7 Of This Year's Most Spectacularly Sh*tty Movie Scenes I Wish They Had Called Joss Whedon To Fix
According to director Alan Taylor, Joss Whedon, in his capacity as Avengers Continuity Overlord, was brought on to rewrite some of Thor: The Dark World. Specifically, three scenes. And thank god for that. Because despite the Hiddleston and adorable Kat Dennings and my general admiration for Kenneth Branaugh, I thought Thor was the weakest of the Avengers movies. (Okay, no, you’re right, it has an edge on Iron Man 2.) So in swoops Joss to make sure Valhalla rises with all the pomp and circumstances it deserves. And, you know what, Joss should just write all the things. Can we do that, Hollywood? Have Whedon on retainer? He might never have time to sleep again, but that’s the sacrifice I’m willing to have him make. Here are 7 films that could have done with a punch up or two.
The Great Gatsby — That Driveling Frame Narrative: There were plenty of issues with Luhrmann’s adaptation of Fitzgerald’s novel but, on the whole, I rather liked the flick. That being said, that frame narrative brought nothing to the story except my sneers. Boo. Get rid of it.
Pacific Rim — Anytime Charlie Hunnam Had To Convey Emotion: It wasn’t entirely Jax’s fault. The script was weighed down with so many clunkers. But when they asked him to dig deep (mourning dead loved one, for example), the results were laughable and distracted from the awesome boom punchiness of the film.
Star Trek Into Darkness — Alice Eve In Her Knickers For No Good Reason: Joss would never. Sure Scarlett Johansson has plenty on display at the beginning of The Avengers but that was a) believable given that she was undercover and b) she proceeded to demolish so much *ss.
Oz The Great & Powerful — Every Single Bit With That Monkey: Whedon knows how to write monkey sidekicks. (See: Harris, Xander). And while there were certainly plenty of issues with this movie, I focused a lot of my hate on that Br*ffing monkey.
Fast & Furious 6 — Paul Walker’s Unnecessary Orange Is The New Black Plot: It made no sense! Why did he even go into that prison? It accomplished noth-oh, wait what? The pleasing stupidity is half the point? OHHHHH. Never mind.
After Earth — Jaden’s And The Pterodactyl: The Pterodactyl is a better parent than Will Smith. Discuss.
Man Of Steel — The Death Of Pa Kent: Do something, you dumb kid. Save your dad from unnecessar—nope. You know what. All of it. Change ALL of it. The Hobo Beard. The wanton destruction. The dumb, extended Krypton preface. The underdeveloped side characters. Clark’s moodiness. Pa Kent’s pessimism. The labored Christ metaphor. THE WANTON DESTRUCTION. Change it all. But keep Amy Adams.
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