A Pajiba Guide: How To Make Jokes About Chicago

By Emily Chambers | Seriously Random Lists | May 18, 2017 |


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My fair city has, in recent days, become the butt of two very different jokes. One was told by Timothy Simons aka Rep. Jonah Ryan from Veep aka Jizzy Gillespie aka Benedict Cum-In-His-Own-Hand aka Jack and the Giant Jackoff aka One Erection. The other was told by father of a dog murderer Mike Huckabee. One was perfectly balanced between self-deprecation and gentle ribbing, and the other was told by Mike Huckabee. Who, let’s all remember, isn’t funny. Let’s discuss the Do’s and Don’ts.

Do Try To Be At Least Tangentially Related To Chicago
Were you born in Chicago or the surrounding suburbs? Did you move here to attend one of our stellar universities? Did you come here after college to try your hand at improv at Second City? Do you come to Chicago regularly for business maybe specifically to film your wildly underrated dramedy set here? I’m talking about you, Jeremy Allen White and the cast of Shameless. Feel free to crack wise about the Windy City whenever you like.

Don’t Make Jokes At The Expense Of People And Communities Suffering From Gun Violence In Order To Score Some Cheap Political Points On A Person Who Is Now A Private Citizen Especially When Your Son Is A Dog Murderer And The Whole Internet Remembers That

Do Make Fun Of Our Bars
Chicago has a nearly overwhelming number of fantastic bars. High-end fancy pants bars, low-key beer meccas, comfy neighborhood taverns, neighborhood taverns that seem to be just stepping a toe into sketchy territory, gross neighborhood taverns that you really shouldn’t go to after you turn 25 because the last time you went there both toilets were so overflowed you literally had to pee on the floor yes, I’m talking about you, Carol’s Pub. But we’ve also got some super horrible bars. Let Timothy Simons tell you about one of the all time worst: Joe’s On Weed (at the 5:20 mark (such a shame, right? If only they’d gotten to this story a minute sooner (I’m talking about 4:20, got it? Haha! 4:20, yo!)))


Now, technically, the bar is called Joe’s Bar on Weed Street, but you get the idea. It’s the kind of place that has at least three dozen big screen TVs so you can watch all of the games, but fake black leather and exposed industrial features in case you need to go from sports bar to rave in sixty seconds flat. It’s the kind of place that charges $17 for a pitcher of Bud Light. It’s the kind of place that, if your absolute favorite band were playing a secret show at Joe’s on Weed for only fifty of their biggest fans, you’d think twice about going because you don’t want to have to tell people you’re going to “Joe’s on Weed.” It’s the kind of place that has rooftop seating so you can enjoy the view of the parking garage next door. No really.

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For fuck sake, it’s the kind of place that calls itself “Joe’s on Weed.” As a person who is actually fond of Joes, weed, and Joes being on weed, even I crinkle my nose at the lameness of it. The Pointless Giant is right. It’s a truly horrible bar, and definitely deserves to be mocked.

Don’t Make Jokes At The Expense Of People And Communities Suffering From Gun Violence In Order To Score Some Cheap Political Points On A Person Who Is Now A Private Citizen Especially When Your Son Is A Dog Murderer And The Whole Internet Remembers That

Do Make Fun Of Our Fratty-ness.
Listen, Chicago has a lot going for it. Theater, museums, dining, architecture, culture just coming out our butts. But we’re very fratty. We’re the “city” for seven or so surrounding states, and that’s a lot of fratty colleges. Not to mention the homegrown behemoth that is the University of Illinois’ Greek system. It’s ok to mock us for our baseball caps and cargo shorts. We still think it’s better than Brooklyn.

Don’t Make Jokes At The Expense Of People And Communities Suffering From Gun Violence In Order To Score Some Cheap Political Points On A Person Who Is Now A Private Citizen Especially When Your Son Is A Dog Murderer And The Whole Internet Remembers That

Do Try To Make Fun Of Yourself While Roasting Us
Simons is clearly not that much like his character, because he understood only making fun of Joe’s on Weed, however terrible a bar it might be, isn’t that funny. His inability to control the riot? Funny. His decision to fuck it all, and join the mayhem? This is what some in the industry would refer to as “an actual funny story.” Well done.

Don’t Make Jokes At The Expense Of People And Communities Suffering From Gun Violence In Order To Score Some Cheap Political Points On A Person Who Is Now A Private Citizen Especially When Your Son Is A Dog Murderer And THE WHOLE INTERNET REMEMBERS THAT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, HUCKABEE? REMEMBER HOW A SHITTON OF THE VICTIMS OF GUN VIOLENCE IN CHICAGO ARE CHILDREN? YOU THINK THAT’S A FUCKING JOKE? IS THIS HOW “CHRISTIANS” BEHAVE, YOU SOULLESS FUCK? YOU RIDICULED THE DEPLORABLE CONDITIONS WE’VE ALLOWED TO TAKE HOLD IN A MAJOR U.S. CITY SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE A CRACK ABOUT SOMETHING HILLARY FUCKING CLINTON SAID? WHEN YOUR FUCKING WASTE OF A SON STRAIGHT UP MURDERED A DOG? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO REMIND PEOPLE OF VIOLENCE WHEN A THREE-SECOND GOOGLE SEARCH CAN LINK YOUR SHITTY ASS FAMILY TO A CRIME USUALLY COMMITTED BY SERIAL KILLERS? YOU COMPASSIONLESS SHIT. FUCK OFF FOREVER, AND TAKE YOUR SELL-OUT FUCKING DAUGHTER WITH YOU. DICK.

So yeah, seriously, don’t do that.


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