Pajiba

Shocking!

John Stamos on Full House was my first crush. *sigh*

Oh, Kirk Cameron. I used to get home after school and watch reruns of Growing Pains on the disney channel all the time back in the day (a fairly recent day, actually).

Too bad he had to go and get all scary and religious. Also, have you seen the chick who played Carol now? She got hot. And okay, yes, so maybe I've seen the E True Hollywood Story.

... I'll go crawl away in shame now.

You put up a Michael J. Fox photo but he's not even in the list? That's false advertising.

Wait a minute. Leave Johnny - I don't know what I was thinking.

Oh maybe it's just me, but I don't agree with anyone on that list with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and maybe John Stamos.

My one and only in the 80's was Michael Schoeffling...I mean he WAS Jake Ryan, only the dreamiest guy in school.

I'm going on the record and stating that I've never tossed one to any of these guys. More than once, anyways... Other than that, I have no comment.

No James Spader circa Tuff Turf?

This list is WORTHLESS. GOD why DO I EVEN COME HERE!

To be honest I kinda like Kirk Cameron, he seems like a nice enough guy. But recently I found out that he's on some kind of a religious journey. I hope he doesn't end up like that Baldwin guy. It seems as though in Hollywood the only way to become born again is with the assistance of meth.

Oh, Andrew MaCarthy was sooooo dreamy.

"BLAINE? What the hell kind of a name is BLAINE?!"

And...holy shit I just looked at a recent picture of him and wow...uh...dude looks like a history teacher.

Weird.

Seriously, Dustin? That list blows except for Depp. And John Stamos is much hotter now than he ever was in that show he did.

Your honorable mentions belong on the list. Matt Dillon, MJF and Ralph Macchio, all hotter than everyone you put in the top 5, except for Depp.

Ooh, and I forget about the "Jake Ryan" guy, he was nuclear hot. Maybe he still is.

Kirk Cameron? blech! V-A-N-I-L-L-A. i suppose i don't have much room to criticize since i loved Richard Grieco and Keanu Reeves. actually, i still think Keanu Reeves is sexy in a dumb and dirty way.

my main 80's crush was Jake Ryan--the character--but i think every slightly dorky girl in the 80s loved Jake.

Oh yes, that wasn't completely random, I was trying to follow Pookie's comment.

Rob Lowe...oh how my young quivering loins, um, quivered for Soda Pop Curtis. *sigh* And John Stamos before he was on Full House. When he was Blackie on General Hospital.

I always thought Andrew McCarthy seemed like he needed to blow his nose...

I was born in 80, so I was a young lass, but MY crushes were:

5. Michael Keaton in Batman.
4. Jordan from New Kids. I was obviously into Meth as a little girl.
3. The older son from The Great Outdoors. ...I don't know.
2. Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice. Was it the glasses? The flannel? The way he could poke out his won eyes?
1. Brand from the Goonies. Oh if only he could save ME from the Fratellis.

Slim will tell you who the best 80's heartthrobs are, fuck Rowles and his commie list:

1. Spader
2. that dude from Sixteen Candles (also in Vision Quest)
3. Judd Nelson
4. John Stockwell
5. Matthew Modine

Rob Lowe! YES, Lainey! Sodapop! oooh Sodapop!

He was so dreamy. I watched The Outsiders so many, many times because of him.

And Ralph Machio of course. Loved that little guy.

While I was a teen in the 80's none of these guys made my heart throb (except for Jonny Depp and he didn't come on my radar until 21 Jump Street which was laate 80's if I recall and by then I was no longer a teen.)

All in all--your list is crap.

Uh..hello.. Duran Duran?

Get a girl to compile it next time, Dusty.

BSlim, great call, Judd Nelson was f*cking harsh.

McCarthy would be at the top of my list just for weekend at bernies (and he looks just like my boy al), but how could you leave off TEEN WOLF??!!? I mean, no human can resist him in wolf form, he surfs on VANS and can dunk at his height. unreal

And...what about all the dudes in The Outsiders?

Your failure is now complete Rowles.

What does that feel like? A man defeated, holding on to past glories, balding, paunchy...wow...

"But in the end, these were the five that really mattered, the ones from whom you made your ribbon-y hair stiff and your panties wet moist."

My work here is done.

Mmm Jake Ryan.. he was still super dreamy in Mermaids, too.

Oh, the Coreys. Yes, I had that crush. Back and forth between the two of them, which one I liked more depended on my whims of the day. How many times did I watch Dream a Little Dream? A lot of times.

It's funny, I didn't develop a thing for Spader until more recently. But, now I go back and watch those .. ahem, "gems" and find him absolutely gorgeous. Interesting how tastes change. Except, of course, for Johnny Depp, whom I have loved since his very first appearance in Nightmare on Elm Street. Yes, children, I was around (and a teenager) when that movie debuted. Heady days, my friends, heady days.

but i think every slightly dorky girl in the 80s loved Jake.

And at least he was nice to us Farmer Teds.

Between this mixed media male list and the TV daughters, someone from the 80s is criminally falling into the crack.

That's right, Michelle Meyrink, specifically Michelle Meyrink in "Real Genius".

Do you know? Do you know what it's like to love so fiercely?

Ew ew ew. The Coreys looked like if you got too close to their crotches you'd smell a faint whiff of Love's BabySoft. No no no.

I do not get Johnny Depp, at all. With most other hotties that I personally don't find attractive, I can at least see the appeal, but Depp looks like a rat.

Anyways, I was born in 86, so this list doesn't apply to me. I did love Leo DiCaprio on Growing Pains, though. When I went home last month, I found my old Leo binder, and a signed picture.

I'm hanging that picture on my wall later today.

Sabrina, me either. I've never found him the least bit attractive. He reminds me too much of Prince.

Two words:

Limp noodle.

I'm not sure what it means, but that's just what he makes me think of. Wet, limp noodles.

Sorry AvB, you just make me so mad sometimes! I swear, baby, I'll change. That was the last time. I only hit you because I love you so much.
The sequel has BOTH Coreys. Take that.

You mean John Stamos is really a dude?

Well, I'll be...Kirk Cameron was pretty cute.

Shame how he turned out, though.

no james spader? really?

James Spader.

James SPADER.

JAMES fucking SPADER.

GOD.

As has been said before a heart throb list with no River Phoenix??? He was my first true cinema crush, I walked out of Stand By Me and got right in line for another ticket (something that had not happened before and has never happened again). I was 11 and totally in love.

And I can't believe my first tv crush hasn't even made the list yet! Ricky Schroeder was so cute! I loved Silver Spoons and he was probably the reason for my first Tiger Beat purchase.

Chad Allen was my first crush. A crush that foreshadowed my fondness for sexually ambiguous men and my heartbreak upon discovering they were in fact, gay. Bummer.

And I remember Jeremy Jordan. He has not aged well at all, bless his heart.

If anyone has seen Kayanne, can you please tell her I'm looking for her? thank you.

We need the rest of the "brat pack", we need Duran Duran, we need all of the outsiders, we need Lloyd fucking Doppler for godtopus' sake. We do not need Joey Lawrence! Christ, were you even alive in the 80's?

Oh wow! Phat girl, long time no see. How was your vacation in Mumbai?

Julie & jamiepants, I have never heard of this Airborne movie. I was not aware there existed rollerblading movies which were not Prayer of the Rollerboys. I don't know if you've seen that, but... well, it ain't good.

Shockingly, IMDb tells me that Airborne happened two years AFTER Prayer of the Rollerboys. Why in the fucking hell anyone would think a movie about rollerblading would ever be a good idea just completely mystifies me, but to STILL think so after Prayer of the Rollerboys? That's one of the most aggressively remedial things I've ever heard.

You weren't the only one who had a thing for Blossom's older brother Meaux...you weren't the only one.

If anyone has seen Kayanne, can you please tell her I'm looking for her? thank you.

Posted by: Pookie

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Pooks, I'm right here. *sigh* Your crush on me is adorable, but a little exhausting, mister.

And I remember seeing Sixteen Candles when I was like 9. Jake Ryan is why I've never questioned my heterosexuality.

my heart belonged to matt dillon.

Chad Allen was the only actor that I wrote to in my pre-teen days that wrote me back. For that I will always love him even if I can never have him.

Celery: A-to-the-men. Matt Dillon was (and remains) absolutely gorgeous.

My first thought, like many posters, was "Where the fuck is Spader?" Though I must admit I fancied McCarthy, as well. Honorable mention to Ralph Macchio.

Kind of an obscure one and possibly not 80s, but I always had a HUGE crush on Marco Hofschneider of "Europa, Europa."

Julie, I had a giant crush on Shane McDermott. That year I begged my parents to buy me Bauer rollerblades all thanks to Airborne. I was just thinking about him this past weekend when I was moving and packed my old 'blades in the moving van.

Yeah, and the lack of the Cusack, RDJ and Spader is astonishing. Just look at my vhs collection. Nothing but rag tag library of 80s and 90s movies with dudes i found attractive at the time. I seriously own Bad Influence based on this criteria and refuse to throw it out.

Jeremy Jordan has been getting a lot of play on dlisted lately.

WHERE IS RICKY SCHROEDER? WHERE IS JASON BATEMAN?

I second the Ricky Schroeder love. River Phoenix was amazing, I cannot believe he is not on this list. Also, no love for Wil Wheaton, and his dozens of Swatches? Just me? Hello??

Now, given I grew up in redneck country, but a lot of girls I went to high school with LOVED Jon Bon Jovi. It is a love I never shared, as I loved Larry Mullen Jr. of U2. I was obviously supercool.

And at least he was nice to us Farmer Teds

*sigh* that was a big part of Jake Ryan's appeal. of course, i liked Anthony Michael Hall too--at least in Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Weird Science. when he started to lose the nerd i lost interest.

Wesley Crusher was my 90s Jake Ryan + Farmer Ted. aka, perfect.

I agree with The Pink Hulk about the Little House on the Prairie dudes. Man, I had forgotten about them, too. They were hot. Esp. that Matthew Laborteaux.

As long as we're sharing, I'll go ahead and reveal a '70s crush (yeah, I'm old): the dark-haired dude on Emergency! Cute paramedic played by Randolph Mantooth. Seriously, that's his name. And he's still pretty hot, for an old dude.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I thought he was TOPS.

Oh my God, you guys. The "Little House" dudes?

Okay, I have seen every episode of "Little House on the Prairie". Every episode -- probably at least ten times. I goddamn love that stank-ass show. But... you think those dudes were hot? For serious? They all had hockey hair! Adam's was probably the least foofy, but his eyes were terrifying, just like that lady in the tv-movie version of The Scarlet Letter that they made us watch in tenth grade with that guy who played the jackassy boyfriend in Big and the dad in Home Alone and I always think he's the same guy who was in Children of a Lesser God, but that was totally a different guy. Almanzo kind of had tard face because he was always sporting that idiotic lopsided grin, and also? He was seriously stupid. Like, dumb as hell kinda stupid. James was boring -- he and Cassandra both sucked even worse than Carrie (who totally had special needs). Neither of them ever had the common courtesy to go blind or fall down a well or die in a fire or anything. All dumb old James ever did was get sick that one time and then Pa went crazy and hauled him up that mountain and grew a Grizzly Adams beard and built an obelisk and healed him with faith or some shit. But Albert? ALBERT?? He had that lip thing! You know, just like Morla in the Swamp of Sadness from The Neverending Story! Turtle-lipped with hockey hair? That shit ain't hot. Besides, he died of, like, Unspecified Terminal Nosebleeds! Laaaaaaaame.

You know who was hot, though? Gilbert Blythe from the Anne of Green Gables movies. Oh, the filthy things I'd have let that guy do to me! I mean, if i had known what filth was. I was only eight or nine, so I hadn't read any of the V.C. Andrews books and sullied my innocence yet. I don't think I had even read the Sweet Valley High Dear Sister book and been scandalised by Bruce Patman touching Elizabeth's boob yet.

Oh Sarina, poor Sarina...so superficial...so missing the point.

The thing is...the Ingalls were PRAIRIE MEN. The only parallel of recent times being Jack and Ennis of Brokeback infamy. They were rugged, grizzly, honest, and bathed in streams. They chopped wood, had rough hands, and probably did bad things to each other behind the Olsens' general store, drunk on lust and homemade muscadine wine. Men like the Ingalls bring to mind words like "seeding" and "plowing." They were all fertile and hirsute and masculine.

And how dare you say James was boring? He got SHOT, for Chrissakes! If it's enough to launch a career for 50 Cent, it's enough to make James an object of youthful affection.

The point is that they weren't hot just by conventional standards. They were hot by rugged, realistic standards. You don't move to Alaska and expect all the men up there to look like John Corbett. You know that there's going to be an errant lip or a wonky eye or a Palin as an in-law. It's the sweaty desperation and the innocence just begging to be lost that you have to appreciate. I mean, I'm not kidding when I say that I could still be arrested in several states for the things I would have done to Almanzo and Pa, likely at the same time...

OK, I'm clearly worked up here. It's 2am, and I'm waxing erotic about the men of fucking Little House. I blame the Prednisone I'm taking for this damned bronchitis. I also blame the Peppermint Schnapps, also um, for the bronchitis.

Who ARE all those little girls?

I was too old for them, in the 80's I was nursing my Christopher Walken crush.

Sarina--oo, I forgot about Gilbert Blythe! I can't remember the actor's name anymore, but back then I had a serious crush on the guy. I even tracked down some of his obscure movies (which was hard in those dark days before the internet), all of which sucked. They still didn't suck as much as the last Green Gables series--the one where the creators decided to just chuck the whole storyline of the books, and Green Gables goes through a century's worth of deterioration in five years, and Diana is a snobby rich bitch, and Gilbert goes off to war and Anne follows him for some reason and winds up ducking grenades in a war zone while dressed as a nun and carrying a baby. Gilbert had gray hair by the end but was still hot.

Also loved Robert Sean Leonard, although I was pissed at him for offing himself in Poets just 'cause his daddy was mean to him. He's even cuter now that he's older and put on a little weight.

But my main 80s crushes were Pierce Brosnan and Harrison Ford. I apparently like my men to be at least 20 years older than me. I wouldn't have recognized anyone on that list, except Lawrence, and him only because of that stupid catch phrase of his, "whoa", said in that super-retarded voice. Dumb is NOT a turn on.

Oh yeah, becks? Well, I'd like to take him out for a nice steak dinner and then never call him again.

Man, you guys are old. I'm going to try and sneak in the "Saved By The Bell" guys on a technicality (show started in 1989) but given that one of my growing-up crushes was Joey Lawrence's little brother on "Boy Meets World", I think the relevance of this particular random list may have passed me by...

Are these your crushes, Dustin?

No wonder you left out Jake Ryan.

This just in; people who criticize His Purpleness are geldings. Yes, girl geldings.

P.S. I was born in '82, and carefully hid a deep well of longing for Kermit the Frog.

P.P.S. Need a '90s list, so I can tell you all just how quickly I became a woman while Angela was visiting the stairwell with Jordan Catalano. He was leaning, you see...

i put scott baio more in the '70s group, with leif garret, john travolta and sean cassidy.

once chachi burnt down arnolds, he was dead to me.

matt dillon, on the other hand, was one of the few whose hotness made it into the next decade.

Leaving River Phoenix off this list is downright shameful.

And Dustin, I see through your smoke screen of mis-dating Hammer Pants (actually an early 90's thing). You had a pair. Admit it.

Julie, I totally brought up that movie last week at work, and people looked at me like I was effin crazy. I loved Airborne. And Swan's Crossing. Shane McDermott was the tasty in both.

Christian Bale in Little Women was hummmmuna, hummmuna...mmmmm!

Sarina, my favorite is probably the one where Laura has those visions of Mrs. Olson locking her up in a barn or some such thing and making her like, her slave or something, and Laura's face is all sweaty and streaked with dirt and she's got the ragged clothing and ratty hair and the Little House Violins of Doom screech as she's forced to carry buckets of water with an ox yoke...

Or what about when Albert was on morphine?

Seriously, what the hell was up with this show?!?!? I always argue with my mom about this, I love it so but I know LIW would be appalled at what they did to her series, but my mom insists that the show is "pretty true to the books." Um, what? Yeah mom, those must be the lost editions that I never got around to reading, the ones about rape, drug addiction, Laura stuffing her bra with apples, and those two orphan kids that came outta nowhere.

Have you never heard of Cartwright's Syndrome? The rules are easy:
1. Any female guest star who falls for a recurring character dies (usually agonizingly, like with rabies or fire)
- 1.a unless they are the murderer
2. Any recurring character who gets ill, falls prey to completely atypical illnesses and earn their own entry in the New England Journal of Medicine
3. All original series regulars come down with said illness just about the time their contract is up for negotiations
4. Most automobile accidents with disfiguring injuries are caused by failed contract negotiations which result in replacing the actor with someone who is younger with better hair

Other causes of Cartwright's include wearing red shirts and being a featured player in any Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

Kirk Cameron came to my college when we were having a semester of seminars on religion. I used to love Growing Pains as a kid, so my mom and I attended his speech on Christianity. We left thinking two things: Kirk Cameron is super short, and he is CRAZY. Even my mother, a devout Christian woman, couldn't believe how fanatical he seemed.

I can't believe the Coreys aren't on the list! But I do cop to having Joey Lawrence's album at one time.

This list has left me with a longing to take back up my Little House addiction, like crazy. Hell, it may even replace Heroes before season's end.

You did forget three things from your list of character maladies, though, Sarina:

1. Having a gimpy leg and/or some other disability that Pa Ingalls had to make special shoes for and/or go to task for at a Church service.

2. Child abuse. RAMPANT in Walnut Grove, I tell ya.

3. Possessing a foreign, usually European, accent that made them inherently EVIL.

OK, going to change my Netflix queue AND my amazon.com wishlist now.

Now THAT would make for a fun Comment Diversion: everyone list what is on their amazon.com wishlists for Christmas...sooooo telling.

Wow - I really need to revisit LHOP. I loved that show when I was little (though the books bored me, which says a lot about my proclivities as a child). The mime rape sounds unbelievable.