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9 Cultural Zeitgeists Arguably More Damaging Than Twilight

By Agent Bedhead | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (45)

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Yes, I realize that most of you are tired of reading and hearing about Breaking Dawn: Part I, but I’m not yet wearied from my general sense of bemusement over the outraged reaction that this franchise is absolutely ruining a generation of young, impressionable minds.

On the contrary, I believe that the latest installment of the Twilight Saga succeeded not because young people are unable to appreciate good films and literature but also because they have a sense of humor about the bad ones as well. Indeed, Summit Entertainment did a remarkable job of marketing the balls-out absurdity of this movie.

Seriously, Twilight isn’t going to kill our kids and destroy feminism just because it encourages abstinence. If anything, it might just result in a few less illegitimate children and maybe save a few people from STDs in the process. Is that really such an awful prospect?

Meanwhile, several other evils have persisted throughout our popular culture. Let’s do this:

Harry Potter: For encouraging witchcraft and swapping out actors for the same character during various installments. Poor Dumbledore.

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Hair Bands: For misuse of spandex and willful destruction of the ozone layer through millions of cans of CFC-laden Rave hairspray.

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The Beatles: For the spawning of endless generations of boy bands, including NKOTB, Backstreet Boys, and Jonas Brothers.

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“Star Trek”: For Orion slave girls. Duh.

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“Sex and the City”: For ridiculous consumerism and the iconic interpretation of the fashion sense of Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Hipsters: For basically everything that fits the definition except for “Arrested Development.” And in regard to Michael Cera, for that too.

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The Waif: For ensuring that virtually no young girl will ever be free from the temptation of eating disorders.

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Flower Power: For smelling like patchouli and encouraging an unkempt lifestyle rampant with STDs.

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And a little unexpected bonus number for you…

MC Hammer Pants: For nothing but the pants themselves.

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Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.









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Comments

Didn't Richard Harris die as he was the first Dumbledore? He wasn't replaced.

Posted by: daria at November 23, 2011 2:05 PM

Them's fightin' words.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at November 23, 2011 2:08 PM

I also blame The Beatles for JLS. Have you Americans heard of JLS yet? They are a scourge! And they have lyrics like "you can be the DJ, I can be the dancefloor", which WHAT? That doesn't make any fucking sense! The DJ is NOT on the dancefloor, you cockpockets!

Posted by: Joker at November 23, 2011 2:09 PM

Hair Bands of the 80s made me the girl I am today!

... never mind

Posted by: MM at November 23, 2011 2:10 PM

daria, Yup. That's what happened. I'm still super depressed about that, as he was my perfect Dumbledore and a damn fine actor.

Posted by: KatSings at November 23, 2011 2:11 PM

I have to say, Zombie Richard Harris did a good job, considering...

Posted by: arrrghzi at November 23, 2011 2:13 PM

The Beatles are not the reason for boybands. They wrote their own songs, played their own instruments, and put their own damn band together.

However, the Beatles begat the Monkees, and THEY are to blame for boybands.

Posted by: Bert at November 23, 2011 2:18 PM

You have obviously forgotten The Beatles infamous appearance on the Dick Van Dyke show in which they wore parachute pants for the entire 22 minutes, marking the first use of technicolor for the small screen. They sang "Let It Bee" and buzzed around the set in yellow nylon poofy pants for the musical finale. So you see, my dear, that the parachute pants cannot be their own cultural misstep, because they too can be traced back to the Fab Four.

And you call yourself a fake historian.

Posted by: superasente at November 23, 2011 2:23 PM

Joker,
Maybe they're just trying to say that they'll put on the music and watch other people have fun on top of their partner.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at November 23, 2011 2:23 PM

//throws down gauntlet//

I find Gambon's Dumbledore to be vastly superior to that of Richard Harris and will concede only this: It may be hard to judge one against the other as Harris' characterization had not yet been released from the Twee Restraints of the first two movies; however, I DELIGHT in Gambon's performance and think he is perfect.

//picks up gauntlet, immediately throws it down again//

Hammer pants or acid wash? There's the true sartorial terror battle. I'm going to go with acid wash, although the Buttafuoco factor alone might give Hammer pants the win.

And remember that phase in the late 1980s when women wore black tights under their jean shorts? I never got that. Even at the time, I kept asking people, "Do you find that look attractive?".

//picks up gauntlet, moves on to next thread//

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 23, 2011 2:25 PM

Hey, fuck you. Motley Crue was an awesome band, regardless of what T.K thinks.

Posted by: Devil Child at November 23, 2011 2:32 PM

“Star Trek”: For Orion slave girls. Duh.

YOU BITCH!

Posted by: admin at November 23, 2011 2:32 PM

I don't think Twilight is damaging because it promotes abstinence. I think it's damaging because it holds up an emotionally, and occasionally physically, abusive relationship as the paragon of forever love, and comes off as ridiculous pro-life, marriage (over college) at 18, your man knows what's best for you, badly written crap.

Not thrilled with the abstinence stuff either, but I don't think THAT'S what makes the books so damaging.

Posted by: GwenBear at November 23, 2011 2:34 PM

I like watching you sleep, Agent Bedhead. It's kinda...fascinating to me.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 23, 2011 2:52 PM

Thanks, GwenBear. Now I can leave the gauntlet throwing to Mrs. Julien. The abstinence was one of the least concerning parts of the trilogy. I have so many problems with abusive Edward.

Also, what's with the hating on witchcraft?

Posted by: PerpetualIntern at November 23, 2011 3:01 PM

//snatches Mrs. Julien's gauntlet, tosses it casually to the ground//

Jean shorts over black tights was a great look, particularly if you combined it with suspenders and maybe a jaunty chapeau.

//picks up gauntlet, hands it back emphatically//

Posted by: llp at November 23, 2011 3:17 PM

come on stepheny meyer write more of this epic masterpiece

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at November 23, 2011 3:24 PM

I would like to third GwenBear's statement. The resolution can now be voted on by the committee-at-large.

The practice of witchcraft is a valid life choice, just so long as you don't wear parachute pants while participating in said practice. Parachute pants are anathema to all that the Pajiba nation holds dear.

Posted by: Lipton at November 23, 2011 3:24 PM

Robin Sparkles would agree - what better outfit for going to the mall?

Posted by: llp at November 23, 2011 3:48 PM

@ Mrs Julien: Agree, Gambondore was much better than Harrisdore. Gambon got the meanness of Dumbledore down pat (and say what you will, but Dumbledore could definitely be an ass). Plus, he actually looked like he could take on Voldemort and win. Harris was fine for the more whimsical first two movies, the Merlin wannabe, but he also looked ready to keel over at any time (... alright, yes).

Posted by: Linda at November 23, 2011 3:50 PM

Gambon's Dumbledore was afraid of Voldemort. This is unforgiveable. The entire point of Dumbledore was that he was the only one not afraid of Voldemort. I don't know if it was the performance or the direction, but since this behavior lasted through three directors I'm going with the performance.

I do agree that acid-wash jeans are worse than parachute pants. What other article of clothing could actually burn your skin if your mom forgot to wash it after you bought it?

Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 23, 2011 4:07 PM

Oh my god, is that picture for the Sex and the City prequel? That's really happening??? They aren't done stomping on any fond feelings I may have still had about the series? Good grief!

Posted by: valerie at November 23, 2011 4:21 PM

A attractive young lady that works in the area often wears denim short-shorts over black tights.

I don't know if that's a fashion faux-pax these days or not, but it works for me.

Encouraged.

Posted by: The Only New Zealander at November 23, 2011 5:11 PM

Hey, have any of you guys seen my gauntlet? With all these Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones shows so popular I thought I'd bring them back. They're gonna be big.
Seriously though, I can't go around in just one gauntlet, I'll look like Michael Jackson.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at November 23, 2011 5:39 PM

You had me until Harry Potter. After that it was all downhill.

Posted by: csb at November 23, 2011 5:50 PM

So Just curious when did Pajiba sign a big fat deal with stephanie meyer? because it kind seems like you guys caught sparkle fever, and that shit....that's not cool. If you aren't going to continue the time honored tradition of calling these movies out as the schlock they are can you please just be silently nuetral towards them?

Posted by: Blank at November 23, 2011 6:22 PM

Given that the central tenet of modern witchcraft is
and it harm none so be it
its a damn sight better than most other things out there calling themselves belief systems

Posted by: PyD at November 23, 2011 6:31 PM

Those aren't MC Hammer pants. Those are just... bad pants.

Posted by: bev rage at November 23, 2011 7:15 PM

You can see how it would be hard to tell the difference.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 23, 2011 7:27 PM

@Mrs Julian you are going to be in for a shock soon because it is all the rage in London to wear black tights under short shorts, mostly denim, but really any short short. It is coming your way and it is weird.

Posted by: Muertemaria at November 23, 2011 8:19 PM

Given that the central tenet of modern witchcraft is
and it harm none so be it

It's not. Not by a long shot. The line "An it harm none, do what thou wilt" comes from some lady in the '70s who claims she found it in her grandma's attic and submitted it to a Pagan magazine called the Green Eff. And whatever, maybe she really did, maybe she made it up, but it only applies to her family tradition (again, whether it started with her gran or she just made it up as she went, I don't care, it's beside the point), which is a small fragment of pseudo-Wicca, which is a small fragment of modern witchcraft, which is in turn a small fragment of modern, revived, and continuous Pagan religions that currently exist in the world today. Some people have adopted it, in some cases mistakenly thinking it a central tenet and in other cases because they just like it as a general rule, but it's not ACTUALLY a tenet of modern witchcraft at all (inasmuch as there even IS one single modern witchcraft). It's more like an optional widget.

Additionally, if you analyze the grammar of the statement, it just says it's okay to do stuff that doesn't hurt anyone. It doesn't actually say that it's NOT okay to do stuff that DOES hurt people. So there's that.

I believe that there isn't a damn thing wrong with witchcraft or any other type of magical practices or spiritual/religious beliefs, and I did initially bristle at the witchcraft comment on Harry Potter before I remembered that I'm on Pajiba and this entire list is pretty tongue in cheek, but above all I believe in proper scholarship. Which is why I have written this essay.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at November 23, 2011 10:23 PM

*Green Egg! Green EGG. I would totally read a magazine called the Green Eff though. It would be the most pretentious thing in the world. It would feature typography. In green.

Typos really kill the steam of a good rebuttal. Sigh.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at November 23, 2011 10:24 PM

The only valid parachute pants are ones you can actually jump out of a plane at 40,000 ft with and survive the fall. Actually, I really want those. And a subscription to Green Eff magazine.

Posted by: Odnon at November 24, 2011 2:44 AM

There's a woman in my London office building who wears black tights under black shorty-shorts. To the office. And no, it's not any kind of fashion or arty company.
Just because they're made of black polyester, does NOT make them office-appropriate, Missy! /*humph* kids today!/

The perve down the hall seems happy with her look, though....

Posted by: Tarn at November 24, 2011 6:48 AM

WOW ! I did'nt realize that Richard Harris dying meant he had to be REPLACED. You me to tell me they couldn't have just dragged his dead corpse around and dubbed in a voice post production. Those bastards!

Posted by: Jen at November 24, 2011 8:04 AM

Our variation in high school on the leggings-under-shorts thing was long underwear under shorts (but not short-shorts). That's how we rolled in New England.

Posted by: samantha t at November 24, 2011 8:12 AM

In order to properly respond to this, I have decided to vent my outrage using the best app I ever downloaded....

**BRIAN BLESSED MODE ENGAGED**

-THE BEATLES ARE TO BLAME FOR THE POX THAT ARE BOY BANDS??!?!!?!??!?!

WHHAAAAAAAAHHHHTTT-AH?!?!?!? INSOLENCE! BALDERDASH! LIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

THIS IS AS MADDENINGLY STEW-PID AS BLAMING BRAM STOKER FOR STEPHENIE MEYERS! OR PERHAPS FRANK SINATRA FOR JERSEY SHORE! OR JULIA CHILD FOR DEEP FRIED BUT-TAH!

I WON'T HAVE THIS! NONONONONONONONONONO!

*huff...huff....huff oooooh I must calm down. I'm liable to give myself a coronary.

As the good lord says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself, unless they hate the Beatles. In which case, KILL THE BAHSTARDS!!!

Posted by: bleujayone at November 24, 2011 8:54 AM

There's a Brian Blessed app? OK, for that I'd get an i-Whatever.

Do you want to live forever. Hawkmen... DIIIIIIVVE!

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 24, 2011 1:21 PM

What the next Star Trek movie needs is MORE Orion slave girls...

...wearing painter pants...

...using CFC-laden Rave hairspray...

...but NO waifs.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at November 24, 2011 4:35 PM

I think I love the people that commented!
I think parachute pants are way worse.
The Beatles were awesome!
Hair bands were cool.
I agree about hipsters, Sex & the City and Waifs (kinda.)
But you said Harry Potter was a worse influence than Twilight? There wasn't any sex in Harry Potter AT ALL and I found it to be immensely more entertaining. The anti-feminism comes from the fact that Bella is more concerned with having a boyfriend than ANYTHING else, not because of the abstinence message! How about the part where Bella gets pregnant because Edward was too stupid to us any "protection?" that's what Abstinence-only sex ed will get you!

Posted by: Teganoid at November 24, 2011 6:19 PM

Bravos! I love your posts. Favourite for your blog!

Posted by: Jewelry Wholesale at November 25, 2011 3:25 AM

I'll just paraphrase what Stephen King said; Harry Potter is about bravery and stuff and Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.

AND STEPHEN KING IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

Posted by: jayem at November 26, 2011 5:37 PM

//snatches up gauntlet, uses it to gesture emphatically//

If you ever equate The Beatles with the Jonas Brothers again, I will END YOU. I will come through this series of tubes we call the Internet and punch you in the throat, stab you in the eye, and then feed you to a velociraptor.

//drops gauntlet, grabs ladyballs, saunters offstage//

Posted by: Bequafina at November 26, 2011 10:07 PM

Dammit...I hate it when I miss a good flame war because of the holidays.

*** steals gauntlet and runs away ***

Posted by: NateS1973 at November 28, 2011 12:04 PM

OK, this list is terrible for a couple of reasons. First and foremost because it compares the Beatles to boy bands. The Beatles were amazing musicians who wrote and played all their own music and had their hand in every part of its production. They also are selling a zillion records a year more than 40 years after they broke up. They are not a 'Boy Band', they are a great band, maybe the best ever. So any comparison to boy bands is incredibly inane. Second, you go after Star Trek for "Orion Slave Girls"? WTF?!? First of all, no one (other than die-hard trekkies) knows who you are talking about so it could hardly be called a "cultural zeitgeist". The Harry Potter series is great for kids, teenagers, or easily amused adults. It certainly doesn't belong on this kind of list. Finally, I'll grant that you did get it right with Hair Bands and Sex and the City, both of which did wreak cultural havoc.

Posted by: Idare Gainsay at December 16, 2011 12:06 PM