

So I’ve corralled them here momentarily, to measure and quantify their power. Over this ranking, there shall be no disagreement. You may think you know better, but you’d be wrong. The algorithm here is complex, all-knowing. Let it bring you the enlightenment that you so sorely need.

Take it away, algorithm.

Lewis

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Coolidge

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Aniston

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Jason Leigh

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Connelly

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Tilly

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Saunders

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Hudson

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Lopez

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Lawrence

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Garner

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Love Hewitt

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And if you don’t know whether that list is in ascending or descending order of greatness, well, I’m afraid there’s no helping you.



Petr is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.



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